Down London Road (38 page)

And just like that I was back at square one.

Now was the time to ask him outright how he felt – in plain English – about having Blair back in his life. What did it mean for us? How did he feel about Blair? Was he still in love with her?

Oh, God. Was that what the happy, rough sex was all about?

I felt my chest tighten and I couldn’t breathe.

Was his good mood due to his conversation with Blair? Was he transferring possessive, lovey-dovey thoughts for her to me because I was here and willing?

Or were my big, fat, illogical, psychotic insecurities rearing their ugly heads again and twisting everything around?

‘You okay?’ Cam asked softly, running his hand up and down my arm.

Tell him! Ask him!

But I was terrified. If I asked and he did still love Blair, Cam would feel compelled to tell me the truth and I would have to get up out of his arms and never return to them again.

How pathetic that I could willingly sit with him in a lie just to feel his breath on my ear?

‘I’m fine,’ I whispered softly, snuggling against his chest. I closed my eyes. ‘Just tired.’

His fingers brushed through my hair and I punched back at my insecurities.
The sex earlier, the cuddling now – that couldn’t be about anybody but me.

Cam cares.

He really cares.

‘Jo? I know when something’s wrong with you. Your whole body goes tense.’

Dammit!

I sighed and pulled back, leaning my hands on his chest as I looked up into his familiar and wonderful face. My stomach was suddenly a riot of butterflies. ‘I’m just wondering if I should be worried that the love of your life is suddenly back in it?’

Cam’s eyebrows slammed together. He looked completely baffled by my question. ‘I never said she was the love
of my life. I said we used to be in love.
Used
to be. We’re both different people now. Well, I am at least.’ He traced my lip with his thumb, his eyes following the movement before finding their way into mine. ‘You’ve got nothing to be worried about. I told you that. You believe me, right?’ His hand slid to the nape of my neck, his strong grip bringing my face even closer to his. ‘You trust me?’

When Cam gazed at me like that, with such intensity and sincerity, it was hard to reply with anything but a quiet affirmation: ‘I trust you.’

As though Cam sensed that I needed a little reassurance, he texted me more than usual over the next few days despite how busy he was. We were both busy. To the delight of both me and Cole, Uncle Mick and Olivia had decided to stay in Edinburgh indefinitely. I spent time helping them search for flats online and sending them links to decent ones during my quieter periods at work, since Uncle Mick was preoccupied with looking into setting up a painting and decorating business in Edinburgh. I’d put him in touch with Braden as a start for building a profile and contacts, but Mick also had a lot of stuff to figure out financially, and Olivia and I were happy to let him get on with that while we searched for flats. I was a little surprised when Olivia informed me that we were looking for two flats, but she insisted that she’d been relying on Uncle Mick too much lately and it was time she took back control of her life – starting with renting her own place.

On top of that, I found myself playing referee with regard to Joss’s wedding plans. Ellie still hadn’t given up her hopes of turning Joss into a romantic, and Joss, in my effort to talk her out of homicidal thoughts, needed a reminder every now and then that she loved Ellie and would be greatly upset with herself if she ‘accidentally’ offed her maid of honour.

So, a little overwhelmed that week and unable to see
Cam as much as I would have liked, I thought it was nice of him to keep in contact with me so much during the day, and even lovelier of him to stop by on Wednesday to take me for a long lunch.

I was seated behind the reception desk waiting for him when he strode into the estate agents office wearing his worn jeans, boots and ragged Def Leppard T-shirt, looking sexy and cool and utterly at home in his own skin. I watched my colleague Anna, who worked in admin with me, stop in the middle of her conversation with Ollie, one of our agents, to slaver over Cam as he strolled past her.

My face split into a big grin and I hurried around the desk to greet him. I should have been embarrassed by the long kiss he smacked on me, but I wasn’t. I was just so pleased to see him.

‘Hey, you,’ I murmured, pulling back to affectionately stroke his scruffy cheeks.

