Drowning in the East River (5 page)

David breathlessly stood up as another couple sidestepped them in the tight hallway. The door slammed urgently behind them as they disappeared into one of the rooms.

He closed his eyes, pressing his forehead to her's, suddenly finding himself overwhelmed by the heat of the moment. "The hallway is spinning." He chuckled softly as he spoke.

Her fingers hovered over the button on his slacks as she struggled to gauge his body language. "Are you sure this is what you want?" Elise asked, a hint of breathlessness in her voice. "I understand what you're going through David. You don't have to do th-“

David threw open the narrow door, and they backed into Elise's tiny bedroom. The bed creaked under his weight as she turned around and maneuvered him into a seated position on her slab of a mattress. Standing in front of him, she guided his hands onto her narrow hips. She slid her cream colored blouse over her head, exposing a thin satin slip underneath. He slid the thin strap off her shoulder. The thin material slipped to the floor like water, exposing the curves of her body underneath.

"El..." David said, shuffling to stand up. He stared up at the pink halo forming around her body in the dim lighting of the room. He pulled off his glasses, and tried to rub life into his burning eyes. “I..."

Elise put her finger to his lips. "Let me."She tugged at his tie, loosening the intricate knot around his neck. She bit her lip as she worked enough of the tiny buttons on his shirt before she could pull the slightly baggy shirt over his head.

With a quiet sigh, David wrapped his lanky arms around Elise's waist, resting his forehead against her bare stomach. Reaching down, she rested her hand on his cheek, guiding his eyes up to meet hers. "Do you want to stop?" She spoke gently, trying to make sure he understood her.

David stood up. Turning Elise around, he gently pushed her down onto the mattress, hiking her skirt up around her waist in one smooth motion.

Elise ran her fingers down his lean torso, sliding his wool pants down his legs. Looking up at him, she flashed him a small smile. She ran her fingers through his hair, brushing it away from his face. Elise yelped softly as he grabbed a small handful of her hair, pulling her face up to look at him and urgently kissing her exposed neck. She closed her eyes, and exhaled softly. Her stomach flipped at the sensation of his soft lips all over her neck.

David lowered himself on-top of her. He inhaled sharply, and every muscle in his body contracted as he slid inside of her. He immediately fell into sharp, primal thrusts. One arm braced her neck, the other supported his weight against the headboard, which pounded against the wall with each rhythmic thrust. David's eyes were squeezed shut, lost in the moment.

Elise laced her hands around the back of neck. Her fingers toyed with his hair as he forced himself deep inside of her. She exhaled deeply with his each thrust. "Oh god," her voice was throaty and breathless, urging him to continue. Her hips writhed, responding to the heat of his body against hers. Her legs wrapped around his waist, trying to keep him deep inside of her. She trailed her nails down his back. "That feels amazing.”

Closing her eyes, the sound of David's breathing dominated the room, each breath becoming quicker with each heated thrust. David let out a sudden cry as his body suddenly went limp, his muscles spasming from the sudden release. He laid on-top of her for a moment, panting as the throbbing sensation of the orgasm faded. His face was buried in her shoulder, his cheeks burned from exertion.

"I'm sorry," David said after a moment of silence. He rolled next to her on the bed. He covered his eyes, focusing on taking a few deep, centering breaths. Staring up at the ceiling, he wiped his eyes, brushing a strand of unruly hair out of his eyes. The moment had passed.

Exhaling sharply, David sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He dropped his head in his hands. His voice was flat as he turned back around to face her. "I shouldn't have done that.”

Pulling the blankets up under her arms, Elise sat up and brushed her wild hair back out of her eyes. "You're fine." She reached out, resting a comforting hand on his elbow There was a pleading lilt to her voice as she continued. "You don't have to feel bad about anything, David.”

David stared with an unwavering intensity at a spot across the room. Sliding next to him, Elise gently ran her fingers between his sweaty shoulder blades, avoiding the jagged, red bayonet and burn scars searing across his back. His muscles quivered with pent up adrenaline.

David dropped his face into his hands, dissolving into heaving sobs. His breath came in shallow bursts.

"Let it all out," Elise said gently, rubbing his back. She pressed her cheek against his bare shoulder as she ran her fingers over his torso. Her voice was breathy as a sigh escaped her lips. "It's okay, David.”

"I killed her," David said, wiping his eyes with the palms of his hands. His shoulders heaved as he took deep, shaky breaths, trying to regain his composure. He squeezed his eyes closed, shutting out the stinging lamp light. "I know it sounds silly, but the more I think about it...I can't shake the feeling that it's all my fault.”

"She died in childbirth. It really, really wasn't your fault." Elise said. She spoke slowly and soothingly. She blinked back the tears beginning to form in her eyes as he let out a pained whimper. She inhaled deeply as she struggled to find the right words. "You can't blame yourself for what happened to her.”

"The doctor told us Jess-she couldn't have any more children. We did it anyway. If we-I-hadn't done that, she'd still be alive. I don't know why I let her go through with it." He wrapped his fingers around a cup which was sitting on the bedside table. With a sudden surge of adrenaline, he hurled it across the room, the ceramic mug shattered as it smashed against the opposite wall.

Elise bit her lip and watched him drop back onto the bed, his body trembling. He dropped his head into his hands, his breathing fast and shallow as he tried to collect himself.

