Emerge (13 page)

             
We pulled up at the blue house with the unkempt yard and I was so relieved that they weren’t home that my whole body allowed itself to relax. It was as if I was in a
full body
cast and someone
had
just cut it off.

             
He asked me if we could go out again this Saturday, during the day.

             
I said
,
“of course.”

             
We decid
ed that he would pick me up at
three
so that he could go home after work and get some rest and my shi
ft at the music store ended at
two
. 

             
I tried not to stay in the car too long because
I didn’t want to get caught by my parents or tattle tailed on by my nosey neighbors either.  But truth be told, if he had suggested driving away and never looking back…if it wasn’t for May…I would’ve gone in a heartbeat.

             
I threaded my small childlike fingers through his warm calloused ones and
sighed
all the things I was feeling.

             
He shook my hand to wake me from my pity party and said, “I don’t want you to go but I don’t want you to stay
here and get in trouble
either. You know?”

             
All I could do was nod.

             
I reached up out of pure instinct and ran my hands down the back of his skull trimmed hair. He looked at me
in a way I had never been looked at before and couldn’t explain.
 

             
Then the loudest horn I had ever heard blared from behind us.  We both turned around and there was a huge truck trying to get around Carlos’ car to get onto the freeway.  We said a quick
,
“See you tomorrow.” The horn blared again as I scrambled to get out of the car so he could drive out of the way of the trucker with the
Jeeper’s
Creepers horn attached to his truck. 

             
I walked up the drive feeling a loss of something. I felt the loss of his presence and was reminded of my life as I turned the knob to that horrible white doo
r with the sad duct taped window
.

Chapter 13

             
That afternoon and night went as close to normal as I get. I went to work,
and when I got home my mom and step-dad were home so I
finished some homework and played with May. She had gotten a toy as a treat for good work in her new preschool.
Who knows where they got the money for that, or
if
they bought
it.

             
School was now a joy for me.  Not because I was escaping my life or trying to distract myself from my disturbed parents, but because I had something to look forward to.  And there was someone there who cared. There was someone there who apparently looked for my arrival and searched for me in the halls the way I did for him. 

             
He had made an appearance at my locker every morning since and I could almost tell you down to the second when I would see him in between classes.  But I couldn’t help but have a knot in my gut.  It was all going too well, too fast and my parents were way too complacent about my going out.  It was a feeling of impending doom, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

             
We decided during Drama class that
we were going to go to the Santa Monica pier. I had only been a few times and when I had we didn’t have any money for rides or games or anything.  I left that out of the conversation.

             
Carlos had to go to work that night so I rode the bus home and
everyone was home when I got home. May was playing outside in the yard, which was typical. She waved at me and showed me her soup she was making which was actually dirty water in a pail with leaves. I went to work and got another paycheck. I still had not spent mine from the last payday, so I decided to go to the thrift store to look for something new to wear on Saturday.

             
The lady at the Barely Worn thrift store was a younger woman, maybe 26 or 27 and I could never remember her name but she remembered mine every time. 
She reminded me of the record store ow
ner on the movie Pretty in
Pink…The one who  wore clothes that made her look like a different character every day.

             
Today she had on this black leather jacket with the sleeves rolled up and she had dyed her
short
hair black.  She had tons of black eyeliner on…I took a guess. 

             
“Joan Jett?”

             
She laughed and said
,
“Yeah
Jenna
, 80’s Joan Jett.  Good guess.”

             
“Thanks.”

             
I looked around a bit.  There was absolutely no order to the store whatsoever.  It was total
chaos. You could never tell if the pants you found had been there for years and you had overlooked them or if they were a new item. And Joan Jett wasn’t going to tell you either. 

             
I found a really cute navy blue scoop neck shirt that cinched on the sides with
a gray ribbon.  I also bought two
pairs of jeans, a new sweater and a pair of lavender Chucks. 
Because you could never have enough Chucks.
I also found May a new set of pajamas with little bottles of fingernail polish on them.
I paid Joan and decided to get home and wash my ‘new’ clothes so I could wear them on Saturday.

             
I stopped by the used bookstore and traded books for my store credit for selling my read books back to her.  Happy with my purchases, I headed home to finish my homework for the weekend so I wasn’t stuck doing it on Friday.

             
I got home and my Mom and Step-Dad were waiting in the kitchen hopping up and down on their toes. The nutcracker dancers had nothing on these two. 

             
My Mom sneered at my bags and said, “Oh, excuse us Ma’am, little shopping diva, but we need to go…somewhere.  Could you come down off of your high horse for a little while and watch May?” 

             
“Mom, I spent
twelve
dollars. My books were free because I had store credit.”

