Ecstasy Untamed (21 page)

She groaned.

Tighe tossed his two-by-four aside and came over to her, curving his arm around her shoulders. “Don’t get discouraged. It doesn’t happen overnight. You did fine today.”

“Tighe’s right,” Fox said. “In my experience, a new recruit’s initial strength and skill has almost no correlation to her ultimate fighting abilities.”

Faith gave him a hard, exhausted look. “You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

“Not at all. Within three days of beginning training, I can almost always tell who will end up at the top of the class. And it has nothing to do with his or her skills. What matters is how hard they’re willing to work. How bad they want it. If you put everything you have into what you’re trying to accomplish—no matter who you are or where you start—you can move mountains. And you did that today, Faith. You put everything into it. I’m proud of you.”

She gave him an exhausted smile. “Thank you.”

Tighe stepped beside Fox. “As I said earlier, a lot of us weren’t happy about being chosen to be Feral Warriors. Not all of us wanted this job. We got it anyway, for whatever reason. And we’ve given everything we have to be the best damn Feral Warriors we can be. That’s what we’re asking of you, Faith. Simply to be the best Feral
you
can be. And cut us some slack when you turn into some big monster of a beast, will you? Remember that we’re your friends.” He grinned at her, and she laughed.

Fox and Tighe turned away, Tighe clasping Fox’s shoulder as they headed back into the house.

Faith looked up at Hawke and found him watching her with a look of pride in his eyes that lifted her spirits more than Tighe’s and Fox’s words combined. “You did great,” he said softly.

She rolled her eyes. “I did terribly. I couldn’t kill a balloon if you held it still for me.”

He chuckled, and she stepped forward and curled her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek against his chest. His chin brushed her hair. “Fox is right,” he said. “More than anything, you need to start believing, Faith. Believe that you were meant to be marked. That you can do this. Even if you turn into a mouse.”

She jerked back, peering up into his face. “A
mouse?
”

He chuckled, setting butterflies to flight in her chest. “That one’s a joke. I think.” His hands framed her face, and he watched her with so much tenderness in his eyes, she thought she might melt beneath it. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

Her heart sang at his words, tears pricking her eyes. “I think I do. Maybe almost as much as I love you. But I almost wish you wouldn’t. Your loving me scares me, Hawke. What if I turn into the enemy?”

He stroked her hair. “You’re not going to turn into the enemy. And I couldn’t stop loving you if I tried. There’s so much good in you, Smiley. You’re strong, you’re giving, you’re sweet. Your smile lights me up inside like a dozen suns, and your kiss turns me to putty. You’re worth every risk. Any risk.”

She was stunned by his words, humbled. And deeply moved. The love she felt for him swelled until she thought it would consume her.

He kissed her, his fingers sliding into her hair, his lips lingering, brushing over hers, the touch sparking an instant fire inside her. He groaned, sliding his tongue into her mouth, one hand gliding down her back to press her hips tight against him. Kissing her temple, he murmured, “You’re going to be a valuable member of the Feral team, Faith. If it’s the last thing I do, I’m going to see to that. You’ll have a purpose here. A home. No matter what happens.”

She pulled back to stare up into his face. “What do you mean, ‘no matter what happens’?”

A shadow passed over his features, his eyes troubled. “Nothing.” He tried to kiss her, to end the discussion, but she turned her cheek, avoiding him.

“Tell me what you meant, Hawke.”

He sighed and shrugged. “Nothing. I just . . . I don’t know what the spirit trap did to me. I know it damaged me. And the damage is getting worse.”

“You’re supposed to be getting better. You’re immortal.”

“I know.” A look of resignation crossed his face.

“No, Hawke. You can’t tell me I’m going to succeed against all odds, yet give up yourself. While you’re finding a cure for me, how about finding one for what’s happening to you, too?”

His mouth tightened. “We’ve tried everything.”

“Then try something else,” she snapped, then covered her mouth, ashamed of herself. Her anger crumbled beneath the caress of gentle eyes. “I just found you. I don’t want to lose you.” Her voice cracked on the last.

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close within the shadows of the trees. The scent of flowers and new grass, of spring’s rich promise, felt wrong somehow, in direct counterpoint to their talk of death and loss.

“Even if the worst happens, you won’t be alone this time, Smiley.”

“I haven’t been
that
alone.”

“No?” He peered down at her. “Have you lived with an enclave since you lost your own? Have you ever lived with anyone other than the occasional street kid who needed a place to sleep for a while?”

She shrugged. “I’m fine that way.”

“No. You’re not. I can see the loneliness in your eyes.” He stroked her hair. “Why didn’t you go with your enclave that day when the warning came that your village was about to be attacked?”

