Embracing Change (17 page)

Sarah nodded.

“Put on warm pyjamas and a gown and I’ll go and stoke up the fire.”

Half an hour later they sat in the lounge: Jade, Joel, Sarah, and Trisha, who’d just arrived home. The lights were dimmed and the log burner cast flickering shadows of warmth into the room. Outside the snow had stopped falling and the ground was blanketed with a layer of white. They each held a mug of hot chocolate.

“So, Sarah?” Joel was on one side of her and Jade the other. “Tell us what happened when you got the e-mail this morning.”

She turned to look at him. “How do you know about that?”

“It was open, and we read the article. We were trying to figure out where you were. I’m sorry—I wouldn’t normally do a thing like that.”

“It’s okay. I would probably have done the same.” She pulled her blanket a little closer. “Is the hobo going to be alright?”

“The police said they’ll call me when they got a report on his condition.”

“He really scared me.”

“Come on, Sarah, we’re longing to know what happened.” Jade rearranged herself and tucked her feet under her legs.

“As you guessed, it started with the e-mail. I was just so
angry
.” Sarah told the story about her outburst against God, her rage, and the terrible fear she’d felt in the reserve. “I sat under the bushes for an hour, petrified. At first I could hear him thrashing around, looking for me, but then the noises stopped. I thought he was waiting for me to show myself, but after a while, I realised I’d freeze to death if I didn’t move. I asked God if He could forgive the way I spoke to Him earlier and help me to get to safety.” She laughed lightly. “I felt an amazing peace come across me and I just crawled out of the bushes. It was as though God was there and protecting me from harm.”

“Which He was and did,” Joel interjected.

“That’s where all the cuts came from.” Sarah lifted her hands and showed the red lines. “It was the flax plants. I fell into them when I was running from him, and their sharp points did this.” She touched her face. “They got me here too. I must look a real sight.”

“They’ll heal,” Joel said quietly. “And they can’t hide how lovely you are.”

Sarah’s face warmed as she continued. “By then, I was so cold and cramped that I could hardly move anyway. It seemed to take forever to straighten my legs, and I couldn’t feel my hands. They were completely numb.” Sarah took a long sip of hot chocolate. “I can’t tell you how good it feels to be sitting here, cosy and warm with all of you.”

“Yes, yes—
then
what happened?” Jade nudged the conversation along impatiently.

“I wandered in circles round the reserve with no idea where I was or which way was out. It was almost dark and the snow made the visibility even worse.” She stopped and her smile grew even wider. “So I prayed again. I asked God to show me how to get out of there. Within two minutes I saw the playground and knew the path out was on the other side.”

“And when did you see the man again?” Trisha asked.

“As I passed though the playground. He was lying on the ground, moaning.” Her face darkened. “I was tempted to ignore him but it didn’t feel right, and I wasn’t afraid of him any more. So I knelt down and asked him what was wrong. He talked to me but didn’t make any sense—just spouted a whole lot of stuff about his family. I told him I’d go and get help.”

“Do you think he would have harmed you?” Jade asked as Joel got up to throw some more logs into the fire.

“Probably not. He seemed more confused than violent; besides, I know I’m over-sensitive to things like that. He just gave me a huge fright.”

Trisha shivered. “I would have got a fright, too!”

Just then Joel’s cell phone rang. “Joel Baxter speaking … he is? … That explains a lot. Thanks very much for letting me know.” He clicked the phone off and looked at three expectant faces. “His name is James McIntyre and he’s one of Christchurch’s homeless. He’s also a diabetic.” He turned to Sarah. “His blood sugar had bottomed out and he probably would have died if you hadn’t come across him. They’ve got him on a glucose drip and he’s conscious again—doesn’t remember a thing.”

“So he’s not crazy or violent?”

“No. They say low blood sugar in a diabetic can make them act as though they’re drunk, or drugged. He had no idea what he was doing when he chased you.”

“It’s so easy to misinterpret things, isn’t it?” Sarah was quiet for a long moment. “Imagine if I hadn’t seen him; if I hadn’t stopped to see if he was alright. Imagine if my fear had prevented me from coming out and I was still in the bushes.” She took a deep breath, feeling a little dizzy.

“I think you should go to bed.” Jade unfolded herself from the couch. “You look pale and I think you’ve had enough for one day. I’ll go and make sure the electric blanket’s on.”

“And I’ll carry you to bed.” Joel stood, stretching his muscles. “Don’t argue, I’m getting quite good at this.” He scooped her up and carried her down the passage. “How’s the bed, Jade?”

“Perfect.” She passed them in the passage. “See you in the morning, Sarah.”

Joel lowered Sarah into bed and pulled the covers up. “I’m so glad you’re safe. You gave me a terrible scare today.” He knelt down on the carpet and took hold of her hand. “And it was so encouraging to hear that you prayed.”

Sarah looked up at him, his face slightly out of focus, his hair curling over his collar. “Thank you for rescuing me.” She squeezed his hand, enjoying the feel of his strength, and then placed her other hand on top of it. “You’re very special.”

He bent closer and looked into her eyes. “Do you know how beautiful you are?”

She instinctively raised her face as he pressed his lips onto hers, lightly at first, then more demanding as he pulled her into his arms.

Chapter Twenty Three

Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate. Your neck is like the tower of David, built with elegance.

—Song of Solomon 4:3-4

Joel woke the next morning groggy and tired from lack of sleep. One question had tormented him all night long:
Why did I kiss her?
Even worse was the fact that it had been enjoyable!

