Don't Tell Daddy (23 page)

She expected a “what”, but instead he came to see what she wanted. “We need to go to CVS after work.”

“For what?”

“Makeup.”

“Since when do you wear makeup?”

“Since you flipped out last night and left bruises on my throat. I have to do something for my mother tomorrow. Do you want me to tell her you choked me?”

Bryan rolled his eyes in disinterest as he went back into the office; but he did take her to pick up some makeup during their lunch. Walking down the aisle to find her match, she glanced at Bryan. “I want to have lunch with Lila.”

“No.”

“What?”

“You’re having lunch with me, querida.”

“Since when do you tell me what to do?” she wondered.

“Since you belong to me. I said you’re not going with her, and that’s the end.”

Pamela tightened her jaw, picking up a concealer and speed walking towards the counter. Not even waiting to get her receipt, Pamela sped out of the store, getting in the car and slamming the door shut.

Bryan got her receipt and followed her to the car, glancing over at her as he started the engine. “What do you want for lunch?”

Pamela said nothing, turning to stare out the window; so Bryan repeated the question with a little more bass.

“I don’t care,” she snapped. “Whatever you want to eat. I’m not eating.”

“You are eating because you’re carrying my seed.”

Pamela rolled her eyes, folding her arms across her chest and crossing her legs.

“You didn’t seem so concerned about your seed when you had your hands around my throat. You didn’t care about your seed when you pinned me to the floor!” She swiped violently at the hot tears pooling down her cheeks.

Bryan gritted his teeth, turning the radio on and driving to a small diner.

When they got off work, they went straight home, and although Pamela wasn’t in a sexual mood, she gave in to Bryan out of fear that if it wasn’t given, it might get taken. When he went down, she faked a few moans for him. She was sure her body responded the way he wanted it, but her mind was elsewhere.

When he penetrated her, it wasn’t the same for her. It felt like he was just some man on top of her, and she was waiting for him to finish. He lie beside her and asked her to fix something to eat. She was relieved to be able to even leave the room as she hurried into the kitchen.

The next day, she asked Bryan to take her to Carmella’s shop at noon, and he took her, although he didn’t leave like she wanted. Carmella didn’t ask him to until Heather came in. “Why do I have to leave?”

“Because I don’t want friction. She’ll be done in thirty minutes, okay?”

Bryan rolled his eyes and left the building. Heather wasn’t modeling, she just came to help Carmella out however she could, and she brought refreshments for the models.

Pamela watched as Heather set out snacks on the food table before she walked over hesitantly.

“Hi, Madrina,” she greeted Heather softly, biting her lip and fiddling with the waist of her shirt.

Heather spared her a glance before she went back to setting up the table.

“Hi, Pamela.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ve heard you every time you said it. Stop being sorry to me. What’s done is done. I won’t spend my last years hating you.”

“Come on, Pamela. I need to get you outta here,” Carmella called.

Pamela turned to Heather who was fixing the refreshments. “Did Bryan ever abuse you?” she wondered.

“No. Why would you ask me something like that, child?” Heather continued what she was doing.

“Just asking.”

Pamela quickly walked away and then Heather looked up catching Pamela’s back as what she was asked registered. “Pamela—”

“That was all I wanted to know.”

Pamela took her shots, and she tried to leave, but Heather caught her arm. “What did Bryan do to you?”

“Nothing. He just got really upset the other day. I just wanted to know how far it would go,” she lied.

“Pamela, if Bryan is abusing you, then you need to leave him. I don’t care that you slept with him while he was married to me. I’m always going to love and care for you; and no matter what you did, you don’t deserve a man three times your size, a man even your size, putting his hands on you that way.”

“He didn’t do anything to me. Let go. I have to get back to work.”

Heather watched as Bryan put his arm around Pamela’s waist, and Pamela pushed him away. Heather wondered what had happened. “Did you put makeup on Pamela?” she asked Carmella.

“No. Why?”

Heather decided that maybe Pamela was telling the truth. She had no bruises, and she didn’t have on makeup.

“Her skin is just really clear,” she commented, keeping the disturbing question to herself.

“Yeah. I meant to ask what she’s using. I have this model whose face decided it wanted to go back to the teenage years.”

Heather couldn’t help chuckling at that.

