Eminent Love (9 page)

She shook her head and locked her stare back up on the ceiling. I had a feeling she didn’t even know where her mind was at. It was clear in the way she studied the spinning blades of the fan. After one more swipe of her nose on her sleeve, she turned her attention back to me.

“I’m mad he lied to me. I understand why he felt he had to, because he didn’t want me to get upset, but had he talked to me about it…
told me the truth
…I would’ve understood. I’m not an unreasonable person. I knew they were study partners before we met, and although I would’ve liked it better had he found a new one, I understand the importance of school and needing to pass classes. If she was the best student in the class, and helped him get good grades, then what right would I have to get in the way? But instead of being upfront with me, instead of being
honest
about it, he deceived me. It pisses me off he didn’t trust me with the truth.”

“Okay…so it’s about him not telling you—”

“And,” she said, holding up a hand and interrupting me, “his deception makes me wonder why. Why wouldn’t he tell me? I knew about her, about them being together before me, and not once did I show any signs of jealousy.
Because. I. Wasn’t. Jealous
. I’m not that kind of girl. If she wants my man, good for her. If he wants her, then see ya later, buddy. I don’t have time for that shit.”

“I’m a little confused…”

“Just because I don’t get jealous doesn’t mean I want to be cheated on, or I don’t get upset
thinking
I’m being cheated on. Everything makes sense on paper—more study times because of exams and the end of the semester; Colin not telling me who Sam is because he didn’t want me to worry or get upset. It all sounds so plausible.”

“But…” I egged her on.

“But on the other hand, we had plans for tonight. He’s been busy with school, I’ve been busy with work and school, and we haven’t seen each other very much over the last three weeks. Tonight was
our
night, and he was so easily ready to give that up for yet
another
study session.”

“Did you ask him about it? About why he’d cancel on you after making plans?”

Drea shook her head and moved her attention to her twisted fingers in her lap. “We didn’t get that far. He flipped out. I flipped out. We yelled at each other and said nasty things, and then he left.”

“Can I offer some advice?”

Her shoulders lifted and then fell dramatically, her eyes never meeting mine.

“I think Colin has a lot on his plate right now. You guys have been dating since the beginning of the semester, and instead of focusing on school, he’s focused on you. I’m pretty sure these exams hanging over his head have him nervous. He changed majors at the end of last year, and he’s more than likely worried about falling even further behind. He shouldn’t have lied to you, I’ll give you that—he should’ve been upfront and honest with you about Sam and his study group. But I also know he’s crazy about you. And I don’t believe he’s doing anything behind your back.” And if he was, I’d kick his ass. I wasn’t a violent person by any means, but I was more physically fit than Colin and I wouldn’t think twice about marring his perfect face for fucking up the best thing to have ever happened to him.

Drea had her faults, but she was a Cooper. And those girls were the best things to happen to life in general. The only way he could do better than Drea, was with Layne. And that would never happen as long as I had air in my lungs and a beating heart in my chest.

Her dark eyes met mine and held them for a long moment without blinking. “If you were me, and you found out Layne was seeing an ex behind your back—three times a week, if not more—and she neglected to tell you about it for months…how would you feel? What would you think?”

I nearly swallowed my tongue. I didn’t want to think about being in her shoes, or having Layne do to me what Colin had done to her, but since she asked, I couldn’t stop my mind from going there. And it led to the guilt over my own actions swallowing me whole, ceasing my words from forming.

“What would you do?” she asked again after I hadn’t given an answer to her last questions.

“I’d talk to her.”

“That’s what I tried to do.”

“No.” I held up a finger, hoping it wouldn’t piss her off even more. “You didn’t try talking. You demanded to see his phone instead of asking the right questions to get the answers you sought. However, I do believe he should’ve said something to you a long time ago about the entire situation. His intentions may have been well placed, but it wasn’t the right thing to do.”

“You don’t get it, Creed,” she continued to argue.

