Dreams Die First (31 page)

“It’s true,” she said. “But I wasn’t sure. Three days ago he assigned me to an awareness trip.”

“What’s that?”

“Mescaline. To expand the consciousness.” She reached out and touched my face lightly. The pupils of her eyes were dilated. “Even now I’m not sure that it’s really you and that I’m not tripping.”

“It’s really me.”

“I’m not sure.” She began to cry. “I’m not sure of anything anymore.”

I pulled her head down to my chest. “It’s real.”

She was silent for a moment. “Bobby and Eileen are here with you, too?”

“Yes.”

“I thought so. I felt them, too.” She moved away from me. “But it was you that drew me. I followed your aura from the Retreat.”

I was silent.

She fished in her shirt pocket and came up with a machine-rolled yellow-papered joint and lit it. She took two heavy tokes, then passed it to me. I dragged deeply. It zapped me like an explosion. I’d never had grass like this.

“Where did this come from?” I asked. “It’s dynamite.”

“It grows all over the place. This is doper’s paradise. Mescaline, peyote, marijuana and a hundred others that I don’t even know the names of. All you have to do is go out into the field and pick them.” She took the joint from my fingers and pinched it out. Carefully she put it back into her pocket.

She got to her feet and looked down at me. “I’ll have to go back now. Before the people in the fields report that they saw me come down here.”

I felt very relaxed. “What difference does it make? They probably never even noticed. They didn’t even look up when we drove by in the car.”

“They saw you. But it didn’t matter. They were all stoned.”

“Stoned? Then how could they work?”

She laughed. “They don’t work.”

“But the crops—”

“That’s a big joke. We really don’t grow anything out there. We just go out to meditate. Carillo sends in all the food that we need. We don’t have to do anything except prepare ourselves for the second plane.”

“Is everybody on shit?”

“Almost everybody. Some aren’t. But they’re already second plane and they can achieve without help. Brother Jonathan is first plane. He doesn’t need anything.”

I remembered the whiskey he had hidden in the office at Fullerton. Maybe he wasn’t quite as cool as Denise thought.

“Come home with me,” I said.

“I can’t. I’m just beginning to be able to deal with the desires of my flesh. I know I can go all the way.”

“All what way?”

“Toward freedom, Gareth. To a point where I can soar far above the earth without my body and communicate my spirit to everyone I want. I will dwell on many planets and on many levels of consciousness. I will be one with the universe.”

I was silent.

She bent down over me. “You won’t tell anyone that we met?”

“I won’t.”

A faint smile came to her lips. “Goodbye, Gareth. Peace and love.”

“Peace and love,” I answered.

But she was already gone. Slowly I got to my feet. I felt dizzy and put a hand against the tree to steady myself. The whole thing felt unreal. I began to wonder whether it had ever happened or whether I was hallucinating from the grass or too much heat and sun. Then the dizziness passed and I made my way back to the village. The armed guards were waiting for me. They let me pass without speaking and then, maintaining a discreet distance, followed me back to the car.

CHAPTER 43

The bus had moved into the field and the equipment was being loaded for the move to the next location. King Dong and the models were already aboard as I came up. Bobby turned toward me. “Coming with us?”

I shook my head. “I think I’ll go back.” I looked at Eileen and Marissa. “I can find my way if you want to go with them.”

Eileen answered for both of them. “We’ll go back with you.”

Bobby climbed into the bus. “Okay. See you tonight then.”

We walked back to our car. Marissa turned it around and we started back the way we had come. They were still working in the fields as we drove by. I looked at them more carefully this time. They had to be high. There was a languor about them that did not suggest heavy work.

As we came to the gate of the Retreat, I impulsively told Marissa to turn in. I asked them to wait in the car for a moment while I went inside.

Brother Jonathan wasn’t in his office. I went down to the commissary. The dining room was empty, so I went back to the kitchen, where a few men and women were working.

“Peace and love,” I said. “Is Brother Jonathan around?”

“Peace and love,” they chorused.

The man nearest me answered. “He’s not in the office?”

“No.”

They glanced at each other; then the young man stepped forward. “I’ll find him for you.”

