Dominion Trust Series - Vol.1 (87 page)

“I’m serious — and so is that site. Read it and you’ll see.”

Oh God, please let him see.

He set his phone down, a telltale wavering of his fingers giving her a tiny sliver of hope. It had affected him! Was he thinking about it? Did it turn him on too? She’d never wanted anything more. This was a huge risk, but she knew it was worth it. It had to be.

“Kirsten, I’ll read it today.”

“Promise to keep an open mind about it?”

“I will.”

“What did you think of what you’ve read so far?” She had to force her voice to stay calm, quiet, her anxiety threatening to spiral out of control. This definitely was the hormones talking now, but she just had to fight through it. This was too important.

“I do have one question.” He leveled his gaze at her, his lips a straight line, but his eyes warm. “Why now?”

Steady, Kirsten. You can do this. You have to.

“I’ve always been … in charge. At work, at home, just everywhere. Mom and Dad, and my sisters — they all expected me to know, to figure out, to do it, to make things happen.”

“One of the things I love about you — and I sense a ‘but’ is coming.”

She nodded, giving him a rueful smile. “It’s not me. It’s
never
been me — not totally anyway. I’ve always — always — dreamed of … something different.”

“A time when you’re not in charge.” He laid a hand on the table, a finger tracing the grain of the wood. “The Game takes care of that need, doesn’t it?”

“You do understand,” she whispered, trying not to gasp in relief.

“I don’t understand all of it, but I think I’m in the neighborhood anyway.”

“I stumbled across that site one day,” she said, sipping from her coffee. “I can’t remember what I was doing.”

“Surfing for smut.”

“Shut up.”

He grinned at her, leaning his chair back onto two legs, his form disappearing into that shaft of bright sunlight again.

“I think I read it for … hours. It said exactly,
exactly
, what I didn’t even realize I’d been wanting. What I’d been needing. For years.” She inhaled deeply. “And not only that, it told me something else. That I wasn’t alone, that it was okay. That there were other women like me. A lot of them.”

“You’ve never struck me as the kind of woman who needed external validation, Kirsten.”

“Don’t talk to me like we’re in a deposition.”

“Sorry,” he said, dropping his chair to the floor, laying his elbows on the table. “What I meant was that you’ve never seemed
not
confident in yourself, in who you were. I’d never have guessed in a million years — and I’m your damned husband.”

“I hid it well, then.” She looked down at her coffee, tilting the mug back and forth so the dark liquid swirled. “Honestly, I don’t think it was really a conscious thing. It was more a case of something missing, a
lacuna.”

“Speechifier.”

She grinned at him. “Hey, I like that word! You’re not the only one who gets to use big words, counselor.”

“Now that we’ve got that out of the way, smarty pants.” He gave her a little half smile. “Are you going to tell me what this all means?”

“I would if you’d shut it for second.”

He frowned at her at that, but gave her a little nod.

He’ll make you pay for that later.

The sudden heat between her thighs told her all she needed to know about that possibility.

“What I think I know now, is that I… I don’t want to be in charge anymore.”

“Okay — but what about work? Are you saying you’re quitting? Finding something new?”

“No.”

He looked away from a moment, pursing his lips. “I — I’ve heard about this. Read it actually. The nesting instinct.”

“This isn’t about a fucking nesting instinct.”

“Kirsten,” he said, his voice soft, but the meaning clear.

“Sorry.” Blowing out a breath, she stood, pacing back and forth along the counter. “I just — this isn’t about hormones — not really. This is about knowing now what I’ve always wanted, and yet, not knowing I needed it.”

“That doesn’t make much sense.”

“I know it doesn’t, but I need you to try to understand, because there was something else I learned from that site.” She turned to face him, pushing a strand of hair away from her face. “There weren’t just other women like me — there were other men.”

“Men? You mean guys who wanted to be… submissive?”

“How did you pass the Bar?”

He laughed again, waving at her. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding!”

“I know it seems… weird to you.”

“I think a feminist reading this site would literally drop dead — but it’s not weird to me.” He gave her a rakish grin, then held out a hand, patting his hard thigh with the other. “Come here, pregnant girl.”

For a moment, she thought he meant to have her lay over his lap, her sex spasming at the thought, but then she went to him, sitting on his lap.

“Put that down,” he said, extricating her coffee mug from her fingers and setting it on the table. He hugged her close, nuzzling his stubbled chin against her neck, sending a tingle down her spine.

“I just — I need you to know I’m serious about this.”

“I do.” His lips played gently against her flesh, and her breath hitched. “Now tell me the rest before I bend you over this table and make you late for work.”

Oh God…

For a moment she was tempted, but plunged on regardless.

“Ever since I learned I was pregnant, something’s changed. Something in me — and no, it’s not just the hormones talking, doctor Keihl.”

“Mm, I like the sound of that, nurse Kirsten.”

“Perv.”

“Damn right.” He softly worried her earlobe between his teeth, his breath hot against her skin.

She shivered, biting her own lip to keep from moaning.

Then she looked at him, willing herself to say what needed to be said. “It’s like something inside me just woke up. Made sure I couldn’t ignore it anymore. And then when I finally acknowledged it, looking at it — I realized it
is
me. I’ve always been in charge at work, in life, everywhere … and it’s left this
hole
inside me, in my heart. Something’s missing, something doesn’t quite fit — and it never has. Now, I’m finally able to admit it, acknowledge the truth of what I’ve been feeling for so many years.” Her bright, liquid eyes met his. “I don’t want to be in charge at home anymore. At all.”

