Dorothy Eden (20 page)

Amalie turned to leave the room. At the door she said abruptly, ‘I’ll give orders that Soames shall drive you to Yarby. I hope you will be ready within half an hour.’

That, Sarah reflected, would allow her to get away before Blane returned. It was possible he might make a fuss, which was a happening she wanted to avoid as much as Amalie did.

‘I’ll be ready, Lady Mallow. And I hope’

‘Yes?’

The words had escaped Sarah involuntarily. She had a poignant thought of Titus waking in the morning and looking for her, of the hurt and betrayal in his face. For the second time she had failed him. It was not easy or pleasant to do that to a child.

‘I hope Titus will be well and happy.’

The tightness had come back into Amalie’s face.

‘That need be no concern of yours, Miss Mildmay.’

S
OMEONE WAS HAMMERING ON
the door. Sarah had not been asleep. Her light put out, and sunk deep in the downy bed at the George Inn, she had been lost in a miasma of grief and exhaustion. Ambrose and Mallow Hall were lost forever. She had voluntarily given them up. But Ambrose’s image was still difficult to recall. At the moment the worst thing to contemplate was Titus’s discovery of her desertion. He was only a baby and she had failed him. He wouldn’t trust her a second time.

But there wasn’t going to be a second time. Even Soames had known that as he carried her baggage into the George and then stood a moment watching her, his face full of unwanted sympathy.

‘If you don’t mind my saying so, miss, I’m sorry you have to leave.’

No explanation had been made to Soames as to her sudden departure. Why did he assume that she had had to leave?

‘You didn’t ought to have been scared away as easy as Mrs Stone.’

‘Scared away!’

‘’Tain’t everyone who’d get on with her ladyship.’

If he thought sympathy and sly hints would induce her to confide in him, he was mistaken.

‘Goodbye, Soames. Thank you for driving me here.’

‘I’ll keep an eye on Master Titus, miss.’

Yes, and on everyone else, Sarah thought, turning away without another word. She was glad to have Tom Mercer welcome her, and at once went to her room.

But now someone was knocking on the door. She had to fumble for matches to light the candle, her hand shaking foolishly. Then, a wrap hastily flung on, she went to the door holding the candle high.

‘Who is it?’ she called.

But she knew who it was. Instinct had told her at once. That and not weariness was the reason for her shaking hand.

The half-opened door showed her Blane standing there in the lamplight, his hair dishevelled and his clothes mud-spattered.

‘What the devil do you think you’re up to, running off like this when my son is ill? Get dressed and come back at once.’

Sarah gasped, but kept her temper.

‘Titus isn’t ill. It’s only his mother who says so.’

‘He may not have been two hours ago, but he is now. He has a high fever, and is asking for you incessantly.’

Sarah stepped back, making a move to shut the door. His hand on it prevented her.

‘I don’t believe it.’

‘Am I making it up for the pleasure of inveigling you back? Why should I trouble?’

‘I don’t know. But Titus was well enough when I left. Soames says he didn’t have a serious fall. Why don’t you ask him?’

Soames isn’t a doctor.’

‘Then what does the doctor say?’

‘The symptoms hadn’t developed so seriously when the doctor called. They came on after Titus had been told you had gone.’

‘Who told him? And at this time of night, when he was upset already. Couldn’t that news have waited until morning?’

Blane shrugged. ‘Or perhaps you could have delayed your departure until morning.’

Sarah’s eyes sparkled angrily.

‘I may have no money, Lord Mallow, but I do have some pride as a human being.’

For a moment she thought he was going to throw back his head and give his irreverent shout of laughter. Instead he said quite quietly,

‘I had imagined that was something a lady in your position was expected to quell. A difficult and unfair imposition, I grant you. But my wife is waiting to apologise to you, so I hope you’ll be equally tolerant. Now I’ll wait downstairs while you dress. Be as quick about it as you can.’

‘I’m no longer in your employ, so I won’t be ordered about like this.’

‘I’m not ordering you, Miss Mildmay. I’m merely stating the position. If you can forsake a sick child, then you must. If it comes to that, I’m not in the habit of pleading, either. So let’s not waste any more time.’

He turned to go. He was full of assurance. He knew very well that shortly she would join him downstairs, and meekly return with him to the house she had renounced.