“I don’t want to disturb your work. Just tell me where to find him.”

“No trouble. He’s probably in the laboratory.”

“Laboratory?”

He smiled. “That’s what we call the chapel down here.” I followed him into the dining room. “If you wait here, I’ll be back in a moment,” he said.

I fished a cigarette from my pocket. He returned alone a few minutes later.

“Brother Jonathan apologizes for not being able to see you,” he said. “But he is conducting a supplicant through transition and cannot leave.”

“How long will it take?”

“One never knows,” the young man answered. “Supplicants in transit can take anywhere from ten minutes to three days to disconnect.”

I thought for a moment. “Would you answer a question?”

“Of course.” The young man smiled. “We are all here to help and serve.”

“What happens if a candidate for the second plane can’t cut it?”

“Nothing. But it hasn’t happened yet. We are all very determined to reach our goal.”

“But if a candidate should change his mind, can he go home?”

He smiled again. “We’re not prisoners here. We came of our own free will. We can leave the same way.” He reached into his shirt pocket and came out with an airline ticket. He handed it to me. “On arrival all of us are given a return ticket home. One of the rules is that we always carry it on us as a reminder that we can leave if we want to.”

I looked at the ticket. It was an open return to Chicago. Prepaid. I gave it back to him without comment.

He put it back in his pocket. “Not one of us has ever used the ticket,” he said proudly.

“Thank you,” I said. “Peace and love.”

“Peace and love,” he answered.

I was almost at the door when I turned back. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I almost forgot. I meant to ask Brother Jonathan for a few of those Js you roll here. The ones in the yellow paper.”

“Sure thing.” He fished in his breast pocket and came up with three cigarettes, which he held out to me. “Will that be enough?”

“I don’t want to take your last,” I said.

“I can always get more. We get four a day.”

I put them in my pocket. “Thank you again.”

“You’re welcome. Peace and love.”

“Peace and love.” I went outside to the car. No wonder no one ever left. With four of those sticks a day they were walking on clouds. And who in their right mind would want to leave heaven?

Marissa’s voice broke into my thoughts. “Where to now?”

“Back to the hotel.” The first thing I planned to do when I got back to Los Angeles was to send these sticks to a laboratory for analysis. I was dead certain that there was something more than marijuana in them. And if I was right, I was going to see Reverend Sam about it. He was entitled to know what was going on in his own Retreat.

***

It was past four o’clock by the time we got back to the hotel and Lonergan had not yet returned. We stood at the desk in the lobby. “Want to join us for a drink?” I asked Marissa.

“I think I’d better get up to the office,” she said. “I’ve been out all day and things have a way of piling up.”

I nodded. “Dinner tonight?”

She smiled. “Of course.”

I had an idea. “Can I have dinner served in the cottage? I’m getting a little tired of eating with all those people around.”

“You can have anything you want. Just tell me what time and how many people.”

“Just the three of us,” I said.

“It is done.”

“Another thing. Could you have the plane stand by to take me back to LA at two o’clock tomorrow afternoon?”

“No problem. Do you want me to drive you down to the bungalow before I go upstairs?”

“That’s okay. We’ll walk. I could use the exercise.”

The sun was still hot and by the time Eileen and I reached the cottage I was soaking wet. The small patio pool looked inviting. “Swim?” I asked.

We stripped right there and jumped in. The water was warm but refreshing. I held on to the side of the pool and yelled for the butler.

“
Sí, señor?
” His expression didn’t change when he saw our nudity.

“Planter’s punch?” I asked Eileen. She nodded. I held up two fingers. “
Dos.
”

He grinned. “
Sí, señor. Dos
planter’s punch.”

I swam over to Eileen. “It’s not a bad life.”

“You have something on your mind.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I know you,” she said flatly. “What is it?”

“I don’t know,” I said truthfully. “I really don’t know.”

She watched me silently.

I did a slow crawl up and down the pool, then stopped in front of her. “I wish I did know. But thinking doesn’t seem to help. It’s jungle instinct. Something I picked up in Nam. Nothing I can put my finger on. But everything seems just a beat off center.”

