End Zone: Texas Titans 2 (16 page)

“Do you mind if I stay?” Robin asked.
“Maybe we can talk about it…”

“Sure.” Paul shrugged, pretending to be
indifferent. “Just let me have a few minutes alone with my brother first.”

“Okay.” She glanced at Matt. “For what it’s
worth, I am sorry. About everything.”

“So am I,” he said, surprised to find he
meant it. He was sorry for the pain they’d caused each other and sorry their
dream of happily ever after had left them feeling so angry and bitter.

“Your girlfriend…” She looked uncomfortable
and shifted her eyes from Matt’s. “Did she break up with you?”

“I haven’t spoken to her since that night,”
he admitted. “So I’m not too sure where we stand.”

“I know you probably don’t believe me, but
I hope you work it out.”

Matt let her walk away without responding.
He didn’t know if Robin was sincere or not. Either way, it didn’t matter. The
damage was done, and whether Kristen decided to give him a chance was up to
her. Since he’d allowed Robin to say her piece, it was his turn. Looking Paul
directly in the eye, he searched for a sign he was still the same kid who
followed his big brother around, hungry for attention.

“Why do you hate me so much?” Matt asked,
knowing there was no other way to get to the heart of the matter.

“I never said I hated you.”

“You didn’t have to say it. Every time you
look at me I see it.”

“I could say the same about you.” He lifted
his chin, wearing the same defiant expression he always did when challenged.

“I don’t hate you, Paul.” The will to fight
dissipated as Matt’s desire to understand overshadowed it. Like it or not, Paul
was family.

He sat down, hoping Paul would see the
gesture as a white flag and opt to do the same, and waited. Eventually Paul
claimed the seat across from him but remained silent, as though he was waiting
for his brother to make the next move.

“I don’t always like you,” Matt admitted.
They knew they couldn’t mend their relationship in a day. It would take months,
maybe years, to undo the damage. If that was even possible with all the hateful
words floating under their broken bridge.

“Same goes,” Paul muttered.

“But we don’t have to like each other. The
question is can we get back to loving each other like brothers?” On the drive
over, Matt’s only thought had been of revenge. Watching Paul, he wondered if
anger and revenge could share the same space as his hope for moving on with
Kristen.

“Did we ever?” Paul asked, his intense gaze
pinning Matt.

Matt realized he’d spent so many years
condemning Paul that he’d never told him all the times he was proud of him.
There had been times that he made Matt feel honored to call him family. “You
remember the time we had dinner at the club for Mom and Dad’s anniversary, and
the kid at the table next to us started choking on a piece of chicken?”

Paul frowned. “What the hell made you think
of that?”

“You saved his life. If not for you, that
kid wouldn’t have lived to see his sixth birthday.”

Looking uncomfortable, Paul shrugged. “I
couldn’t very well sit there and let the kid die, could I?”

“I should have known what to do,” Matt
said. “I was working part-time at the club. I’d taken the C.P.R. course. I
should have known how to respond, but when it came down to it, I froze. You
were the one who jumped up and took action.”

“It was no big deal.” Paul reached for the
drink he’d abandoned earlier. “Just say what you came here to say. Let me have
it for interfering in your life, for driving your girl away. That’s what this
is all about, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is.” Matt thought through the
implications of telling Paul he’d hurt and disappointed Matt again. That’s what
Paul expected him to say. “But it wouldn’t do any good, would it? It wouldn’t
change anything between us. Hell, it would just drive one more nail into the
coffin.”

“Isn’t that what you want, to put an end to
this excuse of a relationship once and for all?”

“You think I want to wash my hands of you,
forget that you’re my brother?”

“You don’t need me,” Paul said, taking a
long drink of the amber liquid in his glass. “You have a band of brothers
lining up to have your back.”

Paul was jealous of his relationship with
his partners. Why hadn’t Matt seen that? “That’s what friends do.”

