Eleanor & Park (10 page)

come to the door. Somebody

more exotic. Somebody more like

her.

The guy didn’t even say

anything. Just stood at the door

and waited.

‘Is

Eleanor

home?’

Park

asked.

‘Who wants to know?’ He had

a nose like a knife, and he looked

straight down it at Park.

‘We go to school together,’

Park said.

The guy looked at Park for

another second, then closed the

door. Park wasn’t sure what to do.

He waited for a few minutes, then

right as he was thinking about

leaving, Eleanor opened the door

just enough to slide through.

Her eyes were round with

alarm. In the dark like this, it

didn’t even look like she had

irises.

As soon as he saw her, he

knew it had been a mistake to

come here – he felt like he should

have known that sooner. He’d

been so caught up in showing her

…

‘Hey,’ he said.

‘Hi.’

‘I …’

‘… came to challenge me in

hand-to-hand combat?’

Park reached into the front of

his dobak and pulled out the

second issue of
Watchmen
. Her

face lit up; she was so pale, so

luminous under the street light,

that wasn’t just an expression.

‘Have you read it?’ she asked.

He shook his head. ‘I thought

we could … together.’

Eleanor glanced back at the

house, then stepped quickly off

the steps. He followed her down

the steps, across the gravel

driveway, to the back stoop of the

elementary school. There was a

big safety light over the door.

Eleanor sat on the top step, and

Park sat next to her.

It took twice as long to read

Watchmen
as it did any other

comic, and it took even longer

tonight because it was so strange

to be sitting together somewhere

other than on the bus. To even see

each other outside of school.

Eleanor’s hair was wet and

hanging in long, dark curls around

her face.

When they got to the last page,

all Park wanted to do was sit and

talk about it. (All he really wanted

to do was sit and talk to Eleanor.)

But she was already standing up

and looking back at her house.

‘I’ve got to go,’ she said.

‘Oh,’ he said. ‘Okay. I guess I

do, too.’

She left him sitting on the

elementary school steps. She was

disappearing inside the house

before he could think about saying

goodbye.

Eleanor

When she walked back into the

house, the living room was dark,

but the TV was on. Eleanor could

see Richie sitting on the couch and

her mom standing in the doorway

of the kitchen.

It was just a few steps to her

room …

‘Is that your boyfriend?’

Richie asked before she made it.

He didn’t look up from the TV.

‘No,’ she said. ‘He’s just a boy

from school.’

‘What did he want?’

‘To talk to me about an

assignment.’

She waited in her bedroom

doorway. Then, when Richie

didn’t say anything more, she

stepped inside, shutting the door

behind her.

‘I know what you’re up to,’ he

said, raising his voice, just as the

door closed. ‘Nothing but a bitch

in heat.’

Eleanor let his words hit her

full on. Took them right on the

chin.

She climbed into bed and

clenched her eyes and jaw and

fists – held everything clenched

until she could breathe without

screaming.

Until this moment, she’d kept

Park in a place in her head that

she thought Richie couldn’t get to.

Completely separate from this

house

and

everything

that

happened here. (It was a pretty

awesome place. Like the only part

of her head fit for praying.) But

now Richie was in there, just

pissing

all

over

everything.

Making everything she felt feel as

rank and rotten as him.

Now she couldn’t think about

Park …

About the way he looked in

the dark, dressed in white, like a

superhero.

About the way he smelled, like

sweat and bar soap.

About the way he smiled when

he liked something, with his lips

just turned up at the corners …

Without feeling Richie leer.

She kicked the cat out of the

bed, just to be mean. He

squawked, but jumped right back

up.

‘Eleanor,’ Maisie whispered

from the bottom bunk, ‘was that

your boyfriend?’

Eleanor crushed her teeth

together. ‘No,’ she whispered

back viciously. ‘He’s just a boy.’

CHAPTER 15

Eleanor

Her mother stood in the bedroom

the next morning while Eleanor

got ready. ‘Here,’ she whispered,

taking the hairbrush and drawing

Eleanor’s hair into a ponytail

without brushing out the curl.

‘Eleanor …’ she said.

‘I know why you’re in here,’

Eleanor said, pulling away. ‘I

don’t want to talk about it.’

‘Just listen.’

‘No.
I know
. He won’t come

back, okay? I didn’t invite him,

but I’ll tell him, and he won’t

come back.’

‘Okay, well … good,’ her

mom said, folding her arms, still

whispering. ‘It’s just that you’re

so young.’

‘No,’ Eleanor said, ‘that’s not

what it is. But it doesn’t even

matter. He won’t come back,

okay? It isn’t even like that

anyway.’

Her mom left the room. Richie

was still in the house. Eleanor ran

out the front door when she heard

him turn on the bathroom sink.

It’s not even like that, she

thought as she walked to the bus

stop. And thinking it made her

want to cry, because she knew it

was true.

