Double Take (5 page)

"Teka?" said Hasani, the one who was standing. There was a note of horror in his voice, and betrayal. "What are you doing?" He turned back to the Hasani on the ground. "Manu?"

"Fuck you, Mosi, I was trying to kiss my lover," said Hasani—Manu Hasani. Oh no, it was all making sense now. "You care now, do you?"

The Hasani who was standing, the one with the tight collar and the familiar glasses around his neck—Mosi, the other had called him—looked away from Manu towards Teka, his face still shocked. "Teka? You're—"

"Oh no," said Teka, bringing xyr hands to xyr face. Xe had done something awful. What had xe done? "I... you... you're twins."

Manu stared at xem for a moment from the ground, his face below his left eye slowly swelling into a bruise. Then he began to laugh.

His brother turned to him angrily. "This is funny, is it?" he growled. "What, have you been pretending to be me all along? You little shit—"

"No!" shouted Teka, before he could lunge at Manu. "It's not his fault! I—Hasani... Mosi? I'm so sorry, I thought he was you."

Mosi's eyes widened at Teka, but Manu simply continued to laugh. Both his brother and Teka stared at him, confused. "Of course you thought I was him," he said through laughter and clenched teeth. "Course you did."

"Manu, stop laughing." Hasani lunged forward and dragged Manu up by his collar. "You're worrying me."

"Oh, shut up, Mosi, just shut up," snapped Manu, the laughter dying from his eyes. "I'm only laughing because I should have known. You're always going to take any happiness I might have away, aren't you?"

"What are you talking about?" Teka stepped forward tentatively, xyr mind racing. How could xe fix this? How could anyone possibly fix this? "Manu? I'm so sorry. It's just that I met M-Mosi first, and I thought when I met you here that—"

"Yes, yes," said Manu impatiently. "You thought I was him. But I'm not. I'm sorry for the confusion. I'll go."

He turned to leave, but Teka reached out to catch his sleeve. Xe didn't know what xe was doing. Xyr mind was a jumble of confused emotions. Mosi was staring at both of them. "I thought... I thought he was you too, I—" Xe stared between the two of them, tears threatening to burst forth. "I'm so sorry. I've done something awful."

"How..." Mosi was staring down at Teka, looking less accusatory now, and simply confused. "How could you think he was me?"

That prompted another burst of laughter from Manu. "I suppose we're more alike than you'd like to think, brother."

"No, you're not," said Teka, xyr voice weak. Xe was staring past them, at the ground, tears forming in xyr eyes despite xemself. "You're completely different. I was just blind. I should have known it was too good to be true. I—" Xyr voice cracked. "I'm the one who should go."

"Teka, no, wait." It was Mosi's turn to reach for xyr sleeve, and he caught xyr arm in his firm grip. Teka stared down at his hand. It hadn't been him xe'd slept with last night. It had been Manu. The kiss in the lab today had been their first. Teka had cheated on him with his brother. And xe'd cheated on Manu with him. "We have to figure this out."

"No, we don't," said Manu angrily. He grabbed his flute from where it had fallen to the ground, gripping it tight. "It's obvious Teka's going to choose you, so there's no point in me sticking around."

"Choose?" said Teka through tears that were falling freely now. "How could..." How could xe choose between them? "Why would either of you want me? I cheated on both of you!"

"It wasn't your fault," said Mosi. "You didn't know."

"But I should have." Teka bit back a sob. "You both must think I'm such an idiot." Xe spat the last word out, believing it.

"No." Manu stepped forward, as if despite himself, gripping Teka's shoulders, and Mosi tsked. "People used to get us mixed up all the time. I should have told you, we should have thought."

Teka stared at Manu, blinking away tears. "Was it you who asked Maek about me at orientation?"

"What?" said Mosi, but Manu nodded. It looked like he was trying to smile, but only a grimace came out.

"And you..." Teka turned to Mosi. "You took me to the cafe, and we talked."

"We did," said Mosi. "And then you... you kissed him," he hissed, jerking his head at Manu. "Thinking he was me."

More than kissed.

Teka felt like xyr heart was constricting, and a sickness was settling in xyr stomach. Xe had to get away from here, away from the guilt and anger and pain. "I can't choose," xe blurted, biting back a sob. "I'm sorry, but I... I just can't. Not right away, anyway. I need t-time."

"It's fine," said Mosi, his teeth clenched. "Teka, I'm so sorry. Manu's right, I should have told you I had a twin, I just... I didn't want you to know."

