Doubt (Caroline Auden Book 1) (30 page)

“Do you miss him?” Nolan asked.

“Yes,” Caroline said, her throat clenching with sudden emotion.

Silence reigned in the car again. Even Nolan seemed to sense the topic was closed.

After another ten minutes, the door of the house swung open. A man stepped out. With wavy mahogany hair and green eyes, his resemblance to Caroline was unmistakable. Three small boys followed him out the door. The two eldest were sandy blond. But the youngest, the three-year-old, had a mop of dark hair, just like their father’s. Just like Caroline’s.

Caroline swallowed at the recognition.

Instead of walking to the Porsche, Caroline’s father walked to the minivan. Clicking the key, he opened the sliding door. Then he ushered the boys into the backseat.

Caroline glanced back at the front door. Where was Lily? Surely, she’d come out soon to drive the boys to school. When Lily had gone, Caroline figured she could approach her father for the long-awaited, much-dreaded meeting. With Annie and Nolan as spectators.

She winced at the thought of it.

Her dad opened the driver’s door and climbed into the minivan.

Caroline’s mouth opened in surprise. Her father was driving the boys to school? She couldn’t recall him ever having driven her to school. Always early to rise and early to leave for the office, he’d been a ghostly presence in Caroline’s mornings, grabbing coffee on his way to the garage, and work, and a day away from the family until late at night.

The door of the house opened. A woman with blonde hair emerged.

Lily, Caroline identified her. Ah, here she was. Ready to take the kids to school. Except she was wearing pajamas. She jogged down the brick walkway holding a backpack. When she reached the minivan, Lily opened the sliding door and held the backpack out to the smallest boy.

He leaned out to take it with a sheepish smile. Lily kissed the boy’s cheek, then straightened up. Meanwhile, Caroline’s father had climbed out of the driver’s seat to talk to his wife. While Caroline watched, the two grown-ups talked, smiling and laughing. Reluctant to part.

Caroline’s mouth hung open in disbelief. Who was this man who looked so much like her father? Lingering in conversation? Smiling with ease? Driving his kids to school? Choosing a minivan over a Porsche? The evidence was irrefutable. Her father had followed his affinities to greater prosperity. And greater happiness, Caroline realized as she watched him laughing.

Watching the scene, Caroline was suddenly struck with a revelation so profound she almost gasped. She’d always chalked up her father’s distance and remoteness to personality. Now she was faced with evidence that it wasn’t personality at all. It was circumstance. Maybe he hadn’t ever known which Joanne he’d get when he walked in the door. Maybe he’d faced the same Russian roulette of moods that had unsettled Caroline, too, when she was growing up. Maybe his distance from her wasn’t a result of personality at all. Maybe it was collateral damage.

The realization and the reshuffling of what Caroline thought she’d known about her father made way for yet more insight. Perhaps, she realized, her own recent distance from her father had something more to do with the lingering effects of his remoteness growing up or her disappointment at his departure. Perhaps the guilt that he’d almost gone to jail on her account had driven a wedge between them. Maybe she’d been looking for reasons to avoid reconciling so that he could be the bad guy and she wouldn’t have to deal with the shame.

Maybe there weren’t good guys or bad guys in her family’s story. Maybe it was just like Eddie said—there were just people trying to get by as best they could.

At bottom, Caroline faced a simple emotional truth: she wanted a relationship with her father. Perhaps her short visit now, as unlikely and strange as it would be, would begin that new chapter.

A spark of hope lit in her chest.

She edged the car forward toward the Auden residence. Still nervous, but growing more confident in her choice, she floated toward her dad’s new house.

But then she saw something. An awning repair truck sat parked up the block.

Caroline’s neck prickled with electricity as her instincts flared to alert.

There was something wrong with the scene.

The reason for the wrongness hit her: there were no awnings in this historic neighborhood.

Squinting, Caroline made out the shape of two people sitting in the front seat. Waiting. She knew exactly who they were waiting for.

