Earthly Delights (30 page)

‘Igor,’ said Lestat.

‘Master?’ asked an Igor.

‘You may now stop the tape and show the lady. She will surely contribute to our crypt when she considers who else might see it. Five hundred dollars, Lady, to begin with.’

‘Jason,’ said Daniel. ‘Shut the inner door. Don’t let anyone open it.’

‘Okay, Daniel,’ said the Igor. Jason? My Jason? There were some small details in his life history which he had forgotten to tell me about. This was one of them. I was a little behind events. Tape? What tape? And how had I just been blackmailed?

‘It is no use threatening me,’ said Lestat. ‘I am already dead.’

‘You can get deader,’ said Daniel. ‘I have some names for you. Listen carefully, dead man. Suze MacDonald. James
Collins. Mick Hughes. Gianni Venetti. Tan Nguyen. Hally Udall. Sam Trench. Know them? Recognise them, Lestat?’

Lestat backed away as Daniel came forward. The slave’s mouth was wet. His hands clenched at shoulder height. He was magnificent. His voice burned with ferocious contempt.

‘You gave them the heroin you confiscated from your slave Vic,’ he said. ‘One of the poor little bastards who robbed the man in the red Porsche. You used it to pay the whores who participate in your blackmail racket! Lestat!’ Daniel hissed, straight into Lestat’s black eyes ‘Didn’t you wonder why they all died?’

The dapper gentleman faced the half-naked savage and did not flinch. He said calmly, ‘But I told you my name. My name is Lestat. And my gift is death.’

Daniel hit him as hard as he could in the face. There was a soggy crack. Lestat flew out the door and into the lane. I jumped down to follow. An Igor was before me.

‘Catch him!’ I screamed and a composed, official voice said, ‘That’s all right, Ms Chapman. I’ve got him.’

Of all the people I had expected to encounter in a damp lane behind a Goth club at three in the morning, Lepidoptera White was probably second last, behind Pope John Paul II. She had Lestat in a hurtful and efficient armlock. Several uniformed officers were approaching but she didn’t let go of our murderer until he was securely handcuffed. His face was a mask of blood. Daniel sucked his knuckles and spat.

‘You bastard,’ he snarled. ‘I hope you die in jail.’

‘I can’t die,’ Lestat told him through the blood. He was licking it with every sign of enjoyment as it ran down to his mouth. I felt sick.

‘He fell against the wall,’ Ms White told Daniel. ‘They’re clumsy, these murderers. I’ve known them to leap face first
down whole flights of stairs. Thanks, Daniel. We’ve got the junkie and the syringe. You want to stay out of it?’

‘God, yes,’ said Daniel. ‘Me and Corinna and this Igor. We weren’t here. Here’s the blackmail tape,’ he said, handing over a videotape which a silent Igor had given him. ‘There’s no harm in the outer circle of the club,’ he said. ‘Just the inner. No need to scare innocent Goths into another incarnation, is there?’

‘Quiet as mice,’ she promised. ‘I already warned Mistress Dread to bar her doors. Now, you’re going home.’ She widened her eyes a little as she got a good look at us. ‘In a police car. An unmarked one. You wouldn’t want to worry the neighbours,’ she said, and giggled.

I suddenly felt so relieved that my knees were weak. I sagged and leaned on Daniel. We got into a car driven by a police officer so taciturn that she didn’t utter one word as she drove Jason to his hostel and us to Insula and watched as we went in.

There was no one in the lift. We threw ourselves inside and locked the door. Then, slowly, carefully, we stripped the clothes off each other and fell into bed. And before the alarm went off I had occasion to scream again.

We hadn’t slept. I had lain down in Goth make-up. I was filthy. But I was also terribly happy. I went into the bathroom. There in the mirror was a real Medusa, corpse-white skin, melted mascara circling panda-like around her eyes, mouth red and swollen from kissing and, a final touch, a red bite mark on her throat.

I grabbed a handful of cotton balls and some cold cream and wiped it all off. Only the beestung lips, the teeth-marks and the smile of complete satisfaction remained. I blew Medusa a kiss and washed thoroughly, releasing my mistreated hair and rubbing suds through it. Standing under the hot
falling water and remembering Daniel. Then I put on my trackies and padded off to make coffee.

He was asleep and beautiful and although I still had a hundred questions, they could wait. I had bread to make, for one thing. The ovens had come on and hot air was rising. Horatio accepted breakfast even though he had been affronted by another person in his bed. He had been sleeping in the small of a prone Daniel’s back. They both looked very decorative. Daniel woke. I set down his coffee and kissed him.

‘Corinna,’ he said. ‘I love you.’