I grabbed her by the sides of her face and made her look at me, pulling her closer. “I
do
get it. Trust me. I get it more than you know. However, I also can understand where Colin is coming from. Ever since I met Layne, it’s like life before her didn’t exist. Except, it did.”

Drea’s confused expression stalled at the sound of the front door opening. We both quickly turned to see who it was, expecting to find Colin standing in the doorway, yet shocked to see Layne. I knew she was on her way, but after coming home to find Drea so upset, I’d forgotten all about it. And now, here she was, walking in on me cozied up with her sister on the couch.

Drea never knocked, hadn’t knocked since she first started dating Colin. I’d told Layne she didn’t need to, either, and had my permission to just come in. I wanted her to feel at home in my apartment, to feel welcome here. Until now, she’d refused to do so, and had made me answer the door every time she came over. I knew I should’ve been happy she’d finally listened, but she couldn’t have picked a worse time to do it.

Layne carefully closed the door behind her while silently studying the two of us with panicked eyes. I removed myself from the couch and went to her, hoping to appear nonchalant, even though it’s the exact opposite of how I felt. She had nothing to worry about, but we hadn’t been together long enough to have such blind trust in each other.

I blindly trusted her, but I couldn’t expect the same in return so early.

“What did I miss?” she asked quietly as I pressed my lips to her cheek.

“Dre and Colin had a fight. He walked out.”

Layne’s bright-blue eyes widened and went from me to her sister. She quickly made her way to the couch and took the seat I’d vacated, leaving me alone in the short hallway between the front door and the living room. I didn’t move, or make a sound. I did nothing other than stand there and observe.

It was clear Layne had gotten the wrong impression when she first opened the door. It was written all over her face. Yet the second she found out her sister was upset, the fear in her eyes vanished and concern filled its place.

I had no idea how I’d gotten so lucky to have found her.

“It’s no big deal. He’ll be back and we can figure it out then.” Drea waved Layne off and stood from the couch. She took a step toward Colin’s bedroom, but stopped and turned around. “Really guys, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” And then she walked away and closed the bedroom door behind her.

Layne stared at the door for a moment before hesitantly turning her attention my way. “I guess she doesn’t need me anymore. She has you now.” She added a slight giggle to her words, making it sound like a joke, although I could tell how hurt she really was.

I crossed to her and grabbed her arms to pull her from the couch. When I had her standing in front of me, I held her face between my hands and leaned down far enough to cover her lips with mine. “I don’t believe that for a second. And if it’s okay with you, I’d like to have
you
for a little while.” I gave her one more chaste kiss and then leaned back to look into her eyes. “I missed you.”

Finally, a smile played at the corners of her mouth, and it settled the ache behind my sternum. She pressed her cheek against my chest and wrapped her arms around my waist, hugging me to her. “I missed you, too,” she whispered into my shirt.

“I’d say we could go to my room, except I didn’t get a chance to clean it yet.”

She giggled, took my hand in hers, and angled her face away from me as she stepped back. “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter where we go, as long as I get to spend some time with you.”

Before we had a chance to move or decide what to do, Drea came out of Colin’s room and stood before us. “The more I think about it, the more I just want to go home. Can I have the keys? I’ll come back to pick you up when you’re ready, I promise. Just text me and I’ll head over. But I can’t be here without Colin. I’ll end up feeling like I’m in the way.” Her eyes flitted to mine just before she placed her hand on my bicep. “You’ve helped a lot, Creed. Thank you. I really don’t care to see him when he gets back, and I figured it’d be wise to just go home and think about what you said.”

Layne pulled the set of car keys from her purse before placing them in Drea’s outstretched hand. The silence around the three of us almost turned to static. Layne appeared uncomfortable, and watching the awkwardness between the girls made me uneasy.

Worry over what would happen once Drea left me alone with her sister began to weave through me. Our relationship seemed solid, although it was still new and hadn’t been tested too much. I had no way of knowing what went through her mind because she wouldn’t look at me, although the stiffness in her shoulders set off alarms in my head.