“I wouldn’t know.” Paul drained the
contents of his glass. “I’ve never had friends like that. How many times have
you told me the only reason my so-called friends hang around is to help me
spend my trust fund?”

Matt had said that a time or two. He’d
wanted to make Paul wake up and see there was more to life than spending money
he hadn’t earned. But it wasn’t his place to dictate how his brother lived his
life. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Why not? You were right.” Paul walked to
the bar tucked away in the corner of the professionally decorated living room.

Everything about the space screamed old
money, from the two thousand-dollar table lamp to the burled walnut armoire hiding
the flat-screen TV. The sofas were silk, the chairs chenille damask, and the
curtains velvet. To Matt, it added up to one thing: discomfort. It was a place
to show off like a museum to anyone lucky enough to warrant an invitation, not
somewhere he could kick back and put up his feet.

“You want a drink?” Paul asked, holding up
the crystal decanter.

Matt didn’t really, but he recognized it as
a conciliatory gesture, so he nodded. “Sure, thanks.”

Paul handed his brother a drink before
sitting on the ottoman at the foot of the armchair he’d occupied earlier. “I
saw you with her, and it reminded me of the way I felt the first time I saw you
with Robin.”

Matt knew they were getting to the heart of
why his brother had sold him out. “How was that?”

“Jealous.”

Matt wasn’t surprised Paul felt that way,
but he was stunned he’d admitted it. “I don’t know why. It’s not like me and
Robin ever had an enviable relationship.”

“But you had someone who loved you. That
was a hell of a lot more than I’d ever had.”

Paul had always had his fair share of
women, but they were often as shallow and self-centered as him, keeping a
meaningful relationship just out of reach.

“What me and Robin had wasn’t love, man. It
was two lonely people looking for a home.” Matt had tried to convince himself
he’d found that with Robin… until he walked into that hospital and had to face
reality.

“A home?” Paul shook his head and looked
around at his opulent surroundings. “What the hell is that? That little house
with the picket fence and rose bushes you own or this mansion with manicured
lawns and an indoor pool? It all just feels like four walls closing in to me.”

“Doesn’t feel that way to me.” Matt sipped
his drink. His brother was dissatisfied with his life, and the place he hung
his hat was just a reflection of his discontent. “May sound stupid, but my
little house feels like an old pair of worn-out jeans.” He chuckled when Paul
rolled his eyes. “I’m serious. It feels good, feels right. When I walk in the
door, it doesn’t matter what kind of day I’ve had ‘cause I know I can leave it
behind and just relax.”

“I guess this house doesn’t really give
that ‘inviting’ vibe, does it?” Paul asked, with a wry grin. “I’ve been
thinking about unloading it. It doesn’t really feel like it suits me anymore.”

Matt saw that as progress, but he wasn’t
about to pass judgment. They were finally making headway. “You should do what
feels right, whatever makes you happy, Paulie.”

“So your girl… she really leave you?”

With a sigh, Matt said, “Seems she’s taking
a little break from life for a while.”

“You try to track her down?”

“Not really. I thought I should respect her
right to have space to sort things out.”

“That doesn’t sound like you. You go after
what he wants and gets it.”

“Love doesn’t work that way. You can’t make
someone love you.”

Paul’s gaze drifted down the hall. “You’re
right about that.”

“You love her?” Matt asked, following his
brother’s eyes.

“I have since the first time I laid eyes on
her.” He smirked. “I guess this is where you tell me to go to hell, right?”

“I might, if I cared.” That statement said
as much about Matt as it did about Paul. “Marrying Robin was a mistake, I can
see that now.”

“How can you be so sure?” Paul asked.

“Because I know how I feel about Kris, and
it doesn’t compare to the way I felt about Robin. This is the real thing. The
thought of losing her…”

“I saw it, the way you looked at her that
night at the folks’ place. That’s why I did what I did. I wanted you to feel
what I felt when I stood by your side and watched you marry Robin.”

