Elsewhere (13 page)

I hope you don't mind, but I've invited another person," Liz announces to Betty that night. Liz has already invited Aldous Ghent and his wife, Rowena; Thandi, her cousin Shelly, and Paco the Chihuahua; and several of her advisees at the DDA. She had also invited Curtis Jest, but he declined on the grounds that he was an Englishman and found the holiday "rather maudlin"

anyway.

"The more the merrier," says Betty. On Earth, Betty had been fond of holidays, and her fondness only intensified in the afterlife. "Who is it?" Betty asks.

"Owen Welles."

"You don't mean that awful boy who gave you all the trouble at the Well?" Betty asks. Liz's "episode with the law" (as Betty calls it) is a continuing sore spot for Betty.

"That's the one," Liz replies.

"I thought you didn't like him," Betty says, raising her left eyebrow.

"I don't, not really. But he did me a favor, and I got caught up in the moment." Liz sighs. "The truth is, Betty, I didn't imagine that he'd say yes. And then I was stuck, because I couldn't exactly uninvite him, now could I?"

"No," Betty agrees and laughs. "So, who's next, Liz? Maybe you'd like to invite a retired ax murderer?"

"I'll see if I can find one." Liz laughs, too. "Say, do we even have those here?"

As on Earth, or at least in the United States, Thanksgiving falls on a Thursday.

Aldous and Rowena Ghent arrive first, followed by Thandi and Shelly, who bring pies, and Paco in a turkey suit to commemorate the occasion.

The last to arrive is Owen Welles. He spent the morning inventing good reasons to cancel (septictank explosion? emergency at work?). At the last possible moment, he decides to go anyway.

These days, he has a bit of free time on his hands, having been suspended for a month on account of the sweater dive. He brings a potted plant for Liz's grandmother.

Aside from the presence of dead people, Thanksgiving on Elsewhere is like Thanksgiving pretty much anywhere else they celebrate it. While she loves holidays, Betty doesn't love cooking. She has the meal catered, coincidentally from the same diner Owen usually went to for the special.

Betty serves cranberry sauce (canned and homemade), potatoes (mashed and sweet), cornbread stuffing, gravy, small yeasty rolls, green bean casserole, stuffed mushrooms, Thandi and Shelly's four pies (apple, pecan, pumpkin, and sweet potato), and tofurkey (which is a vegetarian turkey substitute and definitely an acquired taste).

Betty pours large tumblers of white wine for everyone. Although Liz has had wine before, it is the first time she has ever been served wine by Betty and it makes her feel grown-up somehow.

After the wine is poured, Betty says, "I'd like to make a short toast." She clears her throat, "Well, we've all had to travel a long way to get here." She pauses.

"Hear! Hear!" Aldous says.

"I'm not finished yet," Betty says.

"Oh, excuse me," Aldous apologizes. "I thought you said a short toast."

"Not that short," Betty protests.

"And you did pause," Aldous adds.

"It was for effect!" Betty exclaims.

Rowena Ghent says, "It would have been lovely at that length, though."

"I like short toasts actually," Thandi says. "Some people go on and on. Life's short, you know."

"And death's about the same length," Owen says.

"Was that a joke?" Liz asks him.

"It was," Owen says.

"Hmm," Liz says after a moment's reflection, "not bad."

Owen winks at Liz. "If you have to think about a joke that long, it usually means "

Betty clears her throat very loudly and begins again. "We've all had to travel a long way to get here." She pauses, and no one interrupts her this time. She looks down the table at Rowena, Aldous, and Owen on her right, and Liz, Shelly, and Thandi on her left. She looks under the table, where Paco and Sadie have their own plates. Sadie's stomach growls.

"Sorry," Sadie barks.

"I can't remember what I wanted to say anyway. Let's just eat," Betty says with a laugh.

Shelly raises her glass. "Let's toast to laughter," she says. "That's what we always used to toast to at our grandfather's house."

