Edge of Mercy (Young Adult Dystopian)(Volume 1) (The Mercy Series) (16 page)

“I need to ask you something.”

For a moment, he just watched me, and I thought he would insist I answer his questions first. But with a shrug of his shoulders, he said, “Ask.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone about me?”

“You mean, why didn’t I tell the Council you’re actually a Charlotte instead of a Charlie?”

I nodded and felt the searing heat of his hands still holding my arms. Once again, silence filled the air between us and his greedy gaze searched my face. I could see him attempting to form his thoughts into words.

He pulled back and dropped his hold, pushing his hands into his pants pockets instead. “I was going to, at first. My duty as a member of this community to out any rule-breakers, you know. But then I watched you with your sister. She’d just been born, your mother…was gone, and the way you cradled Star reminded me of a mother—my mother.

“I thought of my mother, my aunt, my baby cousin—all gone because of the Council’s rules. Not since the day my mother went to the other side had I questioned council decisions, but then there was your sister…and you, and I couldn’t imagine going through that agony again. I didn’t want to think about you out there alone. The Council sent volunteer guards with the community’s women. At least they had a chance. But you wouldn’t have guards. You’d be out there with the monsters, by yourself. I couldn’t live with myself if I let that happen.”

Earlier I’d said those exact words and took a slap because of them, but now I knew, in this community, a line was drawn. For me, at least, there were two groups—those I could trust and those I couldn’t. If they ever discovered my secret, most in this community would see me as someone to hurt, use, abuse, or cast out. Thomas and Zeke were it for me. They would defend me to the end. But how long would that last?

Zeke was leaving tomorrow at dawn. Thomas would soon become a member of the Council. It wouldn’t be long before he had to make one of the hard decisions, and, as time went by and more and more decisions had to be made, I doubted he could always protect Star and me. There was no way around it. Eventually, he would betray us. He’d be forced to.

“You might damage your chance for a council position if anyone finds out you knew and didn’t tell.”

His gaze hit me full-force, disbelief etched over his face. “You seem to think I have some hidden ambition. I don’t have any desire to lead this community. Never did. My only motivation in ending my apprenticeship with Quillen, becoming a guard, and eventually a member of the Council was to protect you.”

I couldn’t have been more floored if the tower around us crumbled to the ground in that moment.
Impossible
. No one did that for someone else—completely changed their life choices—unless they wanted something in return. Or, maybe they would if they cared strongly for someone. Was that what Thomas was admitting?

“If it’s about me, leave with Star and me. Let’s get away from here. We could go with Zeke to the city. We don’t have to stay here.”

A frustrated growl rose from his throat. “I can’t protect you out there. I don’t know what to expect. Here, at least, I have some power, some control of the situation.”

“In the end though, if the Council made a decision, you’d have to live by it. Would you stand by, let them hurt Star and me? I know the danger waiting for me here. Out there though, we might find a place where we aren’t constantly afraid. I want to be somewhere I don’t have to hide who I am or hide at all. Maybe that place is out there.”

He stared at me, emotions playing across his features. For a moment, I glimpsed intense longing in his dark eyes, like he wanted to say yes, like everything in him wanted to escape with me. But in the next moment, it was gone, replaced with a heated fury. With a tightening of his jaw, he shook his head hard. “Forget it. Go to Zeke. I know your heart is breaking because he’s leaving. If it were me, you probably wouldn’t even show up to my dedication ceremony. You’d have a book to read or laundry to do.”

I felt slapped again. He hadn’t laid a finger on me, but his sharp words stung. I expected anger to rise within me, but it didn’t. Instead, I was hurt. I’d come to him, not Zeke. The significance seemed lost on him. Maybe I’d been wrong. This was a mistake. Thomas was right. I should have gone to Zeke.

“You’re wrong. I wouldn’t show up to your dedication ceremony because you wouldn’t have one. You know why?” I stomped toward the trapdoor, my hurt manifesting as fury. “You wouldn’t have volunteered to leave the community. You’ll never leave the community, even to protect me, because you think you’re the key to its survival. You don’t think anyone else can lead the people here, but you. You say you chose to become a council member for me, but the truth is, you want to protect everyone, and that means, if it came down to it, you’re decision concerning me would be what was best for the community, not Star and not me.”