“Jesus, what a pair we are, huh?” If the
pain wasn’t so fresh, Matt may have been able to find humor in their
predicament. “We had damn good role models. So how’d we get this relationship
thing so wrong?”

“I ask myself that question all the time.”

Leaning forward, Matt raised his glass.
“Here’s to finally getting it right.”

Paul smiled and touched his glass to his
brother’s. “I’ll drink to that.”

“You any closer to making a decision?”
Nadine asked, looping her arm through her daughter’s as they walked along the
quiet street. They peered into shop windows, waving or smiling at the
occasional person who passed them.

Kristen had already stayed longer than
she’d intended. The week with Phillip and her mother had been therapeutic,
healing her in ways she hadn’t expected. “I’m getting there.” They passed a
baby boutique, and Kristen stopped, admiring the decked out bassinet and
nursery vignette.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Nadine
whispered almost reverently. “I pass by here all the time, wondering when…
if
I’ll ever be able to come in and buy something special for my grandbaby.”

Tears sprang to Kristen’s eyes, and she had
to blink to clear her vision. “I do want a family of my own someday.” Whenever
she thought about it, visions of their broken family came back to haunt her, so
she pushed it out of her head, vowing to think about it another day.

“Then what are you afraid of, honey?”
Nadine brushed her daughter’s long hair aside so she could see her face.

“I’m afraid of making a mistake.” Kristen stepped
aside so an expectant mother could enter the shop. She looked so happy, her
eyes bright with excitement. Kristen wanted to feel that too. Excited about the
future, in love with her husband and unborn baby.

“We all have to manage our fear,” Nadine said.
“I’m afraid too.”

“Of what?”

“Of losing you.”

Confused, Kristen drew her attention away
from the window to search her mother’s face. Tears were swimming in her eyes.
“Why would you be afraid of losing me?”

“Losing a child is gut-wrenching. You’re
never the same after that. No matter how hard you try to move on with your
life, there’s always a piece of you that’s missing.”

“I still miss him too.” Kristen squeezed
her mother’s hand. “I think about him every day, especially around the holidays
or his birthday.” The only other person who would understand their grief was
her father. Her father had his faults, but there was little he wouldn’t have
done to shield his children from physical harm. If only he’d considered the
emotional impact of his decisions.

“It’s because of what happened to your
brother that I worry about you so much. If I don’t speak to you for a few days,
I get frantic. All of these terrible scenarios filter through my head, and
Philip has to be the voice of reason.” She smiled, though her eyes still
reflected her sadness. “He’s forever reminding me that you’re busy, that you’ll
return my call when you have the chance.”

Kristen felt a pang of guilt. It was easy
for the hours, even days, to slip past when she was busy. She should be more
considerate, especially under the circumstances. “I’m sorry, Mama. I’ll try
harder to—”

“No, it’s okay.” Nadine took Kristen’s hand
and guided her toward a bench in front of the boutique. “You don’t owe it to me
to ease my fears, baby.”

That may be true, but Kristen wanted her
mother to enjoy the peace she deserved. “We were happy once, weren’t we? As a
family. I remember a lot of good times before things fell apart.”

“There were a lot of good times,” Nadine
said, a faint smile tugging at her lips. “I have no regrets about marrying your
father. He gave me two of the best things that ever happened to me: you and
Lionel.”

“He also gave you a lot of heartache and
disappointment.”

“No, I did that to myself.” Nadine tucked
her hands under her arms. “I’d known for a long time that Charles didn’t love
me anymore. He told me as much.”

Unable to offer the words of comfort that
were on the tip of her tongue, Kristen just listened. Learning about the
breakdown of her parents’ marriage from an adult’s viewpoint would help her put
things into perspective. Maybe she would learn to be strong enough to make some
decisions about her future.

“He wasn’t unkind or hurtful. He just said
he felt we were drifting apart. He said he didn’t feel we were connecting
anymore. He loved his children and loved me because I’d given them to him, but
he wasn’t in love with me anymore.”