"Oh, that's lovely!" Rowena says. "To laughter!"

"To laughter and forgetting!" Liz adds with a mischievous grin in Betty's direction.

"To laughter and forgetting!" the table choruses. The other guests raise their glasses. Liz takes a small sip of her wine. She thinks it is bitter and sweet at the same time. She takes another small sip and decides it is actually more sweet than bitter.

After everyone has finished eating and passed into the traditional postmeal coma, Owen offers to help Liz with the dishes.

"You wash, I'll dry," Liz tells him.

"But washing's the hard part," Owen protests.

Liz smiles. "You said you wanted to help.You didn't specify dry."

Owen rolls up his left sleeve and then his right one. Liz notices a tattoo on his right forearm. It is a large red heart with the words "Emily Forever" inside it.

"I didn't know you'd be like that." His voice has a mischievous lilt.

"Like what?"

"The type of person who'd stick a guy with all the washing," he says.

Liz watches as he removes his wedding band, placing it carefully on the edge of the sink. She is still getting used to the notion that someone of Owen's age, seventeen, could be married. Of course, on Elsewhere, this is relatively commonplace.

Liz and Owen soon achieve a satisfying rhythm of washing and drying. Owen whistles a tune as he washes. Although Liz is not exactly a fan of whistling, she finds Owen's whistling, if not pleasant, tolerable. She likes the whistler, if not the whistling itself.

Several minutes of whistling later, Owen turns to Liz, "I'm taking requests."

"Owen, that's a really nice offer, but the thing is" Liz pauses "I don't really like whistling."

Owen laughs. "But I've been whistling for like ten minutes. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Well, I was already a person who would stick a person with washing; I didn't want to be a person who would stick a person with washing and not let him whistle."

"Maybe you'd prefer if I hummed?"

"Whistling's fine," Liz says.

"Hey, I'm just trying to entertain you here." Owen laughs again. After a second, Liz joins him.

Although nothing particularly funny has been said, Liz and Owen find they cannot stop laughing.

Liz has to stop drying the dishes and sit down. It has been such a long time since Liz has laughed this hard. She tries to remember the last time.

The week before Liz died, Zooey and she were trying on sweaters at the mall. Studying herself in the dressing room mirror, Liz said to Zooey, "My breasts look like little tepees." Zooey, who had even smaller breasts than Liz, retorted, "If yours are tepees, mine are tepees that the cowboys came and burned down." For some reason, this observation struck both girls as ridiculously funny. They laughed so long and so loudly that the salesclerk had to come and ask them if they needed help.

That had been in March; now it was November. Has it really been eight months since Liz has laughed that hard?

"What's wrong?" Owen asks.

"I was thinking that it had been a long time since I laughed like that," Liz says. "A really long time." She sighs. "It was when I was still alive. I was with my best friend, Zooey. It wasn't even anything very funny, you know?"

Owen nods. "The best laughs are like that." He washes the last plate and gives it to Liz to dry. He turns off the water and replaces his ring on his finger.

"I guess I'm a little homesick," Liz admits, "but it's the worst kind of homesickness because I know I can't ever go back there or see them ever again."

"That doesn't just happen to people in Elsewhere, Liz," says Owen. "Even on Earth, it's difficult to ever go back to the same places or people. You turn away, even for a moment, and when you turn back around, everything's changed."

Liz nods. "I try not to think about it, but sometimes it hits me all at once. Whoosh! And I remember I'm dead."

"You should know that you're doing really well, Liz," says Owen. "When I first came to Elsewhere, I was pretty much addicted to the ODs for a whole year."

"That happened to me, too," Liz says, "but I'm better now."

"It's common actually. It's called Watcher Syndrome, and some people never get over it."

Suddenly, Owen looks at his watch. It is already nine thirty, and the Observation Decks close at ten. "I'm sorry to be so abrupt," says Owen, "but I have to run. I go see my wife, Emily, every Thursday night."

