Down by Contact - A Seattle Lumberjacks Romance (28 page)

Only Zach wasn’t Mark.

He never would be Mark. Zach was one of the
few good guys. Her heart told her so even as her brain battled her
instincts, but the instincts won. She had to get free, get away,
reestablish her control.

In an almost blind panic, she put her palms
on his solid chest and pushed. Hard. Confusion clouded his
features. He staggered back a few steps and stared at her with
soulful brown eyes, like a golden retriever who’d been dumped off
in a strange neighborhood—lost, alone, and abandoned.

“I didn’t mean to assume.” He shuffled his
feet, hands at his side, and stared at his big feet. He felt like
the awkward oaf he’d always been. Probably always would be.
Obviously, Kelsie saw him that way. She took advantage of his
retreat, slipped past him, and into the bedroom.

Looking drained and beaten, Zach hoisted his
duffle bag. “I’ll sleep in another room tonight.”

She clutched her coat to her chest and
nodded. “That would be best.” Disgust rose inside her like the
rapidly rising waters of a river in a flash flood. In his mind,
she’d rejected him. In hers, she didn’t deserve him. Didn’t deserve
a good man. Not a user like her. “Zach?”

He stopped in the doorway, hand on the
doorknob.

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

His crushed expression said he didn’t
believe her. A second later the door shut behind him.

Self-loathing clawed at her gut, a wild
beast ripping away all the bullshit to the despicable person
underneath. Running to the balcony, she gripped the railing and
heaved huge gulps of air into her lungs. Kelsie squeezed her eyes
shut and willed herself to get a handle on her emotions. Slowly her
breathing returned to normal. She slumped onto a patio chair.

She’d changed. She swore she’d changed. If
one good thing came of those hellish years with Mark, it had to be
her compassion for others because without that she had nothing.

And for the immediate future, she had Zach,
sweet, kind, rough-edged Zach. Instead of mounting his own attack,
he’d backed off, like a true gentleman, more than Mark would ever
be regardless of his polished manners and supposed good breeding.
Oh, God, she was so confused. She should go to him now. Talk to
him. Make him understand what was going on in her head.

If this were a real marriage, she’d lay it
all out for him because only with complete honesty could they
survive. Only this wasn’t a real marriage and they didn’t need
trust or respect to get through the next few months. They just
needed to cooperate with each other and tolerate each other.

Yet, something inside Kelsie wanted more.
Needed more. Zach might be the only man who could heal her. Only at
what price to him?

She crawled into bed and tried to sleep.

A few hours later, Kelsie gave up on sleep.
She’d tossed and turned and played the entire night over and over
in her head. She’d overreacted. Panicked. And she felt stupid.
Really stupid. And weak. And she despised weakness, especially in
herself. Just because she didn’t want to be under another man’s
control didn’t mean she couldn’t sleep with a man. She so wanted to
sleep with Zach Murphy. She wanted to feel those bulging muscles
ripple under her fingers. She wanted to rake her fingernails across
his broad back. She wanted to wrap her legs around his waist and
urge them both onto something incredible.

Because despite all her misgivings and
excuses, sex with Zach would be incredible. She just knew it. The
same instincts that had told her to run when she’d stood at the
altar that first time, told her to stay put and make of it what she
could. Zach wouldn’t hurt her. She needed to believe that. Needed
to trust her own instincts and to trust him. The only way to take a
step forward instead of backward was to jump into the deep end with
both feet and pray she could swim. It didn’t matter if she
dog-paddled or treaded water as long as she didn’t drown.

Picking up her phone, she texted a message
to Zach:
I’m sorry and lonely.
Slipping out of her jeans and
shirt, she left on the lacy bra and panties—matching— and pulled on
a silk robe courtesy of Rachel and Lavender. She quickly doused the
lights and lit a few candles then stood near the French doors and
waited.

A few seconds later, the hall door opened
and Zach’s large body filled the doorway. The light from the
hallway spilled into the room and cast shadows on his handsome
face. He’d yanked on a pair of faded Levis and left the fly
unzipped. No underwear. His bare chest sprinkled with dark chest
hair rose and fell. His dark hair, still full of product, stuck up
in several places with one wayward lock plastered against his
forehead. He glanced around the room until he spotted her.