Kristen tried to conjure up her anger and
bitterness for the man who’d abandoned them, but it wasn’t there. She found
memories of the daddy who held her hand at the skating rink during their winter
vacations or pushed her on the swing at the park. “I miss him too.”

“I know you do, sweetheart.” Nadine took a
packet of tissues out of her purse and handed one to Kristen. “Sometimes I
blame myself for the rift between the two of you.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Kristen said
quickly. Her mother had more than enough guilt over her son’s death and her
subsequent drinking. The last thing Kristen wanted to do was add to her burden.
“Dad chose to leave us. He did that.”

“He left me, Kristen. He didn’t leave you.”

“Same thing,” she muttered, unable to look
her mother in the eye. When her dad left, Kristen was mad at life. She was
angry that her brother was taken away when she needed him most, that her mother
chose the bottle over her family, and her father, who’d always promised to be
there for her, wasn’t.

“No, it wasn’t the same thing. I let you
believe it was because I wanted you to hate him as much as I did. Seeing how
much that hate has hurt you made me realize how selfish I was.”

“You weren’t being selfish,” Kristen
argued. “You were trying to protect me.” She had to believe that. Her mother
was the only person she had left who loved her unconditionally. A little voice
reminded her of Matt, but she quashed it.

“I was trying to get even with Charles for
leaving me by turning you against him.”

Kristen shook her head, refusing to believe
her mother could have been so underhanded. It wasn’t in her nature to be
deceitful. “I don’t believe you would do something like that on purpose. You had
every right to be angry. So did I.”

“Does believing he was solely responsible
help you sleep at night?” Nadine asked, curling her hand over her daughter’s.
“Does it help if you have someone to blame, someone to hold accountable for
what happened to our family?”

“Why are you saying these things?” Kristen
had always believed she and her mother were on the same page about her father’s
betrayal. Now it seemed Nadine was giving him a free pass and suggesting her
daughter do the same.

“Because I want you to let go so you can
move on with your life.”

“Don’t you think I want that?” A sob
escaped as Kristen tried to ignore the curious stares of people passing by.
“You think I want to question the sincerity of every man I meet? I don’t!”

“It’s okay.” Nadine pulled Kristen into her
arms. “It’s okay to let it out.”

“Not here.” Kristen was mortified that
she’d fallen apart on a street corner in broad daylight.

“Why not here? Do you know any of these
people? Do you owe them anything?”

“No, but you do. Don’t you care what they
think?”

“I don’t give a rip.” Nadine laughed at
Kristen’s shocked expression. “Hitting rock bottom strips you of all humility.
I was falling down drunk in front of everyone from our minister to the
president of the P.T.A. Not much you can say or do will garner the same kind of
negative attention.”

Kristen couldn’t help but laugh. “When you
put it that way…”

“The fact is, at the end of the day, the
only person you’re accountable to is the one in the mirror.”

“I know.”

“Do you? Really? Are you happy with the way
you’re living? Are you being true to yourself?”

“I don’t know,” Kristen said with a grimace
and light shake of her head. “I thought I was, but Matt made me question
everything.”

“Maybe it’s not so much what Matt did, but
the way he made you feel.”

“What do you mean?” Kristen wasn’t sure she
wanted to know.

“He did something you thought was a
deal-breaker.” Nadine smiled and waved when a woman leaving the post office
called her name. “He cheated. But he didn’t cheat on you, baby.”

“I know that.” The arguments for and
against loving Matt had been spinning around in her head for so many days she
was getting dizzy. “But he proved he’s capable of that. How can I believe he
won’t do the same to me?”

“There are no guarantees. Anyone is capable
of anything, under the right circumstances.”

Kristen tugged at her pink cashmere scarf
when it felt like a noose tightening. Was her mother suggesting she jump in
with both feet without being certain Matt would be there to catch her? How
could she do that? “That’s not very comforting.”