She drove slowly past the house, then turned the corner. As soon as she was out of sight of the awning truck, she jammed down the accelerator, racing back toward the expressway. When she hit Highway 8, she turned south, glancing in her rearview mirror. She didn’t see the awning truck following, but she knew they were back there. Somewhere.

“Where are we going?” Annie asked.

“We’ve had a change of plans,” Caroline answered.

CHAPTER 17

“I know I told you to drop by whenever you wanted to, but this is ridiculous,” said a long-limbed young man at the door of the New Jersey row house. His dark-blue eyes twinkled.

“It’s good to see you, too.” Caroline smiled. She turned to introduce Annie. “This is Joey Calvuto, my best friend from junior high. We hung out until my family moved out west.”

“And then we e-mailed every day,” finished Joey.

Annie nodded a hello, her eyes narrowing at Joey’s perfect hair and toned biceps.

Caroline watched with amusement as Annie tried to surmise how this Adonis had come to live in a frumpy neighborhood in Hoboken.

“Come in,” Joey said. “My mom’s going to be thrilled to see you, Caro.”

He stepped aside to allow them to enter the foyer. Loud furniture and louder wallpaper greeted them. Lawn signs leaned up against the wall of the foyer, stating in big magenta letters:

LET JUDI SHOW YOU!

“Mom’s real estate business is booming,” Joey said, just as the Judi from the sign appeared coming down the hall.

“Oh my God! Is that Caroline Auden?” said a woman in a hot-pink dress and bangles of costume bracelets climbing up both of her arms. With her too-bold eyeliner drawn around her large brown eyes, Judi Calvuto gave off an overexcited air that worked better than coffee on those around her.

“Thanks so much for letting us stay here on short notice,” Caroline said.

“Forget about it. I have no idea why you didn’t plan on coming here in the first place.” Judi looked hurt.

“We were going to stay with my dad, but we ran into some . . . complications.”

Judi nodded sagely, as if she was used to complications.

“And what’s your name?” Judi asked Nolan, who clung to his mother like a koala bear and rested his chin on Annie’s shoulder.

“Nolan. I’m five. I haven’t pooped since Denver.”

Judi suppressed a grin.

“You look exhausted,” she said, turning to Annie. “Joey, will you get them settled? Then we can see what’s what.”

Judi grabbed Caroline’s hand and led her into the living room, while Joey showed Annie and Nolan to the guest room beside his own room.

“He’ll be back soon, and then you can tell us what happened,” Judi said, looking after her grown son with fondness. Judi and Joey had always been close. So close, in fact, that Joey had moved home to go to graduate school in special education. He didn’t tell his friends that, though. No one knew his mom still made him baked ziti every Wednesday night.

“Come, sit awhile, have some tea or whatever.” Judi gestured to an armchair.

Caroline sank into the old chair with a sigh. Her eyes traveled across the familiar surroundings. The walls were a floor-to-ceiling gallery of pictures of Joey and his brother, Freddie, in all stages of childhood and adolescence. The boys in the snow. The boys at camp. The boys at school. In each of the images, Joey stood tall and wiry, his clothing pressed and neat, even in the shots taken after backpacking trips. His brother, in contrast, was disheveled and messy even wearing a tuxedo.

“Have you heard about Freddie?” Judi asked.

“Joey told me he’s running a small business,” Caroline said as Joey reentered the room.

“Small business? Ha!” Judi said. “Freddie’s gotta lunch truck. He named it My Greasy Balls. Can you friggin’ believe it? My Greasy Balls. Christ, my mother’s turning over in her grave with a name like that. Anyway, he’s making arancini—you know, those little deep-fried risotto balls stuffed with meat sauce? Yeah, he’s making a living on his grandma’s recipe. Still, he’s staying outta trouble, which is a good thing, since he was pretty bent outta shape when my wuzband Buddy finally left, the no-good bum.”