Pamela and Bryan got in his car. “How did it go, baby?” he asked, starting the engine.

“It was alright.”

She didn’t look at him as she snapped her seat belt on, looking out of the window. “Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“You need to eat.”

He took her to have some soup, asking whether she had taken her vitamins, and she nodded. She didn’t want to speak to him, looking out the window as she drifted.

She had thought when Bryan was hers, she would be happy with it; but he snapped and changed. He’d lifted her off her feet by her throat. He’d never abused Heather.

Bryan took her hand in his. “What’s wrong?” he asked. She shook her head.

“Just thinking.”

“What about?”

“The baby. I don’t know what I should do.”

“If you want to work, you can work. If you want to stay home, then stay home.”

“I’ll think about it.”

When they got to the office, Bryan went to talk to a colleague, and Pamela called Jonta. “Hello?”

“Daddy, I need another job,” she said.

“Why? What’s wrong with working for Bryan?”

Biting her lip, Pamela hoped that Heather hadn’t said anything to her parents. She was sure that Bryan wasn’t going to do it again and she didn’t need any interference. Her child deserved a family like everyone else’s.

“Nothing. I just want to take a second job.”

“Pamela, if something is wrong, then tell me,” Jonta insisted.

“I just think it would be nice to have some extra money of my own,” she explained.

Jonta sighed. “It can only be temporary. One of my secretaries is on maternity leave for the next twelve weeks. Come in tomorrow afternoon.”

“Thank you so much, Daddy. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They hung up, and Bryan was back in a few minutes later. She didn’t speak to him, turning to the laptop on her desk and making sure everything was up to date.

She was hoping to save up some money to leave if that need arose. She didn’t want to depend on Bryan for a thing at all in life.

“Hey, baby, do you want to—”

“No.” Pamela opened the calendar on her desktop.

She was sure that Bryan remembered the list of meetings she rattled off to him, but she had to check them every day now because she would forget. If only she could forget the one thing she really wanted to.

Unholy Matrimony

Once Bryan’s divorce with Heather became official, he and Pamela went to the City Hall to get married. By that time, she was fourteen weeks pregnant and showing.

Now at end of November, she was still unhappy in her situation, but Bryan hadn’t put his hands on her again. He was being actually very sweet to her, going out of his way and bending over backwards for anything she may want or need. 

It wasn’t even Bryan that had Pamela unhappy. She wanted her best friend to speak to her. She drove past Heather’s house every day, thinking she might go and talk to them. The nerve always left her because she didn’t want to get beat up again. Especially not in the middle of her pregnancy.

Pamela got good news when Jonta told her she could keep her position. The woman she was temping for decided to be a stay-at-home mom. Pamela told Bryan she wanted to continue to work. She didn’t tell him she was working for her father, though. Her money was hers. She had saved a few thousand in the bank already in an account Bryan didn’t know about.

She saw Jordan every day, and every day, he smiled and waved. She kept it moving, barely waving back. She recalled vividly what had happened the last time she had gotten too close to him.

Jordan left her alone, leaving his greetings brief. She was trying to be a family for her unborn baby, and he respected that.

Things at home were falling into a routine. She and Bryan came home from work, and he went and hung out with his friend at his bar, and she went to Jonta’s office. She came home and made dinner and cleaned up, and Bryan did whatever it was he wanted to do for the evening.

She didn’t pay the bills anymore, though. Bryan had begun to completely handle that. So she had two checks coming in, and she saved the whole of one and half of the other. She was keeping her escape money just in case. Apart of her told her it was stupid because Bryan loved her and was taking care of her. The part of her that feared Bryan might snap again told her to keep storing up that money.

Pamela even went to her father about investing in the stock market. At first, he asked if she was sure because it was risky; but she was willing to try it. So he helped to guide her through it.

Eventually, her father did claim her again although he would not speak to Bryan if it was to save his life. The two men had even gotten into another fight when Bryan decided showing up to Jonta’s birthday party might be a good idea. Bryan wanted to apologize; Jonta didn’t want to hear it. When Bryan came home all bloody, eyes blackened, Pamela took care of him, asking what the hell he had gone and done. He had needed stitches above his eye.

Pamela had seen Jada a few times around, but every time, Jada gave her a disgusted look and just walked away. Pamela didn’t press it.

