Dragonborn (The Jade Lee Romantic Fantasies, Book 1) (35 page)

I, of course, think he's wrong. I believe some of the creatures chose to bond with us and some did not. Which means there could be a whole world of dragons somewhere out there. That it is only the Emperor's fabricated history that suggests otherwise. In any event, Martun will allow me my "egg-watching" time, as he calls it, and I will not tweak him by saying he has spent his life documenting the fossils of a species that is not in the least bit dead.

But my thoughts are wandering, as they so often do in this cave. And that is the other thing I have noticed. The cave, or perhaps it is the dragons themselves, seem to magnify whatever I am feeling or thinking. If I am angry, I become more angry. If I am happy, I become almost ecstatic. Even my thoughts seem to echo back to me with more and more power.

I have experimented with this. On a perfectly normal day, I began thinking angry thoughts at Martun. I fabricated a reason, and put all my energies into hatred. Within moments I was in a towering rage. It was all I could do to change my mind after five beats. But I did, switching my thoughts to loving emotions. It took twice the time. Almost ten beats, and my progress was very slow at first. But by the end of the prescribed time limit—fifteen beats—Martun arrived, and I believe we shall have another playmate for the children in forty weeks. I must say that sexual feelings are the most fun to explore within the caves.

On an academic level, I have begun to wonder what would happen after prolonged exposure to this magnifying effect. Jaseen, naturally, is uppermost in my thoughts. He was such a sweet boy, and we feared he would not be strong enough to fight the Emperor to the death. But no longer. His mother noticed it first. Whatever he did, he's done it to excess. And what he has done most in the last few cycles is train in the ruthlessness of battle. All his tender qualities—of which he had so many—are now completely absent, and we fear he has become nothing but a killing beast. His mother is distraught, and I greatly fear that if he succeeds, we shall have simply replaced one despot with another. At best our lives will remain the same. The worst does not bear contemplating.

I have tried talking to him about this. I asked if the egg still talked to him as it did in the beginning. Could he ask it all my questions? Are there other, unbonded dragons? Do they merely magnify ourqualities, or do they add more? How do they communicate, and what have they learned?

Jaseen laughed at me, loudly and with much derision. He said his Sapphire is simply a dumb beast, a tool to give him strength and long life. He worked so hard at humiliating me that I suspect I am correct on more than one level. But I fear I shall never know. I can only sit beside the Golden egg and try to still my thoughts. Are you out there? I ask. Are you just a beast or a magnifying glass? Or are you more? Is there a reason for this bond between man and dragon?

There is. I am sure of it. A purpose and an end to the connection, though I don't know what.

The whispers grow louder, and I am tempted to touch the egg. I want to. I want to join with it just to learn the truth. But that is a step I cannot take. Not yet. Not until we know what happens to Jaseen. But I so want to talk to a dragon, just once. And then, perhaps I would know how to turn Ragona from the land of dragons into the land of freedom.

Natiya stared at the last words her mother had ever written in this journal. Land of freedom echoed in her thoughts. Was it possible? To live without fear of a dragonlord? It hardly seemed imaginable, much less attainable. And yet, she wondered what it would be like. No Copper to enforce Dag Racho's rule. No threat of swift and complete destruction falling from the sky. How then would people stave off chaos? Who would enforce the law?

Her thoughts spun. An idea sprouted in her mind, only to be crushed by another and another and another. And over all was the dawning realization of how unprepared she was to rule. She had fought to wrest power from Rashad, and yet she had done so more out of instinct than idealism. If all she hoped came true—if she was able to defeat Dag Racho in battle—then what? She had absolutely no idea. What she heard most was Kiril's words, challenging her to think beyond. What exactly were her plans for afterward?

She didn't know, and worse, even if she could decide, she was completely unprepared for the task. And she had just sent her only possible advisor—Pentold—away. Her thoughts spun back to Kiril. Then to his friend Sabina. Those two understood. They knew how to rule. But she didn't trust them, and they were long gone, anyway.

Which left her alone. She reread her mother's writing, focusing this time on earlier parts of the text. That the dragon served as an emotional magnifying glass made sense to her; she had already guessed at such possibilities. Once again, it had been Kiril who planted the seed. She had lived in such extremes—total secrecy before this began, then total lust with Kiril, then total confusion with Dag Racho. And now? Who was she now?

One last time, she scanned her mother's writing, hung up on her mother's questions. Turning her attention to her own egg, she began asking.

Do you magnify my thoughts? My feelings?

I enhance you. Whatever you are, I make you more.

Magnifying glass, then. But are you more than that? Do you think and learn and grow independent of me?

Of course.

Of course?

Of course.

The egg's tone was so matter-of-fact that Natiya was momentarily stunned into absolute silence. Then she could only re-ask the same question.

You think and live independently?

Yes.

She began to detect a measure of impatience in the egg. "But," she murmured out loud, "you have always reflected my own thoughts back to me." Well, that wasn't entirely true. Certainly the egg had reflected her mind at the beginning, but the closer it came to hatching, the more independent it had become. And it had imparted knowledge to her.

What do you know that I do not? she asked it.

I know all that you do. And I know all that I do.

A memory of the dreams of flying flashed through her mind, as well as Dag Racho's suspicion that the Copper dragon and the Queen egg communicated. She straightened on the bed, looking down at her belly in shock.

You do things I don't know about?

Of course.