“It was a long time ago, Hawke.”

“I want to know what happened. It’s part of who you are.”

She pulled away, turning to look out over the woods, reluctant to go back there, to that time, to that day, even though . . . so little had actually happened. When he pulled her back against him, she relaxed, looking up at the canopy above, and told him.

“We were living in Belgium early in the First World War. One of the Therians in our enclave was particularly gifted at clouding the minds of humans and getting the information he wanted from them. He’d been out scouting and came upon a German who told him that they were planning an imminent attack on the human village where we lived. The Therian raced back to warn the enclave. My best friend, a human, lived in that town. It was her father who used to call me Smiley. He’d shown me more patience and kindness than anyone in my enclave, and I’d often pretended he was my real father. I begged our leader to give me an hour so that I could warn them, but he said no. I went anyway.”

“They didn’t wait.” Hawke’s tone as his chin settled on her crown was heavy with understanding.

“No. On some level, I think I’d known they wouldn’t. In my youth, I said good riddance, but . . .” She shook her head. The horrors of the attack and the days that followed were something that she would never forget.

“Were you able to save your friends?”

“No. As much as they cared for me, they didn’t believe I could know such a thing. They didn’t leave in time.”

“I’m sorry.” Hawke slid his arm across her upper chest, pulling her firmly against him, anchoring her back in the here and now. “Your leader should be staked and left for the draden for leaving a fifteen-year-old child behind.”

She curled her fingers lightly around his forearm as she tilted her head forward and pressed a kiss to his bare skin. “He did what he had to do to ensure the safety of the enclave.”

“He could have left someone to wait for you.”

“That wasn’t his way. He was a rigid man, cold and unbending. They all were.”

“You had parents among them?”

“Technically. My mother had little to do with me. And she neither knew nor cared which of the males was my father.”

“Others raised you.”

“Others fed me, clothed me. I raised myself.” She shrugged. “I’d intended to leave them as soon as I was of age, anyway. Circumstances left me on my own a few years early, is all.”

“Ten years.” He groaned. “It shouldn’t have happened, Faith. You were their responsibility.”

“They were cold people, Hawke. They cared for no one and nothing but themselves. I didn’t understand that at the time. It took years.”

“But you care. About others.”

“Yes. Humans aren’t so different from us. Their bodies are fragile and don’t last long, but the hearts and minds and souls that inhabit them are the same as ours. To believe we’re better than them is a mistake. We’re stronger, yes. But we should use that strength to help them. Not use them to help ourselves.”

His chin brushed the top of her head. “I agree.”

Her tension drained away with the certainty he understood. She heard it in the tone of his voice and sank back against him. “It was humans who helped me and protected me during those attacks on my village. The same humans I watched die all around me. When it was over, only a few of us had survived, and we banded together. A handful of kids who’d lost everything and everyone. The others weren’t Therian, they weren’t immortal, but it didn’t matter. We became a family, scavenging for food and warmth. We survived.

“I soon realized that there were always kids who were lost and alone, not just during wartime. Runaways. Throwaways. Orphans with no one to protect them. Kids who needed me. After a while, they died or grew up and moved away. Soon, I found myself moving every year or two to another country, another city, and starting over again, finding new kids who needed help. The moving was easy enough since I was born with a gift for language.”

“Did you ever find your people?”

She blinked, opened her mouth to tell him she hadn’t been looking for them, then shut it again. Of course she had. Not actively, perhaps, but every time she moved, a secret part of her had hoped she’d find them.

“No.” It didn’t matter, yet even she could hear the sadness in that word.

She felt the quiet sympathy in the brush of his chin and the gentle squeeze of his arms.

“I’m sorry, Faith.”

“I’m not. It’s a good life, a worthwhile life.” She swallowed. “It’s where I belong.”

He stiffened, releasing her, turning her to face him. “That’s where you’re wrong.” His eyes blazed with soft intensity. “It’s not where you belong. Those selfish idiots that gave birth to you and raised you should be strung up by their heels for what they did to you. Not only leaving you behind but making you believe that you weren’t worth their time. That you weren’t worth anyone’s. It’s not true.” She tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let her. “It’s not true, Faith. You’re worth more than every one of them combined. You’re worthy of being chosen a Feral Warrior, one of the greatest honors any Therian can be given.” He gripped her face gently in his hands. “I wish you believed that.”

“I can’t. Because I know I was marked in error.”

“No. You don’t. At this point, we don’t know anything for sure. Except that you’re strong and fine and good.” He kissed her. “And beautiful.” He kissed her again. “And sexy.”

She laughed. “Now,
that’s
important.”

