Eagle River (12 page)

Chapter Sixteen

Another Birthday

~ Tom ~

Tom Murray looked out over Pleasant Meadows graveyard.
It was Jessica’s birthday again. Another year come and gone without her. Where did time go?
He laid the bouquet of lilacs on the plot. “I know you love the smell of lilacs. The ones you planted at the back of your house are a wall now. I saw them when I was over at the house for dinner with Kyle, Sandra and her family and Galen, of course.”

Every spring, it was with a tugging poignancy that he observed the lush purple-blue blooming of the lilacs. It took him back to that last argument they’d had, when she’d ended things between them so many years before. For a moment, he closed his eyes, remembering. It was all right there, as if it had happened only yesterday.

Tom reached out to touch the softness of Jessica’s cheek. “You can’t mean that. Not now.”

“Especially now, Tom.” Jessica grasped Tom’s hand. She took it in her own. “I love you or I did love you for a while.” Tears pooled in the large, green-brown eyes. “But we can’t change everything just to suit ourselves. I have two other children.” Jessica exhaled slowly. “And I have a husband who is no position to take care of anyone.”

“Because of his own stupidity. Jess, don’t do this to us. I need you.” Tom’s voice quivered. “I can’t live without you.” His tone grew desperate.

Jessica Odgers’ face hardened. “You can and you will. Don’t blame me or threaten me. We’re both adults here. We both knew what we were getting into. This is where we’ve ended up and that’s all there is to it.” She put her hands to both sides of his face and stared into his eyes. “You’ll be just fine. You’ve always been fine. Jim, he’s not fine now.”

“Odgers did it to himself. We deserve a chance. You were done with him before the accident. We were going to be together. He’s not even a good father.”

Jessica pulled away from him. “I know and I don’t want this to end any more than you do, but what can I do? He won’t even be able to take care of himself. What will the kids think if I leave him now? It wouldn’t be right.”

“You threw that worthless bastard out. Now, he wrecks himself and you think you have to take care of him. For Christ’s sake, I know how hard it is to stay sober. You think he’s going to stay sober now, after that accident? How will it be for your kids to grow up with an even more worthless alcoholic father?”

“They’ve been growing up with a drunk for a father for years. But they don’t need to have a mother who’d leave a disabled man to run off with her lover.”

“But that baby’s mine.” He looked down at her belly.

“Tom.” Jessica’s voice was softer. “You say that you’ll stay in Eagle River for a while, but I have no way of knowing whether you will be gone tomorrow, whether you will just take off when things get too dull for you here, when you get bored with me. No, don’t shake your head at me. Consider your track record. You’ve never stuck. Why should I believe that you will this time?”

“For Christ’s sake, it matters. I’m good with kids, you know that. We’d be fine. I get along well with your other kids.”

“We’ve been magic for each other, but you’re not a family kind of guy... I don’t want this to get ugly now. It just wasn’t meant to be, the day to day and the forever part, that’s just not you.”

“Give me a chance... Wait a minute, you’re bullshitting me.” Tom grabbed Jessica’s arm and pulled her up close against him. “What is this?”

“You don’t have any roots here. I can’t just drag my kids all over the place. Not after all that they’ve been through, and Jim needs me now. This baby needs me. You don’t need me. You don’t need anyone.”

“What the hell do you mean by that? I need you. I love you, Jess. I want this baby.”

“Tom, you’ll be okay on your own. You’re a survivor. Jim clearly isn’t and there’s Kyle and Sandra to think about.”

“What about me? What about you? You think that you are so noble, giving up your little weakness for your family. But you’re wrong. You are incredibly selfish. You got some good cock. You’ve been satisfied, and now you want to wash it all away. Forget about it. You can’t just close your eyes and hope I’ll disappear. You say you choose this life. Well, I sure as hell don’t.”

“Tom, stop, please.” Jessica’s voice was infinitely tired. “I don’t know what to do. Maybe this is wrong. God, I don’t know, but I don’t know any other way. I have to take care of my family.”

“What if I stay here in Eagle River? You could pass me in the street once a week for the rest of your life. Do you honestly believe that you could forget me then?”

“I could never forget you, Tom. Not now, especially not now with this baby I’m carrying.”

Tom pounced. “Are we just going to pretend that he or she doesn’t exist?”

“You’ll have to.”

“I could just tell Jim the truth about you and me.”

“I already have. He understood or didn’t care. I don’t know. I’m not sure what he understands at this point.”

“Understood what? That his wife fucked the living shit out of another guy and is now pregnant by him. Oh yeah, that would go over great with most guys.”

