Dying to Know (A Detective Inspector Berenice Killick Mystery) (22 page)

He
straightened
up
,
smoothed
a
lock
of
hair
from
his
face
.

I
promised
him
then
,
to
continue
the
work
we
started
.
And
I
know
that
he
is
with
me
.

He
looked
at
the
crucifix
between
his
fingers
.
He
saw
that
he’d
been
clutching
it
so
tight
it
had
left
marks
in
the
palm
of
his
hand
.

He
crossed
the
stone
platform
and
descended
the
lighthouse
stairs
.
He
picked
his
way
along
the
brickwork
jetty
,
the
waves
splashing
at
his
feet
.

“
It
is
not
that
we
are
the
fallen
.
It
is
nearer
to
the
truth
,
to
say
that
we
are
still
falling
.”
Amelia
turned
the
page
of
her
father’s
book
. “
For
if
gravity
can
be
said
to
be
the
force
that
acts
upon
all
matter
,
we
must
assert
that
it
is
put
in
motion
by
the
Lord
…”

She
paused
,
the
book
in
her
hands
.
She
thought
about
her
husband
,
even
now
pacing
the
marshlands
.
His
walk
always
took
him
back
along
the
ocean’s
edge
,
past
the
Scallop
Tower
.
Soon
he
will
return
,
she
thought
,
to
lock
himself
away
in
his
laboratory
,
to
emerge
,
as
usual
,
at
dinner
,
taciturn
,
despairing
,
even
hostile
.

We
were
happy
once
,
us
three
.
Guy
,
Gabriel
and
me
.
Our
father
used
to
tease
us
about
finding
our
friends
amongst
farmhands
and
blacksmiths
,
but
he
knew
as
well
as
we
did
how
quickly
Gabriel
became
one
of
us
.
He
was
brilliant
,
charming
,
always
questioning
,
always
seeking
after
truth
.

We
all
loved
him
.

When
he
returned
from
the
Front
,
so
thin
,
yellow
-
skinned
and
haunted
,
my
father
began
to
live
again
,
a
little
.
He
lived
long
enough
to
see
Gabriel
make
me
his
wife
,
to
witness
our
wedding
in
the
village
church
,
a
simple
white
dress
,
a
posy
of
pink
roses
…

I
was
happy
.

And
now
…

From
the
hall
came
the
sound
of
a
door
slamming
shut
.
Amelia
got
up
from
her
seat
.
Grace
had
only
just
gone
with
Cook
to
pick
raspberries
,
how
odd
they
should
be
back
so
soon
…

She
went
out
to
the
hall
.

‘
Gracie
?
’

The
house
was
silent
.

A
draught
of
air
blew
through
the
hall
.
She
followed
it
,
down
the
dark
corridor
that
led
to
the
kitchen
.

‘
Oh
–
’
She
wasn’t
sure
if
she’d
spoken
,
or
even
screamed
,
the
silence
was
so
thick
–
but
there
he
was
,
his
sunken
face
and
torn
white
shirt
,
staring
,
staring
at
her
through
the
choking
cold
of
the
corridor
.

And
then
he’d
gone
.

‘
Guy
?
’
She
took
a
step
towards
him
,
towards
where
he’d
been
. ‘
Guy
?
’
Another
step
. ‘
Why
?
’
she
said
,
out
loud
. ‘
Why
here
?
What
do
you
mean
by
it
?
Why
can’t
you
rest
in
peace
?
’

She had reached the kitchen door. Through the glass she could see her daughter, skipping in the sunlight, holding her skirts with one hand, a basket of raspberries in the other, laughing as she came towards the house.

“It is not that we are the fallen. It is nearer to the truth, to say that we are still falling. For if gravity can be said to be the force that acts upon all matter, we must assert that it is put in motion by the Lord…”

Helen
turned the page, just as her mobile rang, loudly. She jumped, almost dropped the book, Liam, she wondered -

‘It’s
me.’ Her husband’s voice.

‘Chad.’

‘I’m on my way back. We found Tobias,’ he said.

‘Oh.
Good.’ She felt a wave of relief.

‘I’ll
pop into the office,’ he said. ‘See you after that. Tea time ish.’

‘Sure.
I’ll be here.’

‘I…
’ he began.

‘Are
you all right?’ she said.

‘Yes.’
His voice was distant now. ‘All a bit upsetting, that’s all. I’ll see you later.’

He’d
gone. She placed her phone on the table.

I
love you. Was that what he was about to say?

We
used to, she thought. Both of us. Just part of the ebbs and flows of normal married life, endearments, jokes…

Normal
married life. It seemed so far away.

She
went into her ballet studio, switched on lights against the gathering clouds, began to flick through books of piano music for Barbara to play for the Grade Threes tomorrow.

The girders of blue steel rose high above his head. The wide windows flashed with the low sunlight. Liam walked towards his office.

It’s
as if there’s a gap, he thought. If we’ve fixed the luminosity, and if the charge is at its limits, it still doesn’t explain why that’s a negative charge and not a positive. Yes, a gap, he thought. A B-meson, if that’s what it is, having a negative charge but behaving as if it has positive charge. It makes no sense.

The
quiet swish of a glass door. He was on the staircase, climbing back towards his office. Through the windows, the low roofs of the lab complex. Beyond that, the lush green of the fields.

It’ll
rain later, he thought. He thought, she is out there somewhere. He wondered whether she too was thinking it might rain.

‘Liam
– ’

He
looked up. Iain was on the landing above him.

‘They’ve
found Tobias,’ Iain said.

‘Thank
God for that. Was he OK?’

‘Seems
to be. Though there’s a finger of suspicion…’ Iain held the door open.

‘What,
just because he got upset with Moffatt?’