Elite Metal-ARE-epub (85 page)

Maybe that was the part of him that was the most terrible. Not the deaths he regretted, but all the kills he didn’t. All the pain and even torture he’d dealt like he was judge and jury.

He pushed her against the wall again, this time his forearm against her throat. Let her see what he was, let her tell him not to hide then.

Her fingers closed gently over his forearm. “Why do you want me to be afraid of you, John Thrace?” Her voice was soft, like he was the one who was in danger. Like he was a wounded animal with his foot in a trap.

And while that idea was a horror, what was worse was her eyes. They were terrible and awful in their kindness, in their acceptance, in their goddamn
understanding
.

She couldn’t understand. She didn’t know.

He pushed away from her. “I don’t know who’s more fucked up here. You or me.”

“Don’t go.”

Merc had never been one to run from a fight, but he did the only thing he could do in the face of her unwavering faith. He fled.

He fled back to the compound.

Back to where things made sense.

Back to Copper . Copper who understood how the world worked, Copper who understood how
his
world worked. Copper who could glue it back together and pull his head out of his ass.

All he could think about was the cool peace he felt in her presence. It was like diving into a cold lake in the middle of a bastard day in July. The cool, peaceful silence where the rest of the world was on some kind of hazy mute. She understood. She really understood. It had always been them against everyone else.

He had a key to her quarters and when he opened the door, and found her in the bedroom, he remembered that it wasn’t just them against the world anymore. It was them and… Gabriel.

Gabriel who had earned his place by her side.

Gabriel who loved her.

Gabriel who he didn’t want to kill.

But Gabriel who she was in bed with.

No room for John.

He missed being able to lie on the bed next to her, silent and together. He didn’t like sharing his place at her side, didn’t like surrendering it to another, but he did, for her happiness. And she was happy with him.

Merc was going to leave, he didn’t want to intrude. Well, he did, but…

She wasn’t Copper now. She was Sachi. “John? What’s wrong?”

“I need you.” It was all he could say.

Sachi looked at Gabriel. “Out.”

“Seriously?” Gabriel stared at her, in obvious disbelief that this was happening to him.

“Yes.” She shoved at him gently. “He was here first. Move your meat.”

Gabriel looked back and forth between the two and sighed. “Loving you is hard work.”

“Damn straight.” She buzzed a quick kiss on his lips.

“You owe me later.” Gabriel didn’t bother to put on his pants. His way of literally waving his dick around. “And so do you.” He nodded to Merc.

“You’d fall in love,” Merc snarked.

“I might as well, since you two are a package deal.” Gabriel wandered out toward the kitchen. “I’ll make some coffee. Since I’m not fucking sleeping. In my bed. With
my
woman.” Although his words didn’t have any real bite. He’d accepted this close relationship and understood it was just part of the woman she was with—that Mercury didn’t just have part of her, he was part of her. And she was part of him.

For that, his devotion to Sachi, and having seen proof that Gabriel was a good man, Mercury was willing to surrender those things and that place that didn’t belong to him. But only because he knew the other man would take good care of them.

And he comforted himself with the fact that if he didn’t, he could kill him.

“I don’t mind him,” he confessed and lay down on the bed next to Sachi.

“You didn’t come here to talk about Gabriel.”

“What if I did?” Just being next to her made it better. Made it quiet. Made it sane.

She rolled on her side and leaned against the bowl of her hand. “How fucked are you, John? Tell me what happened.”

He closed his eyes. “Let me just breathe. I couldn’t breathe. All I could do was burn.” She smelled like Danvers, wearing his t-shirt and boxers, but he didn’t care. Underneath, she was still Sachi.

“You broke all your rules, didn’t you?” She shook her head. “My guess is she wasn’t afraid of you, was she? You’re so used to being one thing that you forgot that you’re something else, too.”

His chest rose and fell as he struggled to find an even keel. “I’m nothing else.”