Keihl breathed in deeply, his chest expanding with it, his nostrils flaring, his brilliant gaze not leaving hers.

She pressed on though, knowing she had to get this out, to finally let him see. “The pregnancy … it’s made me feel so much closer to you. I feel it, see it, the way you’re so protective of me, always taking care of me, knowing you’d never let anyone harm me.”

His dark eyes flashed, his lips curving in a tight, knowing smile. “That’s because I won’t. Ever.”

“And I love you for that — you have no
idea
how much I love it. This big, strong male, he man who loves me, protecting his woman, his child. The feeling — it’s like nothing else, believe me.” She sighed. “But that’s the problem too. Because there’s something else that’s helped me feel so much closer to you, and I’m terrified that that something … isn’t compatible with this pregnancy, with the changes we’ll go through.”

Keihl’s grin faded, and he inclined his head. “The Game.”

She nodded. “Like oil and water, right? The two things just won’t go together. And it makes me … sad. I know I sound like a needy, selfish bitch right now. But it’s the truth. I want this baby more than
anything
. I can’t wait to see those beautiful blue eyes staring back up at me. But at the same time, I want, I
need
, what The Game has given us, what it’s shown us. It’s been like this … sexual awakening. And it’s made me confront something about myself that I’ve pushed deep down inside for way too many years.” She took a deep, shuddery breath. “I’m more … submissive than I’d ever realized. A
lot
more. And it’s been weighing on me more and more. It’s shown us how things could really be between us — if we have the courage to see where it goes. It’s why I don’t want it to be a game anymore.” She shook her head, looking down. “This makes no sense, I know. I’m sorry.”

“Are you still sure this new you isn’t just because of all the changes? You’ve got to at least admit — the timing is interesting.”

Of course, she had to acknowledge it. It was the first — and the hundredth — thing she’d thought herself. But it was the truth, and she knew it would be, baby or no baby. But even that wasn’t the whole story. Pregnancy had somehow opened a door into her psyche, into a room that was at once familiar and alien. Carrying this growing life within her had somehow made her feel more bound to this man, in ways both sexual and emotional, and it was something she’d been wholly unprepared for. Yes, submitting sexually to him was an incredible turn-on, but now there was something even more instinctual, more primitive, about it. He’d made her pregnant, she’d swell with their child, and in the process she’d rely on him more and more, even as the feminist within her fought a losing battle with a failing voice, in telling her she’d never
need
a man. While technically true in not needing a man, she
wanted
this man, and she felt it more every day. She knew he’d protect her, keep her safe. He’d always be there, and that knowledge, paradoxically, gave that submissiveness within her a chance to flower, to realize its full, natural form. And a beautiful form it was.

“Sure, I wondered the same thing. It would be stupid not to, right? But this is me, it really is. Work is one thing, my social life is one thing — but with us, it’s different now, and I want to see what this leads to. I need this. I need to not be in charge anymore. Not in the bedroom, not anywhere — when it’s just you and me. I need you to… lead.” She turned to him, cradling that strong jaw in her hand. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I think so — but something tells me I don’t know the half of it. At least based on what little I just read.”

“You don’t, Keihl.” She kissed his cheek. “But think about it, okay? Stay open to it — and think about it.”

“You thought I’d run away from this.” He nodded down toward the phone. “Didn’t you? Why?”

“I don’t know. I hoped you wouldn’t — but sometimes honesty doesn’t go as well as you hope.”

He pulled her closer, breathing deeply into her hair, his strong arms snug around her, making her feel safe. “I’d never run away from you, girl. Not ever.”

They sat that way for a long time, silent, warming in the morning sun, and Kirsten smiled, hoping, anticipating what might lay ahead.

No, he had no idea whatsoever.

* * *

“E
arth to Keihl.”

He looked up from his phone, his neck sore from the position it had been locked in for the past half hour.

“What?”

His admin, Ella, looked at him over the tops of her glasses, her pen tapping his desk.

“Are you going to make it to the partners meeting? I think they want you there.”

“Oh, did — did they say that?”

Ella rolled her eyes. “No — but I’m guessing they expect you there anyway.”

Keihl switched off the phone. It was all he could think about, the revelations he’d read on that site. It was like a dark, twisted, incredibly alluring dream. Female submission, maintenance spankings, lists of rules and instructions for the wives to follow, and something that he hadn’t even thought was a
thing
— something that surprised him the most because it was the first confirmation that he wasn’t the only one with those same thoughts — eroticized pregnancy in a HoH and even D/s context.

Now, the rat race to make partner didn’t matter so much to him anymore.

“Okay — yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Eleven, tomorrow. Don’t be late, okay?”

“Got it. What else, Ella?”

She swiped something on her tablet, her head tilted. “I think that’s it — which is weird.”

“Why is it weird?” He leaned back in his chair, stretching his neck. “I’ll take a light schedule for once.”

Yeah, so you can go jack off in the men’s room to what you’re reading on that website.

“I thought you’d be slammed with this EI hearing coming up. But it looks like you’re basically clear. Yeah, weird.” Ella slipped the tablet into her case, but rather than standing, she leaned forward, her chin on her hand. “There
is
something else, actually.”

“Wonderful.”

That tone of Ella’s never boded well.

“I did a little digging.”

“You’re not supposed to be doing any
digging
I don’t assign you. Was this assigned?”

“Nope.”

Keihl flipped his pen onto his desk, looking up in exasperation. “Of course it wasn’t.”