Echoes (11 page)

“Doesn’t matter,” Justin said calmly. She realized his smile was now her silver lining. “First dates are always supposed to be awkward. Maybe this gave you a chance to get some things out in the open, and that’s good.”

“I appreciate your patience and your listening ear.” Lauren gave his strong arm a gentle squeeze. “Do you want to come in for coffee?”

“Thanks, but I need to be at work early in the morning. I’m filling in for a guy who’s on vacation. Tune into the station tomorrow morning, and I’ll keep you company from five to ten.” He said the last line as if he had practiced it more than once for an advertisement.

“Thanks again for a really nice night,” Lauren said, reaching for the car door handle.

“Whoa, let me get that for you. Can’t let all these manners my mom taught me go to waste.” He hopped out of the driver’s side and came around the front of the car to open her door. Justin reached for her hand to help her out and then promptly let go of it as they walked up the stairs to her front door.

Lauren pulled her key out of her purse and unlocked the door, “Well, I’ll see you Sunday.”

“Sunday,” he confirmed, giving her an amiable smile. “Good night.” He bounded down the stairs.

Lauren entered the silent house with tears clouding her eyes. “You are such a jerk!” she muttered to herself. “How could you have been so clueless? You ruined the entire night.” She slunk into the kitchen, preparing to make coffee out of
habit. The ceramic coffee canister was empty, and the bags of coffee beans she usually tucked in the freezer weren’t there. She tried to remember the last time she had made coffee. It had been weeks. The only time she used to drink it was with Jeff after their dates.

With a heavy sigh, she snapped off the kitchen light and headed for the living room couch where she sat in the dark. Outside her window, Mr. Toad rippled his consistent chorus. He never seemed to give up. Perhaps Sunday things would be different. Justin said he would come for lunch. If first dates were supposed to be awkward, then they were right on schedule.

Promising herself not to mention Jeff, Lauren made a midnight wish that she would have a second chance with Justin on Sunday.

I
hope you know this isn’t helping me a bit,” Lauren said as she and Mindy stood in line to pay for a pair of jeans Mindy was buying at Dillard’s. “How many times do you want to hear that you were right and I was wrong? It’s just that Justin was so open and understanding and had such a kind listening ear—”

“That you decided to talk that ear right off,” Mindy finished for her. They stepped up to the register, and Mindy handed the clerk her jeans and her credit card.

“It wasn’t like that,” Lauren said. “I didn’t decide anything. It simply turned out the way it turned out, and I realize now I could have redirected the conversation. The whole focus of the evening would have been different.”

“Actually, I’m glad you went through this enlightening experience,” Mindy said, leaning over to sign the sales slip. “The thing I don’t think is so great is the way you’ve convinced yourself that Jeff was a total bum. You were once in love with the guy, remember?”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Lauren, Lauren, Lauren,” Mindy said shaking her head. She took the bag from the salesperson and said, “Thanks, you have a good day, too.” Then, turning back to Lauren, she said, “As long as I’ve known you, Lauren, you’ve needed happy endings. Right now, things with Jeff are left on an unhappy note. Why don’t you call him and have a nice, civil conversation and resolve this relationship on a happy note?”

“How is that possible?”

“It’s possible.” Mindy led the way to the elevator. “With God, everything is possible.”

Several other shoppers had joined them and were waiting for the elevator.

“You need to hear and understand the truth,” Mindy said, her bluntness moving to the fore. “Truth hurts and truth heals, if you let it. It’s the truth that sets you free. You won’t spend the rest of your life with a big ‘if’ hanging over you.” She used her hands to indicate a big bubble over her head and opened her eyes wide as she said it.

“A big ‘if’?” Lauren repeated quietly, hoping Mindy would take the hint and lower her voice.

“If only I had done this, or if he hadn’t said that. You could spend the rest of your life trying to come up with conclusions to make yourself feel comfortable. And none of them might be the truth. Come on, you grew up going to Sunday school; you know all this. God is in control.”

The elevator doors opened, letting out a mom with her stroller. Mindy, Lauren, and four other people entered. As the door shut, Mindy stepped onto her invisible soapbox and began to preach to her captive audience.

“Christianity is nothing less than a complete surrender to God. You know that. Every day, in every situation.”

Lauren was conscious of the stares of the people around them.

“It means seeking him first and always, and choosing to trust him even when it’s so hard it hurts. It’s a life of complete abandonment to the Lover of our souls.” Mindy’s arms spread wide in dramatic gestures as her voice echoed off the elevator’s enclosed walls. “It means going against the flow of everything that seems natural and deliberately choosing God.”

The elevator door opened. Lauren was aware of the staring eyes following them as they exited and headed for the parking lot.

“The bottom line,” Mindy said, pushing open the glass door, “is that you have a problem with trust.”