Then if she were to go back, she decided, this time she wouldn’t weaken. She would see the thing through. And win. And if this story of Titus’s illness was exaggerated or untrue, she would have no more sentiment.

Blane had driven in alone to get her. As she stepped outside, muffled in her cloak, he said briskly,

‘Get up in front. It will be company for me.’

‘It’s a cold night. I’d prefer to ride inside.’

She found it impossible to adopt her previous submissive manner. That phase was over. Blane could make of it what he would.

‘It won’t be as cold as that. Come along. Up you go.’

Because Tom Mercer was watching inquisitively, she had to obey. But she didn’t intend to pass the ten-mile drive by making small talk. She sat hunched in silence. The wind from the sea was very cold. It rustled the dead grass in the flat fields, and caught the manes of the horses, tossing them wildly. The moon was a blanched colour, almost as pale as the road that curved into the distance. Sarah was overcome with a feeling of desolation. This was the setting for an eerie play. The characters, already assembled, were about to make their entrance for the final dramatic act. How she knew it was the final act, she could not say. But something was about to happen. And she wished she were not to be there.

‘Cold?’ enquired Blane.

She hadn’t realised she had shuddered.

‘Sit closer to me so that I can keep the wind off you.’

Sarah didn’t reply. Neither did she move.

‘Who are you, Miss Mildmay?’

That did elicit an indignant reply.

‘You know very well who I am, Lord Mallow. You’ve investigated my references yourself.’

‘Unsatisfactorily. I discovered nothing personal.’

‘What has that to do with it?’

‘You’ve puzzled me from the beginning. You’re obviously too well-bred to pursue a
cause célèbre
for the mere sensation. Yet you came to my house, deliberately, to ask for a position.’

‘I needed work.’

‘But with your references that shouldn’t have been difficult. Unless, of course, you’re too attractive. That’s a consideration, isn’t it, where the husband may be susceptible and the wife, let us say, indifferently featured.’

‘You’re being preposterous, Lord Mallow.’

‘And you, Miss Mildmay, are an impostor.’

Sarah turned sharply to look at him, and he began laughing.

‘You think me one, and I think you one. Isn’t that so?’

‘Many more people than I have speculated about you, Lord Mallow. But you’re being extremely unjust to me. Do you think I would be a governess from choice?’ Bitterness came into her voice. ‘It’s hardly a cheerful prospect, for the rest of one’s life. With, as you say, susceptible husbands and jealous wives. Could you imagine my voluntarily choosing such an existence? I have two sisters who are both unhappily doomed to the same life. Does that convince you?’

‘What are their names?’

‘Amelia and Charlotte. Why do you ask?’

‘Because they seem more real to me when I know their names.’

‘You thought I was inventing them!’

He ignored her protest.

‘Are they as pretty as you?’

Sarah stiffened. She was now very angry and disturbed. Apart from leaping from the carriage, she couldn’t escape his nearness. But his familiarity was not to be endured.

‘Lord Mallow, I’m coming back to Mallow Hall because Titus is ill. Or so you tell me. For no other reason. But as soon as he’s well I intend to prepare him for my departure. In the meantime I’d be grateful if there were no more of these cross-examinations.’

‘So you do mean to leave us. The novelty of the situation has worn off?’

‘You may put it how you like.’

‘You’ve decided I’m not an impostor after all, and so I no longer interest you?’

The carriage lights danced crazily over the hedgerows, but it was only moonlight that touched his face and glinted in his eyes. She could scarcely see his features, certainly not his expression. But her heart was beating wildly.

‘Answer me, Miss Mildmay.’

She was utterly incapable of dealing with this situation. Ambrose would have been ashamed of her. Why couldn’t she match Blane with coolness and wit, instead of suddenly finding her lips trembling so much that she couldn’t speak.

‘What is
your
name, Miss Mildmay?’

She leaned forward.

‘Can’t we go a little faster? If Titus is so ill—’

Blane took the whip and lightly flicked it on the horses’ rumps. They increased their pace, and the carriage rocked. Sarah clutched for something to support her. Blane’s hand firmly on her arm steadied her.

‘Sarah!’ he said softly.

He was merely telling her that he already knew her name. But did he need to speak it like a caress?

Lady Malvina was in the nursery with Titus rocked gently in her capacious lap.

‘He’s just fallen asleep,’ she whispered. ‘The fever seems a little less.’

