Dream Wedding: Dream Bride | Dream Groom (13 page)

“I don’t know if I can top that one,” he told her.

Her laughter was soft and sweet. He liked this, he realized. Being with her, holding her, laughing together. He felt safe talking about his past. Even if Chloe didn’t agree, she wouldn’t judge him. She might speak her mind and say some things he didn’t want to hear, but that was a small price to pay for acceptance. Besides, he liked that she was honest.

“It’s good that we’re spending time with each other,” she said. “I doubt anyone else would want to put up with us.”

“You know that’s not true.”

She tilted her head back and looked at him. “You’re right, I do. But it’s fun to pretend.” Her humor faded. “I’m glad we talked about all of this. Our conversation has shown me that it’s time to let go of the past.”

“Are you ready?”

“I think so.” She pulled back and gave him a rueful smile. “I don’t mind forgiving my parents or Billy. It wasn’t really their fault they died. But not being mad at Aunt Charity is going to be harder. I didn’t get it until just a few moments ago when we started talking about all this, but I finally understand what’s been going on with her. By staying angry, I didn’t have to worry about her getting too close. If she died or left, I wouldn’t miss her. This has all been a way to protect myself from getting hurt.”

“I’m impressed,” he said, and tapped the tip of her nose. “That’s very insightful.”

“I don’t mind being insightful, but I really resent having to act on what I’ve discovered. Still, I’m a strong person and keeping her at arm’s length out of fear is the coward’s way out. I’m going to have to make peace with her and deal with the consequences.”

“I’m sure she’s going to live a long life and you won’t have to worry about losing her anytime soon.”

“I hope you’re right, but it doesn’t matter. I can’t spend the rest of my life avoiding caring about someone because I’m afraid they’re going to leave me or run away.”

She raised her chin in a gesture of strength and defiance. He respected both her decision and her fearlessness. Self-examination was never easy. He knew that firsthand. But if Chloe hadn’t gone easy on herself—could he do any less?

He looked at the phone. He knew what his father wanted and why. Was that enough? Could he let go of the past and forgive an old man who had been driven by pain and loss? The adult side of him was willing to give it a chance, but the hurt child inside wanted restitution. Unfortunately there was nothing his father could do to make up for hurting him.

“Only if it feels right,” Chloe whispered.

It did.

He picked up the receiver and dialed the number from memory. His father answered on the first ring.

“It’s Arizona.”

“I didn’t expect to hear from you, son.” His father sounded surprised, but pleased. There was no wariness in his voice, no attempt to protect himself against possible attack.

Arizona glanced at his watch. “I didn’t realize the time. It’s after midnight. I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“You didn’t. That’s one of the ironies of old age. I have less to do with my day than ever before, yet I need less sleep. I could have used this time twenty years ago but that’s what happens.”

“I’m sorry I was such a jerk when you called earlier.”

The older man sighed heavily. “Don’t apologize. You have every right to be furious with me. What I did…I won’t try to excuse it. I was wrong. I’ve realized that over the years. I should have known that you and I could help each other out. But I was too caught up in my pain. I was so selfish.”

“I understand.”

“You don’t have to, son. Your mother—” His voice broke. “She was my world. When I lost her, I wanted to die, too. I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I’m so sorry about that. Even as I left you alone, I knew it was wrong. I knew she would be disappointed in me if she ever knew. But I couldn’t stop myself.”

“It’s okay.” He cleared his throat. “Dad, really, it is.”

Dad. He’d never said the word before. He’d always used “Father” or “old man.” Nothing friendly or personal.

Chloe moved close to him. He put his arm around her and squeezed. She was his lifeline in this unfamiliar sea of emotion.

“I should have come after you,” his father continued. “I didn’t want you to go away, but it was also easier to try and forget with you out of the country. I didn’t know about all you went through,” he said quietly. “With your grandfather. I thought he would take better care of you. I should have realized the truth. I’m sorry about that, too.”

Arizona suffered through a flash of guilt. “There were some tough times,” he said. “But it wasn’t all bad. I learned a lot. I wouldn’t be doing what I do today, if I hadn’t traveled all over the world.”

“I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I know what I did and didn’t do. I was never a father to you. But if it’s not too late, perhaps we could get to know each other and become friends.”

Arizona thought of all the times he’d refused the older man’s invitations. Of all the times he’d sworn at him, hung up on him or ignored him. Yet his father was still trying, still asking to see him. His father was the only family he had. Why was he willing to let that bond stay broken?