And wanting to cry just made

her angry.

Because if she was going to

cry about something, it was going

to be the fact that her life was

complete shit – not because some

cool, cute guy didn’t like her
like

that
.

Especially when just being

Park’s friend was pretty much the

best thing that had ever happened

to her.

She must have looked ticked

off when she got on the bus

because Park didn’t say hi when

she sat down.

Eleanor looked into the aisle.

After a few seconds, he

reached over and pulled at the old

silk scarf she’d tied around her

wrist.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said.

‘For what?’ She even sounded

angry. God, she was a jerk.

‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘I feel

like maybe I got you in trouble

last night …’

He pulled on the scarf again,

so she looked at him. She tried not

to look mad – but she’d rather

look mad than look like she’d

spent all night thinking about how

beautiful his lips are.

‘Was that your dad?’ he asked.

She jerked her head back. ‘
No
.

No, that was my … mother’s

husband.

He’s

not

really
my

anything. My problem, I guess.’

‘Did you get in trouble?’

‘Sort of.’ She really didn’t

want to talk to Park about Richie.

She’d just about scraped all the

Richie off the Park place in her

head.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said again.

‘It’s okay,’ she said. ‘It wasn’t

your fault. Anyway, thanks for

bringing
Watchmen
. I’m glad I got

to read it.’

‘It was cool, huh?’

‘O h ,
yeah
. Kind of brutal. I

mean that part with the Comedian

…’

‘Yeah … sorry.’

‘No, I didn’t mean that. I mean

… I think I need to reread it.’

‘I read it again twice last night.

You can take it tonight.’

‘Yeah? Thanks.’

He was still holding the end of

her scarf, rubbing the silk idly

between his thumb and fingers.

She watched his hand.

If he were to look up at her

now, he’d know exactly how

stupid she was. She could feel her

face go soft and gummy. If Park

were to look up at her now, he’d

know everything.

He didn’t look up. He wound

the scarf around his fingers until

her hand was hanging in the space

between them.

Then he slid the silk and his

fingers into her open palm.

And Eleanor disintegrated.

Park

Holding Eleanor’s hand was like

holding a butterfly. Or a heartbeat.

Like holding something complete,

and completely alive.

As soon as he touched her, he

wondered how he’d gone this

long without doing it. He rubbed

his thumb through her palm and

up her fingers, and was aware of

her every breath.

Park had held hands with girls

before. Girls at Skateland. A girl at

the ninth-grade dance last year.

(They’d kissed while they waited

for her dad to pick them up.) He’d

even held Tina’s hand, back when

they ‘went’ together in the sixth

grade.

And always, before, it had

been fine. Not much different

from holding Josh’s hand when

they were little kids crossing the

street. Or holding his grandma’s

hand when she took him to

church. Maybe a little sweatier, a

little more awkward.

When he’d kissed that girl last

year, with his mouth dry and his

eyes mostly open, Park had

wondered if maybe there was

something wrong with him.

He’d

even

wondered

–

seriously, while he was kissing

her, he’d wondered this – whether

he might be gay. Except he didn’t

feel like kissing any guys either.

And if he thought about She-Hulk

or Storm (instead of this girl,

Dawn) the kissing got a lot better.

Maybe I’m not attracted to real

girls, he’d thought at the time.

Maybe I’m some sort of perverted

cartoon-sexual.

Or maybe, he thought now, he

just didn’t recognize all those

other girls. The way a computer

drive will spit out a disk if it

doesn’t recognize the formatting.

When he touched Eleanor’s

hand, he recognized her. He knew.

Eleanor

Disintegrated.

Like something had gone

wrong beaming her onto the

Starship Enterprise.

If you’ve ever wondered what

that feels like, it’s a lot like

melting – but more violent.

Even in a million different

pieces, Eleanor could still feel

Park holding her hand. Could still

feel his thumb exploring her palm.

She sat completely still because

she didn’t have any other option.

She tried to remember what kind

of animals paralyzed their prey

before they ate them …

Maybe Park had paralyzed her

with his ninja magic, his Vulcan

handhold, and now he was going

to eat her.

That would be awesome.

Park

They broke apart when the bus

stopped. A flood of reality rushed

through Park, and he looked

around nervously to see if anyone

had been watching them. Then he

looked nervously at Eleanor to see

if she’d noticed him looking.

She was still staring at the

floor, even as she picked up her

books and stood in the aisle.

If

someone

had

been

watching, what would they have

seen? Park couldn’t imagine what

his face had looked like when he

touched Eleanor. Like somebody

taking the first drink in a Diet

Pepsi commercial. Over-the-top

bliss.

He stood behind her in the

aisle. She was just about his

height. Her hair was pulled up,

and her neck was flushed and

splotchy. He resisted the urge to

lay his cheek against it.

He walked with her all the way

to her locker, and leaned against

the wall as she opened it. She

didn’t say anything, just shifted