Echoes of Dark and Light (50 page)

That’s it?
I relaxed slightly as I searched his face for a clue of what he really thought.
Did anger course through his veins? Had he suspected all along?
Yet his face remained unreadable.

He stood and offered me his hand. I rose slowly, hesitantly taking his firm grip.

“I will write up an honorable discharge for you. We’ll just keep the specifics between us, shall we?”

I nodded, slightly stunned.

Captain Truckey offered me some rations for my journey, but I politely refused. I’d seen enough hard tack to last one hundred lifetimes. I turned to go, but paused in the doorway.

“By the way, Captain, I meant to tell you, we stumbled across my brother, the one missing after Gettysburg. He’s going to be okay.”

“I’m glad to hear it, Bobbi.”

I saluted one last time, and then turned and walked away from that chapter of my life. Time to go home.

I leaned my forehead against the cool, grimy glass, staring blankly at the scarred countryside rushing past. It seemed no part of the country remained untouched by war, at least on this side of the Mississippi. And who knew how long it would take to heal, if ever. I knew I would always and forever be changed by the past year.

We’d pooled our resources together and managed to come up with enough money to buy four train tickets to Marquette, Michigan. Cora felt determined to remain with her patients until they recovered one hundred percent, or at least recovered as well as they could. Personally, I didn’t think she felt a big hurry to return to Boston.

As for Toby, according to him no one would welcome him back in Texas, so he might as well get as far from the south as possible and start a fresh life. The Upper Peninsula of Michigan lay about as far from Texas as one could get. I hadn’t allowed myself to think about life after the war, at least about saying goodbye to Toby. For now I wouldn’t have to think about it, and I tried to ignore the overwhelming relief washing over me. I just hoped he could stand up to the challenge of a U.P. winter. His thin southern skin might soon regret his decision.

At the start of our journey north, my three companions had tried to draw me into their conversations and card games, but I just had too much on my mind to be much good for either. I kept thinking about the war, kept seeing the faces of the men I’d shot, the ones I’d held in my arms as the life slipped away from their bodies. I kept feeling the whoosh of the musket balls whizzing past my skin and the ground shaking cannons exploding across the hillside. I kept smelling the burning gunpowder, the blood, the death. I kept hearing those words that Toby had uttered in the James River.

“Bobbi?”

I jerked away from the window and turned to look at Cora. “Hmm?”

“We were just about to get a bite to eat. Do you want anything?”

I shook my head. “No thanks. I’m not hungry.”

She offered an understanding smile and then left me alone. I turned back to the window and the passing scenery that had begun to look familiar.

Marquette. Home. It feels like forever since I left. At times, I thought I may never return.

The train pulled into the Marquette station with an impatient hiss of air and a heavy sigh of steam. I hobbled down the steps as quickly as I could on my stiff, travel-cramped legs, and then just stood there on the platform, absorbing. A beautifully clear fall day greeted me with a sky so deep blue it seemed to reach out and envelop me in a welcome home embrace. Familiar buildings winked hello with their shades pulled halfway down against the bright sun’s glare. Crowded in close around the town, trees and trees and more trees waved their greetings, swaying their bright autumn golds and reds in the soft cedar-scented breezes.

“Bobbi!”

A pair of skinny arms flung around my middle, clutching so hard that I couldn’t breathe.

“Robby!” I threw my arms around my little brother, never wanting to let go. I looked down into his bespectacled blue eyes, sparking with unshed tears, which instantly misted up my own. “I missed you so much! And you’ve grown taller!”

“Welcome home, dear!”

“Gran!” I pulled her in close with one arm, keeping the other tight around Robby.

“You wouldn’t believe our joy when we received your wire that you were finally coming home,” Gran murmured, sniffing and dabbing at her eyes with a white hanky.

Robby pulled away, yet continued to cling to my hand. “You said you had a surprise.”

“Robby, just getting your sister home safe is all the surprise we need,” Gran gently scolded.

“What does it take to get a hug around here?” Robert’s voice drifted down from behind us.

“Robert!”

Instantly, my welcome home party deserted me and threw their arms around Robert as he stepped down on the platform. Grinning, I stepped to the side to avoid getting shoved onto the tracks.

“Bobbi! Welcome home!”

I turned to see Emma grinning at me. After more hugging, I pulled back to study her. “You look different,” I commented, not unkindly.

“I just about said the same thing to you. I guess we’ve both changed.” She paused, blushing bright red to the roots of her dark hair. “Alex asked me to marry him.”

“Wow, that’s exciting news!”

