Dreams to Sell (16 page)

‘Well, it's pricey, Jamie. I'm like a lot of Edinburgh folk – I think it's not for me.'

‘But if you could afford it, there are things you'd like to see? This year, there's that Scottish thing –
A Satire of the Three Estates
– we ought to see that. And then there's a woman with a beautiful voice – I've got some of her records – Kathleen Ferrier, who's giving a recital.' Jamie waved his hands. ‘So, why don't I get us tickets, then? I'll bet they've got some left, though I might have to queue to get them.'

‘They say all the best things are sold out. People from abroad will have booked ages ago.'

‘I could try, anyway. And if all else fails we can have a drink at the Assembly Rooms bar. That won't break the bank!'

‘Haven't you forgotten something?' she asked softly. ‘We don't want to be seen together. I'll bet folk from here will be all over the festival.'

‘Oh, God!' Jamie abruptly left her desk. ‘Why is there always this barrier? Why have we to keep thinking of other people?' He moved to the window and stood with his brow against the pane, staring out at the sunshine. ‘All I want is to be with you, and all I find are difficulties.'

‘Why, Jamie, we're often together,' she cried, hurrying to him, turning him to face her. ‘We go out in your car, we see places, it's wonderful. Absolutely keeps me going, thinking of it, when I'm not with you.'

‘Is that right?' he asked tenderly. ‘I suppose that's true for me, too, but I do feel so bitter that we happen to have met here and that makes such a hell of a difference. You can understand, Roz? You feel the same?'

‘I do, but I just think I'm so lucky, anyway, to have you and be with you when we can. I'm willing to put up with everything else for that.'

‘Ah, Roz, that's so like you.' He pressed her hand. ‘All the time, you keep me right.'

‘Well, if I do, we'd better get back to work.' She laughed a little. ‘There's the telephone!'

They were all right again, back on an even keel, until the weekend when Jamie said it was sweet sorrow time again, as he must go home to the Borders. Well, of course, Roz understood, but it did occur to her that it would have been nice if he'd asked her to go with him. Seemingly, their families were not to be involved, for Jamie had never suggested seeing her mother again, and she had the feeling that she shouldn't suggest it either. And now he was to visit his own mother who might or might not know of Roz's existence. He kept saying how important she was to him, how he only wanted to be with her, yet she didn't even know if she played any part in his life away from her.

Where were they going then? Maybe the time had come to think of that? Or maybe not? Roz decided she must just get through the weekend somehow. Perhaps go to one of the ‘Fringe' events that were outside the festival proper but becoming quite popular?

‘Och, they're just a load of amateurs,' said Norma when Roz asked if she might be interested in going with her, ‘but you know they've had some good reviews. How about one of the comedy shows? I could do with a good laugh. You too, eh?'

‘Why me?'

‘Well, Mr Shield's away this weekend, eh?'

When Roz stood speechless, Norma grinned.

‘Come on, Roz, you don't need to pretend with me. I know there's something between you. What of it? It's no crime, is it?'

‘Oh, Norma, you won't say anything?' Roz had turned a little pale. ‘We work together – you know it'd never be approved of here.'

‘Roz, I promise I won't say a word and I've not said anything up till now, have I?'

‘Do you think anyone else has noticed us?'

‘Not likely! They're all such sticks, they can never see anything that's not a legal document! Now I could tell about you two just by seeing the way you look at each other – even by the way you say each other's names.' Norma smiled triumphantly. ‘But I live in the real world, eh?'

‘I thought, maybe Miss Calder—'

‘Miss Calder? She's just the same as the lawyers. When did she ever see anybody in love? Oh, come on, Roz, stop worrying! Let's fix up to go to a show on Saturday night and forget Tarrel and Thom's!'

‘Oh, yes, let's,' agreed Roz with feeling.

They did go to a comedy show – one held by an amateur group in a church hall – and Roz did manage to forget her worries, joining in the laughter with Norma and not mentioning Jamie's name at all. It was only when she was on her way home in the tram that the worries came back, for how sure could she be that Norma was right and others weren't seeing what seemed to be so plain to her? Mr Banks, for instance? He certainly hadn't said anything so far, but then he might just be waiting to see her and Jamie together somewhere before asking them to step into his office and – what? Give them the sack?

