Edge of Mercy (Young Adult Dystopian)(Volume 1) (The Mercy Series) (5 page)

Quillen rose from his chair and padded after her. He always wore a smile and seemed content to spend his days with the youngest member of the community.

Often when I came down here, I could hear his raspy voice singing songs I hadn’t heard in so many years about baking cakes and pockets full of posies, and I slowed down during those times because, for just a moment, I could experience a certain kind of serenity knowing that Star could experience some normalcy in this messed-up world.

Today though, he seemed solemn as he approached. His smile was absent as he asked, “I think Star might be coming down with an illness. She was a little fussier than usual today and pulled at her ear considerably. You might consider taking her to see Dr. Graham after the evening meal.”

I pulled her away from me slightly, glanced at her red-rimmed eyes, and noted her body did feel a little warmer than usual.
Please don’t get sick, little Star.
Medicine supplies were dwindling here, so it was rarely used. I couldn’t have Starr getting sick now or ever. Maybe just a quick once-over by the doctor would prove there was nothing to worry about.

“I’ll have him look at her. Thanks, Quillen.”

He turned to go back to his chair just as I turned toward the door. I couldn’t help but wonder why he wasn’t attending the feast.

“Have you ever had goose? There was some flying over the fields today. I didn’t realize the soldiers had such dead aim with their guns. Long story short, there’s meat on the table tonight. Aren’t you coming?”

“Not tonight. I have a little too much on my mind. Maybe you could sneak me a little when you bring some for the boys at the end of the hallway.”

I laughed lightly. There wasn’t much Quillen missed.

“Okay. I’ll work on that.”

The aroma of roasted meat intensified the closer I got to the kitchens. With the exception of the handful downstairs, all the community were lined up, crazy grins on their faces. Nothing brought the morale higher like meat on the table. It happened so rarely that it didn’t matter what kind it was or how it might taste, just the thought of something so reminiscent of the past was enough to bring on a full-on celebration.

I took my place in line, with a squirmy Star tugging at the buttons on my jacket and making babbling sounds. Her favorite lately was the “da” sound, and I cringed whenever she started up on it. It was clear I was the closest she’d ever have to a parent, and it broke my heart she’d never know our father or mother. She’d never hear my father’s big, boisterous laugh or be on the receiving end of one of my mother’s reassuring hugs. So not fair.

As we inched through the line, the excitement grew, and even I had to admit my mouth watered with the thought of something other than warmed mush and vegetables. As I reached for a cup full of cool, sterilized water, I awkwardly switched Star to my other hip. I didn’t really know how I would balance food and a squirmy toddler, but there wasn’t another choice.

“Here, let me have her.”

It was Thomas, and Star practically jumped in his arms, solving my problem of only having two hands. Star took to Thomas from the beginning, and though I didn’t know the appeal, I was thankful for his help right now, even if I wasn’t ready to let him know that.

“I can handle it, but since you’re here, do you mind taking her to Zeke’s table.”

He snorted with a derisive laugh.

Okay, so maybe my stubborn streak was a mile-wide, like my mother had always claimed, whatever that meant. If it were anyone else, I probably would’ve thanked him politely, gotten my plate, and chatted pleasantly. But Thomas wasn’t like anyone else.

Around him, my mind regressed to my earliest days, back when I was jumping into the water from the side of a swimming pool. It seemed another lifetime ago I swam for fun, but time and again, I jumped into my father’s arms. It wasn’t uncommon for him to flat out drop me on occasion. He had some crazy idea I needed to fend for myself, even then. He told me I’d either sink or swim. When I was around Thomas, I got the same feeling he watched to see if I would meld into the community or completely blow it. Around him, I never knew if I was about to sink or swim.

“You’re nothing but skin and bones already. And so short for your age. Not like you’re hiding muscles under that pile of clothes you wear.”

I looked at my feet to hide concern that might leak onto my face. There he went again making references to my secret. I wanted to throw my hood over my head, so he couldn’t see the truth on my face, but I squeezed my hands into fists, resisting the urge. Maybe he knew, maybe he didn’t, but the reality was someone would find out sooner than later. Then what would happen to me? I needed someone in which to confide, someone on my side, but it couldn’t be Thomas.