Her raddled pouched old face lit with pleasure at the sight of Sarah.

‘That was most generous of you to come back, Miss Mildmay.’

Sarah knelt beside Titus.

‘I didn’t know he was ill. I would never have left.’

‘Fevers come on children suddenly. And his mother broke the news that you had gone rather callously. Thank heaven Blane caught you before you left for London.’ Lady Malvina looked again at Sarah. ‘Are you all right yourself, Miss Mildmay? You haven’t caught a chill, being out so late? You look flushed.’

‘I’m cold,’ said Sarah, and it was true that she was shivering. She hadn’t been able to stop for some time.

‘Ask Eliza to heat some milk. We’ll all have some. Titus, too, perhaps, now chat you’re back. With a little port in it. It will do us good.’

At that moment Titus stirred and opened his eyes. They widened as they fell on Sarah.

‘Mamma said you went away,’ he said accusingly.

‘Only for a few hours. That wasn’t long, was it?’

‘Yes, it was. I was sick. I cried for you.’ The little boy lifted his arms, and Sarah took him into hers. There was no sulking this time. He was too happy to see her.

‘You will stay now?’ he said in his clear voice.

‘Yes. I’ll stay.’

Titus gave a satisfied murmur. His eyes went past her.

‘Papa, Miss Mildmay is back. She’s going to stay now.’

Sarah hadn’t known Blane had come in. She saw him standing there, tall and silent. There was no mocking or triumphant gleam in his eyes. The moonlight must have made her imagine it earlier. He merely looked tired, and rather sad.

‘That’s splendid, my boy.’ He turned to his mother. ‘Where’s Amalie?’

‘How does the boy seem to you, Miss Mildmay?’

Titus was dozing again. Sarah felt the hot limp body in her arms.

‘I’ll put him into bed. I think he should be better in the morning. Children recover from fevers quickly.’

‘Blane, tell Amalie not to come in again,’ said Lady Malvina. ‘She upsets the boy.’

‘I can’t forbid her to see her own son.’

‘Under the circumstances you can. She upset him badly.’

‘Amalie’s a very difficult woman,’ Lady Malvina said to Sarah when Titus, tucked into his own bed, seemed to be sleeping more soundly, and Blane had gone.

‘There was an enormous row after you had gone,’ she added with relish. ‘Blane was mad at her. Really mad. He said you must be brought back at once, and if you weren’t he would go back to sea and leave her to all this grandeur. She could then behave as she liked. Oh, it was a fine quarrel, I can tell you. The worst of it is, my son doesn’t make idle boasts. I learnt that long ago. And I don’t believe he makes a fig for Mallow. He never did. He only wants it for his son.’

‘I believe he’s quite ruthless,’ Sarah said.

‘You mean in treating his wife this way? But she’s a poor stick. I can never think why he married her.’

‘He humiliates her. And because of me, a servant.’

‘I hardly think he regards you as a servant, Miss Mildmay,’ the old lady murmured slyly.

Titus stirred and muttered in his sleep. Sarah felt his hot forehead. At least that the child was ill had not been a lie. ‘I find his behaviour intolerable.’

‘His behaviour has always been intolerable. But the heart is there, my dear.’

‘Do you really believe that, Lady Malvina?’

‘Now I do. Once, I admit, I worried a great deal. So did my husband. Blane wasn’t a vicious boy, you understand. Just uncontrollable. But now he’s changed. He’s basically good, one sees. It’s a great relief to me.’

‘Always assuming,’ said Sarah, ‘that we’re speaking of the same person.’

The old lady gave her a swift wary glance. Then she began to shake with silent laughter.

‘Now that’s a bee to have in your bonnet, Miss Mildmay. And with Titus here, a replica of my own son at that age. Features can’t lie, can they? And I’ll warrant by the look on your face chat my son’s manners haven’t changed either. Was the drive from Yarby too long?’

When Sarah didn’t answer she went on, ‘It’s unfortunate, but this kind of difficulty is often the lot of the woman in your position. My advice is to try to regard it as a compliment.’

‘A compliment!’

‘My dear, don’t be a hypocrite. You must enjoy masculine admiration, as well as the next woman.’

‘Why doesn’t he behave more kindly to his wife?’ Sarah demanded heatedly. ‘Why does he make her so unhappy? I don’t blame her for being jealous. Why does he keep his door locked?’