Elicit (18 page)

“But you’re still wet.” She pointed at my thighs.

I looked down, she looked up.

It really couldn’t have been timed any worse. I’d always prided myself in being able to control my body and my lust, I was easily able to keep myself in check around Nixon especially when I checked out Mo. So why the hell was my body rejecting every sane ounce of logic I threw at it?

“Er…” Mo dropped the towel and looked away. “Um, I’ll just, you can finish up and then I’ll…” She twisted her hands. “Help you out of the shower and to the bed—to sleep!” I winced as she shouted the last part in my right ear. “Sleep, because you need rest.”

“Thanks, Mo.” I nodded. “Pretty sure I know what sleep is for.”

Her cheeks stained even redder before she walked out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. The woman had seen me naked countless times before. Hell, technically we were married, and she was still blushing around me like she’d never seen a man before.

I wanted to remedy that.

Correction, I wanted to be the only guy to remedy that.

With a sigh, I stood on wobbly feet and slowly made my way out of the shower, I was at least able to make it to the counter before I had to stop. Mo quickly grabbed my arm and without saying another word helped me to my bed.

What happened next was probably my fault.

I was suffering blood loss.

So really, she shouldn’t have expected anything less of me.

When I fell back on the bed, I took her with me, and ripped her towel off in the process.

“Two hours,” I ordered softly in her ear.

“Two?” She squeaked.

“Yeah.” My arms tightened around her body. “Please?”

With a defeated sigh she whispered, “Okay.”

Part Two: From the Ashes

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

It’s best to have failure happen early in life. It wakes up the Phoenix bird in you so you rise above the ashes. –Anne Baxter

Phoenix

T
HE ANSWER IS NEVER
as simple as the question. And when Luca asked me the question, I had no idea what my answer would be. In a million different scenarios I never imagined I’d be back where it all started. When you’re a kid you’re always told that your choices will haunt you, that they become like blocks you build off of.

My freaking blocks were destroyed.

And I was smothered beneath the rubble, just waiting for death to take me, because honestly? I should be dead.

I wanted to be dead because maybe then this sick feeling in my chest would go away, maybe if I was dead I wouldn’t have the nightmares.

Maybe if I was dead, I wouldn’t want what I literally had no business wanting.

Life.

“What the hell did you do?” I screamed jerking against the IV and hospital equipment. The hum of instruments made me so sick I puked in the van. “Luca! Answer me damn it!”

“We had an agreement.”

“Bull shit!” I roared. “Why! Why can’t you just let me die?” The rage that had been my constant companion my whole life was threatening to take over, I looked for a weapon, for anything to end my own life, to go to Hell where I belonged. The shine of a scalpel caught my eye; I snagged it from the table and held it to my throat. “I’ll do it! Don’t think I won’t!”

Luca’s eyes took in my shaking hand. “Son, you’re story isn’t over.”

“Who are you to decide that?”

“Who are you?” Luca asked calmly. “I saved your life so you could save more lives—I offer you something better than death.”

“Oh yeah?” I hissed. “What’s that?” The rage was pounding against my skin screaming to be set free.

“Redemption.”

The knife clattered out of my shaking hands, I watched as it banged against the floor of the van and swayed a bit as his words hit me square in the chest.

And just like that, the rage I’d kept inside for so long, broke.

I broke.

And burst into tears.

“I can’t—I can’t.”

“You can.” Luca joined me on the gurney. “And you will.”

“I have nothing.” I whispered.

Luca held out his hand. “You have blood.”

“Phoenix? Are you even listening to me right now or are you seriously stupid enough to stare at the wall while I lecture you?” Nixon paced in front of me. Damn it, felt like I’d been sitting in his office for hours. Pictures of me and the rest of the guys lined the walls. They may as well have been years ago, eons. I wasn’t that same person, didn’t even recognize that face in the picture. It looked so casual, so carefree. I had been anything but that.

I refused to look at the smile on my face.

In fact it made me so damn sick I wanted to puke up every ounce of food I’d had for the past week.

My life had been such a joke.

And now, it was about to get worse.

