Embrace the Night (39 page)

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Authors: Crystal Jordan

BOOK: Embrace the Night
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And he wasn't for her. Not anymore. She looked anywhere except at him as he escorted her to his car and helped her in. The moment he slid into the driver's seat, she rushed into speech. “Alex and Tess are doing well.”
He cleared his throat. “I know. I called.”
“Alex said you'd checked in on him.” The words were stilted, painful. He hadn't called her, hadn't cared to find out if
she
was all right. So, why did he have to put her through this? The answer would splinter her into a million unrecognizable pieces, and after all the upheaval of these last weeks, she just wasn't brave enough to ask. It wasn't like him to be cruel, but he'd want to make sure it was okay to stay in touch with Alex. Her stomach clenched into a hard knot. That
was
something Merek would do—he was too good a man to lead her on or to abandon a boy who worshipped him.
He controlled the car with his characteristic quiet competence as he navigated the streets on the way to her house. “Alex said you're adopting him.”
“Yeah.” She stared out the windshield, but managed a small smile. “I sicced my Aunt Millie's evil lawyer on the All-Magickal Council to get it pushed through as soon as possible.”
“The adoption people aren't going to know what hit them.” Listening to him in the dark was so familiar, so sweet and good she wanted to cry. Instead, she straightened her spine and clenched her fingers around her evening bag.
“As long as I get what I want, they can have a little tailspin hissy fit over it.”
He snorted. “Why am I not surprised?”
“I'm a Standish. Why would anyone be surprised?” A sigh of relief eased out of her when they pulled up to the curb in front of her house. Thank the gods. She could escape soon.
“Are you going to look at me?” His deep voice was low and strained.
She hummed in her throat because she had no idea how to answer that. The fact that he hadn't called her was like a spreading bruise inside her, so she chose silence over accusations or tears. How could they have been together for weeks yet he didn't care enough to check in with her? Selina or Alex or Millie or even the hospital staff would have told him she was alive, but that wasn't the same as talking to her and finding out how she was really
doing.
Sucking in a deep breath, she focused on his hands on the steering wheel because she couldn't meet those gray eyes. “Okay, here it is. I'm adopting Alex, but I want you to feel comfortable being involved in his life. I know you love him, and he adores you, so even though this—” she waved a hand between them “—isn't going anywhere, I don't want you to think I'm going to try to keep you and Alex apart. I wouldn't do that.”
“I know you wouldn't.” He swallowed twice, his knuckles white as he gripped the wheel. “I guess . . . that answers all the questions I had then.”
“Well . . . good. I'm glad we got that settled.” She fumbled for her door handle, her belly twisting so hard she thought she might puke. That confirmed that, didn't it? Game over. All he wanted from her now was Alex. She was safe; his duty was done, so this thing between them was done, too. She tried to tell herself it was what she'd expected all along, that she was ready for the pain, but she was wrong. It was crippling, blinding.
“Settled . . . yeah.” He turned off the car, let go of the wheel, got out, and came around to open her door for her. She leaped away from his helping hand and scurried along in front of him as he walked her up the steps to her door. The last thing she wanted was for him to touch her. She'd break down and just lose it all over him.
She straightened her shoulders, unlocked her front door, and tossed her purse on the small table in the entryway. Turning to face him, she stood in the open door so it was clear he wasn't invited in. They could finish this little chat outside. She just prayed her voice didn't shake when she spoke. “Was there anything else you needed before you left?”
There. That was good. Polite, calm. She could do this for Alex, no matter how it pained her.
“You,” he said softly. The color of his eyes was the deep gray of the sky before a storm. “I need
you.
No matter how hard I try to run away from that fact, I can't escape it. I'm always going to need you.” His voice was a grating rasp, and he set his hands on her shoulders, gripping so tight it hurt. “I fucked up, in so many ways, but I love you, Chloe, and I'm sorry I hurt you.”
“You . . . you
love
me?” Somehow hearing him say the words was like taking a swift blow. It bowled her over, left her reeling. She'd been so
sure
he would never come for her. She was safe, and he could escape his nightmare. The end. A tear spilled over her lashes, and she dashed it away, a sob hitching her breath. “B-but you didn't call m-me. You c-called to check on Alex, but you didn't bother to do the s-same for me.”
Gods, it sounded so needy and whiny. Pathetic. She closed her eyes. Tears continued streaking down her cheeks, and she fought hard to keep from totally breaking down.
“Don't cry, sweetheart. I know I totally fucked things up between us.” Merek eased her into his arms, cradled her against his broad chest. He tilted her head back, wiping the moisture from her cheeks with the pad of his thumb. “Please don't cry. I
wanted
to call you, but I couldn't.”
A watery laugh huffed out of her. “Yeah, that's what I told myself, too, until Alex said you
were
calling him.”
“That's not what I meant.” He rested his forehead against hers, rocking her gently. She could see deep into his eyes, read every emotion there. He didn't try to hide anything from her. “I didn't mean I was physically unable to call you; I meant I had some personal shit to work through. A lot of personal shit.”
She leaned back a little and searched his face, but even without the open expression, she'd have known. “Because you couldn't
see
to help us and save us from all the bad stuff.”
A chuckle rumbled from him, and he kissed her temple. “You know me too well.”
“That's not going to change, I don't think.” She swallowed, wishing she didn't have to remind him, wishing she could just take what he said at face value, but she couldn't bear it if he walked away again. She had to know he'd stick it out even if it meant living with his worst fears every day. “You're not suddenly going to wake up tomorrow and be able to see our future. I don't even want you to.”