Unlike Joey, who could get along with anyone, Freddie was quick to anger. But Caroline knew Freddie was also quick to help his friends. Before Caroline could ask anything more about Freddie, Judi’s face grew serious.

“So, you gonna tell me what’s going on?” she asked.

“Yes, but can I get some water?” Caroline said. “It’s a long story.”

The sound of laughter woke Caroline. She was surprised she’d fallen asleep.

The weak light filtering in through the curtains told her that night would be falling soon. But with her nerves already twisting her gut, she knew she wasn’t likely to sleep again before the hearing tomorrow morning. And she needed to finish preparing Annie to take the witness stand.

She wished she could call Louis for advice. Or instruction. Maybe he could arrange for marshals to escort her to court while he was at it. But she couldn’t call him any more than she could call her father. Not only might her phone be bugged, but so might Louis’s. It was safer to prepare Annie on her own. And get her to court. On her own.

Following the sounds of mirth emanating from down the hall, Caroline made a plan. She’d run through the Heller article with Annie, preparing her for all of the possible questions someone might ask her about it. Then she’d get Annie’s views on the secondary articles. Just in case. She hoped Annie already had some familiarity with those other articles . . .

Caroline found Joey crouched behind the coffee table in the sitting room, making a puppet show for Nolan using the boy’s stuffed animals and some kitchen implements. Nolan’s laughter welled out of him in coughing fits that made Caroline smile, too, despite her preoccupation.

Seeing Annie nowhere, Caroline padded over to the kitchen.

Judi stood beside the toaster. She wore a zebra-print nightgown that clashed with the floral wallpaper. She held a copy of the
National Enquirer
in one hand and a glass of chocolate milk in the other.

Her eyes flicked up when Caroline entered the room.

“You caught me having a little something,” Judi said, gesturing toward the toaster, which steamed with the smell of something sweet. “Have a seat. I’ll fix you up a little something, too.”

“I can’t,” Caroline said. “Where’s Annie?”

“Poor girl just went to sleep,” Judi said. “I thought she’d tip over, she looked so tired, but she just sat there staring at Nolan like she was drinking up the sight. When she closed her eyes with her cheek all pressed up against her hand, I finally convinced her to go to the guest room to get some shut-eye. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

Caroline considered waking Annie. They didn’t have much time before the hearing.

“Let her sleep,” Judi said. “Whatever it is can wait.”

Caroline opened her mouth to protest, then closed it. Judi was right. They’d been through so much. Whatever prep she had in mind was less important than sleep.

She sat down heavily at the cushioned banquette. She knew better than to offer to help Judi prepare food. Judi had been feeding her “a little something” since elementary school. Judi was an expert at snacking. If there was an advanced degree in comfort food, Judi had it. And in Judi’s view, part of doling out comfort food was keeping its recipient cozy. Hence, the banquette.

“I’ve got the perfect suit for your court thing tomorrow,” Judi continued as she moved around the kitchen, grabbing dishes and silverware. “It’s candy-apple red. You’d look great in it. It would make a real statement.”

“Thanks for the offer, but it’ll be best if I blend in. Getting inside the courthouse could be hard.” Caroline’s stomach knotted with faint nausea, an echo of her flight from Santa Rosa. She had no illusions of safety. The courthouse would be guarded by those who wanted to keep Annie away—at all costs. Even after her long nap, Caroline felt the weight of that knowledge torturing her already frayed nerves.

Judi studied Caroline’s face. “You all right, honey?”

Caroline shook her head. “It’s been a hell of a week for me. The things I’ve been through . . . the things that have happened . . .” She trailed off, her throat constricting at the recognition of the danger that had been her constant companion.

“Honey, everyone goes through some stuff,” Judi said. “Hell, I’ve got a kid with ADD. Not Joey, of course. He’s an angel. But Freddie was a nightmare. He’d smear shit on the walls, then I’d have to go off and show houses to clients like nothing was happening. You’ve got to say to yourself, ‘Well, that sucked.’ Then move on. You can’t bog down. Yell when you’re alone in the car. Talk to a friend. Get it out. Then clean yourself up and go to the bank or to the nail salon or whatever.”