His chest was tight and it was hard to speak. Even so he forced himself to say, “I’d like that. I’m going to be busy until I leave for the island, but we could get together when I get back.”

“Could I come see you this summer? On the island?”

Despite the emotion flooding him, Arizona couldn’t repress a grin. How would his banker father, a man who had only ever loved one woman in his life, who had mourned her for more than thirty years, survive in a society run for and by women? Visitors were often seduced by widows and unmarried females. Arizona had been in a couple of difficult situations himself until the shaman had taken him under her wing and offered protection.

“That might not be a bad idea,” he said. “I’ll get together some literature and send it along to you. If you decide you want to make the trip, you can let me know and I’ll meet you in Guam.”

“I’d like that, son.” His father cleared his throat. “It
is
late and I should probably let you go. Thanks for giving me another chance.”

“You’re welcome. Thank you for not giving up on me.”

“I love you, son.”

Arizona sucked in a breath. “You, too, Dad. I’ll talk to you soon.”

He waited until his father hung up the phone before he replaced the receiver. He glanced at Chloe and saw tears on her cheeks.

“That was so great,” she told him. “I’m so glad you called him and talked to him. How do you feel?”

“A little strange. Relieved and nervous, I guess. I’m not sure about him visiting me.” He told her a little about the culture on the island. “My father is nearly seventy. I think he might be threatened by the ladies wanting to take his equipment for a test-drive.”

Chloe wiped her face with the back of her hand and smiled. “It might be just the thing he needs to give him a new lease on life.”

“I hadn’t thought of that. You’re right. He might enjoy the challenge.” He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. “How does everything get so complicated? These familial relationships get twisted and broken and yet we stumble on. My grandfather abandoned his own wife and child to travel the world. He was an adventurer at heart. He told me once that he never should have married, but when a girl from a good family turns up pregnant, there’s not much a man can do.”

“Your father grew up without
his
father?” Chloe asked.

Arizona nodded. “He swore he would be different, that he would marry for love and never leave her side. Which was true, even in death. But he also abandoned me as he had been abandoned.”

“So he only learned part of the lesson.”

He shrugged, not sure what his father had learned. Maybe they were all doomed to repeat each other’s mistakes.

“You break the cycle by not believing in love and I assume as a by-product of that, not marrying or having children,” Chloe said, as if she could read his mind.

“Something like that.”

“It is one way to deal with the problem.”

“Not one you approve of?” he asked.

“It’s not my place to approve or disapprove,” she told him. “I’m just glad you want to work things out with your father and that you’re going to see him soon.”

“Me, too.” He wanted to say more. He wanted to tell her that she was so incredibly beautiful, sitting there in the lamplight. He wanted to tell her that he appreciated the fact that she’d agreed to talk with him tonight, to be a friend when he needed one. Her support had given him the strength to do what was right.

But he couldn’t find the words. He could only look at her and want her.

Something must have shown on his face because she smiled faintly, then leaned close. “Fine,” she whispered, her breath soft and sweet against his face. “Change the subject if you have to. I don’t mind.”

Then she kissed him.

His body responded instantly. Even as Arizona moved his mouth against her, heat filled him as blood rushed to make him ready to take her. He was hard and aching in less than ten seconds.

There was little time for tenderness. They touched each other everywhere. Even as he tried to slow down, Chloe tugged at his clothing and whispered words of encouragement, telling him how much she needed him to be in her. When he touched her panties, he found her ready for him. He slipped past the elastic band and pressed a finger deep inside of her. She surged against him. As he kissed her, he cupped a breast with his free hand and toyed with the tight nipple. He moved his finger in and out of her. Within seconds he felt the rhythmic pulsing of her most feminine place surging around, drawing him in deeper. She broke the kiss enough to gasp out his name as her pleasure continued.

From then on it was a blur. One minute they were still half-dressed and on the sofa. The next they were on top of the bed, their clothes forming an untidy trail on the carpet. He plunged into her and felt her climax again. There was no way to stop either of them, he realized. The passion burned away social convention and left them only with driving need.

He dug his fingers into her hair to hold her still. She grabbed his hips and forced him in deeper. Their kisses were hot and wild and when she bucked against him in yet a third release, he exploded into her.

They clung to each other as the fire cooled. They were both slick with sweat and panting. Arizona slid out of her and settled next to her on the bed. Chloe came into his arms and they snuggled in a position that had so quickly become familiar.

