Emergency: Wife Lost and Found (13 page)

‘T
HERE
, there, pet.’ May chatted away to Rita who was back for a pap smear.

Emergency wasn’t really the place for such a routine procedure, Lorna knew that and Abby had also wasted no time pointing it out, but she left Lorna to get on with it and for Lorna it was good to see that Rita was taking care of herself. She’d specifically asked for the Scottish doctor, she hadn’t even added ‘posh,’ and as was often the case, it wasn’t just the pap smear she was there for. As Lorna asked the right questions a couple of other problems Lorna was expecting cropped up.

‘I’m going to get the gynaecologist to come down and talk to you,’ Lorna said when Rita was sitting up with her blanket back on. ‘There are lots of different treatments…’

‘Is it a male or female doctor?’

‘Lowther’s team,’ May said, because she knew things like that without checking.

‘He’s got a female registrar.’ Lorna smiled. ‘I’ll page her and ask if she can come down.’

‘Can’t I just make an appointment?’ Rita asked, but
Lorna didn’t want her flying out of the door never to return.

‘Let me just have a word with her.’

May was heading off to the canteen for lunch as Lorna wrote her notes. ‘Can I get you anything?’

‘Roast beef, spinach and horseradish roll with a bottle of orange juice, please.’

‘Good girl!’ May clucked, taking the money and picking up the ringing phone, then putting on her posh voice for a moment. ‘It’s Lowther…’

‘I haven’t paged him yet.’ Lorna frowned. ‘Anyway I want his reg.’ Her voice faded as she took the phone, tears pricking her eyes as she listened to his calm, matter-of-fact voice, and her hand was shaking too much to put back the phone so May did it for her.

‘He wants to see me.’

‘That’s okay.’

‘No. I’ve had some tests.’

‘And no doubt your iron’s in your boots. I could have told you that from just looking at you.’

‘A consultant wouldn’t call for that.’ She had never been more scared, terrified at what he might have found.

‘You’re a doctor,’ May calmly pointed out. ‘He probably thinks he’s doing you a courtesy, not scaring the living daylights out of you. Now…’ Ever practical, ever calm, she sorted things out. ‘Ring the reg and get poor Rita seen, then I’ll walk you up to Lowther’s rooms.’

Lorna was glad James wasn’t on duty. She wanted to deal with whatever it was herself first, instead of worrying him. But the cloud she’d been walking on these last few days seemed to have dissipated. Her legs
were like lead as she walked along the long corridors, with May chatting away beside her, trying to keep her mind off things, except nothing would.

‘Will we be keeping you?’ May asked, as they sat outside his room and Lorna waited to go in. ‘You’ve really picked up in these last weeks.’

‘I’m not sure…’ Distracted, only half listening, Lorna’s brain struggled to work out an answer. James had suggested she stay on, but both wanted to talk properly about the dynamics of working and living together.

Living together
. Her head tightened as she recalled the bliss she’d awoken to that morning and she didn’t want to shatter it, didn’t want Henry Lowther piercing their fragile new dream of having found each other.

She was holding her keys, holding the silver L he had bought for her. She had never felt more alone in her life; she had to talk to May. ‘I’m having a hysterectomy soon.’ Her terrified eyes turned to May’s who just gave her a soft, sad smile that helped. ‘I’ve got so many medical problems, I’m so scared, May. Maybe I
should
call James…’ She clamped her mouth closed because they had decided to keep it quiet, but she knew he’d forgive her, knew she hadn’t just blurted it out on her morning coffee break. ‘We’re sort of back together.’

‘Tell me something I don’t know!’ May smiled. ‘Now, just let’s hear what Lowther has to say before you go worrying about something you don’t know about,’ May said. ‘He’s a wonderful doctor. I’ve been in for a service and repair with him a few times myself, there’s no man more thorough. Do you want me to come in with you?’

Intensely private, Lorna shook her head, but when May squeezed her hand as the secretary called for her to go in, Lorna changed her mind. ‘Please.’

It was the longest walk of her life.

‘I
LIKE
to be thorough,’ Henry said as they both took a seat. May was reverential in front of the great man himself. ‘After I examined you I had my suspicions so I took the precaution of running a BHCG…a pregnancy test,’ he explained, as Lorna just frowned at him. ‘And the levels were high.’

‘I can’t be.’

‘I understand that this is a shock,’ Henry Lowther said, ‘and I also understand that with your history it might be wise not to get too excited, so I want you to have a quick ultrasound before we continue.’ He pointed to his treatment bed and Lorna just sat there at first, and then was grateful May
had
come in with her, because she couldn’t have made it to the bed by herself. May led her over and pulled the screen, clucked and fussed and helped her with the zipper on her skirt, then folded her clothes. She chatted away about wool-blend skirts and the very nice lining until the doctor came round, and then she held Lorna’s hand.

‘Good girl!’ she rabbited on. ‘Just a bit of cold jelly on your stomach.’

Lorna didn’t want to look and she didn’t dare to hope, could hear the rapid whoosh, whoosh of a little heartbeat that meant he wasn’t playing some sick joke, which of course she knew he wasn’t. But a heartbeat didn’t mean a bean if it wasn’t in the right place. Now he was running the probe to her left, she knew it was over her remaining Fallopian tube. Surely God couldn’t be cruel enough to do it to her again.

‘Just checking there’s not another one anywhere…’

‘Thorough!’ May mouthed to Lorna as her eyes darted in alarm.

Thorough’s good, Lorna decided, thorough she liked, especially when he said the words she wanted to hear.

‘Just one…nice and high up in the uterus.’

‘I’m pregnant.’

