Eighteen (18) (17 page)

“Look at that row of stars right there.” He points. “Those three that are bright and close together, that’s Orion’s Belt.”

“OK, I see those.”

“Go up and to the right, that bright orange one is Aldebaran.”

“Got it.”

“And if you drop down to the left again, right below Orion’s Belt, that’s Rigel. And if you go over to the left even more, that bright blue one is Sirius. Have you heard of any of these?” he asks.

“Sirius. And Orion’s Belt, of course. But I’ve never looked up and seen them in person before.”

“Aldebaran is sixty-five point two three light years away from Earth. Sirius is eight point six eleven. Sirius is the brightest star in the sky because it’s one of the closest stars to Earth. It would be easy to conclude that Sirius is
the
closest star to Earth, since it’s the brightest. But you can’t rely on brightness to prove distance, because not all stars are the same size, and of course, size does matter.”

I chuckle with him over the sex joke.

“The purpose of trig is to find distances by using the sides of a triangle, which are based on circles. So in astronomy we use a certain form of it to find distances between stars, or how far away a star is from the Sun or some other celestial object.”

“Are you really talking about math right now?”

“Why not? You seem to be fixated on my role as your teacher. I’m a good teacher, Shannon. You should give me a chance.”

“I totally give up, Mateo. You officially win. Because I just don’t understand you.” I look over at him and he’s smiling so big I have to shake my head and laugh. “What?”

“I wore you down?”

“Just—fuck. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met before. You are seriously the strangest person ever.”

“Anyway,” he says with a chuckle. “Trig is about circles and triangles. And they are related by drawing lines that originate from the center.”

“Blah, blah, blah,” I say. “I don’t want to hear this.”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s all I hear when you say things like circle and triangles. Blah, blah, blah. I know you people think I’m smart for some reason—”

“Which is funny, since you just accused me of making you feel dumb.”

“—but I officially cheated my way through those classes.”

“I get that. But I’m not letting you cheat your way through this one. So shut up and listen. Because you say you want me to teach you how to work the problems out so you get the right answer, but you don’t want to understand the answer or how you got it. Right?”

“Right. It’s just easier.”

“Well, of course it’s fucking easier, but it’s meaningless, Shannon. Don’t you get it yet?”

“No.” I laugh. “I don’t.”

“I know,” he says, turning towards me, leaning on his elbow and propping his head up with his hand. “I’m confusing you, right? You don’t understand my intentions. You don’t know what I’m doing. Why are we having sex?”

“I don’t know.” I laugh again. “I really don’t.”

“That’s because you’re trying to get the answer without trying to understand the process of how to find it.”

I just look at him. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? Are you seriously trying to say you’re confusing me with sex to teach me a lesson in math?”

“Your question,” he says, ignoring that statement, “is something along the lines of, what am I doing? But that’s the wrong question. Your real question is, why am I doing it?”

“You’ve been fucking with me on purpose.”

“And the answer you’re so desperate to find is, because Mateo likes me. You want that to be the answer so bad, you stick around, letting me do all these things, with the hope that I’ll eventually say it.”

“You did say it. A few times, at least.”

“But you didn’t believe me.”

“Why should I? You were lying.”

“How do you know I was lying?”

“You told me you made that story up yesterday.”

“So maybe the question is, why did I make that story up?”

“To come in front of me? Put me off my guard? Get off? I don’t know.”

“Do you really think I just go around making up fantasies with every girl I meet so I can come in front of them?”

He stares at me. Those green eyes looking into me. Searching inside of me. Seeing through me like I’m a gaping hole.

“Why are you doing it, Mateo?”

“Tell me why I’m doing it, Shannon.”

I could fight it out with him. Point out all the ways that he’s being an asshole. How he’s confusing me and making things difficult. But there’s only one real answer to that question, and it’s very simple. “You like me.”

“And?” he prods. “That’s not all. I can show you I like you a million different ways. I could just rescue you from the rain or feed you lasagna if all I wanted to do was show you I like you.”

I give up. He really does win. Maybe he’s an evil genius and he pulled this plan out of his ass after the fact. He is some kind of physicist, right? He’s probably capable. But he was there the morning I lost my shit with Bowman and confessed that I was half-assing my way through school. He started the inappropriate touching the first time we met by stretching his legs out under the table. He fucked me in the classroom the very next day. He had me off my half-assing game from the moment he plunked that folder down on Bowman’s desk to this very second. And he did it all with an end in mind.

“I can’t understand the answer to my problem unless I understand the process of working it out. Are you my problem, Mateo? Or my answer?”

“Which do you want me to be?”

“Both.”

“Fuck,” he yells, lying back on the blanket and holding his hands out towards the sky like he’s giving thanks. “Holy fuck.” And then he laughs. “Finally.”

“You are the biggest asshole ever.”

“Thank you,” he says, still laughing.

“I think I hate you right now.”

“I don’t care,” he says, turning over on his stomach and resting his head in his hands so he can see my face. ”You’ll love me in the end.”

Chapter Twenty-One

“Do you want to hear the real story of how I first saw you?”