"I know," Liz says. "A while ago, I was sitting next to you at the ODs and I asked you who you were there to see."

In the back of his mind, Owen vaguely remembers a withered girl with dirty hair and worn pajamas. He looks at the girl with the clear eyes standing before him and wonders if she could possibly be the same person. "Pajamas?" he asks.

"I was a little sad at the time."

"You look much better now," says Owen. "Thank you for dinner and thank your grandmother for me, too."

Sadie wanders into the kitchen just as Owen is leaving. She puts her fuzzy golden head onto Liz's lap, indicating that Liz should stroke it.

"No one will ever love me like that," Liz says to her.

"I love you," Sadie says.

"I love you, too," Liz says to Sadie. Liz sighs. The only love she inspires is the canine kind.

Owen reaches the Observation Deck five minutes before it closes. Although she is not supposed to let people into the decks for the last ten minutes before closing, Esther knows Owen and waves him through. "You're late tonight, Owen," the attendant remarks.

Owen sits at his usual binoculars, places a single eternim in the slot, and raises his eyes. He finds Emily in what is a fairly typical pose for her. She is sitting in front of her bathroom mirror, brushing her long red hair with a silver brush. Owen watches Emily brush her hair for about thirty seconds more and then he turns away.

I am wasting my death, Owen says to himself. I am like one of those people who spend all their lives watching TV instead of having real relationships. I have been here nearly ten years, and my most significant relationship is still with Emily. And Emily thinks I'm dead. And I am dead. This does her no good, and it does me no good either.

As Owen is leaving, he says to Esther, "What am I even doing here?"

"Beats me," Esther replies.

On his way back to his car, Owen makes up his mind to call Liz at work next week. It might be a good start to adopt a dog, he thinks.

Why do two people ever fall in love? It's a mystery.

When Owen calls Liz on Tuesday, he gets right to the point. "Hello, Liz. I was thinking I might adopt a dog," he says.

"Of course," Liz says. "What sort of dog did you have in mind?"

"Well, I hadn't really thought about it. I guess I'd like a dog I could take to work with me."

"A small dog?"

"Small's fine as long as he's not too small, and I could take him running and hiking and stuff."

"So, small's fine as long as she's large?" Liz laughs.

"Right, a small, large dog." Owen laughs, too. "And preferably a he."

"Why don't you come down to the DDA?" Liz suggests.

Later that day, Liz introduces Owen to several possible can dictates. For an adoption to take place on Elsewhere, the dog and the human both have to agree on each other. In truth, the decision is usually more the dog's than the human's.

One by one, the dogs approach Owen and sniff him on the hand and the face. Some lick his hand a bit if they find Owen particularly acceptable. Because Owen does not speak Canine, Liz translates for the dogs when they want to ask him questions.

"Can I sleep in his bed, or does he plan on using a dog bed?" a golden retriever named Jen wants to know.

"What's she saying?" Owen asks.

"She wants to know if she can sleep in your bed."

Owen looks at the golden retriever and scratches her between the ears. "Gee, I hadn't really thought about it. Couldn't we play it by ear, girl?"

The golden retriever nods. "Sure, but I really like to watch television from the couch. You wouldn't tell me to get off the couch all the time, would you?"

"She wants to know if she could stay on the couch," Liz translates.

"Sure," says Owen, "I don't see why not."

"Okay," says Jen the Golden Retriever after a moment's reflection. She licks Owen's hand three times. "Tell him I'll go with him."

"She says she wants to go with you," Liz tells Owen.

"Isn't that a little quick?" Owen asks. "I don't want to hurt her feelings, but. . ." Owen lowers his voice. "I sort of wanted a boy dog, you know."

Liz shrugs. "She's already made up her mind. But don't worry, dogs are really good at this."

"Oh," says Owen, shocked by how fast it all seems to be moving.

"Besides," says Liz cheerfully, "Jen's already licked you on the hand three times. After that, it's a done deal."