Nadine laughed. “I wasn’t trying to comfort
you. I was trying to reason with you. When your cell phone was charging on the
kitchen counter, I couldn’t help but notice you had seventeen missed calls from
your young man.”

“You couldn’t help but notice?” Kristen
raised an eyebrow.

“Fine, I snuck a peek,” Nadine said,
sitting straighter as she squared her slight shoulders. “Call me a nosy old
hag, but I couldn’t help myself.”

“Fine, you’re a nosy old hag.”

Nadine looked at her daughter, stunned,
before they both burst out laughing. The release was cathartic as Kristen
laughed until tears streamed down her cheeks. She didn’t care that people did a
double-take when they walked by. As her mother so aptly pointed out, she didn’t
owe them a damn thing.

“My point is,” Nadine said, when she
finally caught her breath, “a man doesn’t call you that many times unless he’s
serious about making amends.”

“So you think I should give him a chance to
explain what happened with his ex-wife?”

“No.”

Kristen tried to ignore her disappointment.
She’d hoped her mother would tell her to give Matt another chance. “Oh.”

“I think you should tell him he doesn’t
have to explain.”

“What?”

“What happened between them has nothing to
do with what the two of you are trying to build. You don’t have the right to
question him about his past any more than he has the right to question you
about yours.”

“You really believe that?” The past shaped
a person. Was it possible to fall in love with someone without knowing about
the mistakes they’d made?

“It’s worked for me and Phillip.”

“You mean Phillip doesn’t know everything
about—”

“He knows as much as I chose to tell him,
which is a lot. But that was long after we were married, and not because I felt
I had to. I knew it wouldn’t change how he felt about me. He loved me. Nothing
I’d done years ago would change that.”

Kristen closed her eyes and pondered those
words.
How could I have been so dense?

***

Matt was tired by the time he stumbled
through his front door. He wasn’t looking forward to another sleepless night.
He’d had eight since Kristen left, and he knew the hours stretching out before
him would be more of the same.

He stopped in his tracks when he heard
sounds coming from the kitchen. His door had been locked. He hadn’t seen a
familiar car parked in the driveway or on the street. Since his mother was the
only one with a spare key to his house, he assumed it was her.

“Hey, Ma, I wasn’t—” He paused mid-step
when he saw
her.
“What’re you doing here?” He made it sound as though
the sight of Kristen’s gorgeous face wasn’t the best surprise he’d ever had.
Damn.
“I mean…” What did he mean?
Glad you’re back. Nice to see you. Where’d you
go? Don’t ever leave me like that again!

Kristen was wearing an apron, and she had
been bent over and peering at something in the oven when his voice startled
her. She jumped back. “Oh my God, Matt.” She flattened her hand against her
chest. “I didn’t hear you come in.” When the silence stretched on, she said,
“I’m sorry.” She gestured to the pots on his stovetop and sink full of dishes.
“I went to see your mama, you know, to thank her for all of her help with the
party. I didn’t get a chance that night.”

She started wringing her hands, a sure sign
she was nervous. Matt wanted to find the words to put her at ease, but he
couldn’t while his heart thumped loudly enough to drown out the radio playing
classic country tunes.

“Where’ve you been?” he asked, bracing a
hand on the granite countertop. The cold surface felt good, grounding him and
reminding him that no matter what happened, he would survive. He hoped. “I’ve
been going out of my mind worrying about you.”

He cursed his accusatory tone. She was
there. That should be enough. Granted, she wasn’t launching herself into his
arms and telling him she loved him, but she was making him dinner. That was a
good sign, wasn’t it? He sure as hell hoped so, or his mood was about to go
from bad to a whole lot worse.

“I didn’t mean to worry you,” she said,
flattening her hands on the other side of the counter.

That two foot slab was the only thing
separating them, but it felt like an ocean. “Why didn’t you contact me? I must
have left a dozen messages.”