Down to the Bone (28 page)

I keep busy some weekdays after work, which upsets London. He’d like me to spend all my spare time with him.

He continues trying to coax me into staying.

“Seriously, I’m tired.” I’m being a pain. I’m surprised he isn’t sending me to hell, but I realize I
have
to put an end to this relationship no matter how much I’ve grown to care about him and enjoy parts of him.

“Listen,” I go on. I’m more serious than ever. “We can’t continue being together. Let’s just be friends. You’re a great guy, but you’re moving too fast and my heart isn’t keeping up.”

“Too fast?” He groans. “Don’t be silly. You’re just the sensitive type. I know you’ll fall for me in time. Chill. We’re staying together.”

It’s as if he’s not listening or he just doesn’t care. “No! We need to end it now and become
just
friends.”

“Don’t be so delicate. You’re so damned emotional. Trust me. You’ll grow in love with me. I’ve been in your shoes. Just give it more time. I’m not letting you go. I’m in love with you.”

Those words give me a jolt. When Marlena said them they melted me. Right now, all I want is to run the other way. “No London. It’s not fair to you if I keep this up. I don’t feel the same way. It’s better if I leave now so you can go on with your life and stop spending time with me. There are dozens of girls out there who’d want you. You’re amazing.”

He points to his big banana. “No worries.
I’ll
keep
this
up for both of us!” He chuckles.

“You’re not listening!”

“Well, if we’re
just
friends, then I’ll come over to Soli’s and we can play computer art games, the ones you love. We can draw something and make it into a cartoon. You’re at it all the time, why can’t we do it together?”

“Why aren’t you taking me seriously?”

“We’ve been through this many times.” He kisses my lips. “Okay. Okay. Go ahead. Go home. Choose art and design over me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“No London. This time it’s for
real.
We’ve got to end it now, okay?”

“Sure, sure. We’re
best
of friends.” He plants a kiss on my cheek. “Ride safely.”

I put on my helmet, grab the handlebars of my bike, hop on it, and ride into the silvery night, not knowing which way is up or down.

18—Untangling

I’m riding home from London’s place, poking around my thoughts, digging for ideas about how to give my mom the breakup news.

I chose to veer into a black hole, a place nothing, not even light, can escape. It’s not about London, the guy who was my savior for a while. I actually liked him a lot until I started missing girls. It’s about sacrificing my entire life just to please my mom. Her belief system is the black hole sucking me in, killing me slowly. It’s like poisonous rat traps that lure you in. The sticky surface won’t allow you to move. Eventually, you die trapped, without nourishment.

I saw a documentary about a surface around the black hole which marks the point of no return. I was slowly arriving there.

I put my foot to the pedal and ride through the neighborhood I grew up in. I find our old home and park across the street from it, at the shoe factory, and stare at the front yard. I see myself as a little kid, playing slip ’n slide with Gloria, my best
barrio
friend who lived next door. I recall us laughing at every little thing.

I rode my bike here last month, so I could see my old friends. That was the craziest thing I could have ever done.

I knock on Gloria’s front door. Her mother answers, “Never set foot in here again. My daughter will grow up to get married and have children as God intended for girls.” She stabs at my heart. “I’ll pray to God he straightens your path. You’re a closed chapter in Gloria’s book. As for my daughter, she isn’t allowed to ever speak with you again. Don’t ever come or call here.”

She slams the door in my face. I gulp down pain and it settles in my stomach.

I get home and tell Soli what happened. Soli confides in me. “The night your mom kicked you out, I heard through the grapevine that somebody left an anonymous letter at your front door. It said you couldn’t go to any of your neighbors’ houses again because their children ‘need to be protected from turning homosexual.’ They signed their names in X’s. Your neuro mom had a fit.”

I can’t bear the memories any longer and bail.

I feel like I’m blindfolded, riding through a dark tunnel, in search of light. Out of nowhere, a taxi hits the back wheel of my bike.

Bang! Crash!

My bike is skidding out of control and I can’t stop it! It’s spinning around and around and it slides into a sidewalk and
wham!
I hit a post. I look at my arms and body. I’m still alive and in one piece. I’m on the ground, holding my aching stomach. I’m so nauseous I feel like throwing up. There’s blood on my left shoulder, where my jacket was torn. I cover my eyes with my arm.

The passenger in the taxi runs to me. “You okay?”