Holding her felt so right, he told himself, and it was the last thought he had that night.

* * *

H
E
FELT
HER
stir sometime well before dawn. Arizona turned onto his side and squinted as she clicked on the lamp on the nightstand.

“Good morning,” she said softly, her eyes still heavy with sleep and her hair mussed. “I’m sorry to wake you, but I have to get to the house.”

He nodded. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Sorry.” He motioned to his hotel room. “I know it wouldn’t do for someone to see you sneaking out of my room in the middle of the morning.”

“There would be talk,” she agreed with a smile. “I have to go home and work on my article, but why don’t you try and get some sleep? You start your lecture series tonight.”

“I just might do that.”

He watched as she pulled on clothes. When she was dressed, she crossed to the bed and kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you tonight.”

He grabbed her hand. “Dinner? After the lecture?”

“I’d like that. Thank you.”

He squeezed her fingers. When she pulled away, he didn’t want to let her go. He wanted to tell her something, but the words eluded him.

Don’t go.

Was that it? Did he want to keep her with him? But before he could figure it out, she’d stepped into the hall and quietly closed the door behind her. He rolled onto her side of the bed. The sheets were still warm from her body and they smelled of their lovemaking. But it wasn’t enough. The room had grown cold and empty without her presence. As perhaps, he thought grimly, had his life.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

C
HLOE
STARED
AT
the pile of notes sitting on the corner of her desk. She had too much material. It was, she supposed, the problem to have. After all, too
much
to work with meant she would only be using the very best of what she had instead of scrambling for things to fill the pages. Unfortunately, she was having trouble figuring out what to cut and what to keep. She wanted to keep it all. The article was about Arizona and she thought he was pretty wonderful.

“Not that I’m biased in the least,” she said aloud, then shifted in her seat. Her insides still felt a little squishy from their lovemaking the previous night. What a way to go to sleep. If only they could do that every night.

She smiled at the thought and had a bad feeling that she was glowing with happiness. As long as the glow wasn’t the least bit magnetic, she wouldn’t hurt her computer. Unfortunately, she also wasn’t in the mood to get any work done, either.

On a whim, she closed her word-processing program and logged onto the Internet. She found her way to Arizona’s fan club. She’d noticed an icon for a bulletin board. Feeling more than a little foolish, she wrote a quick post saying that while the man was completely brilliant, he was also a hunk and wasn’t that just as important as his work?

Giggling softly, she posted the message, then went to check her E-mail. After responding to her mail, she returned to the bulletin board to see if anyone had read her comments. She was stunned to see several replies. Two women agreed completely and went on to describe him in such detail that Chloe wondered if she should feel jealous. Then a third message appeared, this one berating Chloe for her shallowness. That the wonder of Arizona Smith wasn’t in his physical appearance, but in the magic of his work. He was more than just a man. He was a symbol for the mystic world. He was a true hero.

She logged off the Internet. She didn’t want to talk about Arizona with people who had never met him. She wanted to talk about who he really was and how he made her feel.

He
was
amazing—she could concede that with no problem. He was intelligent, gifted, motivated, kind. But like everyone else, he had his faults. He was a little self-centered and he could be stubborn. He wasn’t perfect, but he was someone she could…

He was someone she could love. Someone she did love.

Chloe placed her elbows on the desk and rested her head in her hands. Love? No, that wasn’t part of the plan. She wasn’t supposed to love him. She was supposed to find him interesting and entertaining, nothing more. Not love. That was too dangerous. She’d learned her lesson. She didn’t want to go there again. Because of her past, she’d been avoiding love for a long time. This situation with Arizona had pain written all over it.

“Why me? Why now?”

But there weren’t any answers. Maybe it was the luck of the draw, or just her time. She thought she’d been so careful to hide her heart away. But she hadn’t. At least not this time. She’d been so stunned when she’d first met him. Because of the dream, she reminded herself.

“So much for the magic nightgown,” she said as she straightened in her chair. Didn’t the family legend promise a lifetime of happiness? But that wasn’t possible with Arizona. He wasn’t a man who would be content to stay in one place for very long, and she was the kind of woman who needed a home. There would be no happily-ever-after for her. The only guarantee she had was that he would leave in just a few days and she would be heartbroken.

“I don’t need this,” she told herself. Not again. She didn’t want to love him but it was too late. Love him she did.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. She glanced up and saw Aunt Charity standing in the doorway. The older woman wore tailored slacks and a shirt, the conservative clothing emphasizing a figure that had stayed trim all her life. Her long dark hair was up in its customary French twist. She offered a smile.