“Yeah,” I whispered and leaned forward. “I’m listening, man, and I’m sorry I kept so much from you, but—”

Nixon’s fist came flying so hard that when it hit, I heard bone crack in my jaw before I fell to the ground in a bloody heap.

“That,” Nixon spat, “is for being a complete ass to Trace. I’m still not over it, and it’s going to take more than you saving my life for me to be completely calm with you two in the same room.”

I wiped the blood from my mouth and felt my entire body sag with defeat. “Understood.”

“Don’t get up.” Nixon pushed his boot into my back and pressed me hard against the area rug. “I will end you if you as much as look at her with anything other than indifference. Do you feel me?”

Hell yeah, I felt him; his boot weighed a hundred pounds. “Yes, sir.”

“You work for us, you don’t work for yourself. You protect us, you protect the girls, and you tell me every damn detail. Yes?”

“Yes, sir.”

He removed his boot. I expected a kick to the side. What I got? An outstretched hand. Confused, I took it as he pulled me to my feet.

With a grimace, Nixon pulled me into his arms and hugged me so tight I almost stopped breathing. “Another thing,” he said gruffly. “I’m so damn happy to see you.”

I collapsed against him, embarrassed that I didn’t even have anger as a shield anymore, but defeat, so much damn defeat and regret that I stank of it. I wanted to sob, I wanted to wrap my arms around my ex-best friend and apologize until my voice was hoarse, but the thing about messing up like I did? Leading the life I did? Words mean absolutely nothing. It was like throwing feathers into the wind and hoping they’d make it to China.

Words hold no value when you’ve used them your whole life to hurt people rather than heal them.

So I had action.

And they were about to see a lot of it.

Nixon released me and pointed to the leather seat across from him.

I sat and leaned forward, suddenly uncomfortable with the tense silence and vulnerable exchange.

“You look like hell.” Nixon grinned and leaned back in his chair, his lip ring catching some of the light from the otherwise dark study.

I smirked. “Yeah well, I’ve been to Hell, seems they don’t treat guys like me well down there, so I came back with a few… bumps.”

“Your hair’s brown, your nose looks like it’s been broken four times since I’ve seen you and you have circles under your eyes bigger than Tex’s mouth. What the hell have you been doing?”

I licked my lips. “Oh you know a little of this a little of that.” With a shrug I relaxed a bit in my seat. “I’ve been working for Campisi, couldn’t look like a De Lange so let my hair grow all natural and got in a few skirmishes trying to prove my worthiness.”

“And Tex’s sister?”

I froze.

“Phoenix?”

Swallowing, I licked my lips nervously. “Sorry, yeah, she’s… safe.”

Just thinking about her made me a nervous wreck. I had her to thank for the broken nose and dark circles. Woman never slept and tried to kill me the first night I watched over her.

“Name?”

“Bianka.” Shit, saying her name made my entire body tight. “But I just call her Bee.” She hated that nickname, and what do ya know? That’s where broken nose number two came from. I’d learned long ago never to fight a woman, never to make them feel small. So even though it hurt like hell to get the crap beat out of me, I let her hit me, I didn’t fight back. Ever. Fighting back brought too many memories… memories that made me feel like the devil himself. So I allowed my nose to break knowing it would hurt a lot less than the sickness in my soul.

Nixon scratched the back of his head. “Well damn, we’ll need to meet her.”

“Not now,” I said quickly. “Not with The Commission coming up, we’ll have to keep her in hiding until Alfonso’s out of the picture.”

“Any idea where he is?”

“No,” I said honestly. “But I can find out, I still know some of his men and money makes them talk… a lot. Well money and whiskey which thankfully Luca has in spades, so I usually do pretty well.”

“Fine.” Nixon’s eyes narrowed. “And… with everything else, Mil and Chase and… all of us, I mean, are you handling things alright? Do you need…” He lifted his hands into the air, and looked away. “Do you need to talk to someone?”

I smiled, Nixon was all hard–ass, but it was funny how Trace had helped him in ways he probably didn’t even realize. She hadn’t made him soft, just… sensitive to things that he normally wouldn’t give a shit about. “Nah man, I’m actually good. Luca’s been helpful.”

