Dreaming Awake (2 page)

A tremor of pleasure made me shiver slightly, but I held the eye contact and the tremor deepened into something so strong it ached. Haden looked away first, for a change, and a gentle pink dotted his cheeks.

He lifted the silver dome in front of me to reveal an elegant chocolate mousse garnished with chocolate shavings, raspberries, and a mint leaf. The dish was a work of art.

“One of the things I love the most about you is the way you react to chocolate.” Haden gestured to the spoon. “Wait until you taste it.”

He was right. As soon as the frothy chocolate touched my tongue, I sighed. “This is what heaven tastes like.”

Haden leaned across the table and stole a kiss, licking the corner of my mouth. “Yes,” he agreed. “Heaven.”

He sat back, and my heart squeezed. He’d awoken someone new inside me, and something delicious and edging on wicked blurred the lines of who I used to be and who I wanted to become.

The rich darkness in his eyes caught the glow from the candlelight and threatened to drown me in the surge of wonder that this perfect boy loved me.
Me
.

But he wasn’t a boy. Haden Black was a dark mystery, a demon with a human soul. He embodied all that shouldn’t be in a glorious presentation of everything that was ideal. His chiseled features would have been too harsh on a mere mortal, but gave him a unique appearance—as if he was sprung from a well of dreams. I suppose he was.

And he knew very well the effect he had on me.

Haden didn’t feign ignorance about his sex appeal—he enjoyed the attention, courted the reaction. That’s not to say he was egotistical. He’d be the first to admit his failings. His smoldering appeal was just part of what made him Haden. Desire was a natural state of being in his world—using it, feeling it, receiving it was all the same to him.

As if he knew what I was thinking, a slow grin eased across his face. So much of our courtship had been spent by me trying to cipher whether Haden had really wanted me or not. He had pushed me away every time he had drawn me close, and the seesaw of tumultuous emotions had been exhausting.

I didn’t have to wonder now.

When Haden looked at me, I no longer felt perplexed by his feelings. His heart beat strong and true, and there was nothing ambiguous about the desire I read in his eyes. He wove a spell over me, enticing me from the safe world I’d been sheltered in and into a place where I didn’t know my way but trusted that I would find it with him.

Heat kindled the air between us. Nerves dashed throughout my body, making me aware with prickles and tingles that I was not just nervous—but also excited.

Haden said, “Your cheeks are pink.”

I didn’t answer, but my skin felt too hot and tight and my lips were parched. I licked them and Haden inhaled sharply.

Answering my questioning look, he said, “Sorry. I’m a little too focused on your mouth right now. Perhaps we should change the subject.”

“I’m not sure we were talking about anything.”
Was he blushing?
It was nice to know that he was just as overwhelmed by his feelings. It made me feel like my lack of experience wasn’t as monumentally important—that we were both charting new waters.

“Well, we should talk about something, then. Something normal couples talk about,” he said.

Unfortunately, that would be easier said than done. “I have no idea what normal couples say to each other. I’ve never even been on a date before.”

A wistful expression softened his features. “Me either. Someday, we should try for a really normal one. Maybe go to a movie or bowling.”

“Bowling?” I laughed, imagining Haden in rented bowling shoes. “Okay.”

Haden cleared his throat. “I have no idea what is wrong with the male population of Serendipity Falls, but I can’t tell you how much it means to me that I will be your first.”

I glanced up sharply, but realized he meant first date, not first . . . lover. Still, the words hung between us as if suspended in a cloud. He realized what he’d said and his eyes widened. Suddenly his dessert plate became very interesting and he concentrated on his mousse.

The part of me that wasn’t embarrassed loved that he bounced between dark, dangerous demon and slightly awkward boy. It made up for my mostly awkward girl moments.

I pushed the spoon through the mousse, trying to think of small talk that would defuse the tension. I couldn’t think of anything to say that would qualify as inane chatter when there were so many things that needed to be discussed. Things we’d avoided since my return.

I didn’t know what I was and I didn’t know what I was capable of anymore. Under had changed me in more ways than one and he was the only one who could understand. I looked up to find him watching me intently.

“What is it?” he asked. “And don’t tell me ‘nothing’ because you are a horrible liar.”

I bit my lip. “I have questions.”