He could still picture her, tucked under the duvet, dark hair spilling across the pillows like liquid chocolate, her face vulnerable and soft. And when his lips touched hers, she responded in a way that drove his passions wild.

How could I do such a thing?
He put Shelley’s food down and topped up her water bowl.
What will I say when I see her again? How could I lose control so easily?
He took a quick shower.
I’m sorry, Lord. I shouldn’t have let my feelings run away with me. Please help me to put things right. I hope I haven’t confused Sarah or caused her pain by kissing her. I don’t want her getting the wrong idea about us.

He towelled himself off and pulled on faded jeans and a thick navy polar fleece. Outside, the ground was covered with snow but the sky was blue and the sun bright
. I’ll speak to Brad at church
, he decided as he locked the house and headed to his car.
Maybe he’ll be able to put things in perspective and help me see straight.

Brad agreed readily. “Come home with us for coffee. And stay for lunch if you like. Melanie’s cooking lasagna—her specialty.”

“Thanks, I’d like that.”

A half hour later, the men were sitting in Brad’s lounge. The heat pump was pouring hot air into the room and Melanie brought through mugs of steaming coffee. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” She dropped a light kiss on Brad’s forehead.

“So what’s up, bro? You look worried.”

“I did a really stupid thing last night. I let my passions run away with me and I kissed Sarah.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“She was in a vulnerable position; and I took advantage of that.” He explained about the drama on the beach and the story that followed. “I know she’s not over Luke. I should never have done it.” He drained his coffee mug and set it on a side table. “I don’t know what to say when I see her again.”

Brad tapped his fingers on his leg, a sure sign he was thinking. “First of all, you need to straighten
your
thoughts out. Do you have any feelings for Sarah?”

Joel stretched back in the chair. “I’ve been attracted to her since the day I first saw her in the mountains. She’s beautiful, captivating, innocent—and in love with a dead man.”

“Did she respond to your kiss?”

“Sure she did, but it was heat of the moment stuff. She probably hates me this morning.”

“Are you going to speak to her about it?”

“I have to, but I’ve no idea what to say.”

Brad smiled. “Let me tell you how things appear from my point of view. I’ve only met Sarah a few times, but when you’re around, she lights up like a Christmas tree.” He chuckled. “And I could say the same about you.”

Joel groaned. “Don’t say that. You
know
she doesn’t match up to my perfect wife list!”

Brad nodded. “So you keep saying.” He leaned forward. “That list is out of character for you, Joel. You’re an easy going guy. Spontaneous, fun, caring. Why box yourself in with a list of requirements?”

His question was met with silence so he continued. “Do you have a copy of the list?”

“In my head.”

“Here’s my suggestion. Write it down for the last time and then feed it through the shredder. Or burn it, or flush it down the toilet. Get rid of it, once and for all. Then allow God to lead you to the right woman.”

“I’m also concerned that she’s not a Christian.”

“There is that aspect,” Brad conceded. “But come on, bro, don’t you think God is working on her? You told me ten minutes ago that she prayed and God answered her prayers. And remember the last time we discussed her? She was your mystery woman in the mountains and you had no way of tracking her down. You prayed God would bring her back into your life—and what happened?”

Joel nodded. “I see what you’re saying, but I still don’t know what I should do now.”

“Sit down and talk to her,” Brad advised. “Discuss it and tell her how you feel.” He winced. “Just remember women love to talk and explore feelings. Find out what’s going on in her mind and take it from there.”

Joel sighed. “I suppose I’ll have to.”

“And while we’re talking women, what’s the story with Mandy?”

Joel groaned again. “She won’t give up. I’ve told her I just want to be friends, but she’s persistent.”

“How long ago did you tell her?”

“Ages. Probably a year.”

“Maybe you need to talk to her again.”

Joel grimaced. “Women are so complicated.”

“I know, but they’re worth the effort.”

“I agree with that.” Melanie caught the tail end of their conversation as she walked into the lounge. “Women rock!” She winked at Joel before continuing. “Lunch is ready if you guys are finished here.”

Brad looked at Joel. “You okay?”

“Yep. Just got a lot of thinking and talking to do.”

The men stood and followed Melanie to the adjacent dining room.
This is what I want,
Joel thought.
A wife who loves me, a home filled with feminine touches. How can something so simple be so hard?

“Will you say grace, Brad?” Melanie extended her hands to both men and they formed a triangle across the table as he prayed.

“Thank you for this food and the wonderful woman who prepared it. Be with us as we share our lives, Lord and I ask a special blessing on Joel as he makes decisions and choices about his future. Amen.”

The lasagna was delicious, as promised; soft sheets of pasta with tasty mince and heaps of tomatoes and mushrooms. “I’m surprised you’re not fat,” Joel teased Brad. “This is restaurant-quality cooking.”

Melanie glowed under the compliment. “I love cooking. My dream is to own a coffee shop where people can gather and share. There’s just something about food that invites friendship and intimacy.”

Joel nodded. “I can see you doing something like that. You and Brad are both good with people, and as for the cooking, it’s superb. I’ll sign up as your first customer.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

The afternoon was spent chatting and laughing, and by the end of his visit Joel felt a lot more relaxed. “Thank you, Lord, for friends,” he prayed out loud as he turned his car towards home. “And thank you for Brad’s wisdom. Give me courage to speak to Sarah and put things right between us. I need to do that, no matter what the future holds.”

Chapter Twenty Four

I’m angry with Joel and angry with myself. Luke’s been gone just over a year and I enjoyed kissing another man. I feel so guilty.

From the journal of Sarah Johnson