Dusty Britches (28 page)

Still,
he remained standing next to her
. I
n fact,
he
removed his hat and plunged his own head forward into the water. He b
rushed the water from his face and smoothed his hair back. He looked at her for a long moment. L
ooking
away, he
said,
“
Y
a
know, Dusty…it
’
s time y
a
got over that dog and went on with life.
”

Dusty couldn
’
t believe she
’
d heard him
correctly
.
“
What?
”
she asked in a whisper.

“
I
’
ve been watchin
’
you,
”
he
said
. He looked
at her—studied her—and
the intimidation of being studied by a man so profoundly attractive caused her great discomfort
.
S
he looked away.
“
You
’
ve buried yourself. Y
a
got this old hard shell built around y
a now…a
nd nobody gets through it.
”

Someone gets through it
,
she thought.

She tried to settle the emotions running through her—overtaking her. Yet when she spoke, she knew the turmoil in her soul was evident in her raised voice. “Fine—g
o
ahead. Tell me how awful I am—h
ow selfish and uncaring I am. Go ahead!
”

Ryder grinned.
“
Now that
’
s more the hotheaded you I remember.
”
Yet
his smile faded quickly a
s
he added,
“
I don
’
t have to tell y
a
how you are now. You know it.
”
She l
ooked up to him as he continued,
“
And that
’
s how y
a
want it. It
’
s safer. It
’
s safer to be a coward.
”
He sighed
.
“
It
’
s safer.
”

Dusty looked away as the hot sting of tears seared her
eyes again. Somehow hearing these things from this man hurt her more than hearing them from her sister or her father or Feller or anyone else.
“
Thank you. But I think I
’
m already feeling as bad about myself as I possibly can.
”

“
And it
’
s safer to stay angry,
”
he added, seeming to ignore her plea for relief.
“
I don
’
t know what a
ll went on, Angelina,” he added.
Dusty winced at his calling her by her given name. It had always plucked at her heartstrings as some sort of delightful secret when Ryder called her
Angelina
.
He shook his head and continued, “
But
there
ain
’
t one man on this earth worth ruinin
’
your life for.
”
T
he hair on the back of Dusty
’
s neck prickled slightly
w
hen he added,
“
One person can ruin your life for you…but you shouldn
’t ruin your own life over one person.”

She wondered at the
cliché implication
of his
choice of
words. All this time she
’
d spent lamenting
over
what had happened to her since he
’
d left so long ago. Self-centered and selfishly caught up in
self-pity
, she hadn
’
t even paused to wonder what life had dealt to Ryder Maddox. Besides, she thought, there
was
one man on earth worth ruining your life for. Suddenly
,
she consciously admitte
d again what she’d always known, all this time. T
h
e
one
person
certainly wasn
’
t Cash Richardson
, though he’d hurt her deeply
.
Dusty’s heartbreak
had
taken place
long before she
’
d fallen almost in love with Cash.

“
You and Becca sure prid
e yourselves on knowin’
everything there is to know,
”
she mumbled.

“
I can
’
t speak for Becca…but I do know everything, Miss Britches,
”
Ryder stated, frowning down at her.
“
I
’
ve been watc
hin’ you.” He turned toward her, leaning
one shoulder against the rock wall of the alcove.
“
Y
a
don
’
t smile much. Y
a
laugh…once in a while, maybe. Ain
’
t even a real laugh though. You pull your hair back all tight
in a knot like some old widow…a
nd your hands don
’
t ever hang at your sides or lay in your lap all soft and relaxed
. Y
ou got
’
em clenched into fists anytime you ain
’
t busy. And y
a
work almost harder than any man I know.
”

Dusty looked away quickly, realizing
even
as she stood next to him now, her small hands were indeed fisted.
“
And what does all that possibly matter to you, Ryder Maddox? Who are you to be worryin
’
about me?
”
She felt a
betraying
tear
leave
one
eye and travel down her cheek.