With no more tears to shed, I climbed down the ladder, ignoring his insistence I come back. Things were clearer now more than ever. I’d relied on others to protect me for too long. Now it was time I took control of my own fate. Zeke didn’t know it yet, but he was taking Star and me with him, and I wasn’t taking
you’d be safer here
for an answer because clearly I’d never be safe here again.

Chapter 13

After some time, I found Zeke sparring outside in the waning daylight. I should have known he’d use every last minute to prepare for tomorrow. The problem was, no matter how much preparation, he would never be ready to face what was out there. I knew from my own experience, you needed luck more than skill if you were going to survive. Of course, Zeke had always been pretty lucky, so maybe he had what it would take after all.

I approached as he sent one of the guards to the ground and backed out of the ring to get a drink and wipe away rivulets of sweat. “Zeke, can we talk?”

He paused in mid-swallow and nodded slowly. “Alright, Charlie, but there’s nothing you can say to change my mind. I’m leaving at dawn.”

“That’s what I want to talk to you about. I don’t want to change your mind.”

He ran a piece of cloth over his neck and stared long and hard at me. “Okay. That’s a different tune than what you’ve been singing lately. So, talk.”

I looked around at the interested eyes watching us. “Can we go somewhere else?” A quick look at the sky and I saw a reason. “It’s getting dark. I don’t like being out here this late. Can we go inside?”

A twist of his strong mouth and a small shrug of his shoulders was his only answer as he started for the main entrance. I followed, running to keep up.

Once we were inside the cavernous entrance, he stopped and faced me again. “Okay, so tell me what’s suddenly changed your mind about me leaving?”

“Follow me. I have a better, more private place for us to talk.”

“Come on, Charlie. You’re acting kind of weird.”

But I waved my hand once and headed toward the room Thomas and I used recently, and a glance backward showed him tromping after me.

I closed the door behind us and heard his deep breath. His impatience and probable irritation were growing, but I didn’t dare say what I was going to in front of everyone.

“I have something important I need to ask you.”

Now that he was in front of me, I didn’t know how to form the words I needed to say to make him understand. I fidgeted with my hands and ran them up and down my baggy pants. My nervousness only grew when he crossed his arms with another deep exhalation.

“Well, spill it. The dedication ceremony is in like less time than it took to get here.”

I pulled my shoulders back, and rushed the words out, “You have to take me with you tomorrow.” It hadn’t come out at all like I’d planned, more like a you-will-do-this command.

To give him credit, he didn’t immediately rail at me with a shouted
No!
Instead he swept his head back and forth, dropping his gaze to the floor, like he’d expected this very thing. He muttered to himself a little before looking at me once again. “Charlie, don’t be ridiculous. You can’t go with me. You’d die for sure out there.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. I’ve been out there before, scrambling for my life, protecting my mother and unborn sister. I’ll be an asset out there. You need me.”

“You’ll slow me down, is what you’ll do.”

“I know hiding places. Abandoned underground bunkers I hid in on the way here. I could find them again and help you navigate to the city.”

A smile crossed his lips, as if he were amused by my words. “I’ve got a map. Traveled and drawn by Victor. He’s been to Mercy and back, so I’ll trust his information.”

My skin crawled at that name. “You can’t trust Victor. He hates you and will probably send you deeper into the forest to die. Believe me when I say this, you need me out there with you.”

“What are you talking about? You need to stay here, where it’s safe.”

I shook my head hard at him. “I’m not safe here, at all. If you leave me here, I’m as good as dead.”

“Who would hurt you? Victor? He’s harmless really. Thomas will take care of you.” His eyes dropped to the floor again. “And I’ll be back.”

Something in the way he said the words made me think he didn’t believe them any more than I did. His confidence in his survival must have been less than decent, to say the least. That didn’t sound like the Zeke I knew. Or, maybe it was his plan to stay in the city rather than return here. No, he was far too proud to do that. He’d come back, if for no other reason than his father needed him.