She leaned over and kissed me. “I have faith. You’ll figure it out.”

The butler came out with the drinks on a silver tray. He put it down at the edge of the pool and went back inside. We picked up our glasses.

“To the good life,” I said.

“The good life.”

We sipped our drink. It was potent. He must have used four different kinds of rum to create this explosive combination. “Whoo-oo,” she said huskily. “It feels like liquid fire.”

I laughed. She was right. It was instant high. I put my drink down. “Did you ever have your pussy eaten under water?”

She giggled, already a little drunk. “Can’t say that I have.”

I took the glass from her hand and put it down next to mine. “Brace yourself then,” I said. And dived.

***

Bobby came back around eight o’clock. He sprawled in the living-room chair. “I’ve had it,” he said. “The next time I get a brilliant idea don’t let me do it.”

“What you need is a snort,” I said, opening the drawer in the cocktail table. I took out the small jar and a silver spoon and handed it to him.

He inhaled two spoons in each nostril before giving it back to me. I put one away, then closed the jar and returned it to the drawer. “How’s that?” I asked.

His eyes were shining. “Yeah!”

“Finish?”

He nodded. “Just made it before we lost the light.” He leaned toward me. “Do you know how big that guy’s cock really is?”

“I really don’t care,” I said.

“He told us twelve inches, but it’s really fourteen and a half.”

“Why would he say it’s smaller than it really is?”

“That’s what I asked him,” Bobby replied. “He looked at me with his sad brown eyes and said in a hurt voice, ‘Ah don’ want people to think I’m a freak.’”

I laughed. “How’d you happen to find out?”

“Samantha. She got him up, then sprang a tape measure on him.” He held out his hand. “Hit me again.”

I passed him the coke and he took two more snorts. “Shit, I needed that.” He got to his feet. “What are you doing for dinner?”

“Quiet. Just Eileen, Marissa and me.”

“Why don’t you come over to our cottage afterward?” he said. “We might have some fun. Danny and the girls each threw two hundred dollars into a prong poker pool. It all started when Danny said that he could take more of King Dong than any of them.”

“I think the heat’s gotten to all of you.”

“It was bound to happen,” he said. “King Dong got to all of them. The same thing happened the last time I did a session with him.”

“He’s got to be the eighth wonder of the world,” I said.

“He doesn’t think so. He says his kid brother is bigger.”

“Now that would make a layout. Why don’t you shoot both of them together?”

“Can’t,” he answered. “The kid’s only fifteen.” He started for the door, then stopped. “Incidentally, you know who’s got the real hots for him?”

I looked at him.

“Dieter,” he said. “He came by at the end of our session. He volunteered to be the judge tonight.”

“What was he doing out there?”

“I don’t know. We were shooting in a flower field in back of the house. He came from there. When we were finished, he went back inside.”

I lit a cigarette and got to my feet. “I’ve asked the plane to stand by to take me back tomorrow afternoon. Want to stay down and finish the set here or come back with me?”

Bobby didn’t hesitate. “I’ve had it here. I’ll go back with you.”

CHAPTER 44

I leaned back in the tub. The soft fragrance of the perfumed bubbles and the grass was better than the greatest incense in the world. I watched Eileen go from the makeup table to the closet door. “Hey, you’re looking good,” I said.

I meant it. Standing there naked, she was like a vision out of a wet dream. “I don’t know what to wear,” she said.

“What difference does it make? It’s just the three of us.”

She threw me a look which said I was stupid. She took a long black dress and held it against her. “What do you think?”

“That’s fine.”

She replaced it and took out another. A flowing pink-beige chiffon. “How about this one?”

“That’s good, too.”

“You’re no help,” she said in a disgusted tone and turned back to the closet. “I should have brought the white Loris Azzaro.”

I took another toke as the telephone rang. “Will you get that?” I asked.

She picked up the receiver. “Yes?” She listened for a moment, then brought the phone over to the side of the tub. “It’s Uncle John,” she said, handing it to me.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Right now I’m stoned and sitting in the bathtub watching a fashion show.”

There was disapproval in his voice. “I’m serious.”