"I hadn't realized that," Owen replies.

"So I'll just need you to fill out a couple of forms, and we'll make it official," Liz says.

"Okay, but would you mind asking her if she gets seasick or anything? I'm on the boat a lot for my job," Owen says.

"I can understand Human, you know. Not all of us can, but I can. I just can't speak it," Jen says.

"And I love boats and I don't get seasick. Not much at least. Only if it's really, really rough."

"Jen understands English and she loves boats," Liz reports.

Jen continues with her instructions. "Make sure to tell him I like fresh water at least three times a day. I prefer wet kibble to the dry stuff. I like tennis balls, long walks in the park, and Frisbee. Oh, and I can use the toilet, so please leave the bathroom door open. Yay yay yay yay, I'm so excited!" Jen places her paw on Owen's shoulder. "I can tell you're going to be just great, Owen!"

"What's she saying?" Owen asks.

"She thinks you're going to be great," Liz wisely summarizes.

After they fill out all the requisite paperwork, Liz walks Owen and Jen to Owen's Jeep. Jen immediately hops into the backseat and lies down.

"Thanks for your help," says Owen.

"No problem." Liz smiles. "What made you decide to get a dog anyway?"

Owen smiles. "I hadn't really decided for sure until I came down here, and then Jen sort of decided for me."

Liz nods. "That's how it was with me and Sadie, too."

"The thing is," says Owen, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, "I sort of wondered if you might like to do the dishes again."

"The dishes?" Liz asks.

"Right," Owen says. "That was my awkward way of asking you over for dinner."

"Oh, is that what that was? I hadn't realized." And she really hadn't. Her experience in such matters is rather limited.

"You know, to thank you for Jen. You wouldn't have to do the dishes. Unless you wanted to, of course. I wouldn't stop you."

"Um," says Liz.

Sadie calls to Liz from across the parking lot, "Liz, telephone!"

"I have a call," Liz apologizes, heading toward her office. After a moment, she stops. "Give me a ring sometime! I'm always at work!"

Owen watches as Liz runs inside. Her blond ponytail (her hair had only recently grown long enough to wear that way) bounces up and down rhythmically with each of her steps. There is something pleasing and hopeful about that ponytail, he thinks. He waits until she disappears into the building and then he gets into his car and drives away.

On the drive home, Jen hangs her head out the window and lets her golden ears blow in the wind. She barks the whole way home. "I don't know why I like my head out the window, I just do,"

Jen says while they are stopped at a red light. "I always liked it that way, even when I was a pup.

Is that weird? Is it weird to like something and not even know why you like it?" Owen interprets Jen's barking as excitement and, indeed, his interpretation is perfectly correct.

Why do two people ever fall in love? It's a mystery.

A week later, Liz and Sadie find themselves at Owen Welles's smallish apartment. Jen bounds up to greet them.

"Hi, Liz! Hi, Sadie!" says Jen, who is really excited to see them. "Nice to see you! Owen's a pretty good boy! He lets me sleep in the bed! I'm trying to convince him to move into a bigger place with a yard! He's trying to cook, but I don't think he's very good! Be nice, though! Don't hurt his feelings!"

Owen smiles when he sees Liz and Sadie at the door. "Dinner's in here. I hope you like pasta."

Jen's opinion notwithstanding, Owen is not a bad cook. (Who ever said a dog knew much about cooking anyway?) And Liz is very appreciative of his efforts. It is the first time anyone other than someone in her family has cooked for her.

After dinner, Liz offers to do the dishes. "I'll wash this time," she says, "but you don't have to dry.

Or whistle."

Dishes washed, Liz, Owen, Sadie, and Jen go to the park near Owen's house.

"How are you getting along with Jen?" Liz asks.

"She's great." Owen smiles. "I can't believe I never had a dog before."

"You didn't have one on Earth?"

"We couldn't," he says. "Emily was allergic. Still is, I assume."