Searching for some comfort, Roz decided she was worrying too much. Maybe they wouldn't be in such trouble after all, even if they were found to have fallen in love. As Norma had said, it was no crime. But in her heart, Roz knew that it wouldn't do either of them any good either, especially not Jamie, who was the professional and would be held responsible. And if the truth were told, their relationship was affecting their work, which was just what Mr Banks would fear. Though Jamie had said they would be absolutely above reproach they hadn't been, for often they couldn't resist spending time talking to each other, looking at each other, just being with each other, instead of concentrating on clients.

Taking a hard, objective view of the situation, Roz felt bad and guilty, and longed to be with Jamie, to have him, somehow, make her feel better. But the only solution she was beginning to see was that she should leave Tarrel's. Find another job. It wouldn't be too difficult, except that it might not be with property and there would be the end to her dreams. But if she still had Jamie, wouldn't it be worth it?

Here the tram rattled to her stop and with some relief Roz alighted and made her way home through the still warm, light evening. Not a word of her worries to Ma, she told herself as she let herself in to the flat, and was only to find out when she went into the living room that her worries at that time would be of no interest. How could they be, when Chrissie, her face white, was sobbing quietly into a wet handkerchief, while Flo, looking stricken, was sitting opposite, shaking her head and murmuring words of comfort that were so clearly not being heard?

‘What's wrong?' cried Roz. ‘For God's sake, what's happened?'

Her mother turned expressionless eyes on her. ‘He's given her up, Roz. It's Richard. He's leaving Edinburgh and he doesn't want to marry her.'

‘Oh, Chrissie!' Roz ran to kneel by her sister's side, to put her arms around her, smooth her poor damp face with a clean handkerchief and whisper again, ‘Oh, Chrissie!'

‘I trusted him, Roz,' Chrissie said hoarsely, her throat swollen with tears. ‘I knew from the start he was the one, and he felt the same about me. He did, he did! Ma, you knew that, eh? You saw how he was with me? Unmistakable, you said, how he felt?'

‘Aye, he was very keen,' Flo murmured. ‘Bit slow at first, but then he was always after you, wherever you were in the café. We all saw that.'

‘Yes, and then he asked me out,' Chrissie cried eagerly. ‘He was always asking me out. And we got so close, I knew that the next thing would be …' Her voice shook and trailed away as she crumpled Roz's handkerchief and wiped her eyes again. ‘… would be getting wed,' she finished. ‘It had to be – we were so in love!'

‘Did he ever say …?' Roz asked hesitantly. ‘Did he ever say – I mean – put it into words? That you would be getting wed?'

‘No, he didn't need to; it was just so plain, Roz, it was understood. That's when I fixed up for you to meet him, because he already knew Ma, and he admired you, said you were so clever when I told him about your job – I wanted him to know all my family, and Dougal would have been next. Oh, there was no question, no question, I tell you – we were going to be married!'

‘So what happened?' Roz asked desperately, glancing at Flo, whose face was so blank with misery, warning bells were already beginning to sound that she would not be able to take this blow. ‘Tell me what happened, Chrissie.'

‘We went for a meal in a little café near the Meadows,' Chrissie said dully. ‘It was packed out with festival folk, and Richard said he wanted to talk, but it was too noisy. So we went to the Meadows and sat down on a bench …'

‘Yes?' asked Roz. ‘He talked? What did he say?'

Chrissie's drenched blue eyes were looking away towards Flo, who was now lighting a cigarette, and Chrissie leaned forward.

‘Ma, could you give me a cigarette, please? Pass one over, and the matches.'

‘I'll not have you smoking, Chrissie!' cried Flo. ‘You gave up and now you want to start again? No, it's bad for you. I should give it up too.'

‘I need a cigarette, Ma. I'm not starting again, but I want a smoke now. And don't say I should have tea instead, because I don't want any tea.'

Chrissie, now red in the face, leaned over and snatched Flo's Woodbines and matches. With trembling fingers she lit a cigarette.

