Edith Layton (16 page)

“I wouldn’t be a chore,” Rob said indignantly.

“Of course not,” Kit said. “Your just being in her vicinity makes work for her. She’d worry about you every minute and would be watching over you instead of enjoying London.”

“Besides, you’ve got a lifetime ahead to see it,” Vic added. “This may be Ally’s only chance.”

“Thank you for remembering my advanced years,” Alexandria said, snatching the letter from Rob and carefully folding it. “But I’m not going. I may be antiquated, but I think I’ve enough years left to go to London some other time. It’s a lovely gesture and I appreciate the invitation. I will write to tell Mrs. Ryder so. But it’s not for me.”

“Why not?” Eric asked.

They were sitting around the table after dinner. The letter had passed from hand to hand after Alexandria mentioned it. She was proud of the invitation but embarrassed by whatever impulse had made her show it to them, and now wondered if she had because she really wanted them to try to persuade her to accept it. That made her even more embarrassed. She looked cornered as everyone studied her, waiting for her answer to Eric’s question.

“Why not?” she asked in exasperation. “Because of so many things! I haven’t the clothes, I haven’t the money—yes, I know she’ll be my hostess, but I can’t go to London with no more than a fancy to see the sights and a tuppence in my shoe. I’m not Dick Whittington, you know.” She didn’t consider that small hoard of detested gold coins. She’d already squirreled them away and they wouldn’t be touched unless there was a dire emergency.

“And,” she added, holding up a hand in an unconscious mimicry of Drum, “besides that, who’ll run the house if I go? Since Eric’s going to London in a few days to report to the earl, you boys would all be alone if I left. Poor Mrs. Tooke’s been an angel,” she said, smiling at that lady, “but she must miss her family by now. And school’s out, and so you’d need someone here all day. No,” she said adamantly, “it’s a lovely gesture. Maybe I’ll accept it in a few years, but not now.”

“I don’t mind staying on,” Mrs. Tooke said. “Don’t hesitate a minute on that account. I love my family, but absence makes the heart grow fonder. I’m happy to stay on here with the boys.”

“We won’t be lazing about all day either,” Vic said. “We have jobs this summer, remember? I’m being paid to help at the Montvilles’ farm in the afternoons.”

“I’ve promised Mr. Thatcher I’d give him a hand with his horses, and he’s going to pay me too,” Kit said proudly.

“And I’ll help Mrs. Tooke, honestly I will!” Rob promised.

“Your clothes can be made to make do,” Mrs. Tooke said. “Things are more relaxed in summer. The Season
is ending so it’s not necessary to be in the highest state of fashion, and light summer materials are less expensive than heavier ones. We can smarten up your gowns, I’m good at that. No one will expect you to go dressed like a girl about to make her bows at Court.”

Alexandria’s face flushed. “I can afford
some
new fabric for some new clothes. But there are so many other expenses.”

“No, actually there are not,” Eric said, sitting back and watching her. “A few coins for the Ryders’ servants, and a few in case of accident or emergency are all you need. A guest isn’t expected to pay for a thing, it’s just not done in London. Besides,” he added with a laugh, “the Quality seldom pays for anything in London.”

“I’m not Quality,” Alexandria protested.

His gaze softened. “You are in most ways. I know Gilly and Damon. They’d never let you put a hand in your purse, believe me.”

The others at the table sat still, watching them argue the point, their eyes going from one to the other. Alexandria sensed their silent approval of Eric’s argument and felt her own begin to falter.

“But they have a baby,” she said weakly. “I’ll be in the way.”

“Gilly’s a wonderfully devoted mama,” Eric said, “but she is a lady, and has more than enough staff to take care of her darling when she’s not there. I think she secretly looks forward to an excuse not to be such a devoted mama for a little while.”

“I don’t have a maid to accompany me,” Alexandria said doggedly. “No respectable young woman goes on such a trip alone.”

The heads at the table swiveled to Eric to see his riposte.

“You’ll travel by public coach. I’ll ride the same route. You won’t be alone a moment, even without me. When you get to Gilly’s house, she’ll provide all the chaperone you’ll need.”

“She is a lady, I won’t fit in,” Alexandria protested, her eyes daring him to deny it.

“You won’t have to, you’re a visitor. As such you’ll be able to see the sights, maybe take in a night at the opera or Vauxhall. You’ll have a good time, believe me. It would be a chance to see something new. And something old, because your old patient will be there too. You’d be doing Drum a favor, at that, giving him a chance to pay his debt to you in some small way by letting him escort you to the theater or such. He’s probably able to get around in an invalid chair by now. I think you deserve a treat, a vacation, a change of scene, and so does everyone here. It would be a once in a lifetime experience.”