Haden leaned back casually, but there was something so ethereal about the way he moved sometimes that it didn’t seem as casual as he probably thought it was. “You know I’ll answer whatever I can, Theia.”

I had to know. “The summoning spell our friends performed . . . the one that brought us both back from Under last week . . . it was a demon summoning, right?”

Haden nodded, knowing where I was headed with my questions but letting me form them.

“So, I’m a demon then . . . since it obviously worked on both of us?”

“You have demon attributes because you made a pact with Mara using blood. You’re not a demon, though. Not technically.”

I closed my eyes and relived the memory of almost stealing Haden’s essence while I was “not technically” a demon in Under. “She taught me things.” I couldn’t look at him. “Mara showed me how she steals souls from people in their sleep. She taught me how to be a mare demon—like her.”

“Did you—?”

I shook my head. “I almost did, that one night . . .” The hunger I had felt that night would haunt me forever. It was like being possessed—like I was watching something else take over my body and mind while I stood in a corner unable to stop it.

“I remember,” he said simply. Quietly. Of course he remembered the night I almost took his human soul. “But you stopped, Theia. You overcame it.”

But would I be able to stop the next time?

The unnatural desire had racked my body physically, but what it did to my mind was much, much worse. The primal urge to feed overcame everything and became who I was for those few hours. My entire sense of self boiled down to my needs and urges. The person I knew myself to be was an annoying gnat to demon blood trying to take over. I was weak and useless. I was a silent scream.

A mare demon usually preys on human victims in their sleep. I didn’t know all the correct demon taxonomy, but as a species, humans tend to lump the mare together with sex demons like incubi and succubi. The myths say the demons visit the sleeping humans and feed them nightmares—sometimes erotic ones—while absorbing the essence, the soul, of their prey. What the myths don’t talk about is that mare demons can feed on souls that are awake as well—and the demons use their demon-given charms, called the Lure, to entice their prey into wanting to hand over their essence gladly, just to be near the mare demon. The demons absorb the human spirit through touching and kissing . . . and other, more intimate ways.

“Have you ever fed on a person’s soul?” I asked, but wasn’t sure I wanted the answer.

“I don’t need to feed to survive, because I’m half-human. I’ve never drained a soul completely—but I have to admit that I’ve swiped a bit of essence now and then. Does that bother you?”

Well, it didn’t make me think of puppies and rainbows. “You’re a demon, Haden. There are things that I have to expect will make me uncomfortable.”

“It doesn’t hurt them if you just take a bit. I know that isn’t an excuse, and I haven’t done it in a while. It’s not always easy to resist.” He didn’t look away from me, almost as if he was daring me to turn away from him. As if I had any right to judge.

“I understand that it’s difficult.” I didn’t want to admit how difficult it had become. “I have these cravings that come and go. Fleeting, really,” I lied. “That night she showed me how to take your soul . . . it was so hard to stop myself. . . .”

Haden covered my hand with his warm one and I instantly felt calmer. “If we can find a way to rid you of her curse, I swear I will do anything.”

“I worry that we’ve made a horrible mistake bringing me back, Haden. I think everyone was safer when I was trapped in Under.”

Sometimes during the last week, I even missed Under a little. It was dangerous, and yet there was an eerie, captivating beauty to it also.

A string quartet began playing in the distance. I couldn’t see the musicians, but the haunting song reached into my soul, entwining around my memories and dreams, twisting, turning, and reliving them . . . making the melancholy sweet . . . turning the sweet arcane. My eyelids drifted shut and the sound washed over me. I hadn’t picked up my violin since I’d returned from Under. When I opened my eyes, I found my suitor standing in front of me, offering his hand and all of his old-world charm.

“The way you catch the light takes my breath away, Theia.”

Haden sent me a smoldering look, the kind that made me glad I was already sitting down, because my knees would have been useless. He arched one brow, quite aware that he was undoing me with just a look and quite proud of himself for it.

I placed my hand in his, sliding my palm across his until our fingers linked, and he pulled me out of my seat. He pressed an openmouthed kiss against the back of my hand, curling my toes with wicked pleasure.

We began to dance in an elegant pattern of a waltz he’d taught me before we knew that our hearts would shatter a million times in our quest to be together. This time during the dance, Haden touched me, something he’d been unwilling to chance when we first met. The weight of his hand on my back was not as heavy as the gravity of his gaze. The twinkling lights danced in the reflection of his onyx eyes. I wanted to capture this moment like a firefly in a jar.