“Thomas won’t be able to protect me. Ugh!” I turned away, my frustration building. “I have to go. That’s all there is to it.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t like it, but there was only one way to convince him. “Zeke, there’s something you should know about me. Something I should have told you a long time ago.”

“Stop. Just stop. Do you hear yourself? You’re talking nonsense. You have to stay here. Star needs you. Do you think anyone else can take care of her as well as her brother?”

I clenched my teeth until my jaws ached. My heartbeat went crazy. I didn’t know if he could handle my next revelation.

I inhaled deeply through my nose. “That’s just it. What if Star doesn’t even have a brother?”

“Of course she does. She has you. What? That wasn’t your real mother, the one you came through the gate with, the one who gave birth to Star?”

My stomach felt like a million spoons mixing mush around and around. I was sure I was about to lose my supper all over the floor. “She was my mother.”

“Well, I hate to break it to you, but that makes you Star’s brother.”

“Sister.”

“What?”

“I’m Star’s sister.”

With my heart about to burst through my chest, I chanced a look behind me. His wrinkled brow couldn’t get much tighter in the middle of his forehead. Confusion wavered in his dark brown eyes, and I watched as the words truly sunk in. He took one step backwards and then another. I thought he’d probably make a break for the door any moment.

Instead, he changed direction and stalked toward me, his boots heavy on the concrete floor. He grabbed my face between his hands and turned me one way and the other, scrutinizing me like a fieldworker looking for vegetable rot. His lips pursed, and as I’d expected all along, anger rolled off him like a storm wind.

“You’re a girl?” His voice was loud. So loud, I gave a worried glance to the door, hoping no one was on the other side.

“Keep your voice down. It’s not exactly something I want to advertise.”

He got closer, his face perusing mine up close. “Why? How? How did you hide it from everyone?”

A sudden need for space overtaking me, I took a step back, freeing myself from his tight grip. “My mother insisted. She knew something I didn’t, I guess. As to how…well, it hasn’t been easy. I’ll tell you that.”

“Who else knows? Does anyone else know?”

“Quillen and Thomas.”

“What? You told Thomas before me?”

“I didn’t tell him. I didn’t tell anyone. Like I said, my mom made it clear I had to keep it a secret. Quillen and Thomas found out during the exam when I first arrived.”

His confusion seemed to grow as his eyebrows nearly touched. “I can’t believe Thomas didn’t tell the Council. Mr. Hero kept something from the community?”

Jealousy between the cousins seemed to be mutual, but Zeke seemed to be more concerned with Thomas’s position in the community as opposed to his own. Did Zeke covet a council position too?

“This is wrong. You can’t be here. It puts the whole community in danger.”

I reached out a hand and clasped his arm. “You won’t tell, will you?”

Much to my dismay, he pulled his arm free of my grip and inched backward as if I posed a grave danger. Inches from the door, he stopped and a look of disgust came over his features. “You lied. I should go right to the Council and tell them you’ve put us all in danger.” His hands clutched both sides of his head, as if it hurt to think of what I’d done. “It all makes sense now. You…you are the reason the monsters have been more aggressive lately. How could you do that to us?”

“Do what? Protect myself? Protect my sister? Would you rather we died? Rather we never came here at all? Were ripped apart by hideous creatures instead? Well, I can’t change that now. We’re here, and I’ll do anything to protect my sister, even lie.”

His eyes slid closed and he transferred his hands there, rubbing with his palms, as if he were trying to erase the image of me from his brain. Of all the reactions I expected from him, I really hadn’t thought he’d feel obligated to run to the Council, outing me in front of the men who would hurt me most.

“You can’t tell anyone, Zeke. They’ll use me. I’ll never see the light of day again.” I approached him and touched his elbow lightly. “Are you going to the Council?”

He lowered his arms, breaking contact again, but his gaze met mine, and for a moment, I saw the same Zeke who’d come to my rescue the minute I’d arrived here. I was his friend, and he’d stood up for me more times than I could count. Could he do it again? Or had I crossed a line that couldn’t be uncrossed now?

“I don’t know, Charlie, or…what’s your real name?”