Their gazes locked.
He knows,
she realized in alarm. His eyes had held a world of resignation and understanding when he’d mentioned Drum, and he’d watched her closely when he did. And he’d said “once in a lifetime” with sorrow, but with finality.

That was just what it was. And so if she didn’t go she knew she’d spend the rest of her lifetime regretting it. If she did, she’d probably spend the rest of her life regretting Drum…. Or maybe not. Was that what bothered her? Once she rid herself of the dream of the earl, would she be ready to accept another man? Did Eric sense that too? Was she using her fantasy of Drum to avoid reality, because she was afraid of how painful
it might be? And when had she become such a coward?

“A once in a lifetime experience,” she echoed thoughtfully, unconsciously raising her chin as she met his eyes. “Yes, it would be. Then perhaps I should.”

T
HE AIR THAT CAME THROUGH THE FRACTION OF
the open coach window was more than enough for most of the passengers. The drizzle had stopped, the sun was out, and now the breeze frankly stank of warm ripe garbage, horse manure, rancid fish, stale smoke, standing water, and things even more unpleasant to imagine. But Alexandria sat with her offended nose almost on the window, eyes wide, breathing in the stench of London in the summertime as if it were perfume, gazing at the crowded streets as though they were heaven she was getting a glimpse of at last.

The racket made by carriage wheels, street criers, and horsemen careening by over the cobbles was almost deafening, but still, she heard her fellow passenger’s complaint.

“Would you mind closing that window?” the woman on the opposite seat asked. “I suspect it’s your first look at London, but we’re almost at the Bull and
Mouth and you’ll soon have your fill of it. In the meanwhile, we should like to breathe, thank you.”

The other passengers laughingly agreed.

Alexandria flushed and rose to pull the window down. The men in the carriage leapt to assist her. One was an old fellow coming home from a visit to a friend, another a weasel-faced man who said he dealt in watches, another a portly chap who slept through most of the journey. All had been amazingly polite to her since she’d stepped inside the carriage. The women she’d met on the journey had been charming too. She thought it was London manners, never realizing how fresh and lovely she looked.

A new straw bonnet framed Alexandria’s face, and that face was aglow with expectation. She wore a pretty pink traveling gown stitched by Mrs. Tooke’s clever needle, and a shawl with a floral pattern lay over her shoulders. Altogether she looked like a rose in bloom to the jaded Londoners who shared her coach.

She might look ablaze with anticipation, but the trip was as terrifying as it was exhilarating for her. She had as many alarming doubts as high expectations, but her fellow passengers’ kindness made her spirits rise with every mile that took her closer to London.

The decision to accept the Ryders’ invitation seemed to be the last one she had made for herself. Since then, she’d lost control of her life; it had been whirled away from her. The boys immediately took on her chores as though she’d already left. They said it was so they could learn them, but she knew it was so she could have time to make arrangements for her trip. She didn’t need it. Eric made all the plans for traveling, Mrs. Tooke took over the making of her new gowns,
saying, rightfully, that she could stitch up a garment faster.

All Alexandria had to do was worry about whether she’d made the right decision, and she did that a lot.

Her cohorts were too busy to sympathize. In their spare time the boys made up lists of things for Alexandria to do and see in London so she could report back to them about it. Mrs. Tooke went over pattern books with her every night until Alexandria’s eyes were bleary and she’d agreed to leave the decisions to the older woman’s excellent taste. Before she’d even received the Ryders’ reply, urging her to come immediately, Alexandria had a new wardrobe and a sheaf of instructions from her busy family.

The night before the actual day of departure, Eric finished his investigations, packed up his kit, and readied his great white horse for the journey to London too.

“I’ll be on the highway,” he told her, “so if any problems come up, know I’ll be near. I’ll meet you at the coaching stops along the way, and when you get to the main stop in London, the Bull and Mouth, I’ll be waiting to make sure you get to the Ryders’ without mishap or delay.”

He left the cottage for his quarters in the barn, the boys went to their beds, and Alexandria to her own. But she couldn’t sleep. After tossing and turning one time too many, she crept downstairs and wandered through the familiar rooms, touching articles of furniture, wondering if she were doing the right thing.

