Dragons Don't Forgive (12 page)

My wolf is another problem. She’s as
listless as I am. Usually we counterbalance the other, but that’s
no longer the case. Our pain swirls around us and we are in perfect
accord. There is no life without our mate.

Dmitri gives me and Roland the use of
his plane. I’m relieved when the morning finally arrives and it’s
time to leave. I don’t know if I will ever return. Maybe if my
brother decides to. Even though I won’t speak to Roland about Sarn,
I need Roland close to me. Our internal twin bond is all I have to
hold onto.

When I see my father and Talya waiting
as we exit the plane, I dissolve into tears. My brother lifts me
into his arms before I crumble to the ground. I cry the entire
drive to the clan home. My father lifts me from the backseat of the
car and carries me inside.

The cats don’t greet me. They remain
quiet as Ivan carries me up the stairs to my room.

“
He left me,” I sob against
his chest when the door closes behind us.

“
I know, sweetling. I
know.” He sits on the bed and holds me much as he did when I was
younger. He understands this pain. He’s the only one who truly
can.

Chapter Twelve

Five years
later…

Sarn

Half of my castle is destroyed and the
other half is almost unlivable. I’ve charged into the walls until
they crumble under my pounding fists. I do not leave the castle
during daylight and I haven’t seen the sun in years.

When darkness falls, the true
nightmares begin. This is when I cause most of the destruction.
Flying is the only thing that offers any comfort at all. I fly
until minutes before the sun begins to rise so I can avoid the
light. When your soul is black, the rest of the world should take
heed.

During the day, I sleep in fitful
snatches of torment. Sometimes, I wake up with Sierra’s scent on
the edge of my consciousness. Often, and these are the worst, I
don’t see her in my dreams at all. I see each of my brides, one
after the other, with looks of pity on their faces and it swallows
me alive until I’m awake and destroying more of my castle
walls.

My life is hell. Each minute ticks
away faster and faster. This time between brides usually slows down
and a minute seems like hours. But now, I don’t want a bride. I’d
rather be miserable and lonely. And dammit… time flies.

***

Sierra

I’m only half the person I was before.
I don’t laugh and I rarely cry. The first year was miserable and
then I got angry. That lasted for several years. My anger at Sarn
and then my anger at the Goddess. I’m surprised she never ended my
worthless life for all the nasty things I shouted into the
sky.

Now, I’ve found lonely acceptance. It
happened after I convinced the bear shifter who took Sarn to the
realm crossing to take me there. The crossing is located in Sedona,
Arizona, at a vortex. She pointed out the exact spot that Sarn
disappeared. I stayed for three days without eating or sleeping.
Nothing I tried worked. I could not break through to his realm.
When I finally collapsed, Dmitri was there and took me back to the
nightclub and gave me the room that belonged to Sarn. I lie in the
same bed where I saw Sarn with two naked women and tried to
remember my anger. I wanted so badly to get mad and try to relieve
the pain. Then I remembered his covert stares and the heat that ran
through my veins when I’d notice. I would give anything to go back
to the time before... the time of secret glances and fanciful
wishes. The years of anger dissolved as I remembered the good
times. He was so angry, lonely, and heartbroken at first. My love
changed him even if it was only for a short time. I could smile as
I thought of our days and nights together. The only thing that
finally brought the tears back was thinking of the pain he must be
in. My wolf whined as I curled into a tight ball. Sarn’s scent was
washed from the sheets long ago, but I’d swear it washed over
me.

Now I’m back in Florida with my
family. I don’t smile often. It hurts when I do because I don’t
want to be happy. The pain of losing a mate is indescribable. I
wonder if the Goddess who punished the dragons so long ago felt
this at the loss of her daughter. If she did, I can almost
understand the curse.

I’m sitting in a shaded spot by the
edge of the water when I scent my brother approaching. He sits
beside me.

“
We’re a pathetic pair,
aren’t we?” I say with a bittersweet smile.

“
Yes, we are,” he answers
as he places his arm around my shoulder. “I’m leaving,
Sierra.”

I knew this was coming and had been
dreading it for months. It’s best for him, but I still need him so
badly. Our combined loneliness is somehow comforting. “Where will
you go?” I’m finally brave enough to ask.

He makes a gruff sound in his throat.
“I’m not sure. I know my mate is waiting for me somewhere and I
must find him.”

Roland came out to my father when we
first returned to the Everglades. My father wrapped him in his
giant arms and told him he loved him. For a man who made so many
mistakes with his children when we were babies, my father has more
than made up for it. He also told my brother the story of Franklin,
the liege vampire to the Northeast clan who died at the beginning
of the war with the cats. Franklin’s mate was another male. His
clan was happy and they accepted the will of the Goddess. Ivan told
Roland that the clans would accept him too.

As Roland sits still beside me with
his arm over my shoulder, I’ve decide to write a text about the
clans. I want the stories of all that has gone on before me. I need
something to do with the time I have on my hands. Maybe gathering
the stories of our history will help fill the lonely hours. I’m
losing my brother and if I don’t do something with my time, I’ll
surely go crazy.

I already know the answer, but I ask
him anyway. “You don’t want me with you, do you?”

His arm tightens a little. “I love
you.” He leans in and kisses my cheek. “This is something I must do
on my own.”

“
I understand,” I whisper.
And I truly do. My life is all but over. My brother has a chance at
happiness. “I will miss you more than you know.”

“
I know exactly how much
you will miss me because I will miss you more.”

We sit quietly after that and just
enjoy having each other close. Life goes on for the rest of the
world while it stands still for me. My life is over.