Drea took the keys and turned to leave, not once glancing back at either of us as we watched her make her way out the front door. The radio silence grew deafening as we both stared at the now closed door. I had no idea how Layne felt, but I knew fear consumed me, preventing me from doing anything.

Tension coiled around us, and my heart slammed against my ribs in panic. After a long moment of apprehension, I finally turned to face her, finding her staring at me with soft, frightened eyes. Her brow creased in a way I’d never seen it before. Not in anger. Not in pain.

But in complete, debilitating dread.

T
he words “call ended” flashed
across the screen. Normally, after calling and getting her voicemail, trepidation weighed heavily on me. But not this time. This time, determination took hold and wouldn’t let go. I’d made up my mind…I wouldn’t give up.

My finger hovered over the call button again. If I needed to resort to annoyance in order for her to answer, then I’d do it. I’d call her as many times as it took for her to pick up. Eventually, she’d grow tired of ignoring my calls and give in.

But before my thumb could connect with the screen, my phone began to ring and vibrate in my hand, surprising me. I quickly glanced down at the caller ID and nearly broke out into a cold sweat—
Sloane Memorial, San Diego, CA
.

Time stood still, and I had no idea how long the phone even rang before I answered.

Then the voice on the other end choked me. It was soft and warm, familiar. Calming and reassuring. But it wasn’t Layne’s. “Did you just call?”

I cleared my throat, hoping to gain the courage to speak. Terror had consumed me, knocking me off balance when I saw a call from a hospital in California coming through. But hearing her relaxed and easy-going voice helped ease some of my anxiety. Although it did nothing for the flames of heat burning my face or the tremors in my hands from the high levels of adrenaline coursing through my veins.

“Yes…well, I called Layne’s phone.”

A heavy sigh flooded the line, making me imagine she had her lips pressed against the mouthpiece. “Oh, I’m sorry. My phone has been acting up so I borrowed hers this morning. I guess I forgot it wasn’t mine.”

“Then why are you calling me from the hospital?” I kept my eyes straight ahead, waiting with bated breath for her response.

“I’m at work and they frown upon using our cell phones.” She paused for a moment and I heard the rustling sounds of paper through the line. “What do you want, Creed? I’m kinda busy.”

In an instant, the fear vanished and a wave of laughter passed my lips. It didn’t matter how long it’d been since I last spoke to her, or how many miles she moved away, Drea would never change. “Well, as much as I’ve missed talking to you, Dre, I actually called for Layne. If you can just tell me how to get in touch with her—which you should know since you have her phone—I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing.”

There was silence, followed by another sigh—softer this time, and filled with what sounded like relief. “Why do you want to get ahold of her?”

“That’s something I want to tell her, if you don’t mind.”

“How about you tell me, and I’ll relay the message. She has a lot going on right now and I don’t think she should be bothered with this. She needs to focus on her life, and if whatever you have to say will bring her down, she doesn’t need it. Tell me what it is, and I’ll decide if it’s something she should hear or not.”

I didn’t think she had a right to interject, but I didn’t exactly have a leg to stand on, either. Drea and I had once been close, and if I could use her to my advantage, I would. I’d do anything to get through to Layne. Anything to hear her voice. I’d sell my soul if I could get her forgiveness as well.

I huffed into the receiver and relented. “I’m on my way to see her.”

Silence…not even the sound of crickets chirping could be heard. “What?”

“I’m on my way to California right now to see her.”

“Why?” The shakiness of her one word left me with the impression she was scared.

“I want to apologize for what had happened between us. I never should’ve given her up. I had all these reasons to stay…now I know they were nothing but excuses. I should’ve never chosen anything over her—us.”

“And you couldn’t ask for her forgiveness over the phone?”

I laughed again, but this time it’d been more out of discomfort than humor. “I’ve tried, Drea. I’ve called her several times, but she won’t pick up. This is the first time I’ve gotten through to anyone. It’s not so easy to say what I need to if she doesn’t answer.”