‘Congratulations.’ It was the best word in the world and he said it again, and May said it too.

‘I’m on the Pill,’ Lorna said, because she couldn’t be pregnant, because even with the photo he was peeling off, she wouldn’t let herself believe it.

‘Well,
Doctor
.’ Henry smiled. ‘The Pill can be affected by antibiotics and you had a course…’

‘Sweet Lord above us.’ May smiled. ‘So you did—I dispensed them myself!’

‘You’re still fertile, Lorna,’ Henry said. ‘Yes, with only one Fallopian tube it halves the odds, and the adhesions and endometrioses, yes, it could be difficult, but clearly that ovary is working just fine and your left tube must be clear. You said you’d been feeling better recently?’

It was starting to sink in.

‘She’s eating like a horse.’ May grinned as Henry
went back to his desk. ‘I knew that you were pregnant, I’ve known for days.’

‘You did not,’ Lorna scoffed.

‘I did so!’ May insisted. ‘I didn’t know all about your troubles. You’ve been glowing these past days.’

‘That was the sex!’ Lorna whispered, and the two women almost fell to the floor laughing. There was a wonderful euphoria, a sort of lightness, a looseness that Lorna had longed for, and now she wanted to share it with James.

‘Go home,’ May said, when Lorna had thanked and thanked and thanked Henry Lowther and booked her first antenatal appointment.

Antenatal appointment!

She wanted to kiss the bored receptionist’s face as she handed her her card.

‘I’m on till five.’

‘Go home!’ May said again, and Lorna nodded, butterflies dancing in her stomach, but duty still called. ‘I’ll just have a quick word with Rita and then I’ll go…’

To tell James
.

P
UT
champagne in fridge!!!!!!

Pauline frowned at May’s text.

Am working!
she replied.

I know just do it x

So she did as she was told and hovered in the living room, watching her self-help show as James worked in the garden. Spring would soon be springing and he was sorting out the tiny courtyard, which meant she could just sit down and watch the end of her favourite show.

She didn’t mean to fall asleep. She jumped up when Lorna walked in and apologised profusely.

‘It’s fine.’ For once Lorna’s face was smiling. ‘Why don’t you just finish up for today, Pauline.’ As Pauline opened her mouth to argue, Lorna was still smiling. ‘We’ll cover the hours. I know you do loads extra. Where
is
James?’

‘Out in the garden,’ Pauline said, pulling on her coat and opening the front door as Lorna said goodbye and headed to the back.

And Pauline would have gone, but she’d left her glasses by the living-room table so she walked back and
stood, watched as Lorna walked over to James. Pauline saw him smile and frown at the same time at Lorna’s unexpected early arrival and stop what he was doing. Pauline was tempted so tempted to stand and watch for a little while longer—but it wasn’t her business, so instead she left them to it and quietly headed out onto the street.

Then she pulled out her phone and rang May.

‘Hey?’ Lorna could hear the question in his voice as she walked over. ‘What are you doing home?’

‘I couldn’t stand the place a moment longer.’ She would have played along for a little while more, except she couldn’t keep the smile from her face. ‘Henry Lowther asked me to come and see him.’

‘And you’re smiling?’ He was too now. ‘Does he think you might not need the operation after all?’

‘I probably will need it,’ Lorna said, ‘just not for a while. For a few months, in fact.’

‘And you’re okay with that?’ James checked. ‘You said the pain…’

‘I haven’t been in much pain for a few weeks now,’ Lorna said. ‘Even when I came off the medication after the accident.’ She thought he’d get it, thought he’d work it out before she even told him, but it had seemed such an impossible dream, something just so out of reach, she understood why his mind hadn’t gone there.

It meant she had to tell him and the words just rushed out of her, spilled out of her mouth because she had to share the news and share it this very instant, because he deserved every second of this wonderful joy that was as much his news too.

‘I’m pregnant.’ She never thought she’d say it again and especially to him. ‘I’ve had an ultrasound and the position is good.’

And James had so completely accepted they were words he’d never hear, especially from Lorna, that it took a while for them to sink in. James had quietly dealt with the grief of never having children because, though he’d never, ever tell Lorna, there
had
been a sense of loss when he’d found out about her operation. And though the grief was merited, it was also completely worth it if it meant he had Lorna. Still, there had been a loss to deal with privately just the same.

‘It’s going to be fine,’ Lorna said, not smiling now, not even crying as he took her in his arms. ‘I’m not even scared, James. I just know it’s going to be alright.’

‘It will be.’ He kissed her then, a kiss she didn’t have a name for, a kiss she had never tasted till now. It tasted of endings and beginnings, of past and of future, and it tasted of love and passion, but there was another ingredient too and as they walked into the house Lorna worked out what it was.

Hope.

She sat at the kitchen table and stared at her antenatal card, at her due date and LMP and her next scheduled appointment. The thin wintry sun was streaming through the window and she let
hope
sink in as James headed to the fridge to make her lunch because even if it was the most wonderful moment, she’d just remembered she was starving and dying for a cup of tea.

Oh, there was chance and there were risks and a lot of negatives if you chose to look for them, but then there was faith and that was a much kinder path to follow.
There was faith that all was right with the world, that someone, somewhere
was
looking out for you.

‘I can’t believe this!’ James’s voice roused her from her introspection.

‘Neither can I.’

‘Not that.’ James grinned. ‘This!’ He pulled a bottle of champagne out of the fridge. ‘How on earth did that get there?’

‘It just did,’ Lorna said, talking about the champagne and the baby and cars that collided and lives that kept living even against the most terrible odds. ‘It just is!’