Kelsie sucked in a breath, managed a
tentative, yet encouraging smile. His eyes flashed with fire,
though hooded with wariness. He ran his hands up and down his
thighs, the action flexed his biceps. She cleared her throat, as
one hand lifted of its own accord, wanting to stroke those
football-honed muscles.

“What took you so long?” Despite the tremor
in her voice, she kept it low and sultry, playing a seductress as
best she could. As best as her fragile confidence would allow.
Obviously, it was good enough for Zach.

“I, uh, uh.” Despite his size, he didn’t
look intimidating. He looked as uncertain and insecure as she
felt.

“Zach, come here.” She smiled at him, a
welcoming, apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. This was a
business arrangement. I thought it might be more.” He shrugged one
shoulder. “My mistake.” Tentatively, he walked across the room
until he stopped a few feet from her. His dark eyes traveled up and
down her body until their gazes met and held like a magnet to a
magnet. The raw hunger in his eyes sent a thrill of fear and
pleasure up and down her spine.

“I was scared, Zach.”

“I shouldn’t have come onto you when you
don’t find me, uh, well, attractive.”

Kelsie had to laugh. He looked so earnest,
so sad. She reached up and cupped his face in her hands. “Zach, I
do find you attractive. Maybe too attractive. Perhaps, that’s part
of my fear. I just got out of a bad, long-term marriage. A really
bad one. I’m gun-shy.”

“What happened? You can tell me.”

“I will. I promise. Sometime soon. For
tonight, let’s see where this goes. No preconceived
expectations.”

“Well, except you’ll run interference for me
at parties, and I’ll pad your bank account.” His lopsided smile did
more for her than a day at the spa.

She inhaled the scent of this man and rubbed
the pads of her thumbs across his stubble. “About that. You didn’t
have me sign a prenup.”

“Should I have, Kelsie? Are you going to rip
me off? You told me you’re not a mean girl anymore, not a user. So
I guess I’ll find out, won’t I?” His dark eyes dilated and his
breathing sounded harsh.

“You trust me not to take you for all I
can?” Something warm and fuzzy took root in her heart. No one had
ever trusted her to do the right thing before. Never. But Zach did.
He put his trust in her. Maybe she didn’t deserve it, but she’d
find a way to earn his trust.

“I’m going to try.”

“And I’m going to prove to you that I’m not
the selfish bitch I once was.”

“I’m counting on it.”

Another smile tickled the corners of his
mouth. Kelsie loved making him smile. She stared at those lips like
a woman seeing paradise after a long drought in hell, which was
essentially pretty close to accurate. She wanted him, and common
sense be damned. By the fire smoldering in his deep brown eyes,
they just happened to be on the same page for once.

Standing on tiptoes, she pressed her lips
against his. His mouth softened, his arms circled her waist, and he
pulled her close. His erection rubbed against the thin material of
her robe and rubbed something even deeper and long buried inside
her. Her earlier panic stayed in its box, replaced by an undeniable
truth whispering in her ears. This felt so right. So very
right.

They kissed and her passion ignited like a
match thrown on a field of dry grass consuming all her senses. Zach
tugged on the belt of her robe until it fell open. His hard chest
pressed against her softer skin, singeing her with a heat hotter
than a Texas summer sun.

She’d known all along, even back in ninth
grade, that they would be a combustible match. The danger to her
heart loomed so real and frightening, she sought to keep it from
overwhelming her. She wouldn’t turn him down twice. She’d already
bruised his ego one too many times. Tonight was payback for all she
owed this man. And pay him back she would. Handsomely.
Passionately. And without regrets. Tonight she’d give him her body
and possibly something more. Much more.

Zach groaned and pushed the robe off her
shoulders. He stepped back to stare at her with a sharp intake of
breath. Kelsie let the robe slip to the floor and stood in the
doorway with the moonlight bathing both of their bodies.