‘Daniel,’ I answered. ‘I love you. Got to start the baking,’ I said, and went down the stairs with a refreshed mug of coffee. I was going to need some sort of intravenous arrangement if I was to survive today.

A tap at the door announced a de-Igored Jason.

‘You all right?’ he demanded, holding me by the shoulders and staring into my eyes. He looked as bright as ninepence. There is no justice.

‘Yes, you?’

‘Hostel desk dude got a bit of a shock when I came in,’ he said. ‘I’ll give the costume back tonight. What’re we making?’

‘Just the usual,’ I said. ‘Switch on the mixer, will you? Rye bread, pasta douro, and blueberry muffins.’

‘
Bor
ing,’ he replied. I was in no mood for impertinence.

‘First rule of the bakery. The baker is always right. You can make the muffins. Any sort you like. Just do it fast. I’m very tired.’

‘Sweet as!’ he said, flying around the room collecting ingredients, pouring flour, sloshing yeast mixture. In no time at all it was done and we had to wait for everything to rise. I had fed and rewarded the Mouse Police for their measly single rat. But I was in a generous mood. And I needed answers from Jason.

‘When did you tell Daniel about your two mates and the pure heroin they got from robbing the man in the red Porsche?’ I asked.

‘Yesterday arvo,’ said Jason. ‘When you sent me out for herbs. Vic really believed that he was Lestat’s slave. So when he stole the stuff and Lestat saw him, he just gave it to his master. Then Lestat must have given them some and they died and I got scared and ran away. It was easy money, being an Igor. I liked it. I never played the blood game but Suze did and she told me what happened. I couldn’t tell the cops,’ he said, really wanting me to understand. ‘I can’t be a baker if I’m in jail for ten years. And Daniel told me not to tell you. You understand?’

I did. I gave him a casual hug. He was really clean, smelling strongly of one of those robust soaps—Rexona? Norsca? Pine-scented. He smelled like he had spent the night lying in a spruce forest. Very much a contrast from the way he had smelled when I first met him. I was still trying to make sense of events.

‘So someone needed to get into the inner chamber,’ I reasoned it out. ‘And Daniel couldn’t do that on his own, so …’

‘So I used you,’ said a voice from the stairs. Daniel and Horatio sat there. ‘I put you in a position to be blackmailed.’

I thought about it. He was right. Was I angry? Jason had lied to me. Daniel hadn’t told me what he was planning. By rights I ought to have been furious with both of them. I delved for some fury. I was too tired to be angry. And also, where was the damage to me? Had I been injured or hurt? No. Had I been betrayed? No. Had I just spent the most erotic hours of my life? Yes. Had I acquired a new apprentice who made muffins which angels would queue to order in a
heavenly canteen? Yes. So where was the emotion? I just felt tired and fuzzy.

‘I volunteered,’ I said. ‘I knew you were not what you seemed. You’re some sort of detective, aren’t you?’

He spread his hands.

‘Private. Mostly I look for lost children and erring husbands …’

‘The Open Eye,’ I said, enlightened. That’s why Andy Holliday recognised you.’

‘I failed to find Cherie,’ he admitted. ‘Aren’t you angry?’

‘Because?’

‘Take a walk, Jason. Sniff the cool morning air along with the Mouse Police,’ ordered Daniel. Jason bounced out into the alley. The Mouse Police went along, tails in the air, hoping that he might do something useful, like turn into a smoked trout. Daniel lowered his voice and came all the way down the stairs.

‘Because I participated in a sex act with you while Lestat was watching and taping it. The police now have that tape. I needed to have him on tape, giving the girl the heroin and demanding money from you.’

‘Gosh, and I didn’t even qualify for Big Brother,’ I said absently. ‘They should be so lucky. Are you saying that it was all an act; you don’t love me?’ I demanded with sudden terror. So, I did have some real emotions. He put his arms around me.

‘No! Of course I do. I didn’t think that this assignment was going to include me falling in love, but it did.’

‘And I love you, so that’s all right, stop fussing. I don’t think Ms White is going to show the jury the whole tape. If she does, what will they have? An unrecognisable woman reaching orgasm. The place is soggy with happy endings,’ I told him. ‘James’s deal has fallen through so that gets rid of Mr Fruitloop
and now no one is killing the junkies. As far as I can see, we’re laughing.’

He kissed me hard on the mouth, stopped in order to chuckle helplessly, and kissed me again. We might have gone on doing this for some time but Jason skidded in from the alley, looking scared.

‘You better come look,’ he told Daniel. We both went. On the wall, in the same wearily familiar red paint, was ‘Die, whore!!!’

