Egyptian Honeymoon (20 page)

'If only I could help!'

'You least of all, my love.'

The Adams couple came creaking down the stairs. They were a weighty pair.

'A pity you can't come,' said Emma as they shook hands. She had noticed Noelle's wistful expression. 'I always go with Tom if it's humanly possible. He needs my moral support.'

But Steve didn't need her in any capacity, Noelle thought sadly.

For appearances' sake, Steve brushed her cheek with his lips, which she noticed were hot and dry. Was he going to be ill? She had never known him be so, and he would be a terribly trying patient, but it might bring them nearer together.

Then they were gone and she was once more alone with Pickles. She went to ring up the doctor.

He saw her that same day. He was a fatherly, person who had attended the Prescott household for many years, though Steve only saw him when he required an injection. He thought Noelle probably was pregnant, and he would let her know as soon as possible if the tests were positive.

It was not until Steve had gone that Noelle remembered that she had not mentioned Mrs Bates's revelations and that Steve's cheque was still in her handbag. Mrs Ingram's suggestion had driven the matter clean out of her head. A little delay did not matter, but he might be wondering why the cheque had never been presented. She could in the meantime write to Mary, which she did, saying how glad she was that her illness had been nothing serious. That brought the days on the
Serapis
vividly back to mind. On the whole Steve had been thoughtful and kind, except for the intrusion of Marcia. If only she had not been there, Noelle thought, and they had been able to complete the expedition up the Nile, they might by the end of it have arrived at a closer understanding. For Steve had wanted her then, and only her timidity had stood between them. That and her pride, which Marcia's presence had aggravated. Poor Steve, he had had rather a raw deal, expecting a voluptuous lover and being confronted with a shrinking virgin. She smiled wryly, recalling their wedding night. But when he had consummated their marriage it had been in anger and as a punishment, and that brought her back to the present, for how was he going to react when faced with the consequences of his unleashed passion?

On the Wednesday night, he returned as he said he would and was in time for dinner. He looked much less tired, but was cool and detached. No, he had not seen much of Holland, he told Noelle in answer to her polite queries, he was in conference most of the time, and den Haag, though a pleasant place in the summer, was bleak at that time of the year. When she diffidently asked if he had reached a decision about the problem that had been worrying him, he smiled a trifle sourly and said that he had.

'I'll tell you about that over coffee,' he promised her.

Noelle felt a thrill of elation. Was he at last going to take her into his confidence?

She had put on one of her most becoming dresses, a saxe blue creation that brought out the colour of her eyes. It fitted closely over waist and hips, and she reflected that if she were pregnant, she would not be able to wear it very much longer. Would Steve be put out that his decorative piece was going to be spoilt?

She had put Mrs Bates' letter and the cheque in the little silver brocade bag she used in the evenings, and she told him:

'I also have something to tell you.'

She must return the cheque to him and make her apologies.

'Quite a conference, my love,' Steve suggested with his crooked smile. 'Perhaps we'll need something stronger than coffee.'

'Have a cognac if you like, but coffee will do for me.'

They went into the drawing room, and Noelle seated herself behind the coffee tray. As usual she made a charming picture, as she handed him his cup, her full skirt spread over the velvet covering of the sofa, and Pickles lying at her feet. Steve, in a chair opposite to her, looked at her with a curious expression, then sighed and put down his cup.

'I'm afraid I made a big mistake when I persuaded you to marry me,' he said abruptly.

His remark was so totally unexpected that Noelle could only stare at him blankly. Pickles sat up and scratched an ear.

Steve sighed again, drained his cup, and put it down beside him. Then he went on:

'It's perfectly obvious to me that you're not happy. I… I'm not the right man for you, I'm too mature. You should marry someone more like the boy you lost. Does he still haunt you?'

'No. Oh, no.' She had not thought of Hugh for some time now, but she had spoken his name on her wedding night, and that was what Steve was remembering.

'You could meet another like him,' Steve said a little contemptuously—he had never had much opinion of Hugh, 'but as for myself, I've not been as… er… considerate as I might, I must admit, but I thought you were far more sophisticated than you are and much more… er… experienced. I'm afraid I've shocked and scared you more than once.'

Noelle moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue.

'What you mean is, you find me inadequate.'

'Not at all. You behaved beautifully at our house party and looked lovely, but you didn't really enjoy it, did you?'

'It was a bit of an ordeal,' she admitted unwillingly. 'They were all strangers.'

'And not your contemporaries. Not at all the sort of company you're used to, my love.'

But not as out of place as Steve would have appeared at one of the disco sessions she, Hugh and Simon had gone to when feeling a need for recreation. How juvenile they seemed now!'

'I'll get used…' she began.

'I don't want any more sacrifices from you,' he interrupted her. Pickles came and sat up on his hind legs by the coffee table. Absently she began to feed him with sugar as Steve went on:

'When I saw you with Simon that Sunday, you were a different person. I realised then the wrong I'd done you. Oh, you've been honest, you never pretended to love me,' he dropped his voice. 'That might have made a difference.

'But you… you don't want love.'

'I believe it's important to a woman when it comes to sex,' he said bluntly. 'Oh, stop giving that dog sugar, he'll be sick.' The irritability in his tone betrayed that he was not as calm as he was trying to appear.

