Don't Let Go (7 page)

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Eric had to pull over on the next block because he didn’t want to be responsible for an accident. He shook with anger as he cut the car’s engine and pounded the steering wheel with his fist. Goddamn it. What a mess.

Once again, he was the stuttering kid all the grownups felt sorry for. The butt of all the playground teasing.
“Hey, Suh-suh-suh-Sorenson.”
The loser who couldn’t utter a simple sentence.

He slumped back in the seat.

He’d invented a fantasy about Annalee and expected her to fit right into it without even thinking about what she wanted.
Real smart, Sorenson.

What kind of idiot carries a torch for twelve years?

You. You’re that idiot.

Chapter Six

“Good boy, Bobo.” The obedience lessons Bobo was attending with his owners, the Weissmans, were finally kicking in.

The dog, who’d been walking politely at Annalee’s side, grinned at her and pranced at the praise. “Okay, okay, don’t get carried away.”

Both Mr. and Mrs. Weissman were under the weather, which was why Annalee was exercising Bobo this evening. Hard to believe she’d actually missed the knucklehead when his people had returned from their cruise.

October was gone, and it was well into November now. Definitely sweater weather.

The sky to the west was a blaze of pink and orange as the sun began to set. She gave Bobo’s leash a little tug. “Come on, guy, time to head home.”

She and Bobo crossed the park and approached the playground. Annalee smiled, remembering when she’d been here with Eric. The day he’d pushed little Marissa on the swing and she’d wondered how it would be to have their own Marissa.

But the playground was deserted now. Too close to meal time. All the little ones were home, their moms and dads fixing dinner, setting the table, reminding their children to wash their hands. All part of the everyday routine of being a family.

Her smile faded, and a wave of loneliness overcame her. Here, on the empty playground with only Bobo for company—and he wasn’t even hers—she felt very small and alone. She hadn’t spoken to Eric, hadn’t heard a word from him in over three weeks. Though she’d called and texted soon after he returned home, trying to apologize, he’d shut her down. He’d been cool and distant as he told her she had nothing to be sorry about. The chill in his voice had frightened her.

She’d thrown herself into her job to keep thoughts of him at bay. There was no shortage of work between teaching, planning lessons, correcting homework, attending meetings, working on committees. But losing him was like a toothache, pain that could be ignored for a while but never forgotten. A pain that kept her awake nights.

Losing him, ha. You never had him in the first place.

Eric had spoken the truth regarding Denny.
You’re in hate with him.
She’d never move on until she let the hate go. Maybe she’d never completely forgive him, but with luck—and help—she might find some kind of peace. With that in mind, Annalee had asked the school psychologist to recommend a good counselor.

She was still ruminating when Bobo gave a small woof. He looked at her curiously.
How long are we going to stand here?

She sighed. “Sorry, fella. Let’s go.”

She returned Bobo to his owners with a pat on his head and a promise to walk him the following evening if needed.

As she descended the Weissman’s front steps, her cell phone rang. She fished it from the pocket of her jeans. It was Thom. “Hello?”

“I’m at St. Vincent’s with Dee.”

Icy fear
swept through her, freezing her in place. “The hospital? What—what happened?”

“She felt dizzy and started having contractions.”

“Is she—do they know what’s wrong?” She clenched the phone with numb fingers.
Stay calm. Stay calm.

“Don’t know. The doctor’s with her now. Can you come? She’s asking for you.”

“Of course. I’m on my way. I’ll call as soon as I get there.”

She ran the rest of the way home, breathless by the time she got to her car. When she reached the hospital, she couldn’t remember making the drive over.
Settle down. Dee and the baby will be fine. Your being a nervous Nellie won’t help anything.

In the hospital parking lot, she texted Thom and he gave her Dee’s room number. They met in the hallway. Thom’s eyes were red, and his curly hair disheveled. His face was etched with worry and fatigue.

“They say she’s dehydrated. They’re giving her fluids and some medication to calm the contractions. Physically, she’s feeling a little better, but she’s still scared out of her mind.”

Annalee found it hard to swallow past the thickness in her throat. “How are
you
doing, Thom?”

He sighed and removed his glasses to rub his eyes. “I’m okay as long as
they’re
okay.”

“I hear you.”

“I can hear you, too,” Dee called from her room. “Kindly don’t talk about me like I’m not here.”