We moved together as if we’d been dancing partners for centuries, when in fact I’d never danced until Haden taught me. I loved him more in that moment than I thought possible, but I felt a sadness seeping between us. We danced as if we had no worries, and yet we knew full well what torment might come.

We twirled and dipped and the world raced around us to keep up.

He scanned the horizon. “It’s almost time.”

“So soon? It feels like I just got here.”

Haden kissed my temple. “Good morning, Theia.”

I blinked, and my bedroom was awash in the light of a brand-new day.

CHAPTER TWO

M
y best friends were waiting for me at our usual before-school bench in front of the main building. I stood back a moment. I didn’t remember ever being nervous about spending time with Donny and Amelia, but there it was, coiling in my stomach like an angry snake.

I’d seen them since they brought me back with the summoning spell, but this was different. This was about walking back into my old life, picking it up where I’d set it down. What if it didn’t fit anymore? What if
I
didn’t fit anymore?

Amelia was telling a story of some kind. I couldn’t hear her words but, as usual, she used her whole body to talk. She’d dyed the ends of her black hair pink and she wore black leggings under a denim miniskirt, a tie-dyed T-shirt, arm warmers, and Dr. Seuss Chuck Taylors. Donny was laughing at whatever Ame was telling her, her dangly earrings catching glints of sunlight. If that didn’t attract attention, surely her tight T-shirt would, especially since it just grazed the top of her belly button ring.

Ame caught sight of me over Donny’s shoulder. Her smile was brighter than the sun and she raced towards me.

I let go of my fear and met her halfway. We squealed and clung to each other. She smelled like pears and the incense from the metaphysical bookstore she loved to go to.

She pulled back enough to look at my face. “I bought everything we need to do a super-duper protection spell. It’s totally going to work this time. Can we meet tonight?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Did you get it from the Internet?” I asked. “And your hair is pink. It wasn’t pink the other day, was it?”

She put her arm around my shoulder and walked me towards the bench. “No. I couldn’t sleep last night, so I colored it. And no, not the Internet. I found a really old book of magic at the thrift store last week. It’s the real deal. It’s not even all in English. Varnie and I had to meditate over a few of the pages to get the secret text to show up.”

“It sounds amazing. You think it will work on Mara?”

Ame bounced on the balls of her feet. “Totally. You’ll see.”

Amelia had learned a lot about the metaphysical world lately, especially being tutored by Varnie. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Varnie lately.”

Varnie and Haden were odd roommates, but it seemed to work for them both. I’d first met Varnie when he was dressed like a woman reading tarot cards. Apparently, his clients took him more seriously in a muumuu and turban than as a nineteen-year-old surfer. His methods were unconventional, but his clairvoyance was real.

“He’s so amazing,” Amelia enthused. “He’s not only a psychic—he’s more than just intuitive. He’s taught me soooo much. He says I’m a natural. We were both a little freaked out by how strong my powers got so fast. It’s like someone just flipped a switch in my head and I’m this metaphysical badass now.”

“I’m really happy for you, Amelia. I know you’ve always been interested in that world, and I’m glad you’re learning new things. But please be careful. Mara’s dark magic isn’t a good place to try your wings. I’ve seen what she does to people—what she did to me. I don’t think she’s going to give up and I’m afraid I’ve put you all in her line of fire.”

Ame scoffed. “It’s not your fault. If she comes back, we’ll deal with her, just like we’ve done before.”

She didn’t understand. “Mara torments people. I think some of the creatures that live in Under used to be human. Now, they’re just . . . warped. I told you about the handmaids, right? There were three of them that went everywhere together. And they were stitched together from each other’s body parts. Someone hacked them apart and put them back together as if they were interchangeable.” I shuddered, remembering the black floss stitches that had sewn their wobbly heads to their necks, how their eyes had been mix-and-matched. “I’m serious, Amelia. I don’t want you poking around magic when it comes to Mara. You’re in over your head.”

Amelia’s brow furrowed, but not because she was worried about Mara. Because she was worried about me. “I know she’s powerful—but there is a reason that her kind of magic doesn’t rule the world. The good stuff—the kind that creates balance and harmony—it always wins in the end. Just remember, a dark shadow needs light to exist—but light doesn’t need darkness to be luminous.”

