Earthfall (Homecoming) (15 page)

From the doorway, Elemak spoke softly. “Very well,” he said. “Everyone has made their choice. Now sit down.”

Immediately, Kokor sat down and urged her children to join her. Gradually the others also sat, except for Volemak, Rasa, and Eiadh, who turned to face her husband. “It’s over, Elya,” she said. “You’re the only one who doesn’t see that you can’t possibly win.”

“What I see,” said Elemak, “is that I won’t permit Nafai to rule over me or anyone else.”

“Even if that means that your own children suffocate?”

“If Nafai’s pet computer chooses to kill the weakest of us, I can’t stop it. But it won’t be me killing anyone.”

“In other words, you don’t care,” said Eiadh. “As far as I’m concerned, that’s the final proof that you aren’t fit to rule this colony. You care about your pride more than the survival of our babies.”

“That’s enough from you,” said Elemak.

“No,” said Eiadh, “that’s too much from you. Until you stop this childish display of masculine temper, you are not my husband.”

“Oh, not renewing me, are you?” asked Elemak with a nasty smile. “What do you think of
that
, Proya?”

His eldest son, Protchnu, walked to his father. “I think that I have no mother,” he said.

“How appropriate,” said Elemak, “since I have no father and no wife. Have I also no friend?”

“I’m your friend,” said Obring.

“I stand with you,” said Meb. “But Vas here took the oath.”

“Vas will take whatever oath you ask,” said Elemak. “But his word has always been worthless. Everybody knows that.”

Sevet laughed. “Look at your friends, you poor man,” she said. “One deluded eight-year-old boy. And then what? Meb! Obring! They were both worthless back in Basilica.”

“You didn’t say that when you invited me into your bed!” Obring shouted at her.

“That had nothing to do with you,” said Sevet contemptuously. “That was between me and my sister, and believe me, I have paid deeply for that mistake. Vas knows that since then I have been faithful to him, both in my heart and in my actions.”

The children old enough to understand what was being revealed here would have plenty of family scandal to talk about later. Obring and Sevet had an affair? And how did Sevet pay for it? And what did she mean that it was between her and Kokor?

“Enough,” said Elemak. “The old man has made his little play, but you’ll notice he didn’t have the courage to ask you to stand against me now. It was only in some imagined future that he rules over you. He knows, as you all know, that I rule over you now, and believe me, you will never see a future in which I do not.” He turned to Obring. “Stay here and keep everyone in the library.”

Obring grinned at Vas. “I guess you aren’t going to be giving me orders anymore.”

“Vas is still a guard,” said Elemak. “I don’t trust him, but he’ll do what he’s told. And now he’ll do what
you
tell him, Obring. Right, Vas?”

“Yes,” said Vas quietly. “I’ll do what I’m told. But I’ll also keep all my oaths.”

“Yes yes, a man of honor and all that,” said Elemak. “Now, Meb, let’s take Father and his wife to visit Nafai. And while we’re at it, let’s bring along the woman who claims she is no longer my wife.”

“What are you going to do?” asked Rasa contemptuously. “Tie us up the way you’ve tied Nafai?”

“Of course not,” said Elemak. “I have respect for old people. But for every person who took that little oath of yours, Father, Nafai will take a blow. And you will watch.”

Volemak glared at Elemak. “I wish that before I fathered you, I had been castrated or killed.”

“What a sad thought,” said Elemak. “Then you would never have fathered your precious Nafai. Though, come to think of it, I wonder if there was a man’s seed involved in conceiving him. He is so completely his mother’s little girl.”

A moment later, Elemak and Mebbekew manhandled Volemak and Eiadh down the ladderway and through the corridor to the storage room where Nafai lay. Rasa followed helplessly behind.

Nafai was not really asleep, not ever during the past few days. Or if he did sleep, it felt as though he was awake, so vivid were the dreams. Sometimes they were his worst fears, dreams of the twins gasping for air until finally they stopped breathing altogether, their eyes open, their mouths agape, and in the dream he tried to close their eyes and close their mouths, but they kept flying open again as soon as he took away his hand. He woke gasping for breath himself from these dreams.

Sometimes, though, the dreams were of other times, better times. He remembered getting up in the morning at his father’s house and running out under the shower and turning on the cold water. At the time he had hated it, but now he remembered it with fondness. An innocent time, when the worst thing that could happen to you was a shock of icy water on your head and back, when the worst thing you could do to someone else was smart off at them until they got angry enough to stop laughing and start pushing you around. Only now they never laughed at all, they never forgave at all, and the cold water was nothing, would be a pleasure if it could ever come again. How could I have known in those days, he wondered upon waking from such memory dreams, how could I have known that Elemak’s annoyance would turn to such hatred? That such evil days would come upon us? I made smartmouth jokes because I wanted his attention, that was all. He was like a god, so strong, and Father loved him so much. All I wanted was for him to notice me, to tell me that he liked me, that he thought I might someday ride with him on a caravan to some faraway land and come home with exotic plants for Father to sell. All I wanted was for him to respect me and put his arm around my shoulder and say, This is my brother, look at my brother, I can count on him, he’s my right-hand man.

Who else could have been your brother, Elemak? Meb? He’s the one you chose? Was I so despicable to you, that you chose him over me?

Yes, with the cloak of the starmaster I’m stronger.

No I can’t. The cloak can.
You
can. But I can’t. I’m tied up here and my wrists and ankles hurt.

