Drowning to Breathe (30 page)

Accepting the call, I pressed it to my ear. “Lyrik, seriously, man, can’t this wait? I’m trying to get my wife pregnant.”

“Your what?” There was no missing the shocked disbelief through the phone, then his silence. For a few awkward beats nothing was said, before I felt the dark smirk slide to his face when he spoke again. “Tell me I didn’t just hear what I think I heard.”

“And what is it you think you heard?”

“Think I heard one of my asshole best friends telling me he went and got married without letting any of us know. And I think I heard him saying something about his naked ass doing some kind of filthy deed where his sweet girl would be tied to his ugly ass for the rest of her life.”

My grin just grew. “Sounds about right.”

“Holy fuck.”

“Yep.”

Ash’s elevated voice carried across the line, like he was shouting toward the phone Lyrik held. “What the hell, dude? Tell me Lyrik is fucking with me, because this shit ain’t cool.”

Lyrik answered, “No fuckery man…asshole went and ditched us for his girl.”

“Holy fuck is right.” Ash just got louder. “You over there corrupting my girl, man? Beautiful Shea,” he hollered, “I’m coming, baby. I’ll save you.”

If I didn’t know my punk-ass friend was completely full of shit, I would’ve knocked him a week from Sunday. But that’s just the way we were. Giving each other crap every chance we got, acting like we were tearing each other down when we were just building each other up.

Shea played right along, yelling toward the speaker I tried with no avail to cover. “Save me, Ash. I’ve been taken against my will, by a sex fiend who won’t let me out of bed, no less.”

She was gonna be tied to it if she kept that shit up.

“On my way, baby girl!” Ash was shouting again, and there was a scuffle, muffled words shouted between Lyrik and Ash, and the faint inclination of Zee coming in on the conversation on the back end.

Knew without a shadow of a doubt my entire crew would have my back. That they’d support this decision I’d made to permanently make Shea a part of my life, because I no longer knew how to go on living without her in it.

Would it affect them? Yeah. You can’t make life-altering changes without it altering your life.

A door slammed and the line went quiet before Lyrik spoke again, this time subdued and without any of the prior mocking in his tone. “What are you gonna do, man?”

“Don’t know yet.”

More silence.

“I get it, Baz. Totally get it. Do what you feel you have to do. Do what makes you happy.”

“I am,” I said, completely honest.

I glanced at Shea who reflected empowering light back at me.

Happy.

For once, I felt it above anything else.

“We’ll figure this shit out.”

It was all encouragement mixed up with his own worry. For so long, it’d just been us, the band and me and my baby brother. Nothing else in this fucked-up world had mattered.

Not until now.

“Talk soon,” he said, before the line went dead and I rolled to my side, Lyrik’s questions raising my own.

A tiny frown bridged Shea’s brow, like she caught onto it, too.

Needing the connection, I wove my fingers through hers. “What are we going to do, Shea?”

Unease slithered through her, before she quietly offered an answer that had no solution. “We kind of rushed into this, didn’t we?”

Soft, admissive laughter fumbled from my mouth. “Yeah.”

No use in lying to ourselves.

We’d rushed.

The reality was we’d been rushing since the moment I’d looked up and found her standing in front of me at that horseshoe booth at
Charlie’s
. She’d arrived like a flood to a parched desert, quenching a thirst I’d never realized I felt, my life barren until she’d breathed across it with her life.

My voice went soft with sincerity. “But I don’t regret it. Not for a second.”

She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, held it there while she gave the slightest shake of her head. “Me, neither. Not at all.”

I swallowed over the lump forming in my throat. “You know, you and Kallie were planning on coming to California to stay for a few days after we wrap up this tour.”

She nodded like she was following my mixed-up train of thought.

“Right after, we have to hit the studio.”

Another nod.

The words grew rough. “I can’t stand the idea of you and Kallie not being there. Of not coming home to my wife every night. Want you falling asleep in my arms and waking up there, too. Come. Stay with me for a while. I’ve got an extra room we can set up for Kallie.”

Mark’s room. Hadn’t touched it since he’d died. The four of us had done nothing more than figuratively board it up, yellow tape and hazard signs posted all around it, because none of us had been ready to deal with the heartbreak we knew would be waiting behind it. Once I’d asked Zee if he wanted to go in and clear out his brother’s stuff, but he’d resisted, saying he wasn’t ready to go there yet.

But maybe it was time we moved on.

“I’ll be sure the guys are all on board. Make sure there’s no nonsense going down while we’re there. We can stay there as long as we need, until you and I figure this shit out. Figure out where we want to live. Where we want to raise our daughter.”

Where we wanted to make a home. Add to it. Make a family.

God, just the thought had both fear and devotion knocking around inside me, the innate need to see it through, to protect and love them, ensure they got everything in this world they deserved.

Joy pulled at every inch of her.

“What?” I asked quietly.

Those eyes flashed. “You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you call her that.”

I squeezed her fingers wrapped in mine. “You don’t know how happy it makes me to be
able
to call her that. You don’t know what you’ve given me, Shea…bringing her into my life.”

“I’d like that,” she finally said through the emotion gathered in her throat. “I can’t wait to tell her.”

I pulled her hand to my mouth and kissed the vacant spot on her left hand ring finger. “First order of business will be puttin’ something pretty on this finger. Told you I wanted you to be showing off my ring. We’ll go find someone who can design you something special…something different. Something you can show off everywhere you go, so people are gonna know you are mine and I am yours.”

Something as unique as my girl.

Sadness traveled through her features that somehow glowed with hope, and her lip trembled as her gaze darted to the wall, before she settled her attention back on me. “I know what I’d like.”

“Anything.”

