Ellen Foster (12 page)

Dora is not here to ruin that for me and I am glad. Nadine might want to look out for me after all. Maybe she plans to get me some surprises and when I wake up on Christmas she will have all grades of things piled up for me maybe because she is starting to feel sorry for me or maybe deep down she likes me. But the reason does not matter. All that matters is this year will be different from last year for no matter how hard I try and fool myself out of the memory I know last year was not the way for a girl to have Christmas. And maybe Dora will get the spirit from her mama and they will both like me after all.

But you have to be careful with dreaming like that especially about people you do not know good.

There is nothing though like a house decorated up for the holiday. A live tree stuck over in the corner lit up flashy. Everybody wondering if it might snow. I even put some holly across the foot of my bed and admired how festive it all looks.

I say to myself old Ellen has not lost the holiday spirit.

What can I give Dora and Nadine? Lord knows I have a load of money saved but it would take every penny to buy something to suit them. And I need to hang on to that money for my own business.

If you do not spend money on Christmas the only thing left to do is make any presents you need to give. Since I have a talent in art I can make a picture fit for them to hang on a
wall. And even if they hate it I can still be proud of giving something I approve of.

It has to be a picture of something friendly they would like. Maybe some cats or a covered bridge. I can do both. I learned how out of a library book.

They could use some art on the wall even if it is the copied kind. I do not think they would go for one of my experiment pictures or the one I call brooding ocean.

So they get some fuzzy cats. They do not take long to paint but if you do not know a thing about art it will look to you like it took me forever. Then I sign my name Ellen swirly at the edge of a paw.

It looks good but it is not something I would have in my own house. But just as long as they like it.

I do not think they even know I have that talent. Won’t that be a surprise!

I would really like to paint them one of my brooding oceans but they would miss the point I am sure of how the ocean looks strong and beautiful and sad at the same time and that is really something if you think about it. They would not like the picture because it looks so evil when you first look at it. It is not something that would grow on them. Not like these cats hopping around teasing with a ball of yarn. I like that picture fine except once you look at it one time you have seen and felt everything you will ever see and feel about those cats.

But if Dora and Nadine want cats then that is what they will get. I think they will enjoy my picture. And I can draw cats a heap easier than brooding oceans.

What do you two do on Christmas? I ask Dora when she pokes her head in my room.

I was just coming to tell you supper’s ready. I did not intend to report on what me and my mother always do alone.

And she sent the alone part out to me with some spit and twist to it.

Well I intend to be here and I intend to know what to expect because I need to know when to give you two my present.

Present? she says just like I thought she would. Then she comes on in my room, sits on my bed and tells me the highlights of all the Christmases she can remember and she looks up to the corner of the room and I know she was watching all her past presents of dolls and playhouses and mittens dancing on the wall.

Dora I say when I get tired of watching her little parade my own self I did not ask for a list I just need to know how you go about celebrating. Like do you make egg nog? Do you stand around and sing? Do you exchange presents at night or do I I mean you get everything all at once in the morning?

She tells me they usually sit around on Christmas Eve and feel excited then Santa Claus comes that night and you wake up the next morning and you can be surprised.

When she was telling me her voice was all rushy and I had to smile when I said to myself Dora let me tell you a thing or two. There is no Santa Claus. And you cannot always count on getting everything you want. You’ll see. And when you wake up that day and Santa has not laid out everything you dreamed of or he might have missed your house completely then you have to be brave and if you come to me we can talk.

But I just say Dora suppose you don’t get everything you ask for? What happens then?

But Dora says I always get everything on my list and plenty of surprises too!

But I just say Dora suppose just one time Santa couldn’t find something or a elf broke a item loading it up in the sled? What would happen then?

But Dora says no no no that would never happen and she pranced out of my room.

And I stood there feeling wise that I knew what could be true and what all could happen even when you least expect it. One day somebody’s going to teach that Dora a lesson and this will be a big Christmas for her because she will have to share with old Ellen.

Her mama all but said so.

All I asked for was the pack of paper but she looked at me like she was thinking of some surprises or just some small treats to go along with it. She could not believe that was my whole request and I bet she is racking her brain to come up with something else for me. She’s already said I am smart one time. And she was nice enough to ask me if I wanted anything in particular. Yes old Nadine has something up her sleeve.

I just hope my present for them is good enough.

And just so it does not get lost in the shuffle of paper and bows and all the packages under the tree I better present the picture to them on Christmas Eve. Then it will stand out. Then she will hang it on the wall right away and we will all get a warm spot looking at it.

So if you two would sit there on the couch and hide your eyes I have a little something I want to give you. Just let me go back in my room and I’ll be right back. Don’t open your eyes! I say to them.

And I leave them on the couch together probably with their hearts racing about what they might see when old Ellen returns and says OK you can look now!

So what do you think? I ask them because they have not spoke yet.

Why Ellen that is really nice Nadine says.

Dora wants to know if I traced the cats.

That makes me boil but since it is Christmas I say no Dora I painted it all my own self for you and your mama to hang in your living room or anywhere you see fit.

She says that again about the tracing and I double up on the niceness.

No Dora. I tell her I drew these kitties with you in mind.

Her mama says they look sweet and she’ll hang the picture first thing tomorrow.

What’s wrong with right now? I ask her.

Well it needs a frame honey. A picture as pretty as that calls for a nice frame she said.

I reminded her that the store would not be open tomorrow on account of Christmas but I already took care of all that.

She wants to know what I mean.

And then I fanned all the frames I had made out of colored paper across the floor and told them they could have the frame of their choice and then I would assemble the whole business right here tonight.