“My shoulder,” I answer, looking up at him.

“Don’t worry. I called nine-one-one. That idiotic driver almost got us killed.” He blinks nervously. “You’re lucky you didn’t get run over. Don’t move, stay put, in case you’ve broken something.”

***

At the emergency room I give the nurse my home number and she calls Soli and Viva. I don’t feel like seeing my mom right now. She’ll just be upset about my riding a bike late at night. She might ask me a million questions about London because she’s like a spy and will sniff trouble. I don’t need the extra pressure. And besides, I don’t want Pedri to worry.

I have a bandaged, scratched-up left shoulder, a swollen bump on my left thigh, and an archipelago of scratches and bruises on my legs. But I can move my left arm, and I didn’t break anything. My bike is an accordion, though.

Soli speeds into the room like a locomotive with a new guy, and Tazer trails behind them.

“Shyly, what happened?” She kisses my forehead, uncovers me, and scrutinizes my body to make sure I’m okay. She takes my hand to her heart. “You all right?”

“I’m fine—just this.” I shrug my bandaged shoulder.

Tazer searches my face. “You look like you’re still in one piece.” He covers me with the bed sheet.

Soli purses my lips together by holding my cheeks, and smacks me a big one.
Muuua!
She faces the new guy with a gleam in her eye. “Paublo, this is Shai.”

Soli’s new boy is a husky, short-haired, sort of conservative-looking guy. I find it odd that his hair isn’t spiky, he’s not in black leather, and he doesn’t have a tongue ring or silver earring hoops, the way Soli normally likes them. I’m sure his arms aren’t filled with tattoos, either.

“Hey, Shai,” he whispers in a deep sensual voice. “I met you at Viva’s birthday party. Remember?”

“Yeah, hi.” How could I forget Gorgeous Godzilla among a room full of girls? This guy could easily be a spokesperson for a modeling agency or a university, since he’s severely good looking and speaks perfect English.

“I’ve just stayed away. You know.” He looks to Soli. “She was dating Diego.” He grins. “I can’t wait until you get better so we can all spend some time together.” He pats my hand. “Excuse me. I need to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

Tazer sits on the corner of my bed and stares at me, as if I were a painting. He breathes in and lets go of a big exhalation. I can tell he’s relieved nothing happened to me. I appreciate the fact he’s here. I’d be there for him, too. He texts Elicia to let her know I’m fine.

“Isn’t Paublo a hunk?” Soli squeezes my hand “Shyly, he’s the
hottest
and most brilliant guy I’ve ever gone out with. He’s in U of M medical school, studying to become a doctor. Do I look sexy? Shylypop, look at me.” Soli takes a spin. Her tight spandex red minidress sticks to her curves like a corset. Her large breasts spill out of the top. It could be snowing and she’d still be wearing her minidresses.

“You look as if you just came from taking your first holy communion.” She lifts an eyebrow and releases a thunderous laugh. I throw her a piercing stare. “I can’t believe you dumped Diego.” I clear my throat. “I really liked him. Paublo’s a great catch, but you’re an ass to just get rid of Diego from one second to the next.” I’m pissed she threw Diego away like an old rag even if this guy has a brighter future. I know what
that’s
like.

She whispers into my ear. “Diego dumped
me
, but I don’t want to talk about it now. Later.” Her voice rises. “Damn, Shyly, I’m such a jerk. Here I am talking about
my
life and
you
almost got killed. You okay? Is there anything I can get you?” I shake my head no. “I went to pick up Tazer as soon as I heard. If anything ever happened to you I’d die. I mean it.” She takes my hand. Tears well up in her eyes. Eyeliner drips down her face, leaving long streaks. “I know I’m a pain, but I can’t live without you. I’m so glad you’re alive.”

I pull her toward me. “I can’t live without you either, Hootchi Momma. You’re my sister for life.” And it’s true. I can’t imagine my life without Soli.

“When you coming back home?”

“Tomorrow. They want to keep me for observation. My head got slammed around a lot. My helmet’s all banged up.” I point to my cracked and warped helmet on the chair.

“Shit!” they both belt out.

There’s a loud racket in the hall. Viva whizzes in like a tornado. Gabriel trails behind her.

“Shylita, thank all my
santos
you be alive!” She fills my face with
besitos. “¡Ave María Purísima! ¡Gracias, Dios!”
She makes the sign of the cross on her chest. “I call your Mami to tell her what happened. She not home. And thee message machine be not working.”