“I know.” He sighed, lifted his hand to cradle the back of her head and burrow his fingers into her hair. “That was the shit I was working through. Once I got my head on straight, I drove like a bat out of hell to get to you.”
“So you're fine with it?”
“No, I'm not.” His smile was rueful. “I'm never going to be, but I'm a lot less fine with walking away from you and Alex because I can't protect you like I want to be able to. I thought it would be better for you if I left, but I couldn't do it. I didn't want to. I want to be with you. I want to help you with the kid. I want all of it. I know it's a risk to love people, and there's always a chance something will take them from you, but I'll take that risk with you. I have to.”
“I want all of that, too. I'm willing to take the risk.” Letting out the breath she hadn't been aware she was holding, she cupped his face in her palms. His eyes closed, and he leaned into her touch, a fine tension she hadn't noticed before easing from his muscles. She mapped the lines of his face with her fingers. “I thought . . . I thought you might also have some doubts because”—the words caught in her throat, but she forced them out, needing to have everything clear between them—“because I need you too much, and since my mom died, I tend to hold on too tight to the people I love. I cling.” She flushed, and she knew he'd see it in the bright beam of her porch light. Every light in the house was on. “I mean, you were bleeding out and all I could think was
don't leave me alone.
Gods, I'm so
sorry.
”
“Shh. No. None of that.” He pulled in a slow breath, his gaze steady, his touch so tender it made tears prick her eyes again. “Sweetheart, did you ever think that of all the people in the world, Alex and I are two who could really use someone who holds on and refuses to let go?” He stroked her hair, her shoulders, her back. “I don't want to leave you alone, and even if that's all you were thinking when I was shot, you still managed to pull nine bullets out of me. You saved my life.” He brushed his mouth over her lips, and she fisted her fingers in his shirt to keep him close. “Need me as much as I need you. Love me so much it feels like you can't even breathe. Hold on tight and never let me go.”
A sob bubbled out of her, and pure joy broke through. Yes. That was what she wanted with him. Every day for the rest of her life, as long or short as that might be. “I love you, Merek. Everything about you. Dangerous job, control freak, and all. Even if that dangerous job takes you away from me, I will always be grateful for the time I had with you. I love you just the way you are, because you love me the same way, with all my baggage in tow.”
“You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.” He hauled her up on her tiptoes, pressing her flush against him, and slammed his mouth over hers.
A moan ripped loose from deep down inside her. She knotted her fingers in his hair and shoved her tongue between his lips. His hands cupped her ass, ground her against the hard arc of his erection. Her skin flashed hot and her sex went wet, her head spinning after days and days without him. Gods, she wanted him. Needed him, craved him, loved him.
She tugged him backward, pulling him with her inside the house. He didn't break the kiss as he shut the door and locked it, engaging the security spells. That made her smile against his lips, and then shove him against the closed door.
Jerking his shirt from his pants, she pushed it up until he had to release her mouth to get it over his head. He groaned when her hands skimmed over his chest, her fingers circling his small nipples. “I love your hands on me, sweetheart. I've missed you so fucking much.”
“Good. I want you to miss me.” She flicked her nail over one nipple, and he jerked and chuckled at the same time. Then he hissed out a breath when she licked the flat brown disc, sucking it between her teeth to nibble. Her fingertips toyed with the other nipple, rolling and pinching it until he groaned for her.
Then she used magic.
A hoarse cry wrenched from him, and he shuddered, his big hands biting into her ass.
“Fuck.”
She let his nipple loose, flicking her tongue over it to tease him. “We're getting to that.”
He bent and scooped her into his arms, which made her squeak and grab for his shoulders. “We're a hell of lot closer than ‘getting to that,' sweetheart. I haven't had you in days. You can play with me later.” His teeth flashed in a white smile. “Much, much later.”
“Hurry.”
The room sped by as he moved toward her bedroom. He set her on the bed, and Ophelia uncurled from the end of the mattress, trotted over to them, and purred. Merek chuckled and scooped the cat against his chest, stroking her as he walked away. “Sorry, sugar. This is a human-only reunion.”
He dropped her to the floor outside the bedroom and kicked the door shut as he came back to Chloe. She propped herself up on her elbows, watching him. Her breath caught when she noticed the puckered scars that now marred his torso. She sat up, brushing her fingers over them when he drew near, searching out all of them on his chest, side, and back. How close she'd come to losing him. Her throat closed at the thought.
“It didn't happen, sweetheart.” He caught her hands, drew them to his lips to kiss. “I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.”
She nodded. He was right. They'd had a lot of close calls lately, but they were still here. They just had to hold on as tight as they could for as long as they could. Starting now. She bent forward and flicked her tongue across a scar that sat just above waistband of his pants. She kissed her way across the taut skin and hard muscles of his lower abdomen.
“Chloe,” he groaned, sliding his fingers into her hair when she worked his belt and fly open. Her body tightened with longing as she moved her hands over his flesh. She wanted to savor, but it had been too long.
Shoving his pants down, she waited for him to toe off his shoes and socks and step out of his jeans. She stuck her finger through a jagged hole in the heavy fabric. “Rough day?”
“Rough week.” He chuckled and dropped to the bed beside her, pushing her flat and leaning up on one elbow to gaze down at her. He slid the pants from her grip and tossed them on the floor. “I'll tell you everything you want to know later. Right now, I need you.”
She kicked off her heels, her heart thrumming in her chest at the look in his eyes. “Well, then. I'm all yours.”
“Mine. Yes. I like that.” He smiled, leaned forward, and brushed his lips over her collarbone. “I also like this dress. You look like a felony waiting to happen.”

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