Double Indemnity (20 page)

And didn't that say it all.

It was funny, or perhaps sad and awful, that Sam hadn't thought about Emma until then. Everything had seemed so natural, so—he almost cringed to think it—right. But the reality was back, and with it the fact Nathan was still a man grieving over his dead spouse.

He wanted to slide close and wrap his legs and arms around Nathan like a human squid. Maybe wait until their erections decided they wanted to play together again. But reality made him scoot a little farther away so he could resist the urge.

“Are you sure you're okay with me staying?” Nathan asked. Sam nodded, though he'd turned out the light when he'd gotten back into bed, and he doubted Nathan could see him. He lay on his side facing the room, feeling unsettled.

“Sam, are you awake?” Nathan whispered sometime later.

“Yeah.” Sam rolled onto his back. “What's up?”

“Before, when you were asking me about what I'd done, I was worried you might have found it strange.”

“Strange? Nah. I've been around the block a few times, Nathan. You're gonna have to work a little harder to shock me.” He didn't need to add he'd found it incredibly arousing, not after how he'd responded to the slight tease.

The bed shifted, bringing the heat of Nathan's body closer. Sam smiled and relaxed into his embrace, instantly conscious of the fact that they were still naked. His cock stirred, and Nathan's prodded against his ass, but both of them were too tired to do anything about it. Anyway, it felt pretty good to sleep.

 

S
AM
GASPED
awake with his heart pounding in his throat. He ran a hand over his face and sighed, even as the dream he'd been having dissipated and left his head in a tired fog. Nathan lay next to him, his deep, even breath blowing warm through Sam's hair. Sam could barely make out the arm snug around him, only that it was heavy and a little too hot.

He was surprised Nathan had turned out to be a cuddler. Sam had always preferred sleeping on his own side of the bed when he chose to sleep with anyone at all. He'd always been too conscious of irritating the other person with his inevitable tosses and turns to fall asleep. And he liked his space.

This wasn't too bad, though. He hadn't disturbed Nathan with his nightmare.

The next time Sam woke up, light had begun to stake its
preliminary claim on the room. He groaned and turned over, shielding his eyes, and came chest-to-chest with Nathan, who was very much awake. His morning erection prodded Sam between the legs, and Sam's responded eagerly.

“Good morning.”

“Morning,” Sam replied. He reached down between them, took Nathan in hand, and explored the hard length of him with his palm. Nathan groaned and buried his head against Sam's neck. He teased and nipped Sam's throat as Sam stroked him, but the angle made it difficult to get a rhythm going.

“I want to fuck you,” Nathan said. Sam wanted the same thing, but he was already late for work.

“Grab the lube.” Sam gestured to the side table.

Sam positioned himself as the little spoon and slicked Nathan's cock so it could slip easily against his crack. He pushed back a couple of times to give Nathan the idea, and then let him take over while Sam beat himself off. He loved the way Nathan grabbed his ass to make it tighter, and the surprised, pleased sounds he made. Nathan's cock slid under Sam's balls and Sam squeezed his thighs to trap it there, reveling in its width and hardness. He imagined it sliding inside his ass, how the stretch would feel, and that was it. He sped up his hand and came heedlessly all over the covers.

Nathan stilled as Sam came, and then he swiftly moved until he was straddling Sam's chest, finishing himself off while Sam watched him. Sam was surprised at how intimate it felt. Maybe it was the fact that jerking off was normally such a private act. Doing it in front of someone else took a sort of courage and even trust. He liked the way Nathan held himself at the base of his cock, his fingers lost in the thick nest of dark curls, while his other hand moved efficiently, up, around the head, and back down. When Nathan whispered he was close, Sam decided he'd been a bystander long enough. He took the tip of Nathan's cock into his mouth and swallowed his spunk as he came. Then he continued sucking him through the aftershocks, applying just enough pressure to make Nathan shiver and curl his toes.

Nathan watched him with a wrecked expression.

“What?”

“You seem to enjoy that.” The sated lust in Nathan's eyes created a swirl of arousal and tenderness in Sam's belly.

“Are you kidding? Of course I do. You mean you don't?” Sam licked his lips, and Nathan tracked the movement.

“I don't… not like it, I guess.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Then there are still a few things you need to learn about gay sex, despite your
training.
One of them is worshiping cock.” Nathan chuckled and leaned down to press a kiss against Sam's temple. They lay together for another few minutes until Sam remembered himself.

“Shit,” he said. “I'm going to be late if I don't get going.” The clock read quarter to eight already, and it would take at least half an hour for him to reach the site, even if he skipped a shower. He would much rather stay in bed. Nathan looked gorgeous sprawled out with his prick softening on his thigh.

Nathan touched Sam's arm. “How long do you have?”

“Not long enough for another round, if that's what you're thinking.”

“It would be nice, but no. Are you going to tell me about what you've been up to while I've been away?”

Sam sighed and scrunched his forehead. Nathan didn't seem angry, but that would probably change when he presented his theory. “Are you gonna be pissed at me?”

“I guess that depends.”

“Okay, well. I've been going back over my notes on the Feldman case, and I'm wondering if Feldman's death was murder after all. The autopsy gave drowning as the cause of death, but what if someone made him take the pills? Someone who would immediately benefit from his death.”

“Who?”

“Isn't it obvious? Mayor White.” Over the past few days, he'd wondered why it had taken him so long to follow up on his original suspicion.

“You think the mayor had Feldman killed?”