“You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you.” She looked him up and down. “So
are you, in a very male way.” There was nothing remotely feminine
about this man. Every square inch of his body was pure
testosterone. Just the way she liked him. She lowered the straps on
her lacy bra, reached behind and unfastened it, letting it join her
robe in a heap of silk and lace on the floor. Zach growled, a pure
male sound from a man barely tamed by civilization. He reached out
a large hand and tentatively cupped her breast, running his fingers
over it, as if memorizing every inch of skin. Bending his head, he
sucked her nipple, so gentle and sweet the sensations almost undid
her. She wasn’t used to gentle.

Her sexy linebacker lifted her in his arms
and carried her to the romantic four-poster. Placing her on top of
the down comforter, he lay next to her. His big hands stroked her
body, naked except for an immodest g-string. She closed her eyes
and willed herself to relax—not hard to do considering the magic
web Zach wove around her.

Kelsie sighed and slammed the suitcase shut
on her misgivings over being controlled, along with her other
dysfunctional hang-ups. She closed her eyes and enjoyed his rough
hands roaming gently over her body, as if she was the orchestra and
he, the conductor. She wanted to make beautiful music with him all
night long.

After all, it was their honeymoon, such as
it was, and she’d already wasted valuable hours because of her
baggage.

Zach’s tongue and mouth lavished more
attention on her nipples than he did over the television during
Monday Night Football. Oh, dear, now she was even thinking like
him. He slid his free hand down her ribs, across her belly, and
under the miniscule crotch of her g-string. He cupped her mound and
lifted his head. “You shaved.”

She nodded, unable to form one coherent
word.

“I like that. I like a woman bared to me in
all ways including her body. Are you bared to me, Kelsie? All of
you?” His husky voice reverberated through her body, sending
pulsing waves of passion to the center of her sex.

“I’m trying,” she gasped.

“That’s good enough for now.” Zach eased his
large index finger past the folds of her opening. She tensed
slightly, expecting pain out of habit. Zach hesitated. His eyes met
hers with a thousand unspoken questions lingering in his dark gaze.
She turned her head away, not wanting him to read how far she’d
sank with Mark, how much she’d tolerated, how little she’d thought
of herself.

“Relax,” he whispered, his husky voice soft
and gentle. He touched his finger to her clit, rubbing back and
forth in a gentle motion until she begged him with her body to go
deeper. He slid his finger inside her with deliberate slowness,
taking his time, waiting for her to push him deeper with her hips.
She did. Once he’d gone as far as was possible, he pumped his
finger in and out, all the while rubbing her clit with his thumb.
The clouds opened up, and she saw heaven, pure heaven. Only the
streets weren’t paved with gold, they were paved with Zach’s kind
eyes and crooked smile, much better than rooms full of gold and
designer clothes.

Kelsie tossed her head back and forth on the
pillows, so very near to coming. To going to that heaven she’d only
glimpsed. Chewing on her lower lip, the explosion built inside her.
One more circular rub of his thumb launched her straight to that
heaven at the speed of light—or was that lust. Zach held his finger
inside her, waiting until she floated back to earth.

Lost in the haze of an incredible orgasm,
Kelsie lay boneless and spent. She’d never experienced such an
incredible high and only with a man’s finger. But not just any man.
Zach. Proud, stubborn, sexy Zach. And for now, her Zach.

Zach shifted off the bed and shucked off his
jeans. He fished a condom out of his pocket, ripped it open with
his teeth, and rolled it down over his cock. Turning to her, he
pulled down her underwear and discarded it.

“You came prepared?” She smiled up at him,
and he smiled back.

His grin spread from cheek to cheek,
revealing dimples she’d never seen before. He crawled back on the
bed, between her legs. He ran his naked body up hers until his
chest hair tickled her nipples and his breath fanned her hot
cheeks. “I need you, Kelsie.” He spoke as if asking permission. His
voice betrayed the strain of holding back.

He needed her.
Her? He needed
her?
The poor man had no idea what he was getting into.

The lid on her baggage opened a crack, and
claustrophobia and panic threatened to escape.
No. No. No
.
She wouldn’t hurt Zach like that again. Kelsie tucked her
insecurities back inside, slammed the lid shut, and latched the
suitcase. She locked it and threw away the key. With a welcoming
smile, she gazed up at Zach, as a woman who’d battled her demons
and won. Set free and ready to tackle the next chapter in her
life.