'I wasn't thinking… No, Pickles, no more.' Should she confess that she had come to love him? But he had not finished. She had better hear him out before she did anything desperate.

Steve continued in a hard, matter-of-fact voice:

'The long and the short of it is that I've decided to give you your freedom. I will, of course, provide for you adequately, if you want to start a boutique, I'll finance it, but as for living together—well, it's, become rather a farce, hasn't it?'

That was his fault, he was never at home. Her mind instantly flew to the obvious explanation.

'You mean you've found someone else, who'll suit you better?'

'Naturally you would think that. You've always believed I'm some sort of sex maniac,' he said bitterly.

'You need women, and in that respect I know I've been a complete failure,' she acknowledged sadly.

'As I said, we're not suited, and I'm sure you'll be glad to be rid of a callous brute.'

'Oh no, Steve, you're not that. I… I've called you some hard things, and they weren't justified, that I've just found out.' She fumbled in her bag and held out the cheque. 'It was partly your own fault, you always let me think the worst. Why didn't you tell me about that?'

He took it, looked at it and laughed.

'So he's returned it.'

'He didn't need it, but it was a kind thought. Why do you persist in pretending you don't care about other people's difficulties?'

Steve tore the cheque into small pieces before he replied.

'They were your friends, so I did what I could to compensate for refusing to allow you to see them again. That was a risk I wouldn't permit you to take, but had I told you what I'd done, you might feel you had to prostitute yourself out of gratitude.' Noelle made a small sound of dissent, but he held up his hand. 'Let me continue. Throughout our association you've tried to do what you considered to be your duty, even submitting to my…' his mouth twisted satirically '… base lusts. You couldn't help it if your body rebelled, but I keep telling you I don't care for sacrifices. I had hoped that if we were married… but never mind that now. It hasn't worked out, so we'd better cut our losses.'

He spoke without any sign of emotion, so that Noelle could not bring herself to utter the frantic protests that rose to her lips. Steve had called her an icicle, but he was an iceberg, sitting there announcing his decision as if he were presiding at a board meeting. How could you tell a man that you had come to love him, when he had told you that he wanted to be rid of you? For that was what he was saying. She had failed him and he had no use for failures. She was too young, too naive for the position he wanted her to fill, and the sight of her in jeans and torn sweater had offended his fastidiousness. Steven Prescott's wife should always appear well gowned and poised. But that was only a minor matter. What he could not forgive was that she had failed to respond to his lovemaking, had not fallen in love with him during those courtship days now so far away, and on her wedding night had spoken another man's name.

'Steve, I… I've changed… can't we…' He cut her short. 'Don't feel you have to make insincere protestations to appease my… er… masculine vanity, because you feel indebted to me.' He smiled wryly. 'You've told me far too often in unguarded moments that you consider I'm an uncivilised brute, and perhaps I am. I came from the people, and I'm a red-blooded man without the refinements of someone like your Hugh, who, forgive me saying so, seemed to me to be a bit of a wet. How he could associate with you intimately for years and not bed you passes my understanding. Fortunately the world is full of other women less delicately minded, who. find pleasure in satisfying… my lusts. So you need not reproach yourself, my love, for having deprived me.'

Stung, Noelle said, her voice shaking:

'Hadn't you better stop calling me your love, since I never have and never will be that?'

'As you please.' He was superbly indifferent. 'I shall be off again tomorrow, but I'll be back on Saturday. Perhaps you'll think over all I've said, and tell me then what you'd like to do.' He stood up. 'Incidentally, I will of course continue to pay for Simon's training. I like the lad and he deserves a good start. Your father's position is quite secure, you need have no uneasiness about them. Goodnight.'

So he had been well aware of her reasons for marrying him. He must think she was a mercenary…cheat! She sprang to her feet, hot tears coursing down her cheeks.

'Steve…'

Perhaps she deserved all he had said, but all that was past, and she could not contemplate a future without him.

'Steve… please!'

He looked with distaste at her ruined make-up.

'Oh, don't make a scene,' he said wearily. 'There's nothing to cry about; I've told you you'll be well provided for, and you'll be rid of me.'

Pride raised its battered head.

'I won't take a penny of your money,' she declared fiercely. 'I earned my own living before I married you and I can again.'

'Don't be absurd!'

'It's not absurd. If you support me I… I'll be a kept woman. I won't descend to that.'

Steve grinned at her description.

'Not that, my… Noelle. I'll make no demands on you, but you can't model for ever, I'm providing for your old age.'

'I hope I'll be dead before then,' she cried stormily.

'What drama, when you've a carefree and untrammelled existence opening before you.' He was mocking her, and Noelle made an effort to recover her poise. 'Think it over,' he went on, 'and we'll talk again when I return on Saturday, by which time I'm sure you'll have become reconciled to your lot.'

He was gone. Noelle collapsed on the sofa, weeping copiously. Pickles climbed up on to her lap and tried to lick away her tears, and she hugged his warm wriggling body. In her perturbation during the scene with Steve, she had forgotten all about her visit to the doctor and what he might have to tell her. She remembered it now; that was a complication Steve had not foreseen. If he did not want the child, she did, and she would certainly have to accept his support, however much it riled her pride.

On Friday morning the doctor rang up, to confirm her pregnancy.