             
“Well, whatever, it must be nice.”

             
“Yeah, I’m happy to watch May. Has she eaten dinner?”

             
Rage ignited her face and she grabbed me by the throat and got so close into my face that I could see the red lines in the whites of her eyes.

             
“Look you snotty bitch, we fed her ok?  Ugh
..we’re
late now. Thanks.”

             
She let go of my throat and I stumbled back a bit into the refrigerator.

             
My Step-Dad laughed and said
,
“
Don’t fall.” He shoved past me and they started the car and flew out of the driveway.

             
I put my own hand around my throat where she had and brought back my hand to look.  There was a little blood.  I made my way to the bathroom after throwing my bags onto my bed and went into the bathroom to inspect the damage.  It wasn’t bad, there were just some scratches under my
jawline
and one was a little deeper than the other and was seeping a tiny amount of blood.  It cleaned up with warm water and I went to find May.

             
I found May playing in her usual spot in the backyard, by herself and her blonde curls were tipped with mud and she was concentrating so hard that she had her little pink tongue out while she worked. 
She had little purple overalls on with a white t shirt underneath that looked a little too snug around the tops of her arms.

             
“Hey…” I sat down cross-legged beside her. “What’s for dinner tonight?”

             
She caught on to my game at once.

             
“Well
,
Madam, tonight we’re having salad with chowder.”

             
I gave her an incredulous look.

             
“Really?
Chowd
er?
Have you ever eaten chowder?
”

             
She stopped stirring and her tongue took a trip to her top lip to help her think.

             
“No, but there’s a guy named Chowder on
t.v
. and they said it was like soup.”

             
“It is
.
.
.
” I giggled at her “You’re right.  Did you eat dinner?”

             
She gave me the hardest meanest glare that her four year old face could muster, put her hand on her hip and huffed.

             
“Do you call a Pop-Tart dinner?”

             
“No Ma’am…I call it a Pop-Tart.”

             
She laughed and said
,
“I call it gross.
They asked if I wanted soup and I said ‘no’ even though I did.
”

             
We laughed for a while and she showed me how to make
a perfect
leaf chowder garnished with bark.

             
“Hey Sprite…I think
someone
got you some new pajamas today.”

             
She dropped everything and said
,
“I wanna see. I wanna see!”

             
We went inside and we made chicken soup because she was apparently on a soup kick inside and outside.  She took a bath and after she was dried we did a very extravagant ‘new pajama’ reveal. 

             
She put her new pajamas on and hopped into bed. I thought about sneaking to call Carlos but I remembered that he was at work.
He worked from 7 p.m. until 2 a.m.
that night.
I took my own shower and got into bed pretty early. I started on one of my newish books and took solace in the peace and quiet.

             
When the car lights flooded my window I looked at my alarm clock
and it was 3:14 am.  What in the world could unemployed people be doing out until 3 o’clock in the morning?
Maybe it was better if I didn’t know.  It might make me an accomplice. 

             
I went to work the next morning. It was really busy in the store and there were tons of different types of sheet music to re-shelve.  The Los Angeles Symphony Orchestra had been in
during the week and had plowed trough every piece that we had. 

             
I got off at 1:30. I was supposed to leave at noon but I hadn’t finished re-shelving all of the music so I stayed to finish…not to mention the overtime. 

             
I rushed home and got into the shower. My parents and May were gone so I could be giddy for my date in relative peace.  I put on my newish outfit and decided on some flip flops instead of the Chucks. I went to grab some of the cash leftover from my last paycheck. I opened the dresser and rooted around in my usual spot under the old wooden box that I used for my jewelry but came up empty.  I thought I must’ve put it in my purse so I
checked there. 
Nothing.
  Then it hit me.

             
Now wonder they had hit the town in such a hurry. That’s why they were waiting for me to get home. They had hit a small jackpot. They were doing whatever they do on my dime.  They’ve stooped to stealing from their daughter.  Well, I was my mom’s daughter, not his.  That fact had been pointed out to me on more than one occasion.
I blew out an e
xasperated breath and grabbed
twenty
dollars from my latest paycheck.  I decided I wasn’t even going to say anything to them about it. It just wasn’t worth it.  Either they were going to deny it, claim it was theirs for living there, or I was going to pay with my face.  Just not worth it.

             
             
Carlos pulled up
to
the curb a few minutes before
three
and I was waiting outside for him.  I was sitting
on the steps outside that faithful white
door. I just couldn’t sit in that house anymore. 
My chin was between my knees and I was studying the driveway like it was giving me a grade. I heard his car pull up and hi
s tires crunch against the curb, but I couldn’t bear to look at him yet.