The wavering light of a candle lit the stairs and Alexandria looked up to see Mrs. Tooke coming down, her wrapper pulled around her. “Still up?” she asked. “I thought so! A trip can make one nervous. There’s no
need to worry, you know. The new coaches are well sprung and the main roads have been macadamized, so the ride is very smooth these days. They don’t tolerate as much drunkenness in the coachmen as they used to either—the coaching companies don’t want accidents any more than their passengers do. Hundreds of people travel to London every day without mishap, so don’t worry, it should be a swift and pleasant journey.”

“Oh, it’s not that, not so much as it is…Oh, Mrs. Tooke,” Alexandria sighed. “Of course I’m excited, but the truth is I’m more afraid of London than I am of getting there! I don’t want to make a fool of myself or be a burden to others. I wish I were already home, unpacking my souvenirs, with the trip to remember rather than to live now. Foolishness, I know,” she said on a shaky laugh.

“You need a cup of tea,” Mrs. Tooke said firmly. “Come, we’ll go to the kitchen and put the kettle on.”

“Yes, that’s a good idea,” Alexandria said. “If you could wait a moment? I wrote out some things to tell you, and if I wait I’m sure to forget them in the rush in the morning.”

When Alexandria came back she handed Mrs. Tooke a packet of notes and instructions, her hands trembling as she did. “The truth is I did it for myself, not you. Because you already know how to run the house perfectly.”

“I’m glad you did,” Mrs. Tooke assured her, taking Alexandria’s cold hands in her two warm ones. “This way I’ll know I won’t forget a thing. Don’t worry, my dear. Everything will be taken care of here. You have only to enjoy yourself. Oh, and please give my regards to the earl, if you would.”

That seemed to remind Mrs. Tooke of something else. She hesitated. “It would be wonderful if you could meet some likely young man there, because you certainly deserve to. But if you don’t, remember it’s not the end of the world. You’re still young and very lovely. Maybe you’ll meet some nice young women who will invite you to other places in the future too.”

“Oh, this is adventure enough!” Alexandria protested.

“Perhaps. Perhaps not, you’ll see,” Mrs. Tooke said. Her expression grew far away. “You haven’t traveled, but in my youth, I did. My parents took me to London, Brighton, and Dover, once to Scotland too.” She hesitated, then focused on Alexandria and added, “Being in new places sometimes makes people forget who they are. It can broaden the mind, as they say, and that’s all for the better. It’s not so good if it makes you forget you always have to come home again.”

“Don’t worry,” Alexandria said ruefully. “I know who I am—better than anyone else—and I’m not likely to forget. In fact, I wish I could.”

“Mr. Gascoyne was a bitter man,” Mrs. Tooke said suddenly. “You know that too well, poor girl. Everyone admired you for putting up with him so dutifully. No one listened to half the things he said either. You should forget the bitter things too. The past is done; your future is what you should concentrate on.”

“Yes,” Alexandria said briskly, skittering away from the subject of Mr. Gascoyne, who had never wanted her to leave the cottage except to work in the garden. “I’m going to London. I
will
have a good time. I’ll be back within weeks to tell you all about it.”

Mrs. Tooke’s eyes studied her. “When I was young I
made what seemed to be the only decision that made sense to me then. Not that I was wrong, or that I regret my life. All I’m saying is that now I can see the world was very different than I thought it was or would be. This may be presumptuous of me, but I think it’s important that you see the earl again. He was an invalid here, totally dependent on us, cut off from his normal world. In London you’ll see him in that world and will see exactly how he’s situated. You need that, I think you both do.”

Alexandria dropped her gaze. She nodded. “I think so too. That’s why I’m going there.”

The kettle was boiling, but that wasn’t why Mrs. Tooke went to brew the tea. “You’re a very sensible young woman,” she told Alexandria in a muted voice as she bent over the teapot. “You’ve had to be. Remember that too.”

“Don’t worry about us!” Vic had said as they’d waved good-bye at the coaching station.

“We’ll see to everything!” Kit said.

“Bring back something for me, please,” Rob called.

The boys and Mrs. Tooke stood talking to Alexandria through the coach window. Eric waited on his horse as the luggage and passengers were loaded in and on top of the carriage. The morning was gray and misty, but Alexandria wouldn’t have noticed if it were raining fire. She caught her breath when the coachman cracked his whip and she felt the coach tremble and jerk forward. She waved as the guard raised his trumpet and blared a rousing tune to signal they were leaving. The lumbering coach pulled away, making Alexandria feel giddy and frightened, as if she were
about to leave the earth itself instead of just the yard in front of the inn.