“So you just decided to fly all the way here to say you’re sorry? It seems like a lot of money to waste on an apology. I guess your decision to stay in North Carolina has done well for your bank account.”

Her words stung, but I ignored them. I couldn’t expect her to let go of her animosity so easily. I’d hurt her sister badly, and I’m sure she held a grudge against me for it. “I’m not flying. I’m driving.”

“Have you lost your damn mind?”

“Actually, no. I think I’ve finally found it.” I thought back to the decision I’d made this morning. I stared at the duffel bag, and then at my briefcase. Layne or the firm. Honestly, I didn’t even need to contemplate it, considering I’d faced the same two choices once before. It clearly hadn’t worked out the right way, so common sense would show which one to choose. But I didn’t listen to common sense. I listened to my heart. My gut. The two things I should’ve listened to almost a year ago. And I picked up the briefcase, placed it outside my front door, and slung the duffel bag over my shoulder.

“So this is more than saying you’re sorry. This is you trying to get her back.”

“Honestly, I only want to apologize. I mean, I’d do anything to have her back. Anything to be with her again. You have to believe me, Dre. But I’m not stupid enough to think it’s that easy. I hurt her by not going with her, and I know that. If she won’t take me back, it’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. But I have to try.”

“
Honestly
, I think you’re wasting your time and money. You should forget about it…and forget about her.”

“I can’t.” The words ripped through my throat, the force behind them so strong it almost brought tears to my eyes. I’d never meant anything more in my entire life. I couldn’t forget her. I couldn’t let her go. She meant
everything
to me.

“Why not? What’s this about, Creed? Why has it taken you a year to do this?” Emotion hung on her every word, almost as if Layne’s pain had been hers, too. “What happened? You can’t find anyone to love you the way she did, so you figured you’d go back to what you knew was good?”

Good?
Layne was a lot of things…our
relationship
had been a lot of things, but I’d never used the word “good” to describe it. It wasn’t a powerful enough word. It didn’t even come close to reaching the definition of what we had. Of what she was.

“That’s not what I’m doing. And I can’t tell you why I’ve waited this long. I wish I hadn’t. In fact, if I had my way, I’d go back in time and never let her walk away in the first place.”

Drea’s breathing hitched, and I couldn’t understand why.

“If I had my way…” I continued, assuming her reaction had been because she misunderstood what I’d said. “I would’ve packed up everything and gone with her. It doesn’t matter where I am or what happened. I can’t live without her.”

“And it’s taken you a year to realize this?”

“
No
.” I rested my head against the back of my seat and attempted to calm down. I’d get nowhere with her, or her sister, if I couldn’t keep my cool. “I was angry when she left. She left
me
. I know I let her go…but
she
left
me
. I was mad, and instead of thinking rationally, I allowed my anger to create a divide between us. Over time, it vanished, and I was left with an ache so deep it hurts to fucking breathe. I’m in pain without her.”

Drea sniffled, and I knew I’d gotten to her. “Tell me the truth, Creed…does this have anything to do with another woman? I mean, did you recently break up with someone, or get your heart broken by someone else, and now you’re ready to come back to the only person who’s ever loved you the way you want to be loved?”

“I swear, Dre. I haven’t even so much as had dinner with another woman since your sister left. This has
everything
to do with how much I love Layne. I fucked up, okay? I want to apologize for it. I want to tell
her
how sorry I am. Tell
her
how much I love her, and how I’d do anything to get her back.”

“If you could tell her one thing, what would it be?”

“I’d tell her there is no such thing as a happily ever after without her.”

“And what if she asks you to leave?”

I took a deep breath, mindlessly staring at the road before me, and said, “Then I’d have to concede to living unhappily ever after.”