"Yes, you like pretending I don't exist," spat Manu. "Teka, take as long as you like to decide, but I know what the outcome will be." He gave Mosi a look of unbridled hatred, like nothing Teka had ever seen in either of their faces. "He always gets what he wants." Then he turned away and stalked out of the courtyard, leaving Mosi and Teka alone.

There was silence for a few moments. Teka desperately wanted to run away, but also couldn't stand the thought of leaving Mosi alone like this, after what xe'd done.

"What did you do with him?" asked Mosi softly. "Teka, did you—"

"I'm so sorry, Hasani," whispered Teka, not trusting xemself to speak. "I have to go."

"Come by our room later, with your answer," said Mosi. "Do you know where it is?"

"Yes," said Teka. "I'm sorry."

Mosi put a hand to his face. "Of course you do," he mumbled through his fingers. "I'm going to kill him."

Teka had never seen him so angry, not even when he'd been speaking about his father. "It's not his fault," xe said. "Please don't fight over me. Please."

"It's not you we're fighting about," said Mosi, dropping his hand and looking away. "It's much more than that."

"Well then don't... kill each other before I can talk to you, alright?"

"I'll try," said Mosi. "But I cannot promise anything if he lunges first."

Teka tried to laugh. Xe really did. But nothing came out. Xe felt emotionally drained, and on the brink of a meltdown at the same time. Maek, xe had to tell Maek, had to talk to her. "I'll see you tomorrow," xe whispered, and with a quick bow to Mosi, fled from the courtyard.

*~*~*

Maek wasn't in their room. Of course not, Teka had asked to have the room to xemself tonight, since xe'd thought xe'd be coming home with Hasani. Instead, the room was empty and far too quiet. Teka stood in the doorway, fighting back denial. How could it be possible? How could xe not have noticed? Manu with his collar undone and his languorous posture and his dark, inscrutable eyes. And Mosi's expressions that Teka had always been able to read, his strictness. His warmth only came out sometimes, unexpectedly, not flowing off of him like Manu's did... Teka sat down on xyr bed, head spinning.

How could xe choose between them? Even if xe did like one more, which xe didn't—couldn't—they were brothers. They lived together. They hated each other. Xe'd see the other all the time, xe'd drive the wedge between them even further. Teka couldn't stand the thought of that.

Xe lay down sideways on the bed, sniffing as tears began to leak out of xyr eyes. They stung, and xe pressed xyr fists to xyr eyes, wishing xe could forget about everything. Wishing xe had never spoken to Mosi, never met Manu in the library. But, oh, how xyr heart ached at the thought. To never have met either of them, never have felt that lovely thrill of excitement at the thought of being with them, never felt Mosi's warm kisses and Manu's desire. Xe wouldn't trade it for anything.

Several more shaking sobs burst forth, and Teka rolled onto xyr stomach, pressing xyr face into the pillow. Xe couldn't. Xe couldn't be with either of them. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. Xe was crying like a teenager, like a child. Scholars weren't supposed to be emotional like this, or get crushes. But Teka couldn't help it. All xe had wanted was someone to be happy with.

Selfish, selfish, selfish. Teka sighed, hiccoughing out a few more sobs, and lay, eyes blurry and numb, staring at Maek's empty bed. It would be alright, xe decided. It would be okay in the long run. This pain couldn't last forever. It would ebb, and xe would move on. But right now it felt as if xe had been stabbed in the chest, and the knife was still there, twisting. Xe let out another sob and buried xyr face in the pillow. Xe should go talk to them now, and tell them. No use drawing out the pain.

With a long, shaky sigh, xe got up and went to the washbasin, splashing cold water onto xyr face. Then xe tugged xyr robe tight around xyr shoulders and left the room, treading through the dark halls of the university to the Graduate's Wing.

What would xe say? Well, there really was only one thing to say: if xe couldn't have both of them, then xe didn't want either. It sounded cold. It sounded like neither were good enough. But that wasn't the case at all. Instead of seeming like less of a person now that xe knew they were two, they both seemed even more. Teka would happily have dated either of them.

Manu was so convinced that Teka would choose Mosi. Teka wanted to choose him just to show him that he was worth it. But xe couldn't handle the look on Mosi's face knowing that Teka had chosen his brother over him. It wasn't fair to either of them to put them in competition like this. Teka felt another shudder of guilt knowing that this was all xyr fault. Mosi had said that it wasn't what had caused the anger between them, but what else could it be?

