Dreams (New Beginnings Book 3)
Read Dreams (New Beginnings Book 3) Online
Authors: Michelle Lynn
Dreams
A New Beginnings Novel
By
Michelle Lynn
All rights reserved
.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are used fictitiously and any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2016 by Michelle Lynn
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. Printed in the United States of America
Cover by Rachel Bostwick
For the dreamers.
For anyone whose body tells them “no”.
For the ones who’ve seen a dream die and found a new one to keep going.
For the limited: the disabled, the sick, the grieving, those discriminated against.
For the ones who turn their limits into possibilities.
The end of a dream is only the beginning of something new.
Acknowledgements
Dreams is a labor of love. It tries to ask the question “what now?” when life takes a hard turn. Not all dreams are attainable and that’s okay. People have limits, some more than others. This book and all my books represent my limits. My disability challenges me every day and forced me to become something I never even thought to dream of becoming – an author.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank the people that help me conquer the world from my own house. The ones that help me live a million extraordinary lives, because an ordinary one doesn’t seem attainable at the moment.
My family
– parents, sisters, brother in-laws, and niece – who do more for me than they realize. My parents especially for supporting my writing in every way they can.
My editor and friend,
Patrick – who is always good for a sounding board or just a chat.
Rachel Bostwick
, my ever brilliant cover designer. You continue to amaze me with your ability to read my mind.
Michelle, Kimberly, Bethany, Linda, and Kayla
– my beta readers who never shrink away from the harsh realities of my early drafts.
To everyone at both YAAR and IASD
– this would be a heck of a lot less fun without you.
John, Kelly, Melissa, Chantel, Kristen
and all the other friends I’ve made along the way who offer mutual support and advice – you guys rock.
And finally, to my readers and all book lovers out there
. None of this would mean as much without you.
To read is to imagine. To imagine is to dream. To dream is to live.
How long does it take to be okay again after a loss? Two years? Five? Does it ever get better?
It had been one long year, 365 days, since Taylor Scott lost the only boy she’d ever loved. She remembered all the things people said to her since it happened. Things like “You’re young, it’ll be okay,” or “It’ll just take time.” But now some of that time had passed, and she didn’t feel any better. She didn’t really feel anything at all.
“You okay, sweetie?” her dad asked, giving her a knowing look as he parked the car on the side of the road.
To most of the people in Portland, he was Coach Scott, the man who led the Portland Winterhawks hockey team to the Memorial cup title the year before.
Taylor made a noncommittal sound in the back of her throat, but her dad knew better than to press the issue.
She stepped out onto the curb as her mom detached her three-year-old sister, Evie, from the car-seat. Robin Scott was the ultimate coach’s wife. In junior hockey, the players were just teenagers. Most of them were far from home, living with host families. Robin made sure each and every one of them had everything they needed, including a mother hen. They all loved her. Danny had loved her.
Taylor hadn’t cried at the church a year ago. Her eyes remained dry as they lowered him into the ground. It hadn’t quite felt real yet. That changed as she faced the reality of living without him. She spent the last year in the kind of haze that’s created when you can’t really believe what your life has become. No one ever thinks they’re going to lose the love of their life- at least, not at eighteen.
Today, on the anniversary of Danny’s death, was the memorial service. It was supposed to be happy, a celebration of his life. She didn’t want to cry in front of other people, but she couldn’t bring herself to smile either.
They all expected her to break down at any moment. Her parents watched everything she did, just waiting for the sorrow to overwhelm her. Her friends walked on eggshells around her. After it happened, Danny’s teammates, dealing with their own grief, had rallied around her. Over time, she pushed them away. She pushed everyone away and put her future on hold.
College had been deferred, friends had been forgotten. She didn’t know how she could live her life when she didn’t care about any of it anymore.
Cars lined the long driveway and the street leading up to it. Taylor had made this walk so many times before. The big house in front of her belonged to her best friend Sarah’s family. Sarah was the one friend who held on to Taylor tighter the more she tried to push everyone away.