I hugged her tightly. She was so precious to me and I appreciated her more now than ever. “Thank you for being just the way you are. I love you.”

We rocked a bit. “I love you too, Theia.”

Donny sighed heavily. “Oh, my God, are you two about done? I’ve heard enough psychobabble this spring to last me through at least ten of my supposed reincarnations.”

I let go of Amelia and turned to Donny and laughed.

“Hey, English.” We made eye contact and she said with her eyes all the mushy things she would never utter out loud. Instead, she grabbed an iced coffee for me from the cardboard carrier on the bench and said, “I asked for an extra shot of chocolate for you.”

That was good enough for me. I loved my friends.

Awkward silence ate up the time as the three of us tried to decide where to begin with the conversation now that the welcome-back portion of our morning was done.

“Can we start with normal, everyday things?” I asked after I had my first sip. “I just really want to feel normal for a change.”

Ame began, “I totally froze on the SAT last week. I started geeking out about how important it was and couldn’t read the questions, let alone come up with the answers.”

I patted her back. “Oh, Ame. I’m sorry. You can retake it in the fall, right?”

She nodded. “Yeah—and you’ll be able to take it then since you . . . missed it.”

The iced coffee tasted wonderful, so I concentrated on that instead of what else I’d missed. Luckily, Haden still had many loyal servants who had made sure I was well cared for during my time in Under. I didn’t think he knew how much they still loved their prince there.

Ame shoulder-bumped me and coerced a small smile from my lips. I looked into her almond-shaped eyes and found the comfort I’d missed so much while I was gone. Ame never failed to mother everyone she came into contact with. Her maternal instincts were spot-on. She always knew when I needed a hug or a word of encouragement.

She had a great mom of her own, but she still understood what I was going through when I missed the mother I never knew. Amelia had been adopted from Korea as a baby and even though her parents loved her, there was a part of her that felt the same loss I did from time to time. Her adoptive parents were so different from her physically that Ame often overcompensated by dressing even more alternatively, as if drawing attention to her clothes would draw people’s focus away from her Asian features. It was only recently that she had stopped trying to—how did Donny say it?—
de-Asian
herself. I loved how she was starting to play up the shape of her eyes with eyeliner and no longer bleaching her hair to match her blond mom’s.

Another long pause allowed me to take a huge drink. There were no iced coffees in Under, at least none that I’d found. I was always very wary of what I ate and drank there anyway—it was a type of hell after all. The cuisine was often so fresh it still writhed on its serving platter.

“You’re not mad at me that I went to prom with Haden while you were gone, are you?” Amelia blurted out, surprising me so that I almost spit out a mouthful of my drink. Apparently she’d been trying to keep that one in for a while.

“Of course not,” I said. “Haden told me you went together. I just wish it had been more fun.”

“Well,” Donny said, “the whole night wasn’t a waste. Gabe finally put out. He was so freaked out by that séance we had after the dance that he forgot he was being a prude. He was all ‘Hold me, baby.’”

“There’s something to be said for extreme fear,” Ame said and then giggled.

Just then, Gabe, the boy who Donny pretended wasn’t her boyfriend but most assuredly was, appeared. “Cheerios, Theia.”

He hadn’t heard us talking about him, thankfully, and had no idea why we were laughing so hard. When I was able to bring myself under control, I answered, “Cheerios, Gabe.”

He’d mistakenly thought that all British people said “Cheerios” to one another in greeting, and I’d yet to bother correcting him. It was cute.
He
was cute. I don’t remember Gabe ever going through an awkward phase during our freshman year when the rest of us did. He never needed braces, his sandy brown hair landed in perfect waves, his skin was always clear, and he was a natural athlete.

Everything about Gabe made him the wrong guy for Donny, except that he was perfect for her. Much to her chagrin.

Donny believed that variety was the spice of life—and she liked her love life very spicy indeed. She’d earned herself a reputation, but it had never bothered her. In fact, she was somewhat proud of it. If she’d been born a guy, she would have been known as a player. Since she’d been born a girl, instead they called her names like “slut.”

Somehow, though, Gabe had managed to really get under her skin. And stay there. And he was a sneetch, of all things. Donny had nicknamed the popular crowd at our school “sneetches,” from a Dr. Seuss book where the Star-Belly Sneetches thought they were better than the other sneetches born without stars. Donny had no use for the sneetches other than to mock them. And now she was dating one. Exclusively. It must be killing her a little.