She lay in bed, hooked up to an IV and monitor. Thom took one of her hands, and Annalee took the other. Her chest constricted at the paleness of Dee’s face and the dark smudges under her eyes. Dee rolled her eyes at the hospital gown covering her. “What do you think of my fancy attire?”

Thom bent and kissed her forehead. “It suits you.”

Dee snorted. “Nice.”

Annalee squeezed her hand. “You’re feeling better?”

“Yeah. I’m getting fluids and some stuff that’s supposed to calm my uterus. Hey, I didn’t even know it was nervous.”

Annalee groaned, and Thom shook his head at the lame joke. Dee glanced at her husband. “You got hold of Eric, right?”

“Yes. He’s on his way.”

Dee sighed, closed her eyes momentarily, then opened them again. “Hey, babe. Go on down to the cafeteria and get yourself a coffee, why don’t you?” She turned to Annalee. “He’s been a real trouper, but he needs a break.”

“No, I don’t,” Thom said quickly.

“Well, then I need a break from you, okay? A girl can only take so much hovering. Besides, I want a little time with my bestie here.” She glanced at Annalee. “Girl talk. So get going. Oh, and bring me a ginger ale.”

Dee kept up the sassy attitude until her husband left the room. Then her face crumpled, and tears welled in her eyes. “If anything happens to this baby, I’ll never forgive myself.”

Annalee snagged some tissues from a box nearby and dabbed her friend’s cheeks. “Don’t talk silly. You’ve been doing everything the doctor tells you, right? Exercising, eating right—”

“I know, but—”

“But nothing. You’d never do anything to endanger the baby, so stop blaming yourself.” She shook a bossy finger at Dee. “This instant.”

Dee gave a watery snuffle. “Yes, ma’am.” A moment later, she added, “Keep holding my hand, okay? ’Til Thom comes back.”

“Of course I will.”

“He’s been great through this whole pregnancy. So patient, even when I get bitchy. He’s gonna be such an awesome daddy.” Tears started again. “He’ll be heartbroken if anything goes wrong.”

Annalee discarded the soggy tissues on the bedside stand and grabbed another handful. “Nothing’s going to go wrong. Try to keep calm. That’s best for the baby and you. Right?”

Dee took a shuddery breath and closed her eyes. “Right.” She gave a small chuckle. “Remember how I didn’t want to go out with Thom to begin with?”

Keep her talking, keep her from worrying.
“Oh, yeah, I remember. You really gave him the runaround. He didn’t give up, though. He wanted you.”

“Yeah, and I kept turning him down. Man, I was a dumbass.”

Annalee smoothed Dee’s matted hair away from her forehead. “I never understood that. Why you wouldn’t go out with him. He was a good guy, nice looking, had a good job—”

“I was too busy chasing losers, that’s why. You remember what I was like. Good guys were boring, and I wanted excitement. I wanted a bad boy. Then I found out what bad boys were all about. Guys who borrowed money off me, guys who cheated on me, guys with kids from three different baby mamas. Yeah, it was real exciting.” Dee’s tone was dry with scorn.

“You smartened up, finally. You gave Thom a chance.”

Dee cracked one eye open. “You want to know why?”

“Because you finally realized what a catch he was.”

“No. Because he dared me to.”

“What? No way.”

“Uh-huh.” Dee closed her eyes again. “He called and told me I was a coward. Said I wouldn’t go out with him because I was afraid I’d have a good time. I told him he was full of it.”

“So what happened?”

“We went out. And I had a good time. No, I had a great time.” They both laughed.

“And the rest is history,” Annalee said.

“Yeah. And to think I almost missed out on the greatest guy on earth because I was stubborn and scared.” Dee opened her eyes and looked straight at Annalee. “Don’t make that mistake.”

Annalee instinctively tried to pull her hand free. Dee held on tight. “Eric cares about you, Anna.”

Heat crawled up her neck to bloom in her face. “It’s not the same thing.”

“Look, all I know is when Eric came back from your place that night, he headed back to Albany like someone set fire to his ass. He won’t tell me what happened, and I can’t even get you, my best friend, to spill.”

“We shouldn’t be talking about this. You need your rest.”

“I’m resting,” Dee shot back. “I’m attached to so many machines I can barely frickin’ move. Listen, whatever happened, you and my brother need to work it out. The two of you can have something good. You’ve got to fight for it. You think Thom and I haven’t had our problems?”