“You should train with me in the evenings. You know, put some muscle on you and teach you how to defend yourself.”

The line moved and I looked up and took a step toward the person in front of me. Thomas might really only intend to help, but it wasn’t a chance I could take. “Nah, I’m more of a brains-over-brawn kind of guy.”

An irritated breath brushed my cheek, and I checked the urge to glance his way. “Well, use your brains. You need to know how to fight off an attacker.”

“I don’t ever plan to be attacked.”

“No one plans to be attacked. So much for your brains.” I continued to avoid looking at him, but I could tell he spoke through clenched teeth. “We’re surrounded by Draghoul all the time. You need to know how to defend yourself.”

I wanted to laugh, but there really wasn’t humor in his statement. If I ever attempted to fight off Draghoul though, it would be something to laugh at, but he was so completely serious I almost wanted to tell him he could mold me into the perfect military-grade fighter if it would make him happy. Of course, I wasn’t in the practice of making Thomas happy.

I rotated my head toward him slightly, until I could see him using my peripheral vision. “I’ll just have to use my brain and stay away from Draghoul then, won’t I?”

With a shake of his head, he blew out a frustrated breath and turned, striding in the direction of Zeke and some other boys.

I stared openly now as he sat with them, balancing Star on his knee using one hand and lifting his fork with the other. He filled his mouth with food and mashed up small bits to feed to my sister.

He eased into the conversation, smiling and laughing at something Zeke said. Then, all the boys laughed when Thomas said something, wiping the smirk off Zeke’s face. I bounced on my toes and checked the line’s progress. I wanted to get to the table to be a part of the exchange, but I often felt like an outsider in the community. The group shared something I didn’t. They’d all grown up together, and there was a history I’d never be a part of. With familiarity, I’d hoped to bridge our difference, but the chasm between us grew as the months passed. There was no getting around the fact I was different, and my secret was becoming harder and harder to keep.

Seeing them all sitting around the table made that reality clearer than ever. They’d all bulked up over the summer and now I looked like the runt. Thomas obviously noticed my smaller stature. I just hoped no one else noticed.

Finally, a food-filled tray appeared in front of me. I picked it up and carried it toward the raucous table in the corner. A quick glance at the tray in my hands showed a pitiful amount of meat along with heaps of vegetables and grainy mush. About the size of the first two fingers on one hand, I’d probably swallow the bit in three bites, but I wouldn’t complain because it was so rare to have meat.

Like always a seat was open next to Zeke. He always saved a seat, and I appreciated the feeling that I had a place somewhere in this community. It was another reason I liked Zeke.

I set my tray on the table, flopped down on the seat, and chanced a glance in Thomas’s direction. His eyes watched me, but no emotion showed on his face. He nodded, bounced Star on his knee a few times, and turned his focus back to his plate.

I shook off a feeling maybe I should be nicer to Thomas. He was really good to Star, even if he was always on my case about this or that. Maybe he wasn’t so bad, but something inside me needed to keep him at a distance, and the best way to do that was treat him like he wasn’t all that special to me.

“What’d I miss?”

Zeke burped loudly into his hand and looked around at the grinning faces at the table. “Just a bunch a goof-offs riding me about my punishment for knocking Peter’s lights out at the field today.”

Michael Garrett, a tall gangly kid of sixteen shrugged his shoulders. “I think cleaning the toilets for a month is a fitting consequence. I’d take it every time I got the chance if it meant I could punch Peter Bannon in the mouth on a regular basis.”

“Yeah, I’d like to see you try. His father’d have you on nightwatch until the Draghoul finally carried you away.” Thomas’s words cut the laughter.

It was the same conversation almost every time we sat together. The equity of power here solely depended on how closely related one was to a council member. Thomas’s and Peter’s fathers were both on the Council, but Peter’s father Jonas was head councilman, which put them above everyone at the table when it came to status in the community. No one dared oppose Jonas, and Peter was slated to be head councilman someday, which made him all the more difficult to deal with. Anyone who went against either of them suddenly ended up with nightwatch duty.