“My grandma…”

Second she said it, something deep within me tuned in, quick to listen, because I knew whatever was getting ready to pass from her mouth was important.

“You know she left me the house.”

I gave her a slight nod, encouraging her to continue.

“She also left me most of her jewelry…most importantly her wedding ring.”

Tears pooled in her eyes, and she got that expression again, eyes creasing with regret and mouth pulling with remorse. The one she got when she shared the painful moments of her past. “He…it was…it was stolen.” She winced and forced a smile. “Losing it broke my heart.”

My girl fluttered her fingertips along my jaw. “I’d do anything to replace it. To get the spirit of it back so I can wear it to honor her. To honor them.”

Her smile trembled, so full of love and loss, and I gathered her closer. “Shea,” I whispered, and she just continued on. “She and my grandpa…they loved each other unlike anything I’ve ever seen, Sebastian. In a way so pure and beautiful that I remember, even as a little girl, hoping someday I’d get to experience a love like that. My grandma always told me she’d been given a fairy tale. She told me to go out and find one of my own.”

She drew her head back to look at me. “It was unlike anything I’ve witnessed…until you loved me.”

My chest tightened.

Affection profound.

Wrapping me up, layer after layer.

Didn’t think I had the capacity to love like this.

But this girl?

She proved to me I did.

“Nothing would make me happier than giving that to you, Shea.” My smile was soft, and I kissed along the line of her temple where it met with the defined curve of her jaw, part of me wanting to jump out of this bed and track down the fucker who’d taken it from her. Take it back.

“We’ll recreate it.”

Didn’t know if I was talking more about the ring or her grandparents.

Knew all along how much she’d adored them. It had been where she’d felt safest.

And that…that was what I wanted. For her to feel that with me.

Safe.

To know I would always protect her. Stand up for her. Fight for her.

She took my hand and held it up, like this girl was imagining what it would look like for the ring to grace my finger.

“My grandpa’s was simple. Just a platinum band engraved with the word “always” on the inside. And my grandma’s…hers was beautiful.” She squinted, lost in the memory. “Antique and delicate and somehow striking.”

“Do you remember the details?” I asked.

“I will never forget it.”

“Then we’ll make it happen.”

Downstairs, someone pounded on the door. I frowned, hating the idea of breaking up the moment.

“Just ignore it,” I told her.

Fists pounded again, although this time it sounded like a herd of wild animals trying to bust their way in.

Shea’s smile made a resurgence. “We should get that.”

“Do we have to?” I pretended to whine through my grin, and the new onslaught of battering told me we most definitely did.

“Um…yeah. I’m not sure at this point a lock would keep them out.”

I pressed a resigned kiss to my wife’s mouth and rolled from bed. I grabbed a pair of jeans from my suitcase and pulled on a fresh tee, eyeing my girl while she quickly dressed, shorts and tank and everything sweet.

God, I was done for.

I hooked her hand in mine, knuckles pressed to my mouth, before I gave it up and towed her behind me downstairs to the unruly echo of my crew getting rebellious outside.

Quickly, I undid the lock and let the door fly free.

Ash waltzed in with two champagne bottles lifted over his head, knowing smug smile denting the lines on his face. Zee followed closely behind with a handful of flute stems wound between his fingers, Lyrik riding in on all his cool intensity.

Austin came shuffling in behind.

Ash made himself right at home, popped the cap on a bottle of champagne. “Think this calls for a celebration.”

“You think everything calls for a celebration,” I told him wryly.

He just smiled my way as he held up a glass and filled it. “And you say that as if it’s a bad thing.”

We spent a couple hours celebrating with the guys, the mood easy and light, and when they finally left, we texted April and asked her to set Kallie up on Skype.

Told her we had big news.

Through the screen, Kallie grinned at us, blonde curls wild, wild, wild, that toothy smile filling up my heart and my world. She frowned in confusion when we told her we got married and said she already thought we were.

And I wished I were there to wrap her up, take her in my arms, because there was nothing better in this world than a child’s innocence. Especially hers. Her belief in what we were long before it’d even come to pass.

A family.

It seemed word traveled fast. Soon I accepted a congratulatory call from Anthony, laced with some frustration about my impulsiveness getting me in trouble, forgetting details like a pre-nup there was no chance in hell I would have asked her to sign, anyway. Guy was always looking out for me. I got a text from Kenny, then fielded a call from Charlie that was chockfull of encouragement and dripping with warning.

Apparently if I hurt
his girl
he was gonna track me down and I’d be pissing from a bag for the rest of my life.

Noted.

But I just smiled, knowing there was no risk at all.

Shea got a snarky text from Tamar, something about being sure she had me by the dick.

Mission accomplished.

I gave Shea some privacy when April called and they sat on the phone for close to half an hour. Both of them had cried. I totally got it, understood the bond they had. They’d grown up together and had dreamed together. Lived together. Mourned together. Now I’d come in and shaken up that dynamic. Both of them knew the way things had been was coming to an end.

Sometimes when you welcome in something new, the old can no longer remain.

But I’d also been around April enough to know she wanted the best for Shea. The best for Kallie. And just like my guys, she would support Shea through whatever decisions she made.

The day passed, and Shea and I ordered dinner in, sat at that big table set for eight and ate over candlelight. We fed each other pieces of lobster and steak and cheesecake, pretty much acting like a couple of lovesick teenagers, which was exactly the way I felt.

When we finished, I pushed our spent plates aside and set Shea in their place. In the gentle flames of the candles flickering across her face and glowing against the vast bank of windows in the backdrop of night, I made love to my wife.

I spent the rest of the weekend taking her in every room, on every surface, in every way. Fucked and tasted and adored.

Then just like I warned her I would, I turned right around and did it again.

Best. Birthday. Ever.