He smiled, his eyes growing heavy-lidded and sexy as hell. “It’s a bonus. For me. Only for me.” He kissed her again, this time for keeps, pulling her into his arms, sweeping his tongue into her mouth. That quickly, passion ignited, the kiss turning hot and desperate.

“We need to do this indoors,” he whispered against her temple. “I need to be inside you.”

Damp heat flooded her body, and she nodded, turning willingly as he tucked her against his side and started back to the house. Love welled up inside her, overflowing, drenching her heart with warmth and beauty. She wished there was something she could do to help him recover from whatever the spirit trap had done to him. At the very least, she’d do as he wanted—learn to fight, work to be the best Feral Warrior she could be. And when her time came, she’d do her best to die a hero’s death.

Despite Tighe’s and Fox’s kindness and encouragement, she knew that Hawke was the only one who truly believed she was meant to be one of them. And only because he loved her and couldn’t stand the thought of the alternative. For both their sakes, he was fooling himself, trying to make her into something she could never be.

She ached to think what it would do to him when he realized he was wrong. Just as she trembled with fear that he was right about his own damage within the spirit trap. All her life, she’d waited for him, this kind, gentle, beautiful warrior. But their time together appeared destined to be all too short.

Chapter Fifteen

H
awke pulled Faith into the library, then closed the double doors and pulled her into his arms, brushing her hair aside to kiss her neck. Even after the training he’d put her through, she smelled like ripe, sweet raspberries.

“I need to be inside you.”

“Here?” she asked on a laugh, a disbelieving lilt to her voice.

“I’m on duty.” He unfastened her jeans.

She snorted. “Duty for what?” Then gasped as he slid his hand down into her panties.

He pushed his fingers through her curls and down into heat and wetness. “Goddess, you’re ready for me.”

“Always.” The word trembled on a sigh.

With shaking hands, he released her and knelt before her to pull off her shoes. Then with quick, desperate movements, he shoved her jeans and panties down her legs and onto the floor, baring her slender calves and creamy thighs and all the lush beauty between to his starving eyes. He pulled off his shirt, then shucked his own pants while she stripped off her shirt and bra.

His hands shook, his body quaking and throbbing with incendiary heat as she turned to him, a smile on her lips, passion in her eyes. He lifted her, and she wrapped those lovely legs around his waist. Positioning himself against her damp, swollen opening, he pushed inside. His eyes closed at the exquisite feel of her tight little sheath, slick with arousal, hot and throbbing. And at the feel of her arms around his neck, the sweet torture of her taut nipples teasing his chest, the softness of her lips against his earlobe, and her hot gasps and moans, all driving him up fast and hard. She was fire in his arms, his light in the darkness, and he loved her beyond measure.

Capturing her mouth, he kissed her, sweeping his tongue inside as his body drove into hers, melding with hers, making them one.

Lightning bolted through his head, and he groaned. He knew what followed. But even prepared, the pain of those raking, vicious talons had him rearing back, his mind going white with shock, his body rigid with agony.

“Hawke?” Faith asked softly, worriedly.

As the pain slowly dimmed, as the hawk’s angry cries faded away, he felt Faith’s soft hand stroke his hair with a featherlight touch, over and over, easing him back.

He swallowed, looking at her. “Bad timing.”

“Are you okay?”

A smile tipped the edge of his mouth. “That’s my line.” With a sigh, he nodded, though it was a lie. The hawk was trying to destroy the connection between them. The animal spirit had been damaged in that spirit trap. Or maybe it was Hawke who’d been damaged. Either way, the bird spirit was trying to gain his freedom, a freedom that Hawke would not survive.

The pain had been one hell of a distraction, but his body still throbbed, demanding release. He pulled partly out of Faith, then pushed himself deep inside her again, the intense pleasure shoving away the last of the lingering shock.

Faith moaned, the sexy sound combined with the scent of lovemaking sending his senses tumbling all over again.

“Can you finish?” she asked softly.

“All too soon. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than inside you. And I’m not coming until you fly for me.”

She smiled. “Let’s fly together, my hawk.”

He captured her mouth once more, driving into her hard and fast until they were both breathless and panting, until she cried out with release, squeezing him in hard, rhythmic spasms. He followed her into oblivion, pumping his seed inside her, loving her with his body, his mind, his soul.

For long minutes, he held her wrapped around him, her body melting into his, soft and warm. When he thought he could move again, he pulled out of her, set her on her feet, and kissed her, then grabbed his jeans and dressed.