His eyes drifted down my body and were filled with more than a little appreciation when they returned to my face. ‘You look good, baby.’ I was wearing a black high-waist, calf-length pencil skirt with a sleeveless white silk blouse tucked into it. On my feet were four-inch black-and-white stilettos that took me a couple of inches above his head. He clearly didn’t care. ‘Very sexy secretary.’

‘My God, is this the boyfriend?’ Ryan, one of the younger estate agents, asked teasingly from behind Cam.

Cam turned with a raised eyebrow, taking in the good-looking guy in his well-cut suit. Ryan was exactly the kind of guy I would have dated pre-Cameron, and I think Cam knew it. I felt the instant tension in his body.

I pressed closer to Cam, understanding after my own
recent bout of insecurity and jealousy (neither of which had completely gone away) how much it helped to be reassured by your partner. To make it clear that I was with Cam and Cam alone, I curled an arm around his waist. ‘Yes, this is Cameron.’

Cam nodded at Ryan, still appraising him.

Ryan grinned in response. ‘We all thought you were a phantom, mate.’ His eyes shot over Cam’s shoulder to me and a decidedly flirtatious spark flared to life in them. ‘We just thought Jo was pretending to have a boyfriend to keep us all off her back.’

Oh, God
.

‘Pardon?’ Cam murmured, and I felt his hand slide down from my waist to cup my hip, pulling me even tighter against him.

Ryan laughed, holding up his hands. ‘Ah, don’t worry. We know she’s taken. You’re a lucky bloke.’

I heard Anna giggle nervously when Cam’s face remained intimidatingly impassive. I decided it was definitely time for lunch. ‘Well, we’re going now,’ I announced cheerily, reaching across my desk for my purse. ‘See you in a bit.’

With his arm still around my waist, Cam led me out of the office and we walked in silence up the hill past Queen Street Gardens. By the time we got to the restaurant, this delicious little place on Thistle Street, I’d received three grunts in response to the three questions I’d asked him about work.

When we had settled at our table, he sat and looked at me for a moment and then said quietly, ‘I must have counted at least five guys in there, all our age.’

Trying not to get pissed off at him, since I’d acted like a jealous shrew (at least inwardly) at the weekend, I nodded.

‘And I take it they all flirt with you like that wee git was.’

I shrugged. ‘You’ve seen guys flirt with me, Cam. They flirt at the bar all the time.’

‘That’s different. Friendly banter gets you tips there.’

‘I didn’t say I flirt back with these guys. That’s why Ryan cracked a joke about you being real. They’ve never seen you, but I talk about you all the time.’ I leaned forward. ‘You asked me to trust you. I’d appreciate it if you’d trust me back.’

After a moment, Cam relaxed and leaned an elbow on the table, running his hand through his hair in frustration. ‘I’m just tired. Sorry. Not in a great mood.’

I reached over and took his other hand. ‘It’s okay. You’re allowed to be in a shitty mood.’

‘Not today. We haven’t seen each other since Monday. I’m not going to spend our lunch together snapping your head off because you’re too fucking gorgeous for your own good.’

Pleased, I laughed, and the mood between us relaxed. By the time the food arrived we’d caught each other up on everything that had happened that week.

‘I think Cole has been missing judo,’ I said. Cam had been too busy to attend class, so Cole had missed out too. Consequently he’d seemed restless and bored all week. When Cam didn’t answer, I looked up from my salmon to find him texting. ‘Something wrong?’

He shook his head. ‘Nah, it’s just Blair.’

And just like that, a dark cloud rolled over our table and
burst, drenching me in cold, wet miserableness. I waited a couple of seconds, but he continued to text. My patience snapped. ‘Can you text her later? We’re supposed to be spending time together.’

‘Sorry.’ He flashed me a look of concern before hitting
SEND
and tucking his phone back in his pocket. ‘She left her Kindle at my flat last night.’