‘There, that's better!' she cried. ‘That helps; it'll get me through.' She moved her gaze to Roz. ‘You were asking what Richard said? He just took my hand and told me he'd been asked to move to England. The bank was opening a new branch in Newcastle and it would mean promotion.'

Chrissie gave a hard little laugh.

‘I thought I knew what was coming next. He was going to ask me if I'd go with him. If I'd marry him. And I was just going to say, “Oh, yes. Oh, Richard, yes!” when he looked into my face and said, “I'm afraid this means goodbye, Chrissie.” So, Roz, that's what he said.' She laughed again. ‘“Goodbye.”'

As Flo gave a groan, Roz took Chrissie's hand and squeezed it. ‘I can't believe it,' she said quietly. ‘That he could be so cruel.'

But she did believe it. Thinking back to her meeting with Richard, she knew she'd sensed in him a disregard for others that had explained her distrust, and that had made her afraid for Chrissie. Yet now she'd been proved right it still seemed hard to take in that he could have been quite so callous. What had he thought? That Chrissie was just a waitress, of no account, enough to please him for a time before being put aside when he was tired? He must have known that she believed him to be serious. Couldn't he have let her down lightly, made it clear from the start there would be no future for them?

Roz felt her colour rise as anger swept through her and she longed to have Richard in front of her so she could tell him what she thought of him. As if he'd care! People like him were invincible; there was no way of touching him, because he didn't care.

‘You're well shot of him,' Flo declared, putting out her cigarette and rising. ‘He's a rotter, and that's all I can say. It's a good job he's not left you with a bairn on the way, eh?'

‘Ma! As if there was any question o' that!' Chrissie cried. ‘I'm not that sort o' fool!'

‘Like I say, just as well. Look, if no one else wants a drink, I do. I'll make some cocoa.'

‘Are you all right, Ma?' Roz whispered as she went to help, taking out cups and a pan for the milk.

‘All right? When Chrissie's like she is?'

‘You know what I mean, Ma.'

‘I'm not going to be ill, Roz. Chrissie needs me and I'll be here for her. No need to worry about me.'

Thank God, thought Roz.

They all had cocoa – Chrissie too, and then she said she'd go to bed.

‘And you needn't go to work on Monday,' Flo told her. ‘Mrs Abbot will understand.'

‘I'm not going back to the café, Ma.' Chrissie, standing with her hand on the doorknob ready to go to her bed, was looking so small, so much a shadow of her usual self that the hearts of Flo and Roz went out to her. But what could they do? Only time would help.

‘I can't face it,' she added wearily. ‘Working where he came … All the girls laughing behind my back because I thought I was so grand, eh? Catching someone like Richard.'

‘They won't be laughing,' said Roz quickly. ‘They'll feel sad for you, because they'll know you loved him. You weren't trying to be grand.'

‘Aye, they're nice lassies,' put in Flo. ‘They'll understand.'

‘I still don't want to work where he used to come,' Chrissie declared. ‘You can tell Mrs Abbot, Ma, that I'm not coming back.'

‘See how you feel, pet. You might feel more like going back after a break.'

But Chrissie only shook her head and went to get ready for bed, while Roz and her mother looked at each other.

‘This has been a bad day, eh?' asked Flo. ‘And one I never thought I'd see. He always seemed the perfect gentleman.'

‘He was no gentleman, Ma.'

‘No, well, I'm thankful you're all right, eh? With your nice Jamie?'

‘I hope so.' Roz collected the cocoa cups for washing as Flo stared.

‘Why, you've no worries, have you?'

‘Oh, no.' Roz's face relaxed. ‘I can't wait to see him again when he comes back on Monday.'

As soon as Jamie came into the department on Monday morning he made straight for Roz's office, where he found her already waiting. They embraced and exchanged kisses, guilty though Roz felt about it, and soon freed herself from his arms and said she had something to tell him.

‘Not bad news, I hope?' he asked lightly, though not smiling.

‘Not good. First, I have to tell you that Norma knows about us.'

‘Oh, Lord, that's all we need. How? How does she know about us?'

‘Just by looking at us, seemingly. She told me on Saturday night before we went to a Fringe show.' Roz took Jamie's hands. ‘But it's all right, she won't say anything – she's promised. We can trust her, Jamie. She wouldn't let us down.'