Will you tell me what?

They are too many actions to name. What do you wish to know?

She didn't even know where to begin.

Do you share information with the Copper?

I am his Queen. Of course he speaks with me.

Of course, she echoed weakly. Were you speaking with my mother?

I was too young to speak directly, but it is possible the others were trying to communicate.

How?

That cave is a powerful location, perfectly suited for augmenting such communication. Such... things.

What things? Feelings or thoughts?

Yes.

Yes? To both? Natiya pressed her hand to the side of the egg, feeling the hard shell on top that was even now growing softer and more pliable as the hatching drew near.

So, you can communicate with the Copper in such a way that neither I nor Rashad know about it.

You know. He knows.

She let that comment pass. What else can you do that I'm not aware of?

What do you want to know?

Everything, she thought; but the egg didn't answer. So she began with the most pressing problem. Can you get us out of here before the hatching?

The way has always been available. You need only have looked.

Natiya actually bit her cheek in frustration. The egg had known all along? And had not told her?

My task is not to interfere, not unless asked.

Your task? What task?

My task is my own, and it is nearing completion.

Natiya was already beginning to sense an entirely separate personality within the egg, more than she ever had. Actually, she felt stupid for not having seen it before, but until she read her mother's journal, it had never occurred to her that the egg was much more than a tool, an instrument of revenge against Dag Racho. Now she saw she had limited the egg by her own narrow viewpoint. And that dragons were both infinitely more capable and difficult than she had at first thought. Now she not only had to worry about Dag Racho's empire, but she had to deal with an entirely separate identity with unknown goals tied directly into her thoughts.

If she'd felt unprepared before, she felt completely incompetent now. But before she could allow herself to steep in self-loathing—an emotion she already felt the egg magnifying within her—she decided to force her thoughts into the most urgent task: escaping Dag Racho before the hatching.

How do I... She paused, then rephrased the question. How do we escape the castle?

You must look with my eyes.

How?

You must relinquish control to me.

And there were words to terrify her into immobility. Relinquish control? Of her body? And to an egg—a beast? And yet, even as panic gripped her, her rational mind began to argue. She already knew the dragon was more than a dumb animal. She could also assert control again whenever she wished. Couldn't she?

Of course. It is your body. I am here at your request.

I will retain control if I wish it?

Of course.

She was rapidly tiring of that particular answer, as if all answers were obvious, when the truth was anything but. Still, she had to work with the egg if she wanted to escape. And so she willed herself to relax, to give over control to... the thing in her belly.

It took a very long time. She had spent too many years living in paranoid secrecy to simply hand over her body to anyone else, even if she'd been taught the process in the first place. The egg gave no encouragement or discouragement; it simply waited in patience. In time, Natiya succeeded in relinquishing control of her vision.

And was stunned by what she saw.

Current. Rivers of it. Brilliant-colored waves that moved and flexed and permeated everything. The air, the walls, the furniture, even her own body seemed to pulse in a blinding pattern that her mind could not grasp.

She slammed her eyes shut.

"Well," she said out loud, just to ground herself with her own voice. "That didn't work. I saw no way to escape." Then she carefully opened her eyes, willing the return of her normal sight. It came.

She addressed the egg. "That didn't work," she repeated. Predictably, the egg had no response, so Natiya pressed for more details, making her question silent for fear of the guards. Why didn't that work?

It did. You could see the exit.

I saw nothing but chaos. I don't understand at all.

Again the egg had no reply, but Natiya was beginning to recognize the pattern. The egg would not tell her the answer unless she asked the right question. But if she knew the question to ask, wouldn't she already have a clue to the answer?

You understand what I saw, don't you? she asked.

Of course.

Of course it did. It was the egg's sight she had been using. Of course it would understand what it saw. Which meant...

You know where the exit is and how to get out.

Of course.

Of course. Natiya thought the words at the same time as the egg. She sighed, greatly fearing what she had to do. If I cede all control to you—of my entire body—will I still be able to think on my own?

Of course.

But you would guide me out? You would work my arms and legs and body enough to get me out of the castle.

The egg took a long time answering, but eventually it did.
I believe so. I have never tried.

Do so now, Natiya instructed, gathering her courage. Take us out of this castle without being caught.

You must relinquish control. I can do nothing unless you allow me to.

Of course not. And it was just as Natiya had feared: If she'd had such trouble releasing her vision, how much harder would it be to release dominion over her entire body?

I can get it back—

Any time you ask.

Very well, she thought to the egg. Do it.

Except, the egg could do nothing. Not until Natiya actually let it. She took a few deep breaths, consciously relaxing her body, intending to relax her mind. She tried to pull her consciousness away from her body into her thoughts and only her thoughts.

Her eyes were closed, and so it was the smell she noticed first. Her own smell. The egg's smell. Even the lingering scent of flowers, washing fluid and stale water drifted through her mind. Though she had been smelling all of it before, she realized that the egg identified and categorized all these things. Where Natiya had simply pushed them to the back of her mind, the egg noticed it all. Remembered it all.

Natiya stood without expecting to; she had been so caught up in the smells that she had relaxed enough to let the egg manage her body. But the unexpected sensation of standing startled her so much that she instinctively took back control. She snatched at her body like a child after a toy. Except, she was the toy. And as might be predicted, she fell in an ungainly heap on the floor. She landed hard enough that her teeth jarred from the impact.