Empathy (13 page)
MELODY DIDN’T MAKE IT TO class so she will miss out on the little show I’ve orchestrated. I’d slipped into the locker room and nabbed Clive’s sweatshirt last week, and now it is in Jacob’s bag. I’ve been waiting, drilling a hole in the back of his head, sending willing thoughts to him to open his bag. My call is answered when Clive asks him for a pen.
“What the…?” Jacob says when he opens his bag in front of the entire room and the “missing” sweatshirt is there.
My blood buzzes in my veins. It’s fun to watch when plans play out perfectly.
“That’s my missing sweatshirt, dude!” Clive grabs it from a confused Jacob. Hmmm… wait for it. “What the fuck!”
Jacob looks over to see what he’s talking about.
“Eww, is that jizz?” the guy sitting to his left asks.
Jacob’s eyes widen and flick to Clive. Clive leaps from his seat, throwing the offending item at Jacob who lifts it to his nose to smell it, then throws it to the floor when he confirms that it is, in fact, cum.
“Clive wait,” he calls, racing to catch up.
“BACK OFF!” comes Clive’s rumbling reply, all eyes wide and on the show they put on for us. Sean nervously bites at the skin around his nails. Hushed tones hum throughout the room.
Weak and so easy to manipulate. This was way too easy.
SHOPPING GIVES ME A REPRIEVE. Red and Cherry are fun and easy to be around, but a lot to take in huge doses. The self-defence classes give me a small outlet for my anger. Ryan’s presence is comforting. I need his friendship, I need something to cling on to, but I only ever completely let go and drown in nightmares. The only time I grasp something tangible is when I run into Blake, the grating, self-absorbed, infuriating but totally gorgeous douche bag. I’m insane, I must be. Every thought of him leads me to fantasizing about him taking me, and when I’m around him, God, I lose all ability to ward off my vagina’s impulses; she wants him, not me, and that’s tough luck for her because he quite clearly stated his hate for me. Why did he kiss me? Damn it, I need to forget about him. He’s Ryan’s brother, a detective doing a job, and a complete ass!
Over a week has passed since he kissed me but I feel him watching me, and see him on occasion, but he keeps his distance and that’s fine by me.
I’m walking the halls, debating whether to go to class. It’s completely irreversible, the act of evil, even if the sinner repents, the damage is done. I have been changed, shaped into a completely different person. I can’t do basic things like looking in the mirror or eating certain foods, but it’s the big things too. Dreams I once had don’t feel like mine anymore, the choices I made feel like someone else’s. I was re-born in the wake of my parents’ slaughter, a new person harboring the tortured soul of the girl who died with them that day.
“Melody.” I turn to the call of my name. Mrs Rhodes is approaching me, a smile plastered on her face. Her sleek blonde bob shapes her sharp jawline. Small, black framed glasses sit low on her nose; her brown eyes appraise me over the top of them. “You missed our session.”
I force a small smile. “I told you, I don’t need counseling.”
The tilt of her head makes me want to flee from her pity. “You were a victim of a terrible crime. Anyone would need counseling after that.”
Her hand comes out to rest on my shoulder. I’ve been touched this way too many times since it happened, and each one felt as hollow and lonely as the next.
I lift her hand from my shoulder and slip by her. I ignore her calling after me. I need to find Ryan.
MY DAY STARTED OFF BAD and the itch inside me burns to be scratched. Hunter Hartley, the waste of sperm who dipped his dick in my mother, making her conceive my brother, sent another letter to Blake; well, to Damian. The letter tells him about siblings he has. He wants them all to get to know each other. This man, after nearly twenty-six years, has the balls to try and take what isn’t his.
I don’t love Blake, but I like to claim ownership over things, and Blake is one of them. I like that he’s alone like me. Being this hollow can be lonely. I put the new letter with the first, hidden in my room so Blake won’t ever have to betray what we are by embracing a family outside of me. The anger that festers from getting that letter makes me late again and brings me here, overhearing Clive telling some of the guys on the football team that he’ll be sealing the deal with Melody soon. I choke on my bottle of water. This guy doesn’t give up easy, and he’s a nice distraction. He and Jacob have moved on from the cum on his shirt, much to my distain, but there are other ways to play that idiot. Melody texts me to see where I am, which gives me the perfect opportunity to show Clive up in front of his friends, a compulsion not to be quashed.