He wants me in pain. If he sees my skin chafed and bleeding, maybe that will satisfy him.

So be it.

Stay away from me in my sleep. I want none of your dreams now, and certainly none of your meddling.

I hate the pain of having my brother hate me. And knowing that this time maybe I deserve it.

Oh, and here I thought
you
were helping
me
by having us keep those children awake.

Are you really talking to me? Or am I dreaming this, too?

So if this is a dream, why can’t I wake up from it?

As soon as he said this in his mind, Nafai awoke. Or rather he dreamed that he awoke, for he knew at once that he was still asleep, perhaps more deeply than before. And in his sleep, thinking he was awake, he felt the cords melt away from his hands and he rose to his feet. The door opened at his touch. He walked through the corridors and here and there he saw people lying about, mouths open, panting, none of them noticing him as if he were invisible. Ah, he thought. I understand now. I’m dead, and this is my spirit walking the corridor. But then in his dream he realized that his wrists and ankles hurt and he was having trouble walking straight, even in the low gravity, so he wasn’t dead after all.

He got to the ladder and climbed up, higher and higher, to the highest level of the starship, where the shielding field was generated. But now the ladder didn’t stop. It went up, and the next opening was not onto the smooth plastic floor of the starship, it now opened onto a stone floor. He stepped out onto the floor, and felt his body weigh heavily, his steps painful because gravity was normal again. It was dark, a cave. He heard footsteps here and there, but none of them came near; nor did they go very far away. Just a scurry of steps, and he walked a little, and then another scurry of steps. That’s all right, he thought. Follow me, I’m not afraid of you, I know you’re there but I also know you won’t harm me.

He came to a corridor and saw a light burning in a small side chamber of the cave. He walked there, entered the room, and saw dozens of statues, beautifully carved of clay, perched on every shelf of rock and all over the floor. But as he looked more closely, he saw that all the statues were marred, smoothed here and there, the detail lost. Who would deface such marvelous work? Deface it, and yet keep it here as if it were a secret treasure trove?

Then at last he noticed a statue high up and far back from the light, a statue larger than the others, and unmarred. It wasn’t the perfection of the detail work that made him stare, however. It was the face itself. For unlike the others, which were all either animals or gargoyles, this was a head of a human. And he knew the face. He should. He had seen it in every mirror since he became a man.

Now the footsteps came closer, not scurrying, but slowly, respectfully. He felt a small hand touch him on the thigh. He did not look; he did not need to. He knew who it was.

Except that it was only in the dream that he knew. In fact he had no idea who it might be, and he tried to make his dream self turn, look down, see who or what had touched him. But he could not make his own head turn; he could not make himself bend over. In fact, he was bending backward, and his neck was caught between two cords, and there were footsteps, loud ones now, not quick scurrying steps, and a light went on, dazzling him.

He blinked open his eyes. Really awake now, not just dreaming that he was awake.

“Time for my walk?” he asked.

A quick whistling sound, and then a sharp pain in his arm. Against his will he cried out.

“That’s one,” said the voice of Elemak. “Tell me, Rasa, what’s your count? How many took the oath?”

“Do your own foul business,” said Mother’s voice.

“Could it be hundreds?” asked Elemak. Again the whistling sound. Again the excruciating pain, this time in the ribs of his back. One of them broke; he felt the bone stabbing him as he breathed. And yet he couldn’t stop breathing, he had to gasp, because he wasn’t getting enough oxygen anymore, he couldn’t breathe deeply enough to get the air to stay conscious.

“I don’t count any of these against the total, until you tell me what the total might be,” said Elemak.

“Count it yourself,” said Rasa. “It was everybody except Protchnu, Obring, and Mebbekew.
Everybody
, Elemak. Think about
that
.”

“He’s not healing himself,” said Luet.

Nafai heard her voice and felt a surge of anger against Elemak. Did he think she was so weak that her spirit would break because she saw her husband enduring pain? What was Elemak trying to gain, anyway? It was the Oversoul he had to persuade—or surrender to. Something had happened, though. An oath.

“I’ve noticed that,” said Elemak. “His wrists don’t seem to get better, or his ankles. I can’t figure out if that’s because the cloak just isn’t working right now, or because he’s deliberately not healing himself in order to look more pitiful so I’ll feel sorry for him and loosen his bonds so he can get free and kill me.”

The whistling sound. Another blow, this time on the back of his neck. Nafai gasped at the pain that shot up and down his spine; for a few moments he was numb from the neck down, and he thought, He’s broken my neck.

Why doesn’t he just kill me?

Well stop it. Let him kill me. Then he’ll have his victory and there’ll be peace and everybody will be better off.

What, dead isn’t defeated?

Then if you have any decency, tell Volemak to say the magic words and end all this.

I’m too tired to make sense of this. Go away and let me die.

The one on my neck?

Oh, yes. I can feel that.

Don’t do it.

Don’t heal me until he leaves the room. Give me that much dignity.

It’s between him and me. I don’t want him to see how you intervene for me.

you
? It’s between him and
me
, and it always has been. Just as it was between Moozh and me. Just as it’s between
you
and me. And between Luet and me. And when we get to Earth, it will be between all of you and the Keeper.>

This really hurts.

I said not to.

“Look,” said Elemak. “His leg is straightening out. I guess we found out how much pain he could take, and now he’s got his invisible friend to save him.”