Life was so unpredictable. For decades, little had changed. He’d spent his life fighting draden, studying whatever subject intrigued him, taking the occasional lover or two. For the most part, he’d lived a calm, predictable immortal life until a few months ago when they’d realized that the Mage were trying to free the Daemons. Ever since, he’d felt as if things were spiraling out of control, but never more than the past few weeks, the past few days. Now he found himself in the center of a vortex, the love of his life in his arms, and death stalking him, trying to rip him from his animal. Heaven and hell snaring him at once.

He finished dressing, watching as Faith tied her shoes and rose to stand before him, her eyes once more sparkling, her mouth swollen from his kisses and lifted in a smile of love and feminine satisfaction. “You are so beautiful,” he murmured, brushing the hair back from her beloved face. Then he took her hand and opened the door before he was tempted to strip off her clothes all over again.

Together, they went in search of Kougar and found him standing in the doorway of the media room, talking with Fox. As Hawke approached, Faith at his side, the distinct scent of pine caught his nose. A second later, two wraithlike females appeared in the hallway, then quickly took corporeal form. Ariana, Kougar’s mate, and the ever-scowling Melisande.

Faith’s hand tightened in his and he squeezed hers gently. The Ilinas definitely took some getting used to. As Kougar went to his mate, Fox stepped over to join Hawke and Faith.

“Amazing that they still exist, isn’t it?” Fox asked quietly. “She’s a fine thing, the blonde.”

Hawke glanced at the fox shifter, seeing a predatory look in his eyes that had him shaking his head. “That’s Melisande. Apparently, she tried to kill Lyon a couple of weeks ago.”

“And he let her live?”

“That was my reaction the first time I heard. It was something of a misunderstanding, and they’ve called a truce. Of sorts. But the woman apparently has a chip on her shoulder the size of the South Pole when it comes to Ferals. That one’s trouble with a capital T.”

“Chips can be knocked off.”

Faith snorted beside him. “So can heads.”

Fox chuckled low. “She hasn’t met the right Feral yet, is all.”

Hawke shook his head, but he smiled. “You’d have more luck taming a tornado.”

Kougar pulled away from his mate and turned to them. “Fox, Faith, I’d like you to meet Ariana, Queen of the Ilinas and my mate. And her second, Melisande.”

As expected, Melisande scowled, but Ariana strode forward dressed in jeans and low boots, looking and acting entirely too human for a queen whose castle sat, literally, in the clouds. Then again, she’d spent the last millennium unable to turn to mist, living as a human. When Kougar had found her again, she’d been working as a maternity nurse in a hospital in downtown Baltimore.

“Hi, Hawke. How are you doing?”

Other than the fact that my bird has turned against me and the woman I’m in love with has just been marked to be one of the guardians of the race without a single skill to keep her alive in battle?

“I’m fine, thank you, Ariana. And you?”

She smiled radiantly and glanced at Kougar. “I’ve never been better. I’m glad you’re back with the living. And the conscious.”

“I have you to thank for that.”

“I’m glad I was able to help.”

Hawke put his hand on Faith’s shoulder. “This is Faith.”

Ariana shook Faith’s hand, then turned to Fox. “You’re one of the new Ferals?”

Fox nodded. “I am. Faith and I both are.”

Ariana’s brows shot up, the smile she turned on Faith delighted and genuine. “About time. If you’ll excuse me?” She turned back to Kougar. “Where’s the Shaman? I understand we have work to do.”

As she strode back to where she’d left her mate and her second, Fox fell into step beside her, stopping before the blonde. “Melisande, is it?” he asked, the Irish lilt in his voice suddenly more pronounced. “A beautiful name for a beautiful woman.”

Melisande stared at him as if he’d lost his mind, but a hint of color rose in her cheeks. Interesting.

Fox held out his hand to her. “I’m Fox, Melisande. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Melisande’s eyes narrowed, her mouth tilting up in a mockery of a smile. “That’s what you think.”

“Mel,” Ariana said, her tone part plea, part warning. But from what little he’d seen of Melisande, and what he’d been told, the blond Ilina was a law unto herself.

To prove the point, she appeared to fling something at Fox, probably the bolt of energy that he’d heard could drive even a Feral to his knees in pain. But the sound that escaped Fox’s throat wasn’t a sound of pain. More like pure, unadulterated rapture, like a man in the throes of orgasm. His back arched, his head falling back, his mouth opening wide. And when he recovered enough to close his mouth and stare at Melisande, the grin on his face was that of a hunter who’d just sighted the prey he’d been searching for, for a long, long time.

Melisande’s jaw dropped in horror. In an instant, she turned to mist and disappeared.

Ariana and Kougar both stared at Fox, who started laughing like a man who’d just discovered the secrets of the universe.

“What did you do to her?” Kougar asked, genuine amazement creeping into his tone.