Five minutes after telling her where to meet me, she hurtles towards me, hair flying loose behind her like a cape. She’s upset and looking for a friend to confide in no doubt, and I want to listen to all that anger and hurt bubbling on the surface of her façade, but the collective mumbles of Clive and his friends gaining distance forces my hand.
As soon as she’s in reach, I grab her and kiss her, stunning her into accepting my advance. I hear the jibes and whistles from the football players as they pass us. It’s the,
“Yeah, seems like there’s a line and he’s sealing that deal before you, Clive,”
that makes the ass grab and tit grope worth distressing Melody. I release her lips when I know they’re out of hearing range. Her cheeks have Colored into a rosy pink. Biting on her lip with a dip in her brow tells me she’s searching for the right words to convey what she feels. I see Sean’s blond hair in my peripheral view but I don’t turn. I just don’t care enough to give a shit, as callous as that is. I can’t find any reason or desire to make him feel okay. I didn’t ask him to fall for me. Yes, I’m well above average in looks and intelligence but I can’t help but wonder how broken these people must be to see something in me worth loving or wanting. I can’t fucking stand most people; I want to take an axe to their skulls, peak in and explore what’s inside. I almost feel sorry for Sean… almost. His hurt only fuels my desire to mock and taunt him. Use the feelings he concealed for me against him in the cruellest way possible.
The dark red mist of hell that lives inside me is becoming thicker, more demanding lately and I yearn to answer the call from within me. Feed the hunger, satisfy the cravings for malice.
“You’re my only true friend here and I just don’t feel that way about you, and I don’t think you do either, right?” Melody looks up at me, longing for me to agree and although it’s true, I felt no pleasure in that kiss, it still scratches at my ego. How fucking dare she reject me after flaunting herself at me, letting a friendship build? I see boy/girl friendships but those people are kidding themselves, ask anyone who has a close friendship with the opposite sex. One is either harboring feelings for the other, or they’ve fucked, kissed or fondled in the past. The only friendships between male and female that are platonic are those of friends’ partners or a gay best friend. We were designed to mate, designed to fuck the opposite sex and when all is said and done, we always become stripped back to that.
I could destroy us here, be mean, embrace the beast and shred her with my toxic tongue.
“I couldn’t get hard for that stench trench you’re packing between those lumpy tree trunk thighs even if you showered the cock socket in disinfectant. The only thing that meat flap is good for is a hand warmer.”
I inhale and swallow the retort, and instead offer a relieved laugh, perfected over the years to convey normalcy inside me that doesn’t exist. “Right. I had to make sure though. We could be great together otherwise.”
Closing her eyes and then smiling, she hugs me. “We
are
great together. You’re my best friend, Ryan.” She sounds embarrassed to admit that we’ve known each other for such a small amount of time but she’s so alone she would consider me her best friend. God, I would pity her if I could.
“I have that barbeque tomorrow. You still coming?”
She releases me with a squeeze and a nod of her head. “Yeah, sounds good.”
“So, why did you look like you were ready to take on the world or cry just now?”
The halls have fallen silent. There are a few people milling around but most people have classes, including me and her. She shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders. “I just hate how people who don’t know me assume they do and know what’s best for me. No one knows this me.” She’s gone into her mind, her last words a whisper.
“You want to go grab coffee?”
The aroma is intoxicating. One thing I love is coffee. The machine behind the counter steams and sputters while the hot milk blends with two shots of expresso, filling the mug beneath it.
“Did you know coffee is a psychoactive? And at high doses it can make you see things. It can also kill you.”
Melody claims us a table while the girl behind the counter tries to keep her eyes from me. She’s attracted to me but has probably never spoken to a guy other than asking for his order. Her shy face lifts to glimpse at me, making sure I was talking to her. “It takes around a hundred cups to be fatal.”