As Caroline considered Judi’s words, the timer went off for the toaster oven.

“Want a Pop-Tart?” Judi asked, pulling one of the treats out of the hot oven.

Caroline contemplated the offer.

“Come on, honey,” Judi said. “It’s a hug in a box. Sometimes that’s all you need.”

“Joey can take care of Nolan while we’re at court,” Caroline said to Annie, who sat across from her in the banquette. Beside them, the breakfast dishes were piled in the sink.

Annie didn’t answer. Instead, she kept her eyes trained on the coffee she held in her hands. With each passing hour, the scientist seemed to be sinking deeper and deeper into herself.

Caroline knew the reason. Terror. Fear of dying. She shared those emotions.

“We can’t bring him with us,” Caroline said gently. From the living room, she heard the sound of Nolan laughing as Joey choreographed dance numbers for his stuffed animals.

Annie turned to watch Nolan, who giggled as Joey paraded the dinosaurs across the coffee table in a curtain call, bowing each in turn as its name was called.

After a long moment, Annie pivoted back around to the banquette.

She reached for the pen and pad of paper on the counter. She wrote down a phone number, then pushed the piece of paper toward Judi.

“If anything happens, please call this number,” Annie said. “It’s my sister’s number in San Diego. She’ll . . . look out for him.”

Judi took the number, but shook her head. “Nothing’s gonna happen, honey. You’ll come back here tonight, and we’re all gonna celebrate with some pizza.”

Annie tried to smile, but the creases in her forehead gave testament to her continuing consternation. She looked like a woman who was sure she wouldn’t see another sunrise.

“Excuse me.” Caroline lurched from the breakfast nook. She needed to get away, but there was no way to escape the weight of what she’d set into motion. She’d asked Annie to risk more than her own life. She’d asked her to risk making Nolan an orphan.

Caroline stopped in the darkened hallway, staring sightlessly at the family photos. What would happen to Nolan if Annie died? Would Annie’s estranged sister take care of him? What about her father?

“Are you okay?” came Joey’s voice from behind her.

“I’m fine,” Caroline said.

“No, you’re not,” Joey said, coming to stand in front of her. “You’ve got that look on your face. The one that says you’re about to plotz.”

“What am I doing?” Caroline looked up into his face. “I’m just winging it and hoping it all works out okay. It’s totally irresponsible. It’s totally insane.”

“Of course you’re winging it. That’s all anyone does. Fake it till you make it.”

Caroline stayed silent.

“You’re good at winging it, Caro,” he said. “You’re going to figure this out. You always do.”

“Not with someone else’s life on the line,” Caroline said. She was terrified for herself, but her feelings about jeopardizing Annie’s life added an overlay of crushing guilt to her terror. Fear with a light dusting of horror, served with a side of dread.

“You aren’t forcing her to do this,” Joey said, drawing her eyes to his. “She needs to do this for her own reasons. You aren’t making her do it. She’s a grown woman, and she’s decided she needs to do this. You’re just helping her to.”

“But what if I get us both killed . . .” Caroline could not believe the words had come from her own mouth. In her entire life, she’d never done anything that could get herself or anyone else killed. This was insane. “What if I can’t figure this out? The stakes . . . they really couldn’t be higher,” Caroline said.

When Joey spoke again, he had an embarrassed look on his handsome features. “I know it isn’t the same, but remember when I went to go stalk that cute guy at the Gay Men’s Chorus in Flatbush? God, I was so obsessed with him. Gregory. That was his name. I really thought he’d give me a ride home after the show. I was so stupid. He was eighteen, and I was what? Thirteen? Of course, he just left after the show, and I was stuck out there in Flatbush with no money and no way to get home. My parents thought I was at Tommy Tan’s house doing homework.”