“It makes a perfect kind of sense. I mean, Feldman made a big splash downtown, doing more than the mayor has ever done to help clean up the city, but he had a firm, anti-gentrification stance. He even contributed to White's opponent's campaign during the last election. He was a problem. So White stages the murder to look like a suicide, and when Emma finds out, he gets someone to kill her too. And then, to top it all off, White comes up with this ‘Streets Clean' plan in honor of Feldman to make himself look good. It's sick, when you think about it.” Nathan raised an eyebrow, and Sam took it as a sign to go on. “I'm thinking someone in the PD is in on it. Maybe Rich Petersen. I saw him at the bar the other night, and he was squirmy. And of course, there's Patricia Feldman's suicide. It has to be linked. Maybe someone threatened her kids and she killed herself as an act of desperation, to protect them by sacrificing herself.”

Nathan had that look on his face, the one Sam had decided must have been part of his basic training. Completely unreadable. He seemed to be taking in everything Sam said and weighing it in the back of his mind, and there was no telling whether he was angry or pleased. Sam hoped for the latter, not least because he'd enjoyed their night together and wanted to do it again. Nathan being angry with him would most certainly interfere with those plans.

“Well? What do you think?” Sam wanted to touch Nathan for some reassurance he hadn't fucked things up between them. “Are you going to say anything?”

Nathan sat up, wrapping the covers around his waist. He certainly didn't look happy. “I'm trying to decide whether to level with you.”

“You don't trust me. I'm sorry. I—” Sam's gut twisted. Nothing he could say would make up for the fact he'd gone back on his word to Nathan and poked his nose where it didn't belong.

“This isn't about trust. There's a lot at stake here, beyond your safety. You're not trained for this, Sam. I know you want to help, and you're curious and smart, and frankly you've come up with some interesting theories, but you're going to have to leave this to the professionals.”

Sam bit the inside of his lip. “So you're not angry?”

“Oh, believe me. I want to be. Worrying about what you've been up to these past couple of weeks has only made my life more difficult.”

“So where were you, anyway?”

Nathan smirked. “I wasn't at a sex club. That case is finished.”

“Oh, sure. I mean, I don't care.”

“You're not a very good liar.” Nathan stretched his legs and stood. He bent over to retrieve his briefs from the floor and pulled them up over his fabulous ass. Then he leaned down and whispered in Sam's ear. “We both know you were jealous.”

“So that's how it's going to be, huh? Holding things I said when you had my dick in your hand against me?” He'd intended the words to sound indignant. They didn't.

“What if I told you I was jealous too, thinking about who you might be fucking while I was away?”

Somehow they'd gotten very off topic. Sam didn't mind. Heat flared in his groin at the words, and his obvious erection stood up, poking the sheets. God, it had been a long time since he'd been ready to go again so soon after coming. Maybe because most of the time he was drunk, and last night and this morning, he hadn't been.

“I wasn't. I mean, I didn't,” he said, not sure why the confession made him feel so raw. Nathan's eyes tracked down to the tent he was making.

“I wish I could stay here all day and take care of that for you.”

“I have to work. And you're distracting me on purpose, aren't you?”

Nathan had the decency to look guilty.

“And here I was, thinking I was irresistible.” Sam got up and dragged the bed sheet along with him.

Nathan yanked it away and gathered Sam close. “You are. You have no idea.” Their bodies pressed together, and Sam could feel Nathan's erection against his stomach. He had no choice but to wrap his arms around Nathan in response and kiss the salty skin of his neck. He smelled like Sam's bed.

“But you're still not going to tell me where you were.”

“You never stop, do you? It's almost like you want me to get irritated.” Nathan's voice was slightly annoyed, but his eyes betrayed amusement. He kissed Sam once, softly, and then backed away. “Listen. I would tell you if I could, but it's not an option at this point. Can you please try to understand?”

Sam nodded, but it didn't mean he was going to stop being concerned. “Can't you even give me a hint?”

“All I can say is that there's been a break in the case. I'm working with some people from my team, but the best thing you can do right now is stay out of it, Sam. This time for real. The more you know, the more likely you'll become a target yourself. I shouldn't have come here, but I wanted to see you.”

Sam grabbed a pair of clean boxer briefs from the dresser next to his bed, hiding his smile. “I'll be fine.”

Strong arms wrapped around his waist. “You will if I have anything to say about it.”

Until now, Sam hadn't given himself permission to think about what might happen after this. He had no idea what Nathan wanted or even what he wanted for himself. Not so long ago, Nathan told him, in no uncertain terms, that nothing could happen between them. But Nathan was human, after all. It made perfect sense that he'd break down in a moment of weakness. Sex was one thing, but emotions were another. Sam refused to delude himself into hoping it might mean something more. However, he was greedy, and if he could only have this for a little while, he'd make the most of it.

But time kept ticking, and Sam had to leave for work. He leaned into Nathan's embrace for a moment before regretfully pulling away.

They dressed in comfortable silence, yet each layer of clothing seemed to add distance to the easy intimacy of the morning. Once Nathan had donned his leather coat and stood by the front door, Sam could hardly believe that only minutes before they'd been unable to keep their hands off each other. Now he couldn't imagine giving Nathan a casual kiss or hug good-bye. He seemed so perfect and untouchable, dressed for the chilly November morning.

“We probably shouldn't do this again,” Nathan said. Sam felt the blood drain from his face, replaced by ice.

“Yeah, probably not,” he agreed.

“It's too dangerous.”

Yeah. Sam knew all about those kinds of excuses. He nodded, wanting to give Nathan the easy out. But instead of leaving straightaway, Nathan pulled a small, black handgun out of the inner pocket of his leather jacket. He held it out to Sam by the barrel.