“I do not,” Lauren snapped.

“Oh, yes you do! You have to learn to trust God, to believe that he’s in control.”

“I trust God, all right,” Lauren said with a tease in her voice. “It’s his children I find flaky.”

Mindy shook her head and unlocked her car door. “I happen to be one of his children. Are you saying I’m flaky?”

“Okay, wacky then,” Lauren said, getting in and giving Mindy a playful punch in the arm. “I’m only kidding you! Don’t look so serious.”

Lauren didn’t mind it when Mindy was fired up. Sometimes she even agreed with her. It’s just that there was a time to receive a sermon and a time to lighten up.

“You think I’m kidding you about trusting God, but I’m not.”

They were silent for a few minutes before Mindy said, “This is what you do. You go home, call Jeff, have a nice heart-to-heart conversation, and then tomorrow you’ll be free when Justin comes for lunch. You’ll be able to center your attention on him.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Why shouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know. Nothing has been lately.”

“Now, there you go again. You can’t spend the rest of your life acting as if you are Little Miss Victim.”

“You’re right. You’re right, you’re right, you’re right!” Lauren said, holding up her hands. “Can we drop this topic for awhile?”

“Okay,” Mindy returned with a surprised tone in her voice. “It was only a suggestion. Do you want to stop at the Waffle House for something to eat?”

“No, I’d rather get right home.”

“No problem. I’ll pick up Leon and take him out to eat with me. That man can eat anything, anytime, anywhere.” Mindy chattered happily about her husband all the way to Lauren’s apartment.

Lauren couldn’t believe how exhausted she felt. What she needed were a few encouraging words from her brother. She turned on her computer and checked her mail. Nothing new from Brad or KC. She pulled up KC’s last letter, curious if he had specified when he would return from Egypt. No dates were mentioned. The world of KC and his intriguing letters seemed like one universe while this mess with Justin and Jeff seemed like a parallel reality. The dimension with KC was dreamy and unspoiled. Reality was, well … reality.

With one last glance at KC’s most recent letter, Lauren pulled down a “reply” file and tapped out a message to Brad:

Feeling rather proud of herself for having some sense of humor left, Lauren zapped off the e-mail to Brad and began to close the file. Suddenly she froze. The disaster had happened again. She accidentally had sent the letter to KC instead of Brad.

“Lauren, get a brain, will you?! I can’t believe you are such a dork!” This time she decided to send an immediate explanation to KC:

Allowing herself only a few minutes to think about it, Lauren sent off the second letter to KC and then sent the original to Brad. She reached for a notepad and wrote herself a warning that said, “Check automatic ‘send’ addresses before sending e-mail” and taped it to the top of her computer screen.

Justin noticed her note the next day during her luncheon and asked her over the background music on the stereo, “Are you having a problem with your e-mail?”

“I was, but I think I have it figured out.” She smiled, hoping that none of her insecurities leaked through. Justin was the only one who had arrived so far. She was thankful he had come. He hadn’t changed his mind since Friday, and it gave her hope that a second date might be in their future. In the five minutes Justin had been there, he had selected the music while Lauren pulled together the deli buffet of cold cuts, sandwich fixings, and salad.

“Do you need some help in there?” Justin asked. The music was awfully loud. Lauren figured he must be used to it at that level from the radio station. She was more comfortable with subtle background music.

“Sure, you can help me. Would you grab that big basket on top of the refrigerator and put all these kaiser rolls in it?”

“Sure thing.” Justin effortlessly reached for the basket. He looked over the buffet she was assembling on the kitchen counter. “A do-it-yourself deli. That’s a good idea. I still don’t know how many people are coming. We called everyone on the list who had come to any of our meetings during the last month. By the way, did you talk to the woman who came this
morning? What was her name? Annie?”

“I think it’s Amy. Yes, I gave her directions. She said she was coming. Did you hear her say she grew up in Brazil? Her parents were missionaries there. She just moved to the States two weeks ago and is living with her aunt and uncle.”

“Brazil?” Justin looked impressed. “I imagine she’ll have some interesting stories to tell.”

Lauren couldn’t help but wonder if he subconsciously meant that Amy’s stories about life in Brazil would be more interesting than Lauren’s long ramblings about Jeff. Amy was a few years younger and seemed fairly naive about life. In some ways Amy reminded Lauren of herself. She had long, wavy blond hair; a deep, rich tan; and a lyrical laugh. Her face was tender and lovely. At least that’s how Lauren used to see herself. Now, with her hair so short, she thought of herself as older. More seasoned after the engagement. Amy hadn’t lost that innocent look in her eyes yet.

There was a knock at the door. Lauren brushed off her hands on her skirt and slipped past Justin to open the door. The last person she expected to see stood there.