“Never thought I’d utter those words until this last year.” Nixon swore. “But I get it.” He stood. “Alright, get some sleep.”

I stood and started making my way to the door then paused and turned. “Nixon?”

“Yeah?”

“Is she happy?”

“Who?”

“Mil.”

Nixon slapped me on the back. “So happy I wear ear plugs at night when we stay next door to them at the hotel.”

“Too many details,” I grumbled.

Laughing, Nixon shrugged. “Hey, you asked.”

“I’m glad.”

“Me too.” His face darkened. “Because if Chase didn’t latch on to someone or something soon I was going to shoot him in the face and bury his body in the lake.”

“You’re joking right?”

Nixon gave me a slight push out the door. “I never threaten someone unless I mean to carry it out. Goodnight, Phoenix.”

The door shut in my face.

I stared at the wood, taking time for his veiled threat to sink in. He’d kill me if I did as much as stare at Trace wrong and the sad part was, I would want him to.

“So, how’d that go?” Chase said from the kitchen holding open a bag of Cheetos and devouring them like he’d been on a cleanse for the past two months.

“Awesome.”

“I hate the office.” Chase shuddered. “Swear he has bodies buried under his chair, one time I asked and he laughed, didn’t deny it, that should tell us something right there.”

“You talk more than I remember.” I eyed the Cheetos and nearly gagged. I hated anything messy. Maybe that was what happens when you die and come back to life, you have these weird quirks you never had before. I used to love junk food, now? I was more of a kale and spinach type of guy and despised anything that was made and not grown. Yeah, I’d gone bat shit crazy. I even hated cake.

“I talk because the sound of my voice makes your sister so damn turned on that she can’t see straight.” He slid a Cheeto between his front teeth and bit down.

“Bastard.” I huffed.

“She called me that last night but I think it was all in good fun.”

I clenched my fists.

“Damn.” Chase shook his head. “So much control now, I’m not sure whether I should give you a high five or ask you what the hell happened.”

“I died that’s what happened you ass.”

“White horse.” Chase snapped his fingers. “Where is it?”

I crossed my arms. “Not telling.”

“Dude, do you even realize how bad she wants it? I’m the dream guy I should find it.”

“Nah.” I went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. “I think I’ll let you suffer for a bit, if you’re really the dream guy you’ll find it without my help.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

Lips that taste of tears, they say are the best for kissing—Unknown

Mo

M
Y HEART STARTED
thumping so fast I half expected Tex to start laughing or crack a joke.

“So we’ve graduated from one to two?” I said as I breathlessly lay across his chest, my back pressed against his stomach.

“Yeah.”

“And then—”

“—I do what I have to do to protect you.”

My heart twisted. “You mean you do what the son of a dead Mafia boss does… you do what a guy with a sister to protect does, right Tex?”

He sighed. “Right.”

“And that leaves us?”

“With goodbye.”

“So this is it then.” My voice cracked. “No matter what I say? No matter what I do?”

“Two hours and then you’ll never have to worry about hearing my voice on the other end of the phone, Mo.”

“What if I want to?” The ceiling fan twirled around in circles ignoring each jab of pain that shot through my chest at Tex’s words.

“I won’t be calling Mo, not after the two hours, not ever. I won’t answer your texts, I won’t be available for you. To do this, we have to separate for good.”

My teeth clenched. “I’m tired of the men in my life telling me what’s best for me.”

“Two hours.” He ran his hands up and down my arms. “Take it or leave it, but I strongly suggest you take it.”

“Because you’re going to blow my mind?”

His warm breath tickled my neck as he leaned up and kissed below my ear. “Yeah, something like that.”

“Two hours,” I repeated and crawled off his battered body and made my way towards the door. When I flipped the lock I knew there was no going back. I would love him as much as my heart was able to love.

And I would give him my heart for safekeeping knowing I would never be able to find someone who loved me as deep and as wide as Tex did. This was it.

Most people don’t get moments like the one he was offering me, usually people don’t realize they had a moment until it’s already gone then they’re left to live off the memories.