“So is finding your brother! You were right all along, Bobbi. Thanks to you, Robert is finally home.”

I brushed aside her compliments with a wave of my hand. “Come on, I want you to meet some people.”

A few days passed in happy bliss, being home and surrounded by all of my favorite people. Robert and I dragged Cora and Toby everywhere, introducing them to the U.P. The beauty and quiet peacefulness surrounded me, helped me, soothed the nightmares from the past year. Somewhere inside of me, I knew the nightmares would never completely disappear, but I also knew that I would be okay.

After a wonderful home-cooked meal from Gran, flavored with lots of love, I caught Robert and Cora exchanging a glance and some unspoken words that sent a warning chill down my spine. Then Robert suggested a stroll along the lake. Something big brewed, and I had a feeling I didn’t want to know, but I reluctantly agreed to join them.

I stopped at the edge of the beach to remove my shoes, and then trotted to catch up with Robert, Toby and Cora. The U.P. had offered another beautiful day, and I dug my toes down into the sun-warmed sand. A few cold nights had already frosted the region, effectively eliminating the summer’s aggressive mosquitoes and black flies, so we strolled slowly along the shore, soaking up the view, unimpeded by the annoying, blood-thirsty scavengers. Lake Superior showed off her beauty for the newcomers, reflecting the sky’s baby blues and quietly rolling onto the shoreline with gentle swells. Canada geese honked overhead, calling out their goodbyes as they migrated south for warmer waters.

I sensed an underlying tension radiating out of Robert and Cora. And it must have been a tension of the contagious kind, as my own stomach cramped up in anticipation. I noticed Toby limping along out in front of us, as if he tried to offer some privacy, as if he felt he intruded uninvited. But Robert had specifically invited him along. I could only guess at the storm building inside of Robert and Cora, obviously something big, something important, something they felt reluctant to share for fear of upsetting me.

I stopped abruptly and demanded the truth. “Okay, spill it, you two. I can’t take anymore.”

“Spill what?” Robert asked, avoiding my eyes.

“Don’t play games with me, Robert Rivers. What’s going on?”

Robert sighed, exchanged loaded glances with Cora again, and then motioned toward the driftwood log perfectly positioned to offer a comfortable rest with a spectacular view.

The three of them took a seat on the log, both guys exhaling a sigh of relief, not yet fully recovered from their injuries. I refused to budge.

Robert patted the space next to him. “Sit down, Bobbi; we need to talk.”

“I prefer to stand, thank you,” I growled between clenched teeth.
The better to aim a good kick to your nether regions when you finally announce your stupid, pigheaded intentions!

Robert shared yet another annoying glance with Cora, took a deep breath and then began. He kept his eyes pinned to the horizon where a ship caught the breezes in her sails.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately,” he began, “while marching those endless miles, while trying to find sleep in the wet mud, and especially while imprisoned at Belle Isle. Not much else to do at Belle Isle besides think and starve…and scratch at the vermin. Anyway, all that thinking led me to a conclusion, or a dream of sorts.”

I didn’t say anything, just waited for him to continue.

“For a while there, I began to believe I wouldn’t make it out of Belle Isle alive. And some part of me knew I never would make it out alive with that attitude, so I focused on my dream. It kept me alive until you came.” Robert finally shifted his gaze, locking eyes with me. “And thanks to you, I’m still here to pursue my dream.”

“Yeah, sure. Just get to the point, please.”

“I’ve decided to become a farmer.”

Silence descended on the group, drowning out the sounds of the surf and migrating geese.

Cora nudged Robert with her elbow.

“Oh, and I’ve decided to do so out west. This spring, I’m catching a wagon train to Oregon.”

The sun’s light seemed to dwindle out and disappear, while a cold chill rose up and settled on my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around me and turned to look out at the lake.

“Bobbi, say something.”

“But you just got home!” I tried to keep the wail out of my voice, but didn’t succeed.

“I told you before, Marquette just doesn’t feel like home anymore.”

“Well, give it a chance. Think about it for a few—”

“I’ve already thought about it, again and again. The past couple of years in those battlefields have taught me that I want to nurture life, not take it away, not anymore.”

“Why can’t you do your farming thing right here?” I fought against the tears threatening to spill.

“Bobbi, you know the growing season is too short around here to grow much of anything besides trees, mosquitoes and iron ore. And I refuse to step foot in a mine and spend my life deep underground in the darkness. I need light, and I need life. Besides, I’ve heard great things about the climate in Oregon. One can grow almost anything out there!”