Drawn to you (15 page)

We spilt a couple months after it happened.

I was a shadow of my former self. Every noise startled me. Mom had breakdown after breakdown.

It got so bad she had to be committed for three months. My friends couldn’t look at me and eventually stopped calling.

“The world I had always seen as beautiful and magical became tainted and dark with evil walking amongst it, just waiting to pounce. I was looking at the world through a new lens and it terrified me.”

I wipe the sorrow from my face.

“No wonder you have nightmares.”

“The scar down there.” I rub over the reminder of that animal.

“It’s letters. J W. The hair won’t grow there so I can’t hide it. I have a constant reminder of what he did to me and now so do you.” I will the tears to stop flowing.

“Do you still want me, Finlay?”

“What? Oh my God, Antonia, of course! Why would you . . . ? God, I want to find him and fucking kill him with my bare hands. I’m so sorry that happened to you, baby.”

“James told me he loved me. He told me he needed time but I could see in his eyes when he looked at me that there wasn’t enough time in the world that could heal us.

My friends didn’t know how to be around me.

I couldn’t go to uni, and Daddy struggled with guilt. That was the worst year of my life. I thought I was over the fear.

I went through therapy and eventually started making new plans.”

He holds me so tight, rubbing my bare legs as if I’m cold.

“I think maybe you should see someone about your nightmares. Would you let me set that up for you, baby? Let me try to help.”

“Okay. I was thinking the same thing,” I murmur.

“Okay, good.”

Picking me up and laying me back onto the bed, he wriggles us under the covers, pressing his body up against mine and stroking down my hair. It’s a relief now I’ve told him and he hasn’t left me or looked at me differently. I’m so drained and tired. I use his body warmth to soothe me to sleep

“HEY, BABY. I MADE
you coffee and some toast.”

He’s too good to be true.

“Thank you.”

“I made an appointment with my therapist for you. She helped me when my dad died. I’ve also taken a week off work. I’m trusting Brad to handle things for me so clear your schedule.” He smiles seductively over the rim of his mug at me.

“Okay.”

God, I hope he doesn’t change on me, or look at me like a victim like everyone else did. I need him to be the same with me. He walks around to where I’m standing and pulls me into him

“So, what should we do today?” he asks, stroking at my hips.

“Well, we need some shopping and . . . I can’t think with your hands doing that.” I moan as his hands move further down my hips.

“I have other plans for you than shopping.”

He lifts me onto the edge of the counter, stroking my bare thighs. His hands slip up my body, taking my chemise up and over my head then dropping it to the floor. His lips find my bare skin, kissing down my chest to my breast, teasing the nipple. His mouth is my new favorite thing
ever.
He lifts my hips, skimming down my panties, returning his lips to my skin, down my navel and across my thigh, gently nipping, before his tongue brushes against my sex. Leaning back on my hands to support myself and give him better access, his tongue teases and flicks over me, his lips closing over my clit.

“Oh, God!”

“Hold it, baby.”

I mourn the loss of his tongue on me; my insides coil with need. He laughs at my greedy whines and drops his boxers. Gripping my hips, he pulls me forward, edging me so my ass is balancing on the edge of the counter. He thrusts into me, his cock full and hard, filling me up with every delicious inch of him.

“Oh God, you feel so good,” he growls into my neck as I start to flex my hips, grinding against him. He’s building me with every thrust. I’m nearing my peak and my head drops back, my body clenching around him, pushing deeper, harder, drawing me out before releasing into me, flooding me.

We have a quick breakfast before heading out to the appointment Finlay made for me with his therapist, Dr Evans. I ask him to meet me downstairs so I can check in on Gaby. Her door is unlocked which I plan to bitch her out over.

“Gaby!” I call knocking, and entering at the same time.“Gabs! Are you here?”

“I’m in here.”

Her voice comes from her bedroom so I follow the sound and enter her room.

“Hey, you okay? Why are you still in bed? You look pale. Are you sick?”

“I’m late. My period. Fucking hell, I can’t believe this is my life right now,” she sobs, covering her face with her hands.

Woo, her statement hits me like gust of wind nearly knocking me clear on my ass. Pregnant? Gaby’s not ready for parenthood; oh crap Finlay will kill Mike.

“How late are you?”

“A week. I didn’t want to tell you. I’m scared you’ll tell Finlay.” Her eyes don’t hold mine as she speaks and I’m glad because she would see the hurt in my eyes, which well with tears, how can she think I would do that? She’s been such an amazing friend to me I’d never betray that in anyway.

“I would never do that. I’m going to pick you up a test. You shouldn’t panic until you know for sure. I have an appointment so I need to go, but I’ll come and see you tonight, okay? Try not to work yourself up.” I try to sound casual to calm her down, but inside I’m as nervous as hell for her.

“Okay. Thank you for being such a good friend to me. I know you wouldn’t tell Fin really, I’m just being stupid.” She breaks into another round of hiccupping sobs with the last word. I give her a firm hug and wait for her to fall asleep before I leave her.

Finlay’s waiting for me in a car that screams
male!