Elise wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder. She listened to his raspy breathing before speaking again. "You didn't kill her. She was your wife...I'm sure she wanted another baby as much as you did." Her words came slow, her voice was gentle. She watched as the blush slowly receded from the pale skin on his neck.

David stretched out on her bed, his hands covering his eyes. Shifting to look up at her, he was finally able to collect himself enough to speak, "Jessica is pregnant." His voice broke slightly as he continued. "She's going to have a baby." His words were slow and thought out, trying to convince himself.

David stood up and walked over to where his jacket was slung over the nightstand. He sat down on the chair and dug through his pockets."We just found out.”

David stared at his reflection in the mirror of her make-up table as he lit a cigarette. With a tired sigh, pushed himself to his feet and walked over to the window overlooking the street. Pausing, he took a deep drag on the cigarette as he watched people mull around busily on the Second Avenue. He turned around, looking at her with confusion."Elise?" He asked, breaking the silence hanging over the room.

Elise stood up and fastened her robe tightly around her waist. She took a seat behind her make-up table. Her hair was frizzy and thick with volume. She repeatedly ran the brush through her hair. Every few strokes, she tugged to work through a particularly dense knot. "I suppose congratulations are order." Elise's voice had an icy twinge to it as she held his eye contact through the glass.

"Sorry," David mumbled, noting the abrupt change in her body language. He looked over at her with wide eyes. He walked over to her, resting a familiar arm on her shoulder. His other hand was clenched nervously at his side."I know you don't like to hear-" He stammered as he continued, trying to make peace with her.

Cutting him off, Elise turned to face him and slowly rose from the chair. She ran her fingers through his hair and forced a friendly smile across her face. "David, you and I have known each other long enough, I hope we could talk as friends." She spoke slowly, trying to calm him down. She ran her fingers down his smooth cheeks. "You look scared to death.”

He paused for a moment. He shifted his eyes and looked out the window. His voice dropped an octave, weighed down with nervousness. "I am." He picked his shirt off the floor and slid it over his shoulder.

"Well," Elise began, resting her hands on her hips. She looked up at him with tentative eye contact. "Are you going to marry the poor girl?" Taking a half-step towards him, Elise one by one began fastening the buttons on his shirt.

"I don't think I have any other choice," David replied. He paused, clearing his throat before continuing. He shifted his gaze, watching her slender fingers work the buttons."I just don't know if I'm ready to be a father. I don't have any clue how to provide for a baby." He forced what turned out to be a nervous chuckle as he wiped at the anxious tears building up in his eyes, "I'm fucking scared to death." An embarrassed blush spreading over his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I don't mea-“

"I won't tell." Elise said. Her lips pursed together, as a smile slowly spread across her face. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and looked him square in the eye. "You know, if you talked to her, you might find she's feeling the exact same way." She brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes and wiped at one of the tears sliding down his cheek.

"I guess," he said, sniffling quietly. He quickly wiped his nose. "We just found out. I've been trying to figure out what I need to do about everything." He paused once again, sniffling. His voice cracked as he continued. "I just felt so awful... She was looking to me for some kind of answer, and nothing was coming to me. How am I supposed to be a father if I can't protect my wife?”

"You don't have to protect her." Elise said, flashing him what she hoped was a comforting smile. "She loves you. I would think she wants to have a baby with you.”

"You're warm," David hiccuped quietly, sniffling. He bit down on his thumb nail; his eyes focused with unwavering intensity on the hardwood floor. He forced out a chuckle, as he wrapped his arms around his body. "I can't stop shivering.”

"What you're feeling is normal," Elise said, wrapping her arms around him.

"I miss her so much," David whimpered. David dissolved into sobs, burying his head in her lap. His hands clutched at the blankets, looking for any support he could find.

"I know you do." Elise gently stroked his ruffled hair as he sobbed into her lap. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply as they fell into silence. The only sound in the room was David's pained sniffling. She spoke slowly, fighting to keep her voice even. "Let it out…"

"She's the only person who's always been there for me," David said, breaking the silence. His sentence was interrupted by his body wracking sobs. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He wiped his eyes and exhaled deeply as he continued. "All that time in Paris, all the shit with my family. She's the only person I've ever been able to lean on." David stood up abruptly, grabbing his pants from where they were in a heap on the floor.

"Please stay, David." Elise reached out for his arm. She spoke quickly, trying to bring about a reaction from him. "I don't have anyone coming all night. You're welcome to sleep here. Don't go back there alone.”

David stumbled as he tried to slide into his pants. A look of forced concentration bled over his face. "I need to get back. That godawful woman is watching Thomas." He spoke slowly, making a concerted effort to not slur his words.

"You're drunk," Elise said. She reached up, refastening her hair in a quick bun at the base of her neck. She reached out for his arm, trying again to get his attention. Her eyes were strong and unwavering as she stepped in front of him, forcing him to make eye contact with her. She grabbed him by the elbow, "If someone's watching the baby, stay here and go back in the morning with a clear head. Don't go out there alone.”

Pulling back from her grasp, David dug in his billfold, dropping a few bills on her dresser. "I have to go." He opened the door, and took a half step out into the hallway.

"You're no good to anyone like th-," Elise shouted after him.