‘Oh, shit,’ I said, which about summed it up for all of us.

The only useful thing to do was to make bread, so we did that. Daniel went up to sleep on the sofa upstairs for a few hours. I knew that once I fell asleep I might assassinate the person who woke me so I stayed awake, drinking more coffee and a bottle of some venomous green liquid which Jason swore would wake me up. And it did. God knows what was in it. Jason ate breakfast at the Pandamuses’ cafe, scoffing down their ‘truckie’s special’, which usually took two strong men to eat. Del Pandamus told me that he cleared the plate in seven minutes—a Cafe Delicious record. Del was pleased. Apparently wagers had been laid and money changed hands. I feared that Jason was going to spend most of his wages on food.

I ate a Jason sour cherry muffin, which was excellent. When I went to open the shop Goss was there.

‘My last day,’ she said.

‘Hello, Goss, come in,’ I said wearily.

She fingered her navel ring nervously.

‘Do I still have to … you know …’

For a moment I could not imagine what she was talking about. Oh yes.

‘You still have to,’ I said.

Goss stuck her head into the bakery and said, ‘Jason? I’m sorry,’ and when Jason said, ‘Okay,’ she said triumphantly, ‘Well?’

‘Good,’ I said. ‘This act of propriety will make you a better person. The muffins are sour cherry today. It’s your last day. Have one.’

Goss picked up a muffin warm from the oven as though it was an unexploded grenade, broke it, and put a small bit in her mouth. She chewed thoughtfully. She ate the rest. Then she went back to the bakery door and yelled, ‘Hey, scrub boy! You make cool muffins!’ and I heard Jason laugh.

Ah, reconciliation. This was fortunate because, although I was awake thanks to Jason’s potion, I wasn’t in a merry mood. Who was this graffitist maniac? Mr Detective hadn’t worked out who he was. It looked like it was up to me.

About nine am—scandalously early—Gully edged into the bakery as though he was being targeted by a SWAT team. Goss offered him bread and muffins but he refused all food.

‘Corinna! I’ve got something to tell you,’ he said.

‘So I see. Spit it out, I’m busy.’ This wasn’t going to be one of my patient days.

‘You know when you asked us how you would research the old names of people and I said I’d get back to you?’

‘Yes?’

‘I know how to do it.’

‘Good. Tell me tomorrow.’

‘No, you have to listen.’ Gully’s hands were shaking. ‘We didn’t tell you that the reason why we know how to find all those names is that we already found them before.’

‘You already found them?’ I asked stupidly.

‘It was just a job,’ said Gully.

‘He wanted to do all this research. We do research. We found out for him. He paid us. End of story.’

‘Except it isn’t the end of the story, is it?’ I asked menacingly. ‘You knew who it was all along. You can’t do that “Me nerd. Me no speak Civilization” act with me, you deadshit.’

‘Yes!’ squealed Gully. ‘We talked about it and we said that you ought to be told and I …’

‘Drew the short straw?’

He looked at the floor. ‘Yeah. What’re you going to do to us?’

I didn’t answer him directly. Instead I yelled into the bakery, ‘Jason! Heat that oil! I want it boiling!’

‘Yes, ma’am,’ said Jason, who had clearly been listening.

‘Get on the phone,’ I told Goss. ‘Call Ms White and ask her to drop in. You can stay, or you can go,’ I said to Gully. ‘But if you warn the man, if you ring him or email him or even semaphore with your jocks, I will rip off your arm and beat you to death with the wet end!’

Gully fled. Goss said, ‘Cool, Corinna! You’re all, like, Girl Power!’

‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘I think I’ve a natural talent as a dominatrix.’

‘Yeah, right,’ said Jason, in what sounded like hearty agreement.

‘And you can mind the bakery while I go and see Meroe,’ I told him. ‘Don’t forget. Every waybill—’

‘Must be signed. Right,’ he replied. ‘Go,’ he said.

I went. Meroe saw my face and picked up the dish of charcoal. She censed me with the smoke and muttered a charm. I didn’t immediately feel full of sweetness and light but I did feel much more perfumed. She is the queen of intriguing scents. This smelt oriental and almost bitter. Very bracing. I said so.

‘It’s Chinese. What’s happened?’

‘The man you put your grandma’s curse on. I know who he is. I’ve asked that lady cop to come. Do you want to see it too?’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Kylie and Belladonna can manage for a while. Remember, Kylie, if you don’t know what the herb is, don’t sell it. I’ll be back soon. Been a run on Celtic charms today,’ she said, flinging her wrap around her black-clad shoulders. It was a rich, lustrous purple. Belladonna, in the window, waved a relaxed paw.