“It’s nearly lunchtime and you never even bothered with breakfast. I’ve brought you a snack.” She placed the tray on the desk.

Chloe glanced at the pot of tea, the sandwiches and bowl of fruit. “Thank you,” she said, forcing her voice to sound soft and grateful. Her natural tendency was to be belligerent with her aunt. Her conversation with Arizona about letting go of the past was still fresh in her mind. “You went to a lot of trouble and I appreciate that.”

“You’re welcome.” As always, Charity’s smile was open. “You’ve been working hard on your project. How is it going?”

“Very well. My biggest problem is that I have too much material. I’ve made an outline of the topics I want to cover. Now I have to start eliminating the nonessentials. Unfortunately, Arizona is so interesting to write about that I want to include everything.”

“That’s even before you hear his lecture series.”

Chloe nodded. The series started that night. “I’ve included a section for them, but I don’t know how long it’s going to be. One of the things I want to focus on is the man rather than the myths about him. I mean, the information about the fan club is fun and I enjoy teasing him about it, but he’s more than just that.”

Charity placed her hands in the front pockets in her slacks. “I remember the first time Arizona and I met. As I recall, he was surrounded by a group of young women. It was in India—the outskirts of—”

She paused, then sighed. “Never mind. It’s not important. I should let you get back to your work. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” She turned to leave.

Chloe pressed her lips together. Had she really been shutting her aunt out so very much, she didn’t feel comfortable telling a story about Arizona? The truth made her flush with embarrassment and shame. She rose to her feet.

“Aunt Charity, wait.”

The older woman paused expectantly. Chloe tried to figure out what she wanted to say. She wasn’t feeling very brave right now, but she reminded herself that Arizona had been able to make peace with his father and their history had been a lot more complicated and difficult than hers with her aunt. All she had to do was speak from her heart.

“I’m sorry,” she began. “I’ve been a real brat and a pain. I have no excuse. I’m twenty-five, which is plenty old enough to act like an adult. I even had the fantasy that I was being subtle, but I haven’t been, have I?”

Charity shrugged. “Only if you secretly think I’m a wonderful person.”

“Actually, I do. I just didn’t realize it until recently. You came to Cassie and me as soon as you found out what had happened. You made a home for us, and you’ve stayed here all these years, even though we would be fine on our own. You’d spent your whole life seeing the world, yet in the past seven and a half years, I don’t think you’ve as much as left the state. I never realized that before. I never thought about what you’d given up to be with us.”

Her aunt stepped toward her and cupped her face in her hands. Chloe allowed the physical contact, then found, much to her surprise, she didn’t mind being touched.

“You don’t have to apologize. I understand,” Charity told her. “You had lost your parents and were separated from your sister. It was a difficult time.”

“You lost your brother,” Chloe pointed out. “I never thought about that, either. We’d had three years to get over the pain of missing them, but you only found out a few days before. I was so angry and hurt, and that was all I could think about. I’m sorry.”

“Let’s both agree to stop blaming and stop apologizing. We can start over.”

“I’d like that,” Chloe said, suddenly feeling shy. She motioned to the bed and when Charity sat on the mattress, she took her seat at the desk and swiveled to face her aunt. There were still things to be said between them.

“Cassie and I appreciate all you’ve done for us, but you’ve given up enough. Don’t you think it’s time you started living your own life?”

“Are you throwing me out?” Charity asked, a smile softening the question.

“Of course not. This is your home. At least I hope you think of it that way. But you’ve always traveled. Don’t you miss that? Don’t you want to get back out in the world?”

Charity paused to consider the question. Her dark hair was sleek and the color reminded Chloe of her father. He’d been a handsome man and his sister was equally attractive.

“That’s an interesting question,” Charity said. “I’ll admit when I first moved to Bradley, I didn’t think I could survive in this small town. While I loved you two girls and was pleased to help in any way, it was difficult knowing that I couldn’t pack up and move on whenever I wanted. But gradually, I began to fit in. I’m not sure I could travel the way I did before. Of course there are a few trips I would like to make, but none of them are pressing.”

Chloe leaned forward. “Then stay. When you’re ready, make plans. Cassie and I are completely capable of handling things on our own.”

Charity nodded. “I’ve known that for a long time. You’re both very responsible.” She shook her head. “I’m glad we had this talk, Chloe. I’ve wanted to get this settled for a long time, but I was never sure what to say. Which is so unlike me. I usually have a sense about these sort of things. But then I didn’t know about my brother’s death, so maybe I’ve outgrown the gift.”

