Doris O'Connor (23 page)

Ian stepped out of Alex’s room, and Kitty
forced a smile on her lips. There was a loud crash against the
inside of the door, followed by a string of furious Italian curses.
Kitty and Ian both winced.

“
If Mrs. Giovanni didn’t pay as
well as she does I’m sure Stefanov would not be coming back
here.”

“
That bad, was it?”

Ian sighed and shrugged his
shoulders.

“
He wouldn’t even try. Said it was
pointless, he couldn’t feel anything, and he wasn’t going to put
himself through it.”

Damn the man. Why won’t he even
try?

“
Oh he did, eh? Pointless, is it?
I’ll give him pointless. I’m sick and tired of him feeling sorry
for himself.” She reached for the door handle.

“
Now look, Kitty, you may want to
let him cool off a little and—”

But Kitty wasn’t listening. She shot through
the door and cursed as shard of glass sliced in her toe.

“
Damn it all, if you’re going to be
childish and throw things at the door, at least make sure you clean
it up, Alex.”

She hopped on one foot, pulling the offending
article out of her toe. She winced at the pain and threw dagger
looks at Alex, who sat slumped in his chair staring out the
window.

“
Hello, earth to Alex, are you
receiving me?”

But Alex just sat brooding out of the
window.

“
Damn you, Alex, you could at least
pretend to care. I could be bleeding to death over here for all you
know.”

Alex’s quiet mumble was hard to
hear.

“
Judging by the amount of noise
you’re managing to make, you’re clearly not bleeding to death.
Trust me. You don’t manage to make much noise when that
happens.”

The pain in his voice cut right through
Kitty’s heart, but she was not going to let him wallow in this
self-pity anymore. She had to shake him up somehow.

“
Give it a rest, Alex. It happened;
you survived; so get over it already. It doesn’t give you a license
to wallow in self-pity for the rest of your life.”

That got his attention. His knuckles turned
white, grabbing the arms of his wheel chair, and his icy voice sent
shivers down her spine.

“
What did you just say to
me?”

“
You heard me, Alex. Now what are
you going to do about it?”

Kitty held her breath. Alex lifted himself off
his chair, his biceps straining, his face contorting, before he
collapsed back on it with a muttered curse.

“
You happy now?” He glared at her,
before yanking his wheelchair around and away from her, banging his
foot into the side of the radiator. Another curse from
him.

“
And will you stop swearing?. At
this rate Noah’s first truly clear sentence will be a string of
Italian swear words, and it’s not as though you could even feel
that. Alex, are you listening to me?”

Oh for pity’s sake
. If she thought it
was going to do any good she would darn well hit him with
something, just to get through that thick skull of his.

****

Alex stopped listening. The small twinge went
up his leg. He must have imagined that; it couldn’t be. His heart
raced so loudly in his chest that the blood rushed in his ears. It
completely drowned out anything that Kitty was saying to
him.

He rolled his wheelchair back and, moving
himself forward as fast as he could, rammed his foot into the
corner of the radiator again. Another small twinge zinged its way
up his leg. He did it again and again, until Kitty moved in front
of him, putting her hands on the arm rests, her face
horrified.

“
Alex, stop! What on earth are you
doing?”

“
Get out of my way, Kitty. I need
to do it again. You don’t understand—”

“
Understand what, Alex? The fact
that you’ve finally lost your mind completely? Oh my God, Alex look
at your foot, you’re bleeding.”

She shoved his chair backwards and called for
Ian. He dashed through the door as though he’d been listening
outside, closely followed by Alex’s mother, who looked horrified at
the state of his foot. Not that he could feel a thing. There was
gash across his foot and blood going everywhere, yet he couldn’t
feel a fucking thing now.

Kitty moved away to give Ian some room to work
on him and was giving his mother a warm hug. Quite a team those two
made these days. It was sickening. Kitty was supposed to be on his
side, damn it. Yet the way she looked at him now, he felt like she
was slipping away. He knew it was all too good to be
true.

Of course she wouldn’t want to tie herself to
a cripple. And that’s what he was, a fucking cripple. And one who
imagined things as it was. They all looked at him as though he was
crazy, and maybe he was. He was going to be stuck in this god-awful
contraption for the rest of his life, and he had to let Kitty go
before she walked out on him. Already she wasn’t as responsive as
he liked her to be. He’d tried so hard last night, but she withdrew
from him. She hadn’t been there when he woke up in the early hours
of the morning, desperate to lose himself in her soft
curves.

Damn, the one thing he could still do well,
and she was bailing on him. What was the fucking point of it
all!

****

“
So how are things between you two
then?”

Emy sat cradling her newborn daughter in her
arms, a picture of contentment, as Lucy sought her mum’s breast and
latched herself on. Kitty had to smile. Three days old and she was
already an expert. Emy was blooming, still on an all-time
post-birth high. The actual birth had been so quick in the end that
Richard had been the one to catch his daughter five minutes before
the midwives arrived.

Kitty had shrieked with delight when a proud
Richard had rung her in the early hours of that morning, and,
having made herself stay away for a full three days, she had just
had to come round today. She had dragged a reluctant Alex along
with her, and even his sullen face had creased into the semblance
of a smile when he saw little Lucy.

She was simply adorable, and the quick cuddle
Kitty managed before Lucy demanded her mummy back left her all
gooey inside. That is, until she had felt Alex’s intense gaze on
her and the murderous expression on his face before he wheeled
himself away. It felt like a slap in the face.

She sighed now looking at mother and baby, a
stab of envy so sharp it made her gasp.

“
Ah, you know.”