“
A boy you knew once a long time back. A boy who was a friend to you then…and who don
’
t like to see how you
’
ve turned out,
”
he answered plainly and not too kindly. As several more tears escaped her eyes at his almost cruel words
,
he added,
“
And I ain
’
t talkin
’
about the wrappin
’
on the package, Dusty. When you were fourteen years old
,
it was obvious to the world that you
’
d grow up to be a sweet
-
lookin
’
peppermint stick. That ain
’
t what I mean.
”

Dusty brushed angrily at her tears and wondered w
hy she still stood next to him—listening—
enduring his cruel words.

“
It
’
s what
’
s inside you that you
’
re hidin
’
from. And frankly, Dusty…I think y
a
know it
’
s selfish. It makes your daddy unhappy, it makes
Becca unhappy…and anybody else who
tries to friendly up to y
a
.
”

“
Then why are y
ou standin’ here?” she cried
.
“
Why don
’
t you walk your sweet little hind end back to wherever it was Daddy dug you up? Then y
a
won
’
t have to be around someone like me
who
makes everybody miserable!
”
She plunged her head into the water, trying
to cool the heat of her cheeks. She ran
her fingers through her wet hair, keeping her eyes closed. It was too hard to look at him. It was painful to know Ryder stood
so close to her—disappointed in her—
unable to like her.
Somehow, i
t actually hurt more now than it had so long ago.

“
Thank you, but I already know
my hind end is sweet,”
he said.
She glared at him
,
and he grinned at her
with sarcasm
.
“
I like it here. That
’
s why I brought myself back here…sweet little hind end and all!
”
His jaw was tightly clenched, betraying his anger.
“
I like it here better than any place I
’
ve ever been. I just don
’
t like what
’
s happened to you.
”
Again Dusty buried her face in her hands, frustrated that she couldn
’
t stop the tears.
“
You ain
’
t only hurtin
’
yourself, Dusty,
”
he mumbled.
“
You
’
re hurtin
’
your daddy and Becca
—”

“
Yes! I know! You
’
ve told me and told me and told me!
”
Dusty interrupted
. Somehow, she was instantly able
to harden herself
—
able to stop her tears
all
at once.
“
Becca
’
s adored you since she was eight years old, Ryder. You want to spend your time with someone sweet, untouched by disappointment and heartache? Then you spend your time with her! See how she turns out when you leave her!
”
She watched as he winced at the accusation. She reveled in the knowledge she
’
d made guilt bite at him.

“
You blame me, more than you blame him?
”
he asked in a low mumble.

Could he truly still believe she
’
d actually loved Cash? She wanted to scream at him,
I loved you
!
I loved you
,
and you left me
!
But instead
she said
,
“
I don
’
t blame anybody. Just myself. I saw the world all rosy and pink
—l
ove, laughter
,
and sunny days! It
’
s not your fault I was so innocent, is it?
”

Ryder
rubbed his eyes for a moment
and
then his whiskery chin.
“
Nope. It ain
’
t my fault you were so innocent.
”
He looked to her, the brown sugar of his eyes warm and mesmerizing as the light from the lantern flickered in them.
“
It
’
s my fault you quit bein
’
innocent.
”

Dusty didn
’
t argue with him. What was there to say? Call him a liar and prove
to be
a liar herse
lf? He looked away from her—
out at the thin wall of water before them.

“
I had to leave, y
a
know. Your daddy was fallin
’
into hard times with the ranc
h, and that’s what cowboys do—t
hey go where there
’
s work. I told y
a
that
at the time
. You
’
ll never know how many times si
nce then I’ve wished I wouldn’t
a left. How different my life…but I had to go. I
didn’t
want to cause a burden on your mama and daddy. And, anyway, I was startin
’
to…
”
H
e paused and turned back to
ward her. His eyes narrowed;
his expression was completely sincere.
“
Y
ou were the most adorable thing…d
o you know that?
”
He grinned slightly.
“
Funny too. Always findin
’
yourself in some mess. Sweet as a sugar cookie on Sunday.
”
He sighed heavily and looked away.
“
And you were fourteen years old.
”
Looking back to her, he emphasized,
“
Fourteen!
”
He brushed at the water trickling down from his own wet hair onto his face and exclaimed,
“
For cryin
’
in the bucket, Dusty! You were fourteen!
”