She also saw Heather a few times with her own mother. Things weren’t the same between them, but Heather didn’t shut Pamela out. She could never really hate someone she had raised, biological child or otherwise.

Bryan was taking really good care of Pamela. She wanted it, he got it for her. He was at every appointment with her, and every class. When she freaked out over being a mother, he was there to comfort her. Fatherhood wasn’t such a scary thing at this point in his life. He’d already had three children biologically and adopted Heather’s first two. This filled Pamela with relief that she didn’t have to do this alone, and regret that her first child was his sixth.

When people saw them in public, they usually assumed he was her father until they kissed. Fathers did not kiss their daughters like that.

Lila Skyped every day to check on her best friend. Pamela assured her she was feeling better about everything. She had prayed the Lord’s forgiveness, and she was adjusting to being a wife. She enjoyed hearing about Lila’s college life and envied her a little for it. She was sure if she told Bryan that she wanted to go back to school, he would encourage that, but she wasn’t sure she could handle courses, her child, and both of her jobs.

Pamela didn’t really have many friends outside of Jada and Lila. There were the few girls at school she was cool with, but there was no one else she really considered a friend, and now Jada hated her and Lila was down in Florida. So she didn’t really have anyone to talk to except Bryan. He had to be her best friend because she had no one else.

Sometimes at night, she’d cry and he’d just hold her and let her get it out. She was truly depressed. Bryan had suggested therapy, but she didn’t want it. Why should they pay someone to listen to her problems and silently judge her? She was okay to just talk to her husband. Unless, of course, he was getting sick of it. He patiently assured her he wasn’t.

Tonight, Pamela was sitting at the table, sorting out bills when the house phone rang, and she got up to answer it. “Hello?”

“Is Mr. Valdez in?” a woman asked.

“Who’s calling?”

“Jane Michaels.”

Pamela had never heard the name but thought nothing of the phone call. “I’ll see if he’s here.”

She put the phone down and went to see if Bryan was home, but he wasn’t. “Can I take a message?”

“That’s okay. What would be a better time to call?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay. Well, thank you.”

Pamela sat back down, wondering where her husband was. She hadn’t bothered to check and see whether he was home when she got in from Jonta’s office.

The house phone rang again just as she started back on the bills. Heaving a sigh, she got up and picked it up. “Hello?” she answered.

“Baby—” Speak of the Devil. “Take a shower. We’re going out tonight. Wear a cocktail dress.”

She rolled her eyes. This would not be the first time he had done this to her and she was getting a little sick of it; not that she said anything about it to him.

“How long do I have to get ready?”

“An hour.”

“Okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

She hung up the phone and crossed her eyes. She had already made dinner, and now he called and said they were going out? Great!

She got up, putting the food away and she stormed up the stairs to shower. This man could be so inconsiderate.

She was ready to go when Bryan came home. He tried to kiss her, but she turned her head. “What?”

“I made dinner.”

“I’m sorry,” he told her, frowning, his forehead against hers, holding her cheeks in his hand.

“You always do this. Why don’t you start calling before seven?”

“I’m sorry,” he told her again.

She just rolled her eyes and went to get her coat before storming her pregnant ass out of the house. Bryan held the door for her, apologizing again for upsetting her. “Shove it.”

He took her to dinner, and she recognized his friend Antonio from the office. He was with a woman of around thirty-five. Pamela knew she was definitely over thirty.

Bryan introduced Pamela to the woman who smiled at her. “It’s nice to meet you, honey. I’m Erika.”

“You too.”

The women talked and Erika tried to engage Pamela in conversation; but Pamela was clueless to half of the things the woman was talking about. The only thing they could talk about was the pregnancy. Pamela excused herself to the restroom. When Bryan got up, she patted his arm to let him know she could go alone.

“She’s too young to even hold a conversation. What do you do with her all day?” Erika whispered, but Pamela still heard it as she continued walking.

“She holds a conversation well. Maybe you’re boring her.”

Erika rolled her eyes. “I may be forty, but I do have teenage daughters. In case you’ve forgotten, I have children older than she is and so do you. That child can’t hold an adult conversation.”

“Stop calling her a child.”

“Why? She is. She can vote. Big fucking deal.”

Pamela came back just as their food arrived. Bryan leaned over, rubbing her thigh under the table. His lips were on her ear. “I have a surprise for you.”