“
No, I don’t know. That’s why I’m
asking. Last time we saw you two, you seemed so happy, and today,
well you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. What is going on
with you two?”

“
I wish I knew, Em. I don’t seem to
be able to get through to him at all. It’s like he’s given up, and
he’s shutting me off emotionally. The only time we connect is in
bed, and even that is well—”

Kitty blushed at the look on Emy’s
face.

“
I didn’t realise he could
actually, you know.”

It was Emy’s turn to blush before she giggled
and nudged Kitty.

“
Well, that has got to be
something, I should think. Look at the man. Even in a wheelchair he
is gorgeous.”

Kitty had to laugh.

“
Emilia, what would Rich say?
You’ve just had a baby for pity’s sake.”

“
Exactly! The closest I will get to
Rich in a while is – well, let’s not go there. It’ll be months I’m
sure. She’s worth it, of course.” Emy smiled down at her daughter
with such love on her face that Kitty had to fight sudden
tears.

“
Oh Kitty, whatever is the
matter?”

Emy’s concern had Kitty furiously blinking
away the threatening tears.

“
I’m sorry, Emy. You don’t need to
hear about this, not at such a happy time in your life.”

“
Spill
,
Kitty, now,
before I march over there and hit him for whatever he’s done to
you, wheelchair or not.”

“
He hasn’t done anything. That’s
the point, Em. We just seem to be stuck, not really going
anywhere.”

****

Alex looked across to where Kitty sat talking
to Emy, and her distress hit him like a punch to the gut.
Hell,
was she crying?
He wanted to rip something apart when he saw
her with Lucy in her arms. She looked so blissfully happy until she
looked at him, and all the light went out of her.

“
Here, have a beer. You look as
though you could use something stronger, but Em would have my guts
for garters. She may be the one doing the feeding, but I’m up
changing nappies at all hours, so I need a clear head. Lucy may be
small, but she can certainly poo for England, I tell
you!”

Alex made himself smile, taking a long swig
from the beer bottle. He waved to Noah, who was bouncing like a
crazy thing on the trampoline. Richard had that happy-ever-after
look about him again, and Alex had to suppress a groan. He knew he
shouldn’t have come here. Seeing Rich play football earlier with
his boys and Noah had damn well nearly killed him.

If only he could get these useless pieces of
meat to work.

“
Wanna talk about it, mate?”
Richard’s quiet voice was in his ear.

“
What’s there to talk about? No
amount of talking is going to fix these useless pieces of
shit!”

“
Ah, no progress then?”

“
I thought I felt a twinge the
other day, but I must have imagined it. Hasn’t happened again,
that’s for sure.”

“
Twinges are good though, right?
You gotta start somewhere, and you knew it was going to take time.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Keep working at it, and it’ll come.
You’ve got Kitty fighting in your corner, after all. Now what’s
that face for, mate? The woman is crazy about you, and you’re head
over heels with her; so what’s the problem?”

“
You wouldn’t
understand.”

Richard snorted at that. “Oh really, I
wouldn’t, would I?”

Alex pointedly looked down on his legs and the
wheelchair.

“
Oh that?” Richard spun him around
and away out of sight of Emy and Kitty.

“
That’s just an excuse, man, and
you know it.”

Alex was going to kill him, mate or not. He
grabbed Richard by the shirt and yanked him toward him, forcing his
friend to put his hands on the armrests of the wheelchair to stop
himself from falling on top of him.

“
Finally, a reaction from you. The
old Alex would have had me flat on the ground by now!”

“
The old Alex wasn’t a cripple who
couldn’t go to the fucking toilet by himself either.”

“
Then do something about it!
Sitting here, feeling sorry for yourself is not going to achieve a
thing. Shit, man, fight this! Kitty was telling Em that you aren’t
doing your physio. What the devil is that all about? I can imagine
it sucks like hell being stuck in that thing, but it doesn’t define
you, unless you let it.”

“
Easy for you to say,
Rich.”

“
Look, mate, I have no idea what’s
going on between you and Kitty, but you’ve been through too much to
just throw it all away now. And the way you’re acting around her,
mate, that’s off. Kitty means a lot to me and Em, so don’t blow
this, or so help me it’ll be the first time I’ll have hit a guy in
a wheelchair.”

“
Be my guest. You couldn’t possibly
make me hate myself more for what I’m doing to her.”

“
Then stop doing it. Emy and I had
a bet that you two would be married by now. Why the hell haven’t
you asked her?”

That’s it. Rich had lost his mind.

“
And tie her to me whilst I’m like
this? What could I possibly offer her?”

“
Isn’t that her choice to
make?”

Chapter
Twenty-Eight

Kitty looked at her reflection in the mirror
and groaned. She looked as though she hadn’t slept in a week.
Hah, that’s probably because you haven’t, Kitty!

Alex had withdrawn in himself even more
following the visit to Emy and Richard, and Kitty was downright
miserable. She refused to visit him at night, and she missed him
dreadfully and hadn’t slept well as a result. She was probably
cutting her nose off to spite her face, but she wanted so much more
from Alex than just mind-blowing sex. Even if her body didn’t seem
to realise that. Time for another really long cold shower then,
followed by lashings of make-up to cover up the bags under her
eyes.

When Stella had taken to her one side
yesterday, her face had been worried and pinched
looking.

“
Kitty, is everything all right
with you and Alex?”

Kitty had made herself smile brightly. She had
given Stella a hug and had waved her hand in a dismissive air,
before laughingly lying through her teeth.

“
Of course we are, Stella. Why
wouldn’t we be?”

The older woman had looked at her for the
longest time until she had squirmed under her steady gaze and had
been forced to look at the floor.