Chapter Thirteen

One week before
claiming…

Sierra

I’m holding my father and Talya’s
newborn baby. She’s incredible. I love her smell, her softness, and
her little wrinkles of baby fat that make me want to pinch her.
I’ve smiled more in the past few days than during the past
twenty-four years.

Life goes on and this birth proves it.
My father has nine children. My siblings all came for the birth and
brought their mates, even Roland.

Derrick is perfect for my brother. It
took seven years for my brother to find him. Roland told me he saw
Derrick across a room and he knew instantly. It was so bittersweet
for me, though I was incredibly happy for him. They live with the
Northeast Clan where Derrick comes from. They tell me stories of
Nicolas, a fellow wolf, and his pack—cats and wolves much like my
father’s mixed pack. My brother is deliriously happy and I’m happy
for him.

I’ve written the clan history and
gathered information from anyone willing to speak to me. Some of
the stories from the female cats have been hard to listen to. It’s
important that their life is written about and mistakes of the past
are not repeated. I even wrote my own history before Sarn. I never
told Sarn that the friend who I gave my virginity to was vampire.
Or that I broke his heart. Writing the beastkind history texts has
given me a reason to wake up each morning. The child in my arms
gives me another.

“
Are you going to let
anyone else hold her?” Roland asks as he gives my shoulder a very
slight bump.

I reluctantly hand over the small
bundle. I’m on edge as is my wolf. I haven’t mentioned to anyone
that the day I’ve dreaded for years is approaching. I know they’ve
forgotten I’m even mated. I never speak of Sarn. It’s as if he
never existed. He’s buried away deep in my soul and only I know
he’s there. The claiming is imminent and I want to think he’ll be
happy for years to come.

And it kills me.

I need to run and let my wolf free. I
head outside and remove my clothing. Since Sarn left me, my shift
is painful. I’ve never told anyone. I know the reason—while missing
my other half; my wolf can’t truly take over. She rebels when I
call her. My father never mentioned this happening to him after my
mother died, so I think it’s only me.

Me with my fucked up
half-life.

“
Oh, dragon, please find
happiness,” I whisper into the quiet night sky. Maybe the sky hears
because a misty rain begins to fall. I pull in the magic and shift.
Tonight the pain is greater than ever before. In my wolf form, I
sink to the ground and catch my breath. At last I’m able to stand.
Then I run.

I know every path, every body of
water, every swamp. This is my territory too. I crave this wild run
like no other. Somehow I need to survive the next five days and
then the next five-hundred years. As I have many times before, I
wish I aged. Years ago, I tried denying our clan’s liege vampire my
blood. My father and brother wouldn’t allow it. They threatened to
hold me down, so I gave in. It left me bitter for a long
time.

After my mother’s death, my father ran
from the support of his clan and left behind his children. I wonder
how he found the will to accept a vampire’s gift and not take his
own life. Without the people who love me, I would have let all my
suffering end.

An alligator snaps at my feet as I
leap over him. He’s always near the same spot and I actually enjoy
antagonizing him. I smile slightly inside my wolf’s head. Then I
run until my sides heave and my legs ache. I know sleep will evade
me tonight like it does most nights. Maybe I will get lucky and
this run will give me peace for a few hours.

I shift a short distance from home and
continue on two legs with a still-heavy heart. I must plaster a
smile on my face so the joy of this new birth is not overshadowed
by my sadness. I near the clearing in front of the house and scent
something I never expected to smell again.

Dragon.

I start running and tear inside the
front door. My mind is a jumbled knot of endless longing. I hit my
father’s back because I can’t stop fast enough. I’m shaking and I
wonder if this is a dream. My father turns and steadies me before
he moves aside.

It’s a woman. She’s dressed
in some kind of outlandish, Raquel Welch,
One Million Years B.C.
throwback
poster attire. I want to scream and cry and rage against fate. She
stares at me and suddenly her brown eyes flash an iridescent blue.
I know who she is.

Roxanne.

It makes no sense. An overwhelming
craving for Sarn swamps me.

“
I need your help,” she
pleads.

I’m so shaken up I can’t
speak.

“
It’s Sarn. He will not
attend the claiming. He’s chosen to die.”

My legs fall from under me and if my
father wasn’t there, I’d be a crumbled mess on the floor. I’ve
suffered so much, and Sarn cannot do this or it’s all for
nothing.

“
You need to leave,” I hear
my father say as he begins carrying me from the room.

“
No,” I say as I start
struggling. “Let me go, please” My father releases my legs and
stares deep into my eyes. “I’m okay. You must allow me to speak
with her.” I’m not really asking. I turn to Roxanne. “What can I
do?”

“
You need to come with me
to his lair and convince him to attend the claiming.”

My knees go weak again. I remember
what the witches told me and I don’t tell her I will die if I go
into Sarn’s realm. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that Sarn
survives. “When do we leave?”

She somehow knows what the witches
told me. “If he attends the claiming, you can return here and be
safe. Your life is only forfeit if you are in the dragon realm and
Sarn refuses.”

“
No,” my father shouts.
“You are not going.” He takes my arm and holds me tight.

I shake my head understanding how he
must feel. I look into my father’s eyes and see his fear reflected.
This man who lost so much and finally found a way out of the hell
of losing a mate. “I love him. I cannot live knowing he dies
without me. If he refuses to go, we shall die together.” I lean
forward and kiss his cheek. “You cannot stop me, but you can hold
me and kiss me goodbye.”

My father is alpha and his power rolls
over me. It doesn’t press into me; it surrounds me and lightens my
heart. He understands and he’s giving me this gift. A sense of calm
washes over me and I smile at my father.

“
Thank you,” I
say.

“
Don’t do this,” my brother
pleads.