“Eric and I are not you and Thom. It’s different.”

Dee moved restlessly. “Like hell it’s different. Come on, Annalee, this is me you’re talking to.”

Annalee panicked when the numbers on the monitor shot up in response to her friend’s urgency. “Okay, I’m listening. I’m listening.”

“You promise?”

“Yes! Yes, I promise. Just please, calm down.”

“All right.” Dee settled back on the pillow. “’Cause I’m going to tell you something I’ve never even told Thom. I
was
afraid of being with him, but not just for the reason he thought. I was really afraid I wasn’t good enough for him.”

“Are you serious? I always thought you were fearless. I wanted to be more like you.”

“Fearless? I was full of it. I made so many stupid mistakes before I married Thom. Spent too much time with guys who treated me like crap.” She nodded to the pile of tissues on the side table. “I felt like one of those tissues, used up and tossed aside. No good for anything or anyone. There was nothing left inside, nothing to give to any man. Especially a good man like Thom.”

Annalee consoled Dee and rubbed her arm. “Oh, honey.”

“Don’t you get it? I’m telling you
I know how you feel
. You’ve been toughing it out, pretending you’re past the divorce and all the garbage Dickweed put you through. But I know you. I know it’s an act.”

Annalee suddenly recalled what Dee had said during the reunion, when they were alone in the Ladies’ Lounge.
“You’re smiling like you really mean it. Not like someone who has to prove how well she’s doing.”

She hadn’t fooled Dee at all. Maybe she hadn’t fooled anyone. Except herself. “You never said anything.”

“When did I have a chance? You were always so busy being brave.”

“I’m not brave.” She let out a long breath. “I messed up with Eric. Big time.”

“Honey, you didn’t mess up. You’re scared,” Dee said. “The one man you should have been able to trust, your husband, kicked your heart around like a football. I get it. But don’t be scared, Anna. You’re not damaged goods.
You’re full of love. Don’t be scared to love.”
Dee’s eyelids fluttered. “Whoa. Whatever they’re giving me is kicking in. Is Thom back yet? I need my husband in here. I want to tell him how much I love him.”

“I’ll get him.” Annalee slipped her hand from Dee’s lax hold.

She found Thom coming down the hall. Eric, who must have just arrived, was by his side. Annalee’s mouth went dry at the sight of him. Her heart sped up. “She wants you, Thom.”

“Go on,” Eric told him. “I’ll say hello in a minute.”

Thom hurried to Dee’s room, ginger ale in hand. Eric’s forehead creased with worry. “Is she all right?”

“Yes. She’s just getting drowsy.”

A few moments later, Thom stepped from the doorway of Dee’s room and motioned Eric in.

Annalee hovered in the hallway, dodging bustling nurses and various aides pushing carts. Eric came back and suggested they go sit in the waiting room. Once there, she turned to him.

“Bet she was glad to see you.”

“She was sleepy, like you said. Trying to stay brave, you know, for Thom’s sake. And he’s doing the same for her.”

“She and the baby will be fine.” Annalee spoke emphatically, willing him to believe the words.

He nodded, rubbing his hands together, staring off into nothing. “Yeah.”

Her throat and chest ached with regret. If only she could put her arms around him, but she’d hurt him too badly to be of any comfort to him now. She remembered how angry he’d been when he accused her of obsessing over Denny. How defeated he’d looked as he left her.

Though they shared a small sofa, the distance between them was miles wide, and Annalee didn’t know how to bridge it.

Thom found them some time later. “I just talked to the doctor. The contractions have stopped. They’re keeping her tonight, but he says she’s doing well. The fluids are helping. I’m going to hang out here, keep her company. There’s no need for you two to stay.”

Eric stood. “Do you want me to stop by your place, pick up some things for you?”

Thom waved the offer away. “I’m fine. You go back to our place, get some rest. I promise to call if anything changes.” He gave Annalee a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks a lot for coming.”

Wobbly with exhaustion and relief, she hugged him. Then, blinking back tears, she hugged Eric. He hesitated a moment, then threw his arms around her. As they broke the embrace, she saw his eyes were wet, too.

He walked her to her car in the parking lot. It was full dark now. “I’ll follow you, make sure you get home safely.”

She could have argued, but the truth was, she wanted to know he was with her a while longer. That she had a few more minutes before they said goodbye.