We’ve been lying here in silence for a few minutes. I’ve been looking up at the stars and he’s been looking at me. I guess he figured I needed a little time to wrap my head around his methods. “Yes,” I say, still lost in thought.

“I was sitting on my porch, rebuilding the carburetor for the Camaro. This was last month.”

I turn over on my stomach and rest my cheek on my hands so I can watch him as he talks.

“And I saw this girl come out of the gate from the apartments across Broadway. She was wearing a black leather jacket that screamed
chick
and
don’t fuck with me
at the same time. I haven’t seen you wear it again, but I dig the belt.”

“It’s too hot here,” I say. “I’m used to the cold.”

“And she had on some ripped jeans and black Chucks,” he says, picking up one of my shoes and waving it for a second. “Her long brown hair was fanning out behind her, blowing in the wind. And she was walking across the bridge over the 5 like she was the boss of the world.”

I chuckle at that image.

“Like she was daring it to come mess with her, she had a lesson to teach it. You told me you felt invisible when that girl spoke to you in Spanish, right? Like she talked to you before, but she never saw you. And that day it was all too much. She missed it. She missed everything that made you you. But she didn’t talk to you in Spanish because she
missed
you, Shannon. You’re an unmissable girl. You’re a fucking explosion in a bottle waiting to happen. People talk to you because they can’t help but
see
you.”

“You’re stupid.”

“Anyway, back to my story about that girl. I swear to God, I got up off my porch and I followed her. She didn’t go far, just over the bridge to the burger place. And I know Jose, so I went over and by the time I got there, she was sitting at a table in the back, waiting for her food. I ordered a burger too, and sat near the front, facing her, so I could get a better look. And I noticed that she dropped her bossy attitude with Jose when he came with her meal. She liked him, I could tell. He’s married, has a pot belly and was covered in grease, so I figured that she considered him a friend and was not interested in fucking him on the table.”

“Jesus, Mateo. Please. I don’t need that visual.”

“And I thought to myself,
I need to be her friend.
I never missed you, Shannon. I saw you immediately and I wanted to be your friend.”

I smile at that. So much better than
I need to fuck her in a classroom
.

“She ate, walked home. I followed behind, watched her go back into the apartment. So I went through the gate and saw her exit on the other side of the pool where the alley was. And when I got to the alley, she was gone. Just poof, disappeared.”

“I was already on my patio.”

“Right. And then I got this call from Bowman the next day asking me did I want a job teaching trig to a student who needed to make up a credit in order to graduate. He told me the whole credit situation and I was like, shit, I dunno. I have this dissertation to write. I don’t think I have time. But he said just stop by school on January fourth and I could meet you. He told me you needed help. Like, really needed help. He told me about your sister and Jason. The kid, all of it.”

“What a dick. I hate people talking about me.”

“So I dropped by and I came in just as you sat down to talk. And I swear to God, I lost my breath when I realized you were her. So I took the job and I promised Bowman I’d help you.” He smiles at me and I might just fall in love. “But I heard you begging to get out of the class and I decided to make you mine and make you learn at the same time.”

“It’s pretty unorthodox. We could get caught.”

“Do we care, Shannon? Do we care if we get caught?”

“I don’t think so,” I answer, chuckling.

“I don’t give a fuck if we get caught, obviously. But I do give a fuck if you don’t graduate. So I hope we don’t until you finish the work. I’d never forgive myself if I fucked up your graduation.”

“Then why risk it?”

“Because I saw Danny Alexander sitting next to you in the office. And he was looking at you the same way I was. And there was no way I’d let him have you. No fucking way.”

“I saw you that day too.”

“Yeah?” He smiles. And if I’m not mistaken, he looks like he really needs to know what I thought of him. My stomach flutters and I start to see things differently.

“You had that leather jacket on and those fuck-hot biker boots. I think I stopped breathing for a second.”

“And then you saw me in the classroom and wanted to fall to your knees and kiss the ground, thanking God for your good fortune?”

“Yeah.” I laugh. “That’s exactly how it happened.”

“And when I pushed my leg against yours, you pulled away. And when I did it again, you let me.”

“I didn’t know what to do!”

“And you went on and on about how you weren’t smart and I thought to myself,
That’s fucked up.
Because obviously no one in your past wanted to take the time to set you straight. So I made it my mission to teach you a lesson.”

“I’m smart.”

“You’re smart. You passed geometry by taking a bet. You aced a final exam, for fuck’s sake. Don’t sell yourself short, Shannon. You can do trig. Hell, you can do calculus too, if you set your mind to it.”

“Well, I’m not sure I agree with your methods, Mr. Alesci, but I do agree with your assessment.”

He laughs and leans over to kiss me. I get lost in that moment. I get stranded there on the beach with him like we’re alone on a deserted island, drifting in a sea of stars.

He slips an arm under me, bringing me closer, our mouths never parting as we fill the need inside us. The kiss is slow and soft. It’s not about the taboo romance we’re having. It’s not about the shock value. It’s not about lessons learned or the future.

It’s just about right now.