Donners Bend (30 page)

Just a few days later,
Ellie
woke to a different, long-awaited guest
. 
Her eyelids slowly opened, but as soon as she saw him
,
she closed them again
. 
They weren’t completely closed though
. 
Just enough so that she could still see him through her eyelashes, and yet her eyes appeared shut
. 
Instead of reacting immediately to his presence, she waited and observed him first
. 

Leaning against the wall near the door, he started to light
a
cigar, but stopped himself, shaking his head and running a hand through his messy black locks
. 
His face was expressionless, yet
Ellie
could sense a distress and solemnity he chose not to display
.

After a moment of staring out the window at the ever-fal
ling
snow, he lifted himself off the wall and sat down in the chair beside
Ellie
’s bed
. 
With his elbows resting on his knees and his feet on the floor, he lit another cigarette and smoked it a second before, once again, putting it out and shaking his head.

Ellie
finally chose to speak:

“Jamie?” she asked in barely more than a whisper.

He forced a smile in return, though he was anything but merry, and replied as pleasantly as he could, “Good morning, beautiful
. 
Get a good rest?”

Ellie
gave a nod and feeble smile as her reply, for she knew she wasn’t looking very beautiful at all.

Wearing an old nightdress and covered in quilts and blankets, her body was barely visible
. 
Her hair, tied up on the top of her head, looked quite foolish and silly
,
and many pieces had fallen out so that it created quite a mess
. 
Pink was her nose, dim were her usually
-
spark
li
n
g hazel eyes
;
and her entire face was rather dull and lifeless
. 
She was miserable and she looked it
.

“How do you feel?” asked Jamie, “Any better?”

“A little,” she shrugged
. 
And then, for a reason she didn’t really know, she asked, “Is
Jon
still here?”

“No, sorry,” Jamie answered, slightly offended she’d asked for
Jon
when this was the first time he’d been able to speak to her in weeks
.
“Just me
… b
ut
hey
,
if you want to see
Jon
,
I’d happy to run and get him for you.”

“You don’t need to apologize
. 
Please stay.”

Jamie shrugged, “Suit yourself.”
             

Ellie
giggled for what seemed like the first time in weeks, but Jamie didn’t see it
. 
He’d taken out another cigarette and gone to the window, opening it a crack
. 
Ellie
knew he couldn’t go very long without a cigarette sometimes.

“Do you mind?” he asked her, holding up the cigarette
. 

She shook her head no.

Jamie began to smoke out the window and informed
Ellie
, “The children miss you a lot
. 
They ask for you every morning
. 
Only Gracie knows what happened
. 
Mom and Pop didn’t want the kids to know, but Gracie must have overheard
. 
She didn’t hear much though
. 
All she knows is that you’re sick
. 
The others have been told you’ve been given a furlough,” he paused before saying simply, “It’s their vocabulary word of the week.”

“Who’s teaching them now?”

“I am, though it wasn’t my father’s idea
. 
He’s quite against it, to tell the truth
. 
I’m their new teacher for the time being, though mother stays home with them some days
. 
They call me Mr
.
Jame
, but
I know they’d rather have
Ellie
than Mr
.
Jame any day
. 
And at playtime they won’t even play pirates or Peter Pan anymore
. 
They say it’s unfair if I do play, because of the uneven teams, but if I don’t play
,
it’s boring
. 
They’re miserable as well, I know
. 
They don’t understand why you won’t come see them.”

Ellie
frowned sadly, “Tell them not to worry about me
. 
Tell them I’ll be back soon.”

“I will,” Jamie promised.

There was a slight pause before Jamie finally said, “
Jon
’s awfully worried about you.”

Ellie
knew he was right, but she didn’t like to hear the truth anyway
. 
Surprisingly, despite all the time
Jon
spent at
Ellie
’s, she hadn’t gotten too many chances to speak with him
. 
She hadn’t spoken very much at all since the accident at the lake
. 