She leaned on him, her face down close to his so he could see into her eyes. “Of course you are. You’re still the little boy who wanted to be a doctor. Who wanted to save the world. You’re still that kid in a group home who saved birds and bandaged the tails of mice that didn’t die in the traps. I keep waiting for you to remember yourself, and I know telling you isn’t going to help you. But maybe she will.”

“You’re both insane.”

She slapped him lightly. “Fucker.” Then narrowed her eyes and climbed on top of him and slapped him so hard that the contact echoed through the room. “Listen here, maybe she already knows you. Maybe she doesn’t. But fuck her.
I
know you. I know all the parts of you. The hard, ugly truths that live inside you? All your poison? You gave that to me because I can take it. Guess what? I know all that other shit, too. The other stuff you keep denying. To say I’m insane like I
don’t
know? Fuck you, too, Merc.” She slapped his other cheek with her other hand with a resounding crack.

“Stop hitting me,” he grumbled.

“Not until you start making sense. Maybe if I rattle that garbage around up there, something will click back into place and you’ll remember not only who you are, but who you’re talking to.”

He laughed. Something he found he was doing more of. “Okay. My head is halfway out of my ass.”

Sachi removed herself from her position and was once again on her side next to him. She breathed in deep and gave a heavy exhale. “What do we need to do to get it the rest of the way out?”

“That guy you talk about, maybe you see him in me still, but he died. He died with the rest of them in that room at Shadowfain.”

Sachi sighed. “Did he die or did you try to kill him?”

“I don’t know.”

“So tell me about her. You finally spoke to her. What happened?”

He exhaled heavily. “I’m a giant pussy, is what happened. I shouldn’t have intruded with you and the spook and—”

She wouldn’t let him shut down because she knew just where to hit him with her words to force him to process. “Yes, you should. Do you know how often you’ve said out loud that you need me? Never. Gabriel will deal.”

“I almost hurt her trying to prove to her that I would.”

Sachi waited silently for him to continue.

“Then she looked at me with this terrible faith in her eyes. It was awful.” He shook his head slowly. “She knew I’d been watching her. Said how safe I made her feel. That she’d been waiting for me to speak to her.”

His hands curled into fists. “And there was someone else watching her too. Someone who was installing surveillance equipment. I went stealth, but he knew I was there. He knew I was always there. And he called me by name.”

Sachi sat up. “Tell me you know who he is and who he works for.”

“I don’t, but I will. He got away from me.”

“Because of her? Shit, John. Do you remember that discussion we had before Vegas? You asked me if I was compromised? We’re going to have that same talk right here. If you were on your game, you’d have had him and it would’ve been done.”

“I know. And I’m going to give you the same answer. I can handle it.”

“Like you are now?” She didn’t sugar coat it and he didn’t want her to.

“Asshole,” he muttered, with what was no small amount of love. 

“Pot and kettle.” She nudged him. “But seriously. Fix this.”

“I… I’m torn. I want a team on her. Someone who isn’t me. But at the same time, I can’t stand the thought of someone else doing my job.”

“Your job, huh? Maybe she’s another one you won’t break.”

“What if she’s not?”

“Isn’t that her choice to make?”

“Not if she doesn’t have all the facts.”

“Give them to her.” Sachi said this as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

“I already know what she’ll say. She thinks she can save the world. She’ll think she can save
me
.”

“Maybe you convince her you don’t need saving. If it needed doing, I’d have done it already.” Sachi eyed him. “As it is, let us help you. You know Gabriel and I are great at intel. I started a file on her when you started watching her. I’ll dig deeper.”

“Gabriel, huh?”

“That a problem, Marine?”

John searched her eyes for a long moment. “Not at all, ma’am.” He exhaled heavily before he spoke. “We don’t say it, but almost losing you in Vegas… I love you, Sach.”

“I really hope you don’t think that’s going to save your little doctor from dealing with everything you put Gabriel through.”

He laughed again. “No worries there. She’s not my woman, but if she was, the same rules apply.” It felt like sacrilege to say that out loud, that she wasn’t his woman.

“Good. I love you, too, jackass.”

“Oh, now I get the I love you?”