“I can’t hear this. You just want to hurt me.” As she drew her tear drenched face up, Jessica faced Tom unflinchingly.

For the first time, he saw a coldness in those exquisite eyes meeting his own. There was a distance now. Jessica Odgers always arranged life so that it worked out as she wanted it to. She was no victim. Tom realized then that she wanted their relationship to end.

“I can’t believe what a cold, selfish bitch you are.”

“Stop it, Tom. It’s over and you are just making a fool of yourself.”

In shock, he stared at the chiseled lush beauty of that so familiar face, a face that had smiled in love at him and rarely spoken in anger. But he recognized that she had already cut him out. For her, the time for sentimentality was clearly over.

“I’m going now, Tom.”

“You’ll come crawling back.”

She hadn’t even bothered to answer. She had walked to the hotel room door, exited, and closed it firmly behind her.

As Tom straightened up, resting his hand on the grave marker, his right knee buckled. Automatically, he shifted his weight off of it. He had seen Jessica often enough after final confrontation, at school functions, at Galen’s football games. But that episode had been the end of
them
.

“You know, Jess, at first I stuck around Eagle River to prove you wrong. Then, I stayed because it was the only place that ever felt like home. And I got to see our boy grow up and to be a part of his life, even though he doesn’t know I’m his dad. I want to tell him. It doesn’t kill me like it used to. You always said I’d know when the time was right to tell him. I’m not so sure that that time will ever come, but I also don’t know if that boy would’ve turned out so well if I’d actually had a hand in his raising. You certainly did a fine job.

“We all miss you.” He swallowed hard. “Sandra’s kids are getting big, but I guess that you know that. Galen’s about done with his first year of college. The boy did okay. Didn’t embarrass us at all. He’s gotten thick with some kid from Milwaukee, a running back, and he’s gotten to play some ball, too.

“I’m doing all right. I have a decent team this year, not like last year’s but decent.” He traced with his booted toe in the dirt. “Look I’m going to stop beating around the bush. I’m here to tell you something. The reason I stopped by today is that there is this woman. I know that you’re probably thinking ‘another one.’ But it’s not like that, not this time. I really like her. Her name is Maggie. She’s the new girls’ volleyball coach and she’s taken over a couple of my Phy Ed classes. She’s cute. High energy and real bouncy. She’s an athlete, too. She even beat me at tennis. Well, we’ve been dating for a while now.” He took a deep breath. “I think that I’m going to ask her to marry me. Maggie’s not you and I’m not trying to replace you. But she and I, we do okay together. I don’t want to be some lonely, old man living alone. You showed me that family is important. Maybe Maggie and I can be family to each other. I don’t deserve this shot, I know. But I lost you. Twice. Maybe God is cutting me some slack. I just wanted to tell you... She’s the first woman I’ve cared about since, well, since you.” He stared off into the distance, hesitating. Then, he brushed his fingers gently on the headstone, shoved his hands into his pockets and then, his stiff knees, limped slowly away.

As he was walking back to the car, a gentle breeze drifted over him. It carried the oh-so-familiar scent of lilac with it.

Chapter Seventeen

Bethany’s Men

~ Cam ~

With single minded enthusiasm, Cam Fawst dove into the stack of chicken wings. They were super-hot, just the way he liked them. He savored each tender limb, attempting to block out his mother’s staccato chatter from across the table.

“When I told Jerry,” Bethany stroked one long red fingernail down the lime silk sleeved arm of her companion, “that my son was the Coyotes’ quarterback, he said that he was just dying to meet you.”

Cam examined Jerry distastefully: the slicked back gray-black hair, the stubble darkened cheeks, the slightly pot-bellied frame. The guy positively reeked of oil. His wavy hair glistened in the bar light, as did his shirt and the black material of his pants.

Jerry pulled the thick cigar out of his mouth. “Yeah, I can’t wait to tell the guys. Can you get me some really prime seats for a game?”

“Could you do that for Jerry, honey?” Bethany wheedled her son. “It would make your Mommy very happy.”

“Yeah sure, I guess I could do that.” The whole familiar dinner scene with his mother and her current flame made him want to puke. “Just give me your address. I’ll send you some.” Maybe in another life time.

“I’d really get a kick out of that.”

“Wouldn’t that be wonderful? It could be like a father-son outing,” Bethany gushed.

“Your real dad ever come watch you play?”

“Cam’s father is dead,” Bethany stubbed her cigarette out.