Nightwatch was the most dangerous of all the duties, and boys given this duty had been known to disappear without a trace because they were the last ones outside at dusk. It was the job of the nightwatchman to secure all the outside barriers, including the four towers that surrounded the property. If the unlucky watchman started duty too late, it was near-to-impossible to make it to the fourth tower and down the tunnel below, leading back into the fortified sanctuary underground. If it were a cloudy day, the duty was almost impossible to complete before the creatures began to creep onto the grounds, but only the fourth tower had access to the tunnel, so if one were stuck inside another tower, the odds of surviving alone all night were next to none. As a matter of fact, for as long as I’d been here in the community, only a handful of boys volunteered for the job, and all but one had returned, but no one knew what had become of him.

“Zeke knows all about nightwatch, don’t you?” Cody, a thin fourteen-year-old, who hero-worshiped Zeke more than I did, rarely spoke, but the group accepted him though he was so much younger.

I expected Zeke to glibly agree, pushing his awesomeness out there like he usually did, but he just took another bite and shrugged.

“The way you demolished those two Draghoul at the year’s start…I wished I’d been there to see it, not just hear about it later.”

The year’s start?
That’s when he carried my mother and me through the gates. Two Draghoul? Why hadn’t he mentioned the incident? He bragged about everything else.

“Well, no one here’s on nightwatch tonight, so shut the hell up and eat your meat before I do.”

I was surprised by Zeke’s harsh tone and silence on the subject. For some reason I couldn’t guess, he didn’t want to discuss it. How odd.

Other than forks hitting the plates, uncomfortable silence dominated the table. I finished most of the food on my plate, including the meat, which was a little dry, but once again, I wasn’t complaining.

“Hey, Zeke, will you help me carry plates down to the guards and Quillen? I told them I’d bring them some.”

“They’re still downstairs? Losers.” Everyone laughed and the tension eased around the table.

“The Council’s still meeting about something.”

Zeke smirked. “Ah, too bad. Guess the Council misses all this deliciousness.”

Thomas cleared his throat, thrust his chin out, and leaned in, and when one of his eyebrows rose, I saw his deep satisfaction. He loved to correct his cousin. “They already ate. It was delivered to them in chambers, and they were the first to be served.”

He knew things before the rest of us, and though he probably thought he was helping, it came off a little know-it-all.

“Must be nice to be council,” Michael sulked.

Jacob, another boy about my age I’d talked to a few times, grinned stupidly and poked Thomas. “You’ll know soon, won’t you, Thomas. You know, when you’re a member of the Council.”

Thomas clenched his jaw tightly and gave a quick nod. It was the first I’d noticed anger toward anyone else but me. He seemed ticked his soon-to-be council position was even mentioned. Everyone else would have reveled in it, would have taken full advantage of the position, trading favors for future promises. Yet, somehow I knew Thomas didn’t appreciate the added attention and wouldn’t abuse the situation.

With a slight smile, I met Thomas’s gaze. I wasn’t sure why, but I felt a need to show sympathy for his plight. The urge came over me, and I acted on instinct, and unexpected warmth settled in the center of my chest. Others might see it as a privilege. I thought Thomas probably saw it as a burden, and I understood the burden of responsibility for the well-being of others. Though I loved Star, my anxiety about what would happen to her if I didn’t keep the truth under wraps ate at me constantly.

Most likely, if anyone ever found out, we’d be tossed into the Dead Forest. But what if they separated us? What if they kept her here and threw me out? I shivered at the thought and decided to turn my mind back toward things I could control.

“Thomas, can you carry Star when we go down? Plates of food mixed with Star is a certain disaster.” My stomach churned at the idea of asking for his help, but somehow I knew he wouldn’t say no.

He nodded, but his look was thoughtful. “I have to be somewhere by sundown, so we’ll have to go now.”

Jacob looked up with wide eyes. “Hey, where you going by sundown? Why aren’t the rest of us invited?”

“It’s council business, and none of you goof-ups need to be a part of it,” He rose from the table, lifting Star in his arms. “Especially not goat-crap for brains number one,” he stared at Jacob, “and goat-crap for brains number two.” He pointed at Zeke.