It took a half hour for her heart to stop pounding so hard it threatened to leap out of her breast. She finally sat back, folded her hands, looked out the window at the passing scenery, and began to get
really
excited. She became more so as the hours went by. Eric calmed her when he met her at the coaching houses they rested at. Other passengers chatted with her and made her feel that traveling like this was commonplace.

But now that she was almost at her destination her excitement was almost too large to contain. Now, at last, when she’d almost arrived, all her fears dropped away so completely she couldn’t imagine she’d ever been frightened.

The streets outside her coach window teemed with people of all kinds and conditions. Surely one more insignificant female fresh from the countryside wouldn’t matter or even be noticed. There were so many kinds of women everywhere. Ladies in fancy coaches, rag women pushing carts, maidservants, governesses, nannies, and women of fashion strolling or hurrying, often all to be seen on the same street the coach drove past. Surely, Alexandria thought in relief as her fascinated stare took it all in, if a woman looked well in her clothes and they were new and clean, it wouldn’t matter if they were expensive dressmaker creations or homemade?

She counted her assets. She wasn’t that old yet, or that young anymore. She had some money in her pocket, new clothes on her back, and hopes for new experiences percolating in her head. It could come to nothing, but she didn’t see how it could hurt her. It was
true that when going to a new place, all things seemed possible.
But they are,
she thought in growing delight,
they are!

She sobered a moment, realizing she had to remember that some things were simply not possible, in spite of her wildest dreams. But as for the rest?

She was very lucky, Alexandria assured herself, gripping her purse in fisted hands. She hadn’t felt remotely this way on the journey to Bath, those years ago. How could she? Then she’d been fleeing, curses echoing in her ears, alone, doggedly determined and filled with second thoughts. But she wasn’t alone this time. Drum would be there. Eric was waiting for her. Her host and hostess, if not precisely friends, were people who would at least watch over her. And best of all, she wasn’t fleeing now. In fact, lightheaded and dizzy as she was, she felt as though she were flying.

Alexandria sat back, took a sustaining breath, and willed her life to begin.

The Earl of Drummond sat back in a chair at his ease and watched a room filled with charming, beautiful, and wealthy young women vie for his attentions. He felt half like a rajah trying to decide who to pick for his harem, and half like a gentleman in the anteroom of a whorehouse trying to find the most pleasure for his money. The worst part of it was he knew both feelings were valid.

His circumstances weren’t as wonderful as they seemed.

He sat because he couldn’t stand. The women were competing for him because of what was in his pockets rather than what was in his trousers, his head, or his
heart. He smiled to himself, wondering what they’d say if they knew what he was thinking. He sighed, knowing they probably did, and it didn’t matter. They wanted him because of his wealth and title, and he wanted them because he was trying to do the right thing. There wasn’t a word of love in it, and he realized there was never likely to be one.

He was very glad his father had gone home to his estates. When he returned, the duke had said, he expected his son to be walking, and soon after, doing that down the aisle beside the lady of his choice.

But that choice wasn’t easy. Drum eyed the women surrounding him.

The beautiful Annabelle, in her signature blue, was there, of course, prattling, smiling, always with her lovely eyes on him. He was glad of it. At least she wasn’t with his father. And she did make him laugh from time to time, almost as often as she annoyed him by how well she played this stupid courtship game in which he was forced to participate. He teased her, she twitted him, they flirted incessantly, eyeing each other with interest and distrust.

He felt sorry for her. Not enough to want to marry her or have his father marry her, though he realized he might have to offer, if for no other reason than to save his father from her. He supposed it would be better to take her to wife than watch his father be cheated for the rest of his life. At least Drum knew what he’d be getting. His father needed a woman he could love. He didn’t, because it wasn’t likely he ever would.

He’d have to see which way the wind was blowing when his father returned to town.

Still, it wouldn’t be that bad if he did marry her him
self, Drum mused. Their edgy relationship might make her exciting in his bed. And if he wanted an interesting wife who could bear him intelligent children, he might find one with a kinder heart, but probably none so beautiful and socially adept. But that decision could wait. She wasn’t the only lively possibility; the room was stuffed with them. He sat back and watched his other visitors, dispassionately weighing their attractions and noting their faults.

Lady Mary McGregor was Scots, but had been sent to the best English schools. Her artificial laughter was wearying, but she had a magnificent face and form. Yet she talked almost exclusively about horses.