Cam studied his mother curiously. So my father is dead. This was the first that he had heard of it, but he didn’t really feel anything. The subject of his biological father had been closed throughout his childhood. After all, Cam’s father had ditched them both. How did Bethany know that this particular ex had died? Had she kept in touch with him all these years? Still, Cam let the subject go. It wasn’t something that he wanted to discuss in front of Jerry.

He hated how Jerry’s hands moved continuously. The man had big, black haired hands with obviously manicured nails, and he sported several chunky gold rings. “So, Jerry,” Cam sought to redirect the conversation. “What do you do?”

“I have diversified business interests.”

“Jerry’s an entrepreneur. He owns a chain of beauty parlor and tanning salons all over the Midwest. He calls them `Bounce and Body: A Complete Salon.’ That’s where we met. I went in for some hair color and came out with a guy.” Bethany giggled.

Jerry patted her hand.

Cam cringed.

“How long have you two been seeing each other?” Might as well pretend to get into the spirit of the evening.

“Two wonderful months now,” Bethany answered.

Cam hoped this one wouldn’t stand the test of time.

“How’s your love life, honey? Cam’s always been such a lady-killer, but lately he’s been serious with this girl from Eagle River.” Bethany pronounced the name of the town distastefully.

“Your high school sweetheart?” Jerry questioned, but didn’t wait for an answer. “I played the field while I was in college. I played a bit of ball, too. I don’t want to pump my own tires or anything, but I was pretty good.”

“Kjersten and I are done.” Cam ignored Jerry’s comment and answered his mother. “Have been for a long time.”

“What happened, honey?” Bethany queried. Jerry looked irritated that the conversation had veered away from him.

“Just didn’t work out.”

“I thought you really liked her. Kelly or Kristen was her name, right?”

“Kjersten,” Cam corrected. “But you of all people should know how things go,” he countered. “It’s just over. That’s all there is to it. It didn’t work out.”

Bethany looked more puzzled than angered by her son’s rudeness. “You seeing someone else?”

“No. Well, yeah, I guess so.”

“So tell us all about her.”

“There’s not much to tell. Her name is Julia. She’s an exotic dancer.” With sadistic anticipation, he waited to see how this would register. His mother’s face didn’t change at all. She wore the same cheerful, heavily made up mask. He knew there was real beauty under that mask. His mother had always been a good-looking woman, but life had weathered her and worn away some of her beauty.

“A hot number?” Jerry queried lecherously in his gravelly voice.

“Come on, Jerry. You’re embarrassing him.” Bethany gently nudged her date. “I think she’s a very lucky girl to catch a guy like my Cam. You know what would be fun? Maybe we could double date sometime. Because of Jerry here,” she patted his hand, “I’m down here in Milwaukee a couple of times in a month.”

“You could be down here all of the time, Bethany,” Jerry muttered. “I’ve asked your mom to come live me.”

“Why don’t you?” Cam asked. “You’ve always hated Eagle River.”

Bethany glanced at her manicure. “My business is there.”

“Mom, you’re a realtor. You can work anywhere. Besides I’m down here. There’s no reason for you to stay in that crappy, little town.”

She finally looked up and met her son’s gaze. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s time for me to finally get out of Eagle River.”

“That’s my girl,” Jerry patted her thigh under the table. “We’ll get you moved in right away.”

“Let me look into it, Jerry. I have to think about this one. I will want to start out in a place of my own.”

Mom has no plans of moving in with this joker, Cam realized with satisfaction.

“Well, what’s the point of that?” Jerry argued.

But Cam tuned them out. He had heard what he needed to hear. This was just a temporary relationship, like all of the others.

Bethany Fawst had never shown much taste or discretion in the men she dated. She had been so out of place in Eagle River, a rare single mother with a reputation for being fast in a town too small to keep anything quiet. She had always liked to party, and she had hung around with a lot of loser guys over the years. Cam remembered too many evenings that were indistinguishable from this one. Different guys. Different bars. Always the same story. She would throw herself into love and their lives would mesh with that of some stranger. Then, she would throw herself out of love, and they would never see the guy again. Then, the cycle would start over again. Cam had spent much of his life being embarrassed of his mother and of her behavior. There was only one time that it had been different, only one guy whom his mother had dated that he’d ever given a damn about and that had been Coach Murray. Cam’s mind drifted back to that long ago day when he had met Coach for the first time.

Coach had come into his life when he was in fifth grade, a ten-year-old. He’d come home after school to see a fancy, black pickup truck in the driveway at the duplex where they lived. Cam’s heart sunk, and he dreaded meeting his mother’s new man.

Using the key, he’d walked in the front door to see a big, muscular guy seated on the couch beside his mother.

“Here’s my Cam. Cam, honey, come say ‘hi’ to Mr. Murray.”