“Nice car.” I whistle with appreciation. I’m not an expert where cars are concerned but I can spot a nice piece of art when I see it.

Finlay grins back at me, stroking the steering wheel like he would a lover. “She’s my other baby. A 1967 Shelby mustang gt500.”

“Wow, you’re such a boy right now. I thought you would drive a more business type car.”

“This is my guilty pleasure. She was my dad’s. He used to take me out in her every weekend.”

The car roars to life, making the seat vibrate slightly.

I look out the window and contemplate how he’ll react if Gaby’s test is positive. Short answer; he will kill Mike . . . or Gavin. This is a mess.

The car cruises to a stop. Finlay walks around to open my door for me then holds my hand, leading me right into Mrs. Evans’ office, and waits for me outside.

Mrs. Evans is an older woman. She’s wearing baggy clothes, and a lot of them are layers over layers. She looks like one of my mom’s hippy friends, which is relaxing in a weird way. Auburn hair pulled up into a messy bun and purple-framed glasses resting on the tip of her nose finish off her quirky style. Her light brown eyes study me as I take a seat on a green leather armchair in front of her. Her office reminds me of a small library, wall-to-wall bookshelves loaded with titles.

“So what brings you here?” she asks without even addressing me by name. I’m a little confused by her manner but I trust Finlay so I tell her about my dreams.

“It’s not uncommon for victims of brutal crimes to have reoccurring trauma well after the attack took place.” She scribbles something down on her notes. “You’ve just moved correct?”

“Yes, a few months ago.”

“You’re going through big changes right now and it takes time to adjust. The reason you moved is to overcome the ordeal and move on and in order to do so brings with it the memories of why. It’s your mind’s way of coping.”

I MANAGE TO BUY
and stash the pregnancy test for Gaby on the way home from the therapist. After some shopping for art supplies and grabbing some groceries, we make our way home.

After unpacking the shopping, we make our way next door to Gaby’s. Finlay has invited the guys round for a game night. He rolls his eyes at me when we find them already laughing on the couch at Gavin, who’s telling tales of his latest conquest, and her being double jointed.

Gaby is in the kitchen getting drinks for everyone so I make the excuse that I’m going to give her a hand.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” I ask.

“Tired and worried.”

Rubbing her arm to offer comfort, I take a quick look around to make sure the guys are occupied. “I have the test.”

I reach into my bag and slide the brown paper bag discreetly towards her but her eyes widen as she looks over my shoulder.

“What are you two being sneaky about? What’s this?”

Gavin appears behind me, snatching the bag. I didn’t even hear him coming, the sneaky fuck.

“Gavin give that back!” I screech, launching myself at him. He’s taller than me and having way too much fun to heed my warning. I can’t believe how stupid I am for doing this here. Everyone has now turned their attention to us. A gasp leaves me when Gavin pulls the test out of the bag. My heart hammers in my chest and I want to punch him for being such a guy.
Crap.

“You fucking asshole, Gav,” I breathe.

I rub my hands down my face, hoping that this isn’t really happening. I feel Finlay’s eyes boring into me. My neck is on fire from his stare.

“Shit, I . . . erm” Gavin stutters, putting the test on the counter.

“Antonia,” Finlay whispers, getting to his feet. “I thought you were on the pill. I don’t understand.”

His eyebrows pull together in puzzlement, until a sob escapes Gaby. His eyes go from me to her, widening.

“Fuck no, Gaby,” he almost pleads, putting his hands to his face.

“Gaby?” Mike asks.

“Fucking hell. Oh my God, is it mine?” Gavin asks, shock in his tone.

Gaby’s mouth drops and I look at him in disbelief, shaking my head
.
She looks at Mike and so do I; it’s like watching a train wreck that you can’t not see.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Finlay growls, his whole body vibrating with anger.

Gavin looks over to him then to Mike. “Mike, I . . . you weren’t together it was . . .”

“Fuck you, Gavin! And you, Gaby. I’m out!” Mike storms out of the apartment and then there’s a cracking sound and Gavin hits the floor with Finlay standing over him. “Get the fuck out!” he shouts at Gavin. “You make me sick.”

He grabs a vase and throws it across the room. It shatters against the wall, making me jump, and Gaby breaks down on the floor, crying. Gabe moves to Finlay’s side, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“Gavin, you’d better leave,” Gabe says.

I’m frozen. Blood runs down Gavin’s lips from his nose, and he wipes his thumb across it, looking at the blood staining his fingers

“It just happened. I’m sorry,” he says before he walks out of the apartment.

“You fucking knew.” Finlay turns to me. It’s not a question and I still can’t move; the violence has me glued and I’m so scared and weak even though I’m perfectly safe.

I know he would never hurt me but the outburst affects my mind in ways I can’t control.

I hate the hold the past has on me.

“You fucking knew and didn’t tell me. This can’t be happening.”

Finlay storms out of the room, leaving me standing there in terror.

Gabe offers me comfort by rubbing my arms and looking into my face. “Antonia, he’s just mad. He’ll come around. Are you okay?”