“You always have it. The same way I always have yours. You don’t have to tell me. But I like that you did. It means you’re admitting you feel things. Uncomfortable things.” She steered the conversation away from that topic that always made him itch. “Next thing you know, you’ll be bromancing with Gabriel. I can see it now. Lots of back slapping over whiskey, knocking each other down and slurred, ‘I love you, man.’ Then you’ll both talk about how much you love
me
and the whole team is really going to think I’m doing you both.”

He narrowed his eyes, but she laughed and punched his shoulder.

This was normal. This was safe. This was home.

He shot up from the bed, wondering if he looked as crazed as he felt. “I left her alone, Sachi.” The realization dawned on him. “I ran and I left her alone.”

“Then go to her. I’ll text you when I know more. Maybe you can wrangle one of those creepy-ass ghosts to sit on her while we chase down leads.”

Merc nodded and opened the door. He found Gabriel patiently stirring a cup of coffee and reading something on his phone. He felt like he owed the man a nod or something for being rousted from his bed in the middle of the night by another man who wanted time with his woman and he was even a good sport about it.

But Merc had trouble with things like that. Not killing him and giving him a rec to join the team was pretty damn special and should’ve covered everything from now until the stars burned out. But the look on his face when Sachi booted him for Merc… he didn’t want to be a wedge between them. He made Sachi happy. He made Copper happy. He could love her wholly—all parts of her. She deserved that.

“I, uh, I’m not used to you being here yet.” He coughed.

“Obviously.” Gabriel answered.

“Just because I’m not used to it doesn’t mean I won’t be. Get me?” It was as close as he could come to telling the other man everything he wanted to say. He used up all his confessions and feelings with Sachi.

Gabriel reached out and clamped his shoulder in a rough show of understanding.

“And uh, since I’ve been in bed with your woman, you can call me John.” He couldn’t resist the last poke and clamped his shoulder in a return gesture before going to see if he could catch one of those damned ghosts and appropriate it for unsanctioned use.

Chapter Four

He’d left her.

She’d pushed too hard, too fast and he was gone.

But she’d been so afraid when she saw the shadow outside that she knew wasn’t him.

Hazel had an idea it had something to do with Marcus and the van. He was either trying to scare her, find out if she knew anything, or both.

But what really terrified her, was she’d heard the man call John by name. How did they know him? More importantly, who were they?

It’d been two days since she’d seen him and tonight was a regular night with the van. As she dressed to head to the hospital, she wondered—no, hoped that he’d come.

Maybe he liked her better when she was just some pretty thing to admire from far away. Something that wasn’t real.

She’d had a lot of that in life. Men who didn’t want a woman with real thoughts, feelings, a real person. Her father had wanted a pretty doll to dress up and show off to his friends. She was supposed to go to college and find a husband, not actually get her degrees. Her boyfriend while she was in college, he wanted her to be a socialite puppet with no more to contribute to a conversation than his own opinion. The head of the ER wanted the same thing.

So maybe that was all John wanted from her, too.

Well, what had she actually thought was going to happen? That he was going to steal her away and keep her in a hidden castle or something? That he’d do anything to make her happy and underneath that face he was some kind of prince?

Only, she liked the face. Scars and all.

And yeah, that was exactly what she’d expected.

What the actual hell was wrong with her?

Something in the air changed and he was there, perched outside on the balcony like a gargoyle from hell. And she’d never been so happy to see one. She rushed to the door, but then stopped, her fingers on her lips at the memory of his brutal kiss and how he couldn’t wait to get away from her.

He spoke first. “I’m sorry I left you alone.”

“But you didn’t really, did you?” She hoped that other man in black who’d been following her was someone he knew.

“No. Let you catch a glimpse, did he?”

“Briefly.” She leaned against the wall next to the door and flicked the latch audibly so he’d know it was open if he wanted to come in.

To her surprise, the door eased open.

Anticipation and need coiled in her gut.

“Who is he?”

“Even I don’t know that. But he agreed to watch out for you until I could come back.” His presence filled the room, even as his broad shoulders sagged under some great weight he bore. “Things got out of hand, Doc.”