Dominion (10 page)

When the neighbors had gone Ruth took up their argument again. “I told you not to go filling his head with all of that.”

Merian did not want to argue with her, but neither would he be deterred. “You'll set up somewhere near me,” he said. “It will work out fine.”

Ruth told him in her turn that she was going nowhere with him, even as he went on, trying to inveigle his way into their old bed. “Don't be so stubborn,” he said at last. “You know, you're so stubborn, woman, I named a mule after you.”

“No you didn't give my name to a mule, man,” she cursed. “If you did, I'll skin you and your mule alive.”

She turned her back on him, as he laughed, then started in with more of his beguiling talk.

She listened to him skeptically, trying to resist his advance, even as she half wished for all he said to be true. More than that. She wanted all of it to be all true, all of her wanted that, but she knew she only had less than half a man and wondered what that was worth if you followed it somewhere. “This is what you leaving cost the two of us.”

“It's not me going, it's being bonded to begin with,” he answered.

She did not respond but allowed him to draw in closer as they negotiated whether it would be a night of greater or lesser rest.

In the morning, before Ruth set out, there came a knock at the door. When she opened it a small child blurted that Mrs. Sorel said Merian should come by the house and say hello.

Ruth looked at Merian and asked whether he had heard.

“Tell her I'll be there directly,” he answered. He had thought fitfully about how he would encounter the Sorels on his ride from Stonehouses, but the scenarios always pushed against, then overflowed, the boundaries of his imagining. Now, once it was put to him, he tried to assume the best possible mood. He finished dressing and went up to the house as commanded, mindful of his original purpose in coming.

In the kitchen he greeted the new cook cordially and sat down familiarly to wait for his audience with Mrs. Sorel. Sitting there he felt like a younger version of himself and tried to remind himself of all that had changed for him since he lived here.

Nothing proved changed, though, when Hannah Sorel entered the kitchen. He found himself standing promptly then as on any day in the past to greet her.

“Jasper, Mr. Sorel is at Richmond,” she said, sweeping into the room. “He will be upset to have missed you.”

Merian's breath stopped in his chest but he was quick to mask the fact, asking how she had been and admiring how much the place seemed to be prospering.

“It is not the same since you left,” she answered. “I'm almost sorry we let you go.”

“Well, I'm almost sorry I left,” he replied, playing in this game with her.

She asked him again how he was getting on and then whether he had been keeping up with church. “You haven't joined with those Congregationalists or any nonesuch out there, have you?”

“I hardly know what that is,” he said, assuring her he kept much to his own company as he had always done. He asked again when she said Mr. Sorel would be getting back. “Because I actually wanted to speak to him, if I could, about Ruth and Magnus.”

“I see,” Mrs. Sorel answered, smoothing the top of her salt-and-pepper head and looking out the window, as his intention became clear to her. “Jasper, I don't think he will go along with it. You must know that already. Peter doesn't run things as Father did, and he doesn't believe in selling slaves, let alone freeing them.” She said her words all at the same time, not at all certain how she should answer her former slave. “In any case, he is away until the middle of next month.”

Merian looked around the kitchen, which unlike the rest of the house had barely changed since it was first put up. He had been there with them since the beginning, when they were newlyweds, and counted this room among the ones he had joined in building.

“Mrs. Sorel, fair is fair,” he protested.

“I wish I could believe that as true, Jasper,” she replied.

He knew she was being honest with him, and that there was little in her power to do. His own manumission had been on terms set by the original estate, not her husband's. The old man dictated his fate, as he did everything else when he lived, allowing him to leave either because of caprice of will or because he had served them so well from the beginning, as he had stated—when she was setting up house with the strange planter from Barbados and Jasper was her only reminder of home. Her father had made her promise as much when he presented her with him.

“How much do you think he might want?” Merian asked, returning to business.

“I don't know, Jasper.” She could barely look at him as she said this. “I am glad to see how well you're doing for yourself in the new colony, though. You must come back to visit them again.”

Their congress concluded, she left the kitchen, telling the cook to fix him something for his belly. “He's getting thin down there so far from home.”

Her last words stuck in his ear, as he thought how he had lived over half his life here and grown all the way from child to manhood. He even allowed that he felt more a part of Sorel's Hundred than he did his own place in many ways, but he did not want it to be his own family's home. He thought then of Hannah Sorel's father, who had always called both him and Hannah little Columbians. He wondered at the time what had been meant by this, but it was a bond to the place and the daughter through the father, not the strange island man she married or his British friends, who hung about the house scheming adventures that should never be allowed to transpire.

When he left there that evening, his trip a failure, he pressed on Ruth the money he had brought to purchase them out with.

“What do you want me to do with this?” she asked.

“When he comes back see whether you can still do it. Go to her first, though, not him.”

“Is that it?” she asked. “Is that all?”

“Ruth, what else do you want me to do?” he demanded of her sharply. “I am just a man and have done all I have it in me to do. I need to get back to my own place now.”

“Yessir, my own place,” she taunted him. “Go say good-bye to your boy now. Make sure you tell him you did all you had it in you to do.”

Her cruelty stung at him, but as he hugged Ware good-bye he told her again, “Do like I said.”

Ruth began to weep as he went to his horse, leaving them a second time trapped in captivity with little chance of ever seeing him again. Less than little, she thought, realizing his new woman was unlikely to let him get away a second time. She tried the word
never
in her mouth and knew immediately that is what it would be.

* * *

He spurs the horse and looks out on the gray horizon, heavy with a black storm cloud that darkens and gathers everything around itself, like spilt ink on a blotter. It is the Columbian sky. He hurries on beneath it back to Stonehouses.