Xe sighed, tucking xyr hands into the sleeves of xyr robe and rushing. The moon was high overhead. It was past midnight now, and the rest of the school was asleep. Xe hoped xe didn't wake them.

At last xe came to their room, remembering the night past with Manu. This was nothing like that. Teka steeled xemself and raised a hand to knock on the door, before realizing that it was open a little. Xe knocked lightly, causing the door to swing open further, but there was no noise from inside.

Xe would just peek in to check and see if they were sleeping. Xe pushed the door open a little more, and peered in at Manu's bed.

Teka gasped, and the door swung open the rest of the way. For a moment, xe couldn't process what xe was seeing. Both the twins were on the same bed. From the distance, Teka couldn't see which one was which, but one was on top of the other. Their bodies were pressed together, and their lips were locked in a passionate kiss.

Before Teka could react properly to the situation, a bolt of lust shot down directly to xyr cock. Mosi and Manu were kissing, pressing together, and the one on the bottom (it was Manu, Teka could see the bruise on his cheek) was moaning and pulling Mosi closer, and grinding his thigh between Mosi's legs.

The door finished opening and slammed into the wall. Teka gasped again, and the twins looked up at xem, mirrored shocked expressions on their faces. Mosi threw himself away from Manu, scrambling to the other side of the bed and gasping Teka's name. Manu didn't say anything, only stared at his brother, his hand outstretched, and his face as unreadable as ever.

"Mosi..." whispered Teka. "Manu. You two are..."

"I'm so sorry, Teka." Mosi swallowed, looking wretched. "I shouldn't have, I—"

"No, I understand," said Teka, because it did all make sense now. "You said you had a relationship with a relative, that your father made you break off. It was with him, wasn't it?" Xe gestured at Manu, who stared back, his face level. He didn't look apologetic, or smug. Just as if he was waiting for something.

"Yes," said Mosi, and Teka looked at him again. His shoulders were tight, his expression apologetic but firm. "It was, I—I'm sorry, Teka."

"And you're not over him, are you?"

Mosi hung his head. "No. I thought I was, I really did. But then I saw you two kissing and I realized I was jealous of both of you, I—" He swallowed. "We hadn't been talking. I thought he was over me, too. But we started talking tonight... about you..."

"You thought I was over you?" Manu spat, his face finally showing some emotion. "You really thought that?"

"I did." Mosi looked at his brother, his voice breaking a little, as he said it. "I thought you hated me."

Teka felt xyr heart swelling, a little uncomfortably. It was best this way. But it still wasn't fair. "It's alright," xe said, forcing xyr voice to remain level. "I'm glad—I'm glad you two worked it out. It wasn't right for you not to be together, just because of your father. And I—" xe swallowed hard, choking down a hard lump in xyr throat. "I was only coming to tell you that I couldn't possibly choose between you, and that if I couldn't have you both, then I didn't want either."

"Teka—" Mosi began.

"No," Teka interrupted him. "It's best this way. I will go now."

"Don't," said Manu, and Teka turned around despite xemself. "Teka. What did you say? If you couldn't have us both?"

Teka felt a strange whirling in xyr stomach. Mosi raised his eyebrows and turned to look at Manu. "What are you saying, Manu?"

"I'm saying..." Manu smiled at Mosi, that warm, sexy smile that Teka recognized, that shot a thrill of lust down through xem, and then at Teka. "Why can't you have us both?"

Teka's heart skipped a beat. "You mean... be with... both of you?"

"Father would kill us," said Mosi. Then he gave a quiet laugh of disbelief. "I suppose he's going to kill us anyway. I—"' His expression steeled. "I don't care. I do want to be with you, Manu. And," he continued, turning to Teka, "I'd like to be with you too, Teka. If you'd have us both."

Teka swallowed and nodded.

Manu smiled, a euphoric light in his eyes. "Come here, Teka." He turned to his brother. "Mosi, say that again. That you want to be with me."

"Of course," said Mosi, "of course I want to be with you."

Manu looked like he had been waiting to hear those words forever. He lunged at Mosi, pulling him into a long, desperate kiss. Teka stared, xyr heart racing and xyr cock pulsing. Xe walked towards them tentatively and sat on the edge of the bed. Xe wasn't sure xe belonged here. Wasn't sure it was right for xem to interfere. "How could this work?" xe asked. "I mean, you two are in love, wouldn't—wouldn't you get jealous? Wouldn't we all?"