Fox shook his head, golden hair brushing his shoulders. “I’ve no bloody idea.”

“Watch your step,” Ariana warned kindly. “Melisande is a good person, but she has a violent and justified hatred of Therians. While she’s obligated to honor my alliance with the Ferals, she’s unpredictable. She won’t try to kill you. But that’s about all I can guarantee. And if you hurt her, even that’s off the table.”

“Point taken.” But the roguish look on Fox’s smiling face made Hawke suspect Melisande was the one who’d better watch her back. And maybe even her heart.

“Hi, Ariana.” Kara descended the stairs, looking tired.

Hawke took Faith’s hand, thinking this was a good time to make a hasty exit. He’d been avoiding Kara for days now, not wanting Lyon to realize just how bad things were getting. But as he turned to go, Lyon stopped him.

“Hawke, you haven’t had radiance in a couple of days.”

“I’m fine, Roar.”

“Radiance, Wings. Now.”

Hell
. Though maybe it would be okay this time. Maybe he really was getting better. There was one way to find out. He gave Faith a quick kiss, then released her and joined Kara and Lyon. Fox and Kougar stepped forward, and each of them grabbed one of Kara’s arms or ankles. Hawke curled his hand around Kara’s wrist, holding his breath.
It’ll be fine
. He prayed it was true.

As Kara went radiant, lighting up like the sun, radiance zapped him, and he arched back, contorting like a man electrocuted. Faith and Kara cried out in unison, Kara’s light going out as someone yanked his hand away from her.

“Dammit!” Lyon grabbed him when swayed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Hawke didn’t answer. His jaw felt welded shut.

“Let me see your feral marks,” his chief demanded even as he turned him and yanked his shirt up his back, exposing his right shoulder. “They’re fading.”

Hawke’s heart sank as the last hope that he and his hawk would ultimately heal died. As his jaw slowly released, he turned to face Lyon. The grief in his friend’s eyes punched him hard. Lyon had known him since the day he was born. He’d helped raise him. They all had.

But when Faith came to him, wrapping her arms around him, it was the tears and grief in her eyes that slew him. Who would protect her when he was gone? Who would champion her?

Who would love her as she deserved and needed to be loved?

He’d known he was getting worse, known that if he and his hawk didn’t reconnect, he’d eventually die. But until that moment, he hadn’t felt it deep in his gut. Now he did. His fading feral marks were proof.

His immortal life was nearing its end.

“W
e have a plan,” Ariana announced several hours later.

The nine were gathered around the war room’s huge conference table along with their wives. And Faith. Hawke glanced at her, seated beside him. Her face was flushed, her hair damp and curling slightly at her temples, her scent the delicate musk of clean sweat, making him think of slick, hot bodies rolling in the sheets . . . or clinging to one another in the library. But the workout he’d been putting her through for the past few hours hadn’t been sexual. He’d designated himself her personal trainer and had been running her through the house, ordering her to drop and do push-ups, sit-ups, whatever he could think of, until she was glaring at him as if she were about to start throwing knives again. This time at him.

Which was okay. He wanted her strong and ready when the time came to prove her worth to Lyon and the others. Even if she hadn’t been the one meant to be marked, he suspected the Ferals would ultimately accept into their permanent ranks any of the new Ferals who could prove themselves to be genuine assets. And Hawke was determined that Faith would do that. It was the one thing he wanted before his time was up. To leave her safe.

“The Shaman remembered an ancient ritual performed long ago by one of my Ilina predecessors. Since I possess most of the memories of the Ilina queens who came before me, I’ve been searching for the right one. We think I’ve found it, but it’s going to take a special magic—a magic that can only be accessed in the Cave of the Mystics.”

The Shaman was grinning. “That cave was lost millennia ago. At least to those of us who can’t turn to mist. Ariana assures me that she and her maidens can take us there.”

“Ilina travel? I’d rather regrow my legs again,” Jag muttered. He and Paenther had gotten back about an hour ago, good as new.

“What about your cock?” Vhyper asked.

“No.” The word sounded strangled. “Not that. I’d take misting back and forth all day before I’d go through that again.”

“Where is this cave?” Lyon asked.

“African Sahara.” The Shaman folded his hands on the table in front of him. “The cave and its power are as old as time. If we can access it, I believe we can cure the new Ferals of this dark magic.”

Lyon nodded. “Good.”

Vhyper grunted, tugging on his earring. “Do we want to cure them all? Sabertooth sounds like he was a nasty piece of work long before he was marked.” Hawke was no longer the only one who refused to give Maxim the respect of his Feral name. No one referred to him as Catt anymore.