Liz nods. "The way you say her name ..." she says. "I can't imagine anyone ever saying my name that way."

"Oh, I doubt that," says Owen.

"It's true."

"You died too young," Owen reflects. "The boys were probably just intimidated by you. Maybe next time around?"

"Maybe," Liz says doubtfully. "I've got a lot of plans for that next time."

"If I had known you, I might have said your name that way," Owen says.

"Ah," Liz says, "but a person is only allowed to say one other person's name that way, and you're already taken. It's a rule, you know."

Owen nods but doesn't speak.

His silence stirs a strange but not entirely unpleasant feeling in Liz. His silence makes her bold, and she decides to ask Owen for a favor.

"You can say no, if you want," Liz begins.

"That sounds scary," Owen says.

Liz laughs. "Don't worry. It isn't scary, at least I don't think it's scary."

"And of course, I already know I can say no."

"So, the thing is, I'm sort of tired of Betty driving me around everywhere, but I need to learn threepoint turns and parallel parking before I get my driver's license. I died before "

"Sure," Owen says before Liz is even finished. "No problem."

"I could ask Betty, but we sort of have a bad history in the car "

Owen interrupts Liz. "I said, no problem. It's my pleasure."

"Oh," Liz says, "thank you."

"I wouldn't mind hearing about that bad history, however," Owen says. "In fact, maybe I should hear about it beforewe start."

Why do two people ever fall in love? It's a mystery.

Liz and Owen meet every day after work for the next week. She masters threepoint turns with relative ease but finds parallel parking more challenging.

"You just have to visualize yourself in the space," Owen says patiently.

"But it seems impossible," says Liz. "How can something whose wheels move forward and backward, suddenly move side to side?"

"It's the angles," says Owen. "You need to turn your steering wheel as extremely as possible, and then slowly back in."

Another week passes and Liz is still no closer to mastering the elusive parallel parking. She has almost given up hope that she ever will and is beginning to feel like a dunce.

"Look, Liz," says Owen, "I'm starting to think it's psychological. There's no reason you shouldn't be able to do this. There's something that's stopping you from wanting to parallel park. Maybe we should call it a night?"

That night, Liz contemplates the reason for her ineptitude and decides to call Thandi.

"Well, speak of the dead," Thandi says.

"I've been working a lot," Liz replies, "and Owen Welles has been teaching me how to drive."

"I bet he has."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Liz asks.

"When we were at the dog run, Sadie told Paco that you've been seeing a lot of Mr. Welles."

Liz looks at Sadie, who is lying on her back so that Liz can rub her belly. "Traitor," she whispers.

"He's in love with someone else," Liz answers Thandi, "and besides, we're just friends."

"Uh-huh," Thandi says.

Liz tells Thandi about her problem with parallel parking, and asks her, an experienced driver of almost eleven months, if she has any suggestions.

"I think you don't want to learn to parallel park, Liz."

"Of course I want to learn!" she insists. "It's just hard! It's not like the rest of driving! It's not logical!

It involves visualization and leaps of faith and sleight of hand! You've got to be a freaking magician!"

Thandi laughs. "Maybe you don't want your lessons with Owen to end, if you catch my drift? I mean, if you had only wanted to learn parking and turning, you could have asked me."

"You? You haven't even been driving a year!"

"Or Betty?" Thandi suggests.

"Come on! You know our history!"

"I think you're falling in love with him," Thandi teases. "I think maybe you're already in lo-ove!"

She laughs.

And then Liz hangs up. Thandi could be such an incredible know-it-all. Sometimes Liz cannot even believe that Thandi is her best friend.

The next evening, Liz accomplishes parallel parking three times in a row without error.

"I told you you could do it if you put your mind to it," says Owen. He looks out the window. "I suppose we're done here," he adds.

Liz nods.

"Incidentally, what do you think was blocking you?" Owen asks.

"It's a mystery," Liz answers. She hands him his keys and gets out of the car.