But it wasn’t just Sarah that’d lived within those walls. For two years before his death, Sarah’s family hosted Danny Brown. He was sixteen when he first arrived. Sarah had raved to Taylor about the cute boy that moved in. When she finally met him, he was goofy and a little out there, but he had a smile that immediately put her at ease. He was cute in an awkward sort of way. It wasn’t long before they were spending every free moment together. Danny loved her with everything he had. He never did anything half-way. It made her feel special, like she could do anything as long as he was there. For two years there was so much joy in their lives.
A month before it happened, Danny was drafted in the second round by the Tampa Bay Lightning. She knew he probably wouldn’t make the team for at least another year or two, but she planned to go with him when he did. She could go to college anywhere. They had dreams - to be together.
But then they were ripped away the moment she saw him collapse on the ice during training.
“Taylor!” Sarah’s voice cut through Taylor’s thoughts as the door before them was flung open.
“Hey Sarah, dear.” Taylor’s mom shifted Evie – Taylor’s little sister – in her arms so she could give Sarah a one armed hug.
They were welcomed into the throng of people who were there for Danny. He was loved. Whether it be teammates he had over the years or his extensive extended family. Everyone was here.
Sarah looped her arm through Taylor’s and steered her away from her parents to the back of the house.
“Are you okay?” Sarah leaned in to whisper.
“No,” Taylor responded shortly. Sarah was the one person she’d ever admit that to. Over the past year she practically made a sport of convincing people she was fine. No one believed her, but they stopped asking.
It might have been the way she walked through her life like a zombie, not really registering anything. Her parents made her get a job when she decided not to go to college in the fall, mainly to force her to get out of the house.
She couldn’t remember the last time she laughed or had fun. It was an emotionless existence, but it was easier than the alternative, better than forgetting and moving on.
A couple of the guys from the team saw her and took their turns giving her hugs.
“You look beautiful, Tay,” Garret, the captain of the team, whispered into her ear as he squeezed her in a bear hug. “Danny would’ve loved this.” He gestured to the yellow dress she was wearing.
It was a well-known fact that Danny’s favorite color was yellow. He just loved it. And his teammates gave him endless beef about it.
If it was up to Taylor, she wouldn’t be wearing it. Her mom had insisted that she needed to wear something bright for a memorial service and Danny’s color was perfect. It was Taylor’s favorite dress, even though she hadn’t worn it in over a year and knew she’d never wear it again after today.
“Thanks,” she said dully as Garret released her.
“We’re going to miss you around here.”
“Yeah,” Sarah piped in with fake offense in her voice. “I can’t believe you’re leaving me.”
Taylor shrugged. Truth be told, she was glad to be leaving Portland. She only wished Ohio wasn’t her destination. Her dad had been retired from the NHL for fifteen years now and was finally going back, as a coach this time. After winning the Memorial Cup, he was offered an assistant coach position with the Columbus Blue Jackets. He loved his team in Portland, but the NHL was the dream.
Taylor was going with them, but her parents decided it was time for her to restart her life. They were making her start at Ohio State in September. Even worse, they were forcing her to live in the dorms. They thought it would be good for her to meet some new people. They didn’t want to know what she thought about that.
Taylor left them chatting and let her feet take her through the house, towards the stairs that led into the basement. The room was a converted living space for hockey players the family hosted.
Taking the steps slowly, she stood in the open door. Her eyes did a sweep of the familiar surroundings, but it wasn’t the same. The photo of the two of them that Danny had blown up and framed no longer hung on the wall beside the bed. The comforter was black now instead of a light blue.
The scent of cinnamon air fresheners that he loved so much no longer hung in the air.
Someone cleared their throat behind her, and she turned to find a boy watching her. He looked to be a few years younger than herself.
“Can I help you?” he asked.
“What?”
“This is my room.” He pointed behind her. “I just moved in.”
“Oh, sorry.” She moved to walk by him, avoiding his eyes.
“You’re the old coach’s daughter, right?”
The old coach. That stopped her and she turned. Her father was no longer the coach to these guys. If this boy just moved in, he would only play for the new one.
Yeah,
she thought.
Things are changing.
“I’m sorry about that guy,” the boy stammered as she continued to stare at him.
That guy. People always felt obligated to say things like that, even when they didn’t know the person. This boy would play for Danny’s team and never know him. The guys that did know him were starting to move on from junior hockey.
The boy shifted nervously as Taylor stayed quiet.