As he traveled the road home Merian found himself muttering various half-remembered recitations, though he did not know who or what he was invoking when he spoke them. They came to his lips all the same with the persistent force of ingrained habit:
Amama amachaghi amacha.
He would say the words from memory, then look down at his hands, desirous of glimpsing some part of his destiny or journey that had not been revealed before, or else praying that the fate of Ruth and Ware, called Magnus, would be gentle. He prayed because he knew their future was no longer in his power to affect. He recited his prayer again, then opened his hands again unconsciously, to release them, hoping that God, such as He was, would catch both.

How many people would have ever gone back there at all? he asked himself, trying to absolve any stain of felt guilt that might rest upon him.
Amama amachaghi amacha.
He chanted the strange words like a talisman of battle, yet he still could not remember what they meant or how he knew them in the first place. He rode the horse harder and followed a slope of his knowing southward through the forest toward his home.

Nor did he sleep the first night of his journey, but only got down from the horse and built a lean-to in the woods, while the animal watered and recuperated for the night. For him there was no rest; he cursed himself again for his failure and eventually for going back there at all.

He rose at the first shading of light and took to the southward trail again. For the first time since the week before, he began to wonder what had happened at Stonehouses during the days he was away. It was not concern, he told himself, but only curiosity. He did not even ask himself how Sanne and Purchase might have gotten on in his unannounced
absence. He was headed back to them, so saw no harm done for anyone to complain about.

When he stopped the second night it was in Huguenot country, and he decided to try an inn he had not seen on his earlier trip. He tied the horse up and knocked at the door, then went inside, where he was greeted by two small round people—one a man, the other a woman. Whether they were husband and wife or brother and sister he could not say, but that they were related was unarguably clear, as both had the same set to their face and a general shared air about them. When he tried to order pork they responded to him in a language he thought might be Frankish but could not understand. They brought him out what he had asked for without further complaint, though, and he was satisfied until the little one, the woman, spoke to him sharply and pointed at a picture of the Accepted Son of God that had been pinned to the wall. He nodded his head at it, turned back to his plate, and began eating. At that point the larger one of the two came and took the spoon from his hand.

“As I haven't paid, I guess it is your spoon. So you are lucky today,” Merian said, standing and towering over the man. The hotelier then pointed at the picture drawing and folded his hands together with bowed head. Merian understood that they expected him to pray before he had his meal, or else they thought he was not Christian and were trying to convert him. It was not his understanding, though, of how such things were done. He took his coat and continued out the door.

Outside he sat his horse again and pulled a piece of hardtack from the saddlebag, which he ate, half wishing he had not left in such haste. He appreciated, however, that he would now get home that much sooner, so long as the gelding's legs should hold.

He rode half possessed into the evening, when the sun became a thin yellow line at the horizon, silhouetting the heavy tarnished-gray sky that descended from the heavens as a breeze from the east began to tremble and scatter the clouds. When he finally stopped that night it was to sleep under the stars, as he had not done since he was still a young man. Half his natural life, he thought, bending slowly to avoid aggravating an ache in his knees, was passed now and over. He lay down on his pallet and tried then, as he watched the night, to draw out all the lines that had led to him, and all that led away—parsing events and faces, trying to remember the different iterations of his
character and seeming fate. One had gone to Ruth and Ware, and another to Sanne and Purchase. One to Virginia and Sorel's Hundred, another to Stonehouses, or else one led to Virginia and then away, breaking again across the schism of that place into two. Only one line, though, continuing through each station, both itself and its own tangent, bending before the objects in its path and reuniting on the other side of them to continue its passing march. And one of those boys to grow up fathered and the other abandoned; one left with a knowable inheritance; the other a patrimony of questions. There is no sense to be made of it all but a pretend one, he told himself, pulling his saddle blanket up under his chin and staring up mutely before falling asleep, as he used to in times past, under the blanketing stars, the cold and naked canopy, systemic and random, of heaven.

When he finally reached Stonehouses first frost had already set in, and the crystalline glow from the fields danced in the red sunrise as he approached, making the whole place look as if it were on fire. Around the lake district all was quiet, and he reached the house without disturbance or indication that anything was the matter on his farm.

He stabled the horse at a small outbuilding he had put up, which served as a barn, then walked the worn path to his door. Inside nothing stirred when he entered, and he touched the oven to see how long it might have been since Sanne went out. It was stone cold, and a fine dust covered its surface, but he cast about briefly for her anyway, before admitting she was nowhere on the place. He did not know what he would do about it, but knew whatever it was would have to wait until later in the day. He fired the stove then and made himself some porridge and a handful of okra, as he was used to from his days alone there.

He had never considered his and Sanne's rows a thing to be worried about, but as an elemental part of the working conflict of creation. He was concerned, though, as he went out to the barn and fed the wan-looking animals, that he might have disturbed the very base of relations between the two of them. He returned and finished boiling water for a wash, savoring the hot cloth across his dirty, tired face, then bedded down for a spell—collapsing from the demands of the journey just passed. He had returned a full day quicker than it took him to go there, but when he added the time he was away, almost two weeks, he realized he had been far and gone indeed.

* * *

When he woke from his rest, he checked on the horse and decided to let the creature continue sleeping as he went on his errands. “You're no Potter,” he said, slapping the gelding's shank. “Potter would've—well, never mind what Potter would have done.”

He gave the beasts new hay, bundled himself in warm clothing, and set out on foot for the town center. When he reached Content's place, exhausted from the trek, he hollered around back before going inside, where he found his friend at the bar.