“I didn’t want to tell her, Vivalini. I’m fine. Please don’t call her again.”

She hands me the cutest stuffed gray and orange polka-dotted elephant.

I kiss the tip of Viva’s round nose. “What? They didn’t have a stuffed saint?” I cuddle the smiley elephant in my arms.

Viva gives out a sweet smile. “
Uy,
Shylita
. . .
you is always eating what thee chickens nibble. When frogs grow hairs and birds grow teeth, you will estop being such a pain in thee butt.” Her tiny birdseed eyes slant. “The
elefantico
is Ganeshito, the Indian God, who opens paths when they is closed.”

Gabriel leans over and gives me a soft peck on the cheek. He winks at me and tells me in Spanish, “Glad you are okay,
mijita.
If there is anything I can do for you, let me know. Gabriel Eufemio Fernandez is here at your service.”

I’m ecstatic he and Viva are together. He’s got to be the kindest little old man in the world. It’s just odd that he’s Diego’s dad and he’ll soon meet Paublo. I hope he won’t feel hurt.

I take hold of his tubby hand and squeeze it. “Thanks.”

Viva can’t keep her trap shut. “My goodness, Shylita, you is going to kill me of a heart attack. Don’t drive a bicycle on the streets no more,
mijita
. You and Soli Luna never listen to me.
Uy, mi madre.
Is you feeling okay, Shylita?”

“I’ll live. My only problem is that I can’t pinch your
culito
till my wrist and arm heal.”

Viva points to the heavens. “This is a punishment from God. He no want you pinching my butt no more.” I pinch her butt.
“¡Uy, Dios mío! ¡Santísimo sacramento!”
Her eyes veer up to the ceiling. “Thanks so much, my
espíritus y santos
for not letting anything happen to my Shylita.”

“I’m going to take you to Hollywood, Vivalini. You’ll make Salma Hayek look as if she needs acting classes.”

Paublo comes back all smiles. He shakes everyone’s hand as he’s introduced as Soli’s friend. I wonder if Gabriel knows Diego broke it off with Soli. He must. His expression is wilted.

London unexpectedly walks in with a hurried stride. “Viva called me and told me you were here. Are you okay?”

“Barely alive,” I goof.

He hands me a bouquet of red roses. As he comes to kiss my lips, I gently turn my face and kiss his cheek. I know
exactly
where I’m headed, and I don’t want to lead him on.

I take a whiff of the flowers and smile. “They’re so pretty. Thanks.”

Viva and Soli hug him. He shakes Tazer’s and Gabriel’s hands and they pat each other on the back. He reaches Paublo. “Hey, man, what’s going on?”

Soli explains to us, “Paublo cuts his hair with me or London, depending on who has less clients at the time.” They all talk as Soli leans into me and whispers into my ear, “I miss Diego so much.”

I do to her what she did to me when I was missing Marlena at Papaya’s. “Forget about him, girl. I’m taking you to a club so you can meet lots of other guys right away. No wonder you look like you’re going to a funeral in that dress.” I roll my eyes. “I didn’t realize you were grieving.”

She squeezes the tip of my nose. “Shylypop, you’re such a dildo. I guess it’s payback time, huh?” I nod.

I squeeze her hand and whisper to her, “Sorry, Soli. I know it sucks. I’m here for you.”

Soli and London talk about doing a girl’s hairdo for her fifteenth birthday party. My mind drifts off to Soli’s
quinces
.

“Remember when your mom spent her
entire
savings just to buy your gown?”

“
You
had a
quinces?
” Tazer grins.

“Thanks a lot, Shyly,” Soli complains and lets go of my hand.

Tazer bugs her. “You don’t look like the traditional type. You’re just waaaaaay too hip for that.”

“Well . . .” I keep talking even if Soli’s going to be really pissed at me. “A month later, Soli wanted to burn her old fashioned
quinces
photo album. She said, ‘I’m sick and tired of Mima showing it around the
barrio
, at work and to people she’s never even met.’” I put on my best impersonation of Soli and her lively, sexy voice. “‘I’m going to burn those suckers to a crisp. Shyly, I swear on all the saints, if any of my friends see these pictures I’ll
kill
myself. Mima won’t find out. She thinks they’re stashed away in the closet.’ Remember, Soli?”