She looked at him, and he was smiling. “What is it?”

“If I tell you, it will ruin the surprise, love.”             

Erika turned to Antonio. “If you ever left me for a little girl, I’d stab you,” she said bluntly and fairly seriously.

“Come on. What Bryan does is his business. Leave the man and his wife alone.”

“He’s not married. He’s babysitting! I frankly think the whole thing is a damn tragedy. You think this shit is okay?”

“I think we need to mind our own business, Erika. Shut up,” he said through gritted teeth, embarrassed by his wife’s outburst.

She let out an irritated breath.

After dinner, Bryan didn’t think he and Pamela should stay for dessert. “Bye, Pamela,” Erika said sweetly.

“Bye, Erika,” Bryan said.

“Mm.” She rolled her eyes.

Bryan put his arm around Pamela and led her out. “Do you want to go to Cold Stone?” he asked, receiving a nod in the affirmative. 

When they got there, though, Pamela backed up a step, feeling too warm in her coat, feeling her heart pounding against her chest.

“I changed my mind,” she decided with a trembling voice.

“Pamela, we’re here now and we have nothing to hide.” Bryan held her securely to his body, leading her to get in line directly behind Jada and Heather, and Pamela stayed behind Bryan, her hands close to her body. “Pamela, what are you doing?”

This caused Jada to turn around. She looked up at her father and around him at her former best friend. “Wassup, Pamela,” she greeted with a lilt in her voice and a grin on her face, her eyes slightly narrowed at the two. “I’m not going to hit you. You don’t have to hide.”

Pamela didn’t move, peeking from around Bryan’s arm at Jada smiling wide at them.

“I remember there was a time I sat with you and we talked about when we got older. How we were going to get married and be the godmothers to each other’s kids. You remember that?”

“Yeah,” Pamela whispered.

“Oh, you do? Dig this: I can’t be a kid’s sister and its godmother all in one breath. You shoulda remembered that shit before you hopped in the sack with my father.”

Jada turned around and when Pamela spoke, she ignored her, pulling out her phone. Jada and Heather got their ice cream and left. Bryan asked whether Pamela wanted to stay; she wanted to go home.

                                          *** ***

For Thanksgiving, Bryan took Pamela down to Tampa. He knew how much she had missed Lila so he got them a vacation house down there because Lila said she wasn’t coming back for the holiday. She didn’t want to see her mother and Bryan and Pamela didn’t have anyone else to spend their holiday with. He told her she could invite Lila over.

Pamela had experienced a nice week of happiness there. The house was gorgeous, and she and Lila spent most of their time in the rooftop pool. Bryan sometimes swam with Pamela, but for the most part, he was on business. Pamela was still his assistant, but he sometimes worked alone.

Lila and Pamela sat in chaises. “Is it a boy or girl?” Lila asked.  

“A boy.”

“What are you guys naming him?”

“Julio.”

Lila nodded. “He’s moving,” Pamela said and smiled. “That feels amazing, really.”

“How does it feel?”

“Kinda like a pitter-patter. It tickles. I can’t explain it. It’s just something you have to feel.”

When they got back to Michigan, Pamela gave birth and their little Julio died within an hour. While she cried and blamed herself, Bryan tried to assure her it wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Miscarriages happened. But she was deeply depressed about it.

Heather came and brought her flowers, and Pamela looked up at this woman whose husband she was now married to. “You came and brought me flowers,” she commented, swiping tears.

“Yes, honey. Because I’m a mother, and I know how I felt when I lost my child.”

“Why are you so nice to me?” Pamela sobbed.

Carmella also came to see her daughter. She stayed at the hospital, despite Bryan’s constant and annoying presence.

For Christmas, Bryan wanted to take Pamela on a trip, and she didn’t want to leave. “I want to spend Christmas with my parents.”

“As opposed to your husband?”

She shrugged. “You’re coming with me, Pamela,” he told her, his tone leaving no room for debate. But she didn’t enjoy the trip any other girl her age would have. She just wanted her parents.

By the New Year, they were having sex again. But Pamela wasn’t sure if this marriage could last. Bryan controlled her every move. Now that she wasn’t pregnant, she wanted to go out more, and he flipped out every time she thought she might want to hit up a club.