I felt like he had just kicked me in the stomach. His casual announcement knocked the breath out of me and it took me a moment to pull myself together. ‘She was at your flat last night?’

Catching the accusation in my tone, Cam’s eyebrows knitted together. ‘Is that a problem?’

My blood heated and I had a sudden vision of throwing my salmon and potatoes in his face and screaming, ‘Yes, it’s a fucking problem!’

Instead, I pushed my plate back and gave him a look that suggested he was a complete and utter dunce. ‘Let’s see … you were alone in your flat last night with your ex-lover. Why on earth would that bother me?’

‘We’ve been over this. We’re just friends.’

‘And if I have a problem with that?’

‘You said you trusted me.’

I leaned over the table, keeping my voice low, trying not to cause a scene. ‘Ten minutes ago you acted like a possessive asshole in my place of business over a couple of guys flirting with me. How can you not see that inviting your ex-girlfriend over to your flat and not telling your current girlfriend is a huge bloody problem?’ My voice rose on the last three words and people turned to look. Cheeks burning, I stood up from the table. ‘I’m going back to work.’

‘Johanna.’ Cam stood to stop me, but I’d already grabbed my bag and moved towards the doorway, leaving him in my dust, knowing he couldn’t follow me before paying for our meal.

I was so upset I couldn’t return to work immediately. I let myself into the Gardens and sat on a bench tucked behind a tree, and I sniffled away to myself.

Being with Cameron had turned me into an emotional wreck.

My phone rang. It was Cam. I ignored him.

And then I got a text.

Baby, I’m sorry. You’re right. I would have been pissed off, too. Come by the flat after work so we can talk. I hate fighting with you. x

I swiped the tears out of the corner of my eyes before I picked up the phone to text him back.

Okay. x

That was all he was getting. After all, I was still hurt and severely pissed off at his inconsiderate assholery.

Although I’m not one of those people who infect everyone else with their bad moods, I was so lost in my own thoughts for the rest of the day that my colleagues gave me a wide berth, sensing my misery. I didn’t know what I would say to Cam when I saw him. Was I going to get over the whole Blair thing? I didn’t think so. Was I going to make him choose between me and her? I wanted to, but that just made me the shittiest person ever. I couldn’t dictate to Cam who he was and was not friends with.

By the time I knocked on his door I felt ill with uncertainty.

He opened the door, looking relieved to see me. I gave him nothing, brushing by him briskly. I strode into his living room and the first thing I saw on the coffee table was her effing Kindle. I dumped my bag and threw my phone on the table beside it. ‘She’s not picked it up, then?’

‘Jo …’

At his plaintive tone, I spun on my heel and raised an eyebrow at him. ‘You know I was willing to believe it was just me. Just me and my stupid insecurities. But having her over here without telling me, that was really crap of you, Cam.’

It had been a long time since I’d seen Cam look guilty. The last time, in fact, had been when he realized he’d been wrong about me, when we’d sat in this room and I’d trusted him with my life story. He had the same look on his face now. ‘I am sorry I didn’t tell you. But it was completely innocent.’

I bit my lip, feeling my stomach roil with emotion. ‘I have a problem with her,’ I confessed.

‘She hasn’t done anything wrong. Jo, Blair and I were friends before we were a couple, and I’m just catching up with an old friend. That’s it. You need to grow up about this.’

I hated him. Right then, I actually physically hated him.

‘Don’t speak to me like that, you condescending dick.’

‘Jo –’

‘Why didn’t you tell me she was here last night?’

‘I didn’t hide it from you. I told you at lunch. If something was going on I wouldn’t fucking tell you, would I?’ His voice began to mimic mine, rising in frustration.

‘You said you loved her.’

‘
Loved
. Past tense.’

Ignoring his growing impatience, I crossed my arms over my chest and attempted to drive my point home. ‘You didn’t break up because you fell out of love, Cameron. You broke up because you were scared she was going to leave you. You were scared she wasn’t going to choose you and so you walked away first.’