Ellie
gave an uncomfortable smile, “Not too worried
,
I hope.”

Jamie
’s eyebrows rose
, “Pretty
darn
,” he excused himself, “Pretty worried in my opinion
. 
He comes to see you everyday and won’t leave for hours.”

Jamie didn’t mention all the hours he’d also spent at
Ellie
’s bedside, all the cigarettes he’d smoked out on the front porch, all the hours he’d spent worrying that matched, if not exceeded, those of
Jon
’s.

We’ve been told of the time
Jon
spent at
Ellie
’s, but nothing’s been mentioned of Jamie
. 
The reasons why are simple
. 
Jon
was able to spend more time there because Jamie had other responsibilities, such as caring for his sib
ling
s,
but
though he wasn’t with
Ellie
, he’d been thinking of her all the while
. 
She never left his mind
. 

Many times
when he did come, he chose not to sit in with
Ellie
in her bedroom for several reasons, so that’s why
Ellie
never knew he’d been there for her all the time
. 
One,
Jon
was already almost always with
Ellie
. 
Jamie
, although there
,
would feel
awkward and
like an intruder
. 
Two, the room and
Ellie
depressed and saddened him; he hated to see her this way
:
so weak and helpless
, a
nd three,
Dr.
Hughes had told him it would be best if he didn’t smoke near
Ellie
. 
So, if he ever did go in to see
Ellie
, he became stressed
,
and when he became stressed he wanted to smoke, but he couldn’t
.

“Doc says he must feel pretty guilty,” Jamie went on, “
Jon
says he pressured you into coming skating with him.”

“No, I wanted to come
. 
It’s not his fault,” said
Ellie
, trying to relieve pressure off her
Johnny
.

“You’ll have to tell him that, though I don’t know if he’ll believe you.”

“When will he be back?”

“I don’t know
. 
Soon
,
probably.”

Each time
Ellie
asked for
Jon
,
it was like a stab in Jamie’s heart
. 
He was slowly becoming convinced something was going on between them, and this just seemed to confirm it all the more.

W
hat he didn’t know was that if one had sat awake by
Ellie
’s bedside all those days and all those nights she lay ill in bed, and if that person had counted up all the people she asked for, during saneness, a dream, or delirium, they would have found that Jamie was by far the winner
, but
no one knew this
. 
Not even
Ellie
, for she’d been out of her right mind during almost all of these pleadings.

Jamie was fee
ling
quite down at that moment
. 
He wondered if he should just go find
Jon
, since that was what
Ellie
wanted
, but
before he could,
Ellie
said something that made him decide to stay.

“Jamie?”

“Yes?”

“Will you come see me more often?”

He smiled, “If you like.”

“I’d like it very much.”

It was such a simple statement and request, and yet it meant everything to Jamie.

Just as he’d promised her, Jamie came to see
Ellie
almost every
day
.
 
It wasn’t much of a change though, since he’d been coming to her house so frequently
,
lately
. 
The only change was that he now sat in her room with her instead of standing outside on the porch so he wouldn’t disturb her with his
s
moking
;
and
Jon
was eased into leaving the house and letting his worries slowly subside
. 

Jamie loved to sit in with
Ellie
, but there was one major problem
. 
Being with
Ellie
when she was so weak and helpless caused
Jamie to become distressed
;
a
nd when Jamie was distressed
,
all he wanted more than anything in the world was a soothing cigarette to calm his nerves
.

Regardless,
Dr
.
Hughes forbade him from smoking in
Ellie
’s room
. 
He said it wouldn’t be good for her health, and Jamie, though he thought it was a strange idea that
a
cigarette could be that bad for someone’s health, obeyed the doctor for
Ellie
’s sake
. 

One may say that it wasn’t such a big deal
. 
What are a few hours without a cigarette
? 
For most it wouldn’t be a problem, b
ut for Jamie it was different
. 
It wasn’t quite so easy
.