A boy I didn’t recognize stopped in front of us and stared at me. He looked younger—possibly a freshman, definitely not a sneetch. He worked his mouth open and closed a few times, as if searching for words that refused to come.

“Hello,” I prompted.

He blinked hard and dropped the stack of papers in his hands. It looked like it was an essay or a report, something important, so I crouched down to help him collect the pages.

“You don’t have to—I mean . . . it’s okay. . . . I’m sorry,” he rambled, trying to hide that he was shaking while he picked up his papers. We stood up and I handed him what I had gathered. He stammered some more. “It’s just . . . you’re nice . . . and I . . .”

“Are you all right, dude?” Donny asked.

“She’s so pretty,” he replied, his face turning beet red. “I’m so stupid.” And then he ran.

We all looked at one another, dumbfounded. “Well, that was thirty-one flavors of weird,” Ame said.

Donny slugged down the rest of her coffee. “I have to get to class. One more tardy and I have Saturday school.” She squeezed my arm as she passed.

Haden texted me that he would be late, so Amelia and Gabe headed to class and I made my way to the admin office. By the time I got my paperwork signed and in order, the hall was empty but for one other student. I didn’t recognize her at first. Brittany Blakely, one of Haden’s admirers and homecoming queen three years in a row, ambled down the hall like a zombie. Her blond hair, normally bouncy and shiny, hung lankly in a messy ponytail. Instead of her normal cheer uniform or miniskirt, she wore a pair of sweatpants and an oversize T-shirt. Her skin looked sallow, and the dark circles under her eyes made her appear to be hollowing from the inside out.

She didn’t look at me when we passed each other, which I suppose was no big surprise. The sneetches rarely deigned to notice anyone who was not in their social circle. I don’t know why it bothered me that she hadn’t even looked at me. I’d always been a doormat to the students at Serendipity High. The only time they’d cared was when my disappearance had become a juicy morsel of intrigue. The more I thought about the way she looked, the more satisfaction I felt. Good. She deserved to be sick. I may have been through hell, literally, but at least I didn’t look like it.

The pattern of light on the opposite wall caught my eye as it became disordered from the shape of the windows. A shadow from nowhere stole across and ate the light, darkening the entire hall for a second. I blinked and a hunger pang began in my center and radiated out through my veins. My mouth filled with saliva and I felt weak. I leaned against the bank of lockers and tried to stop shaking. It wasn’t like the pangs that twist the stomach . . . it came from a deeper place than that. A depth I hadn’t possessed before the curse.

After I took a few deep breaths, the consuming hunger was gone as quickly as it had come upon me, leaving me breathless and clammy but otherwise back to normal. I splashed water on my face from the drinking fountain and tried to reason away the sense of impending doom that something wasn’t right.

I leaned against the wall and tried to collect myself. I didn’t really want Brittany to be sick—that was just my petty jealousy. It was only natural to feel jealous from time to time, I rationalized. Other girls said catty things about one another all the time. It didn’t mean I really wished her harm. And the dizzy spell . . . Well, I hadn’t eaten anything before school. I was a bundle of nerves before I had even added the caffeine. That was all.

Surely, that was all.

*  *  *

Looking forward to my trig class was a new experience for me, but it was the only class I had with Amelia, and I needed to see a friendly face.

She met me outside the door. One look at me and her sunny smile slid into a frown. “You okay?” she asked.

“Everyone is staring at me. I’m used to them ignoring me, but now they are staring and ignoring.” I hated being the focal point. I preferred the background to the foreground. “Sometimes I hear whispering, but I can’t make out what they’re saying.”

Ame shrugged. “They’ll get bored soon.”

“Is my seat still open?” I asked as we entered the room. Our seats weren’t assigned in that class, but in the hierarchy of high school politics, there were still rules about seating. The last thing I needed was to anger someone by taking a chair that no longer belonged to me.

“Of course it is.” She tugged my sleeve. “What kind of friend do you think I am? I saved your seat because I knew you would be back.”

When class began, I opened my book and tried to follow along. Unfortunately, while I was a good student, I had just missed too much to pick up that day’s lesson. Which meant that instead of concentrating on the law of tangents, my mind went off on a tangent of its own.