Cam didn’t say anything. He just eyeballed this new man in his mother’s life. Of course, he recognized him. He was Tom Murray, former NFL player, head coach of the Eagle River Warriors.

Tom rose to his feet and held out a hand to the ten-year-old boy. “Call me Coach.”

Skeptically, Cam had taken the proffered hand, and that had been the beginning. For the few months that Bethany and Coach dated, he didn’t make up to Cam or buy him gifts like some of his mother’s other boyfriends had. Instead, he just treated him like one of his players. Coach knew how to treat a kid with decency and respect. He was the first grown man that had ever treated Cam that way.

Then, one evening, Coach had stopped by to pick up Bethany for a date, and she wasn’t ready yet. Cam was hanging out on the porch.

“Hi Cam. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Cam swung his legs off the end of the porch.

“A babysitter coming to watch you or something?”

“Nah, I’m too old for that.”

“Oh. You have any plans for the night?”

“I was just gonna bike around”

“You’re a big kid,” Coach eyed him up and down. “You play any football?”

Cam shook his head.

“Why not? Football is awesome, kid.”

“I don’t know...” He hesitated and then looked up at Coach. “The other kids go with their dads.” Cam’s voice trailed off.

For a moment, Coach didn’t say anything. He just studied the boy on the porch steps in front of him. Then, he said, “Follow me, Cam.”

Hesitantly, he rose to his feet and followed Coach’s long-legged walk over to the back of his pickup. Coach opened his truck door, reached behind the seat, and pulled out a football. He tenderly cradled it in his arms and then tossed it into the air. His eyes were bright with excitement. “Come on over here.”

“What are we going to do?” Cam asked.

“Throw the pigskin around, kid. Don’t you and your friends ever throw around a football?”

Cam shook his head. When Coach tossed the ball his way, he tried to catch it. But he fumbled it and it fell to the ground.

“Open your fingers and pull the ball into your chest. Watch it. Okay? Now, throw it back to me.”

Holding the football in his hands for the first time, Cam gripped it hard. He allowed his fingers to slide over the smooth, slightly pebbled surface. It feels good, right. He took the ball in one hand, drew his arm back and threw it back directly at Coach.

“Hey, good throw. Now, keep your eyes on the ball.”

Cam caught the next one and then grinned at Coach. “I caught it!” he shouted with excitement.

“Yeah, you did. Now, throw from the shoulder and point the football where you want it to go. All right, send it back to me.”

They threw the ball back and forth. Coach provided some gentle direction throughout. About twenty minutes later, Bethany came out. “Hi boys, oh isn’t this nice. You’re playing together... Tom, are you ready to go?”

“Give us a few more minutes, Bethany. Your boy has an arm,” Coach commented as he lofted the ball back to Cam.

“Tom, I’m hungry,” Bethany whined. “We were going to go to the Water’s Edge, right? That new fancy place? I’m ready now.”

“Aw, Bethany I’m all hot and sweaty now. We need to talk about this kid of yours. He should be playing football. Why don’t you have him signed up for YMCA football? He could be playing Y league now.”

“You know how busy I am, Tom,” Bethany commented. “I don’t know if I could get him to practice.”

“One of the other parents can pick him up. Team sports are good for kids, Bethany. This boy should be playing sports. I know some of the guys who manage Y leagues. Give me the go ahead to see if I can get him on a team.”

Cam had ended up going to dinner with his mother and with Coach at Sal’s diner that night. True to his word, Coach had gotten him on a Y football team. Even after Coach and Bethany broke up a few months later, he had continued to take an interest in Cam. He’d come to most of his youth football games, and then, of course, all of the high school ones.
Coach wasn’t my dad, but he was the closest thing that I ever came to having one. He was someone to look up to, someone who seemed to care.
But then Odgers had come along.
Coach had continued to be involved in Cam’s life, but he’d also been close to Galen, and that just rubbed Cam wrong.
Why couldn’t I be the only special one?

Bethany, of course, had moved on to another guy, and then another. And despite all of the guys, all of the rough times, he could appreciate that she had always done her best by him. She had supported the two of them on her own and he respected her for that. She had held her head up in a town that looked down its nose at her. He looked over at her now. As was usual, she had too much make up on and her hair was a very unnatural shade of burgundy with some highlights.
She’d never been like the other Eagle River moms.
But Bethany had never let him down on the important stuff like keeping a roof over his head and food in his belly.
She’d always been there for me and I owe her for that.
The rest of his childhood, his life in Eagle River, he could try to put behind him, but not Bethany.
Not Mom.