Dora asks her mama if she plans to put some old tacky paper frame on their wall and her mama says she should be nice to me because this is all so cute.

But it is not cute and it is not a game I want to say. I wanted to scoop the cats and the colored frames up and burn them and forget I had tried to appeal to somebody and look at them now making fun of me.

But I left it all there on the floor and walked away.

And on the way back to my room where I stayed all night
and half listened for hoofs stomping and bells jingling I heard Nadine say Ellen has tried very hard to please us and you have hurt her feelings. Sugar listen to me. Even though we might think it might be silly or a bit cheap-looking for us we still need to act nice. OK? Now when Ellen comes back out of her room mother wants you to be friendly. Now let’s put that picture up just like we think it’s the prettiest thing we’ve ever seen. Then after she’s gone and it’s just you and me again, we’ll take it down. OK?

I stood in the kitchen and heard all that and you can bet it burned me to a crisp. I felt my chest all the way up through my neck clear to my hair turn red. And I walked the rest of the way to my room where I stayed all night not able to sleep with my anger and my shame and the loudness of my wanting to hear some something landing on the roof.

And I never heard what I did not expect to hear but there was the lie of the morning voice that said wake up Ellen and come see what Santa Claus brought you!

And I went in their living room and stood with them and the ghosts of last night’s words and saw Dora already pulling the drawers off a doll oh just the one she had always wanted that walks and talks and pees like a live baby. And I wish I saw Starletta there again with her colored baby in the tiny bed. But it is Dora who has so much she does not know what to play with first and I still want to see Starletta with the town and the picture books, the clothes and socks and the Lincoln logs.

And all I wonder is why I do not hate Starletta.

And there is Dora again moving all around the tree touching all she has and stepping over the clothes and the socks to get at the toys.

So I will not get to tell Dora I told you so.

So she will not come running to me mad for the first time that she had to share one thing just one day out of her life. No she will not slow down in the circle she has made around the tree because there is no reason for her to hate me today.

But I have the hate in me strong when I wonder again why I have to watch this. Why does somebody bring me to see this that I do not want to see? I wonder and feel something in my hand that must be my present.

And Nadine says she knows that is exactly what I wanted and I’m so peculiar and hard to buy for that she thought she’d play it safe and get me exactly what I asked for.

And that was all.

So what do you do when that spinning starts and the motion carries the time wild by you and you cannot stop to see one thing to grab and stop yourself? You stand still the best you can and say strong and loud for the circle of spinning to stop so you can walk away from the noise. That is how I walked then.

That is how I walked then from Dora and her tree and Nadine and the pack of white paper I threw at her feet.

I stayed in my room by myself and thought about how much longer I intended to be in that house. I knew then where I was headed but I needed to collect all the particulars like the address.

Nadine knocked on my door a few times and said she thought it was very unladylike to throw a gift back at somebody. Then she said for me to come on out and we could all be friends.

That could make you madder than you were to begin with but it just depends on the way you see things.

After I had myself some time to be straightened out and not so hot I decided on some revenge. Sometimes that is the best thing but usually it just helps you to think about a revenge plan without carrying it out.

But Dora and Nadine would get the works I decided.

I could only think of one thing Dora did not have and most likely would not ever have and that was a boyfriend. She liked boys just fine and I even heard through a grape vine she promised a couple of boys she would let them feel of her. Then when she chickened out I imagine the boys were plenty hot. They say at school Dora is all flirt.

So if I could round me up a boyfriend and sport him around in front of Dora I could bring her down a notch or two and feel pretty good my own self. Except we are not in school over the Christmas holiday so there is nobody around for me to select as a appropriate boyfriend. He would need to be somebody smarter, nicer and certainly much better looking than anybody old Dora could ever scare up.

I still laugh when I think back on all this.

Since I did not have a boy to produce in the flesh then she just had to take my word for it. I had to be very convincing. And he needed to be somebody she would never run into and check my story.

When I had it all nailed down in my head OK I told Nadine and Dora they could come in my room that I was sorry about throwing the paper. I said everything they wanted to hear.

Then I said with all the excitement I forgot to show you something.

I did not say what it was right away because that would not be good for their suspense.

What are you talking about? Dora asks.

I had to make all this quick because I knew her head was over occupied with her own presents.

I said my boyfriend gave this to me last week when you two were in town. His mama rode him over here and he gave this to me last week and I’ve been waiting for just the right time to tell you about it. Lord I’m so proud I just couldn’t hold out another day.

Well let’s see it! Nadine says.

So I took my microscope out of the closet and said isn’t it beautiful?

I had my toes crossed in my shoe hoping all this would work.

Dora just said ha! I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.

Well I do!

I’ve never seen you with one at school. I can see everything you do at recess and lunchtime. I’ve never seen you talking to anybody hardly except that little nigger girl. I don’t believe you.

Well it is true I told her hard.

OK then. What’s his name?

Nick Adams is who I would have picked out to love if it was up to me so I said his name as honest as I could. I figured I was safe with him because of Dora’s reading habits.

He doesn’t go to our school. You’re making him up!

Who ever said he went to our school? I asked her and made my voice mysterious like Nick Adams just might be a international spy or a trapeze artist. You never know.

That really gave Dora and Nadine something to think about.

Then I knew I needed to draw attention off the boy and on to the lovely present he got me.

How do you like it? I asked Dora.

She had moved close in on her mama like I was about to bite her. Like she had just found out a dark secret of mine that I kept hid because it likes to hurt pretty girls with blonde curly hair.