M
y shoulders slumped forward
as I took in the full-fledged panic on her face. I desperately wanted her to talk to me, to tell me what she was thinking. I wanted to make it better, but I also didn’t want to come across as guilty—because I wasn’t. I’m sure my reaction to her catching me on the couch with Drea must’ve seemed bad, but it was only because we’d been talking about cheating, and Drea had mentioned Layne. I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong, if only I could get my body language to translate that.

“So Colin and Drea had a fight?” Layne’s voice was so small, almost a whisper, yet it packed enough punch to cause my heart to skip a beat. “Were you here when it happened?”

I shook my head, keeping my eyes locked on hers so she could see the truth as I spoke it. “I came home when Colin was walking out. Drea was crying in the living room, so I went to her. She found out something Colin had tried to keep from her, and she was really upset by it.”

She nodded slowly, as if wrapping her mind around what I told her. With a deep breath, she asked, “What did she find out?”

This was the part I didn’t want to answer. It hit too close to home for me to explain. I knew with my response would come my confession, and after seeing her reaction to me with her sister, I feared how she’d take what I needed to tell her. “Colin’s study buddy is his ex, and Dre found out about it. He never told her.”

Layne rolled her eyes and then took a step back. Some of her uneasiness seemed to have disappeared. “He’s not cheating on her, is he?”

“I don’t think so.”

She wrung her hands in front of her, her shallow breaths causing her chest to rise and fall rapidly. “Why are you so nervous, Creed? I’m trying to remain calm, but it’s really hard when you look like you’re about to tell me something I don’t want to hear. Drea left out of here so fast, and now you’re… You look like you’re about to throw up.” She shook her head and raised her hands in front of me, as if to hold me at a distance. “No. I don’t want to know if anything happened. Spare me the details and just—”

“Layne, baby…no.” I grabbed her hands and pulled her against me so I could hold onto her face. “Nothing happened. I swear.”

“Well, it’s obvious you have something to say.”

I licked my lips and took in a few deep breaths, hoping they’d offer me the strength to say it. “I’ve told you I haven’t dated in a few years. And although that’s true in the literal sense, there have been a few girls I’ve…hooked up with while in college.”

Her brows knitted together as she regarded me through her lashes.

“The whole situation between Colin and Dre made me think. One of the reasons your sister was so upset was because Colin never told her his ex was still in his life. And it made it look bad when Dre found out. I’m telling you this because the girl I was kind of seeing before I met you, she’s in a few of my classes.”

“By seeing, you mean…?”

My eyes squeezed shut. I dreaded having to say these words to her…to Layne. She was so innocent. So pure. And I had no idea how she’d react. “We were both really focused on school, and neither of us had any desire for a relationship. So we agreed to use each other when we got…lonely.”

Layne backed away, her gaze falling to the empty space between us. “And now?”

I wanted to go to her, but my feet wouldn’t move. They felt weighted down, cemented to the floor. So instead, I decided to answer her question, hoping my truth would give her the comfort I couldn’t physically offer her at the moment. “Now she’s just another student in the class. I’ve had to borrow her notes a couple of times, but that’s it.”

“When was the last time you guys…?”

I found her innocence endearing…how she couldn’t finish her questions, couldn’t bring herself to say the words. “I honestly don’t even remember. Ever since I met you, I don’t remember much of anything prior. And that’s not a lame line, even though I’m sure it sounds like one. I swear, Layne. She sent me a text like two days after our hike, and I told her then how I’d met someone and had no interest in keeping up with our arrangement. I think I might still have the text. You can see it.”

Her posture finally relaxed some as her attention moved quickly around me, her breathing appearing to deepen and slow. Yet I wasn’t able to relax until her eyes met mine. “Then why were you so worried to tell me about it?” Her question didn’t come across as accusing, more curious than anything.

“After the way Dre freaked out over Colin, I started to worry. I never thought to tell you about it before, because other than classes and a few times at the library, I don’t see her. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense to go over my entire sexual history with you. But your sister was really upset about Colin not telling her he still has contact with his ex.”