Finally, she brushed by him without a word. At the top of the stairs, she turned left and rushed by people. A few called her name, but she didn’t stop until she reached the back door. The sounds from inside were instantly muffled as she slid the glass door shut behind her.
Night had fallen, but the summer air was still warm on her skin. The only light came from the full moon overhead, but it was enough.
She slid her feet from her sandals and left them by the door before padding across the concrete to the edge of the pool.
Over the years, she spent a lot of time in that pool. When she and Sarah were on the swim team in high school, they’d spend hours out here practicing. It was large, big enough for three or four people to take laps. Danny would come home from training and cannonball in, disrupting their practice. Sarah would get annoyed, but Taylor could never be mad at Danny for long.
She lowered herself to the ground, the concrete scraping against the back of her legs as she hung her feet into the water. It was a peaceful night - in contrast to the crowd inside. Taylor had grown to appreciate the quiet, preferring to be alone most of the time than with people who felt obligated to fill the space that silence created.
She slid more of her legs into the water, until her butt was on the very edge. In that moment, she knew what she wanted to do to make herself forget.
Her mom would kill her. She had spent quite a bit of time making sure that Taylor’s long brown locks were curled just right. It would probably ruin her dress, but she never planned on wearing it again anyway.
The water was so smooth against her skin. It invited her in. An invitation she accepted as she slid off the edge. There was a second of suspension before her head dipped below the dark water and the world disappeared.
The pool wasn’t deep so her feet hit immediately, the water just skimming the top of her head. She blew out and the bubbles floated by her face before racing up towards the surface. Nothing existed while she was in the water. It had been a long time since she swam, and she suddenly couldn’t understand why. It was the one place she didn’t have to think. The only noise was the blood rushing in her ears. She could almost believe that everything would be right again when she emerged. Almost.
Before long, her lungs started screaming out for a breath. She lifted her feet from the bottom and let herself float up, gasping for air as her head broke through the water. She flipped her sopping hair out of her face and dipped her head back to let the water smooth it. Her dress floated up in a circle around her as she kicked her legs to propel her across the pool slowly.
It wasn’t until she glanced back towards the house that she realized she wasn’t alone. At first, she thought she was imagining things.
Danny?
No. As she peered closer she noticed this person had a bulk to his frame that Danny always failed to achieve.
The man stood silhouetted in the dark, arms crossed and foot resting back against the house, watching her.
“Who is that?” she asked, suddenly angry at the intrusion on her solitude.
“What are you doing in there?” He didn’t bother answering her question as he took a few steps towards the pool.
“Swimming,” she said. “You can go back inside now.”
He didn’t listen to her. Instead, he kicked off his shoes and rolled up the bottoms of his slacks.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
As he moved closer, she started to make out his features. He was tall, with broad shoulders. All man, except that his face still held the roundness of youth. A mop of blond hair sat on top of his head, falling into his eyes.
He hiked his pants up further and sat down with his feet over the edge.
“You looked like you could use some company,” he finally said.
“What if I want to be alone?”
“What you want isn’t always what you need.” He gave her a sad smile. “I’m Josh, by the way.”
###
“Yo, Walker!”
Josh heard his name as soon as he entered the house and turned to find his old teammate, Garret, looming nearby. Josh was a tall guy, but Garret was massive. He was only seventeen when Josh left junior hockey for the big leagues, and had filled out considerably.
“Hey, man,” Josh wheezed as he was wrapped in a bear-hug. The last time he’d seen Garret was a year ago at the funeral, and his friend hadn’t been doing so well. He was close with the kid who died.
“How are you, buddy?” Garret finally released him. “I saw you at the service. I’m glad you came.”
Josh shrugged, but was saved from the traditional “sorries” that he was sure Danny’s friends and family had heard constantly for the past year. He felt an arm tugging on his and looked down to find a short girl with ear-length black hair and red-rimmed eyes looking up at him. She sniffled, and Josh pulled her into a hug as Garret gave them space.
“Sarah Jones,” Josh cooed, smoothing her hair. “This is a memorial service. We’re supposed to be celebrating him.”
“I know.” A harsh laugh escaped her quivering lips. “I just can’t seem to stop crying. I’ve had to hold it together for everyone else, but I can’t stop missing him. It was easier when I was away at school, but now that I’m home and there’s someone new living in his room …”