Chloe grinned. “I’ve heard these stories before. How you always just kind of
know
things. You can probably convince Arizona and Cassie, both of whom want to believe, but I remain a skeptic. I’ll agree we can all have a gut instinct about things, but actual intuition…no way.”

“Oh really. Is that a challenge?”

Chloe was enjoying the conversation with her aunt. Fierce regret filled her. If only she’d been willing to talk to her like this before. They could have been friends for years. “If you think you’re up to it, yes.”

“The stories I could tell you,” Charity said. “I wouldn’t want to shock you.”

“So far all I’m hearing is cheap talk. Do you have at least one example?”

“Of course.” The older woman crossed her legs, then gave Chloe a knowing look. “You dreamed about Arizona Smith the night you wore the family nightgown. Before you ask, no, Cassie didn’t tell me after you finally confessed everything to her.”

Chloe hadn’t known what to expect. She’d thought her aunt might bring up some minor transgression from high school. Something that she, Chloe, had thought she’d gotten away with. She hadn’t expected this—that her aunt had known the truth all along. Or had she?

“When did you figure it out?” she asked.

Charity’s dark eyes were kind, her expression loving. “The next morning. It was so obvious from the look on your face that you’d dreamed about someone interesting. Then you heard the television and glanced at the screen. For a second I thought you were going to faint. Your reaction to Arizona that night merely confirmed my suspicions.”

Suddenly a few pieces of the puzzle fell into place. “Did you invite him here deliberately so that I would meet him?”

Charity placed her hand flat against her chest. “Would I do that? Of course not. I had always planned to invite Arizona over during his visit. I’ll admit that seeing your reaction to him sped up the timetable a little, but that’s all.”

“Oh, that’s all.” Chloe didn’t know whether to laugh or bury her face in her hands. She’d been set up. No wonder she’d had the feeling that she couldn’t escape the man. Fate might have conspired when she’d been given the article assignment, but it hadn’t been working alone. Aunt Charity had been a willing accomplice.

“I’m impressed,” she admitted. “You do know things.”

“I know something else.”

“I’m almost afraid to ask, but here goes. What?”

“You’re in love with him, but you don’t want to admit it.”

Chloe slumped back in her chair. “I know. I am, at least I think I am. I’ve been fighting it for a while. I don’t want to love anyone else. It always hurts.”

“Honey, if that’s the lesson you learned from your parents’ death, then you learned the wrong lesson. Yes, they were taken far too soon, but they still lived. They had each other and you girls. They were happy and they were wonderful people. You should be grateful you had any time with them, not bitter because it hurt when they were gone. If it hadn’t been painful, then they wouldn’t have been worth loving.”

Her words almost made sense. Chloe backed away from the truth. “It’s not just them. I’ve had other heartache.”

“I know about the young man you fell in love with in high school. Cassie told me.”

“He died,” Chloe said firmly. “He was my life. I was seventeen and I loved with my whole heart. One day he was just gone.”

Charity’s mouth twisted down. “Would you rather have played it safe? Knowing what you know now, if you could turn back time, would you not have loved him?”

The question stung. Chloe sucked in a breath as pain shot through her chest. Knowing what she knew now, could she walk away from Billy? She’d wrestled with this question before.

She pictured his face in her mind, remembered the feel of his hand as he held hers. She thought about the whispered promises they’d made when they thought they had forever. They had been so in love with each other, so convinced that they would never need anyone else.

Those were magical times, she admitted to herself. They’d been so young and yet it had felt right. Would it have been better to play it safe?

“No,” she whispered, answering both Aunt Charity’s question and her own. “I would still have loved him. I would still have wanted to be there at the end, holding his hand.” She blinked back the sudden tears. “Those last months were horrible. The family tried everything, Billy fought against the cancer, but in the end, it won. He wanted to die at home, so he did. We were all there, all trying to be brave for him. I remember he kept saying it was okay to cry.”

She brushed at the tears on her cheeks. “He told me I had made his life worth living.”

“I’m sure you did,” her aunt told her. “That has value…for both of you.”

Chloe nodded. Her throat was tight. “I remember his last breath. He exhaled and then was very still. We all waited, willing him to take in another breath, but he was gone. I thought I was going to die. I prayed to go with him so that we could always be together, just like we’d promised each other.”