Endless (19 page)

“Why didn’t I know this? I hear every thought
that goes through your mind when we’re together.”

Michael took my face in his hands, his
fingers in my hair. “Because I don’t think about it. I went over
everything those two days. I really tried to picture the two
possible outcomes. One, I could ignore your email, or even just
shoot you back something saying I couldn’t handle being with you
again. I imagined what the rest of my life would look like. And
that didn’t work. The idea of never seeing you again, of not being
with you—that was really what I couldn’t handle. And then I thought
about being with you again, this time for the rest of our lives.
That worked. That felt right.

“So when I told my mom what I had decided,
she cried. She was so relieved, she said, and--” He swallowed hard
and ducked his head. “And proud of me, for being able to make this
choice. But she told me that I had to be sure I could leave it all
behind. I could never bring it up to you in anger or use it to hurt
you. Everything that went on this past spring had to be as though
it had never happened. If I could do that, then we had a good
chance of making it.”

I buried my face in the crook between
Michael’s shoulder and neck, surprised to find my face was wet with
tears. “I don’t deserve you. Or Marly. But I am so glad you came
back to me anyway.”

He wrapped me in his arms. “I think we don’t
deserve each other, but something wonderful in the world brought us
together despite ourselves.”

I kissed his jaw. “This helps, Michael. It
really does. But I think I still need to tell you a few things for
us to move beyond this whole thing. You may have forgiven me, but
I’m not sure I’m ready to let myself off the hook that easily.
Would you just listen, let me talk for a minute?”

Michael hesitated for a split second before
he nodded. “Okay. Go ahead.”

I drew in a deep breath. “I never sought out
Rafe. I told you that he figured out that something was going on
with Marica and me, and he kept me his eye on me, made me be
accountable to him. From the first time we met, I knew he was. .
.attracted to me. He never really tried to hide his feelings, even
after he knew I could hear his thoughts. So when I thought that you
and I—that we were done, that we would never be together again—part
of me felt, well, at least I could talk to someone who knew all my
secrets and didn’t condemn me for them. And it made him so happy,
to be with me, to be—well, dating me, I guess—that I thought I was
doing the right thing for him. Someone was in a good place, at any
rate, even if it wasn’t me.”

I watched Michael’s face carefully, sank deep
into his mind, waiting for the slightest indication that he was
pulling away. There was nothing. He touched my face with just the
tips of his fingers.

“Go ahead. I’m listening.”

I closed my eyes, feeling a huge chunk of
that mountain of guilt and grief I’d been carrying break away and
disappear. But there was more. “I did let him. . .I kissed him,
Michael. We had some pretty intense—but it never went beyond that.
Rafe thought that you and I had been—well, closer physically than
we really had been, so it frustrated him that I wouldn’t let
him—but I didn’t. It was very. . .” I searched for the right word.
“Tumultuous. And never easy. We were always fighting, it
seemed.”

“Do you miss that?” Michael kept his voice
low and didn’t stop touching me. “The tumult? The excitement of
it?”

I was shaking my head before he finished
speaking. “Not a bit. It was wearing and tiring and painful. I was
always hurting Rafe, and that’s another big part of what I’m guilty
about now. I didn’t mean to, but I think I broke his heart. And
there’s nothing I can do about that.”

“I’m sorry.” He pulled me close, and the dam
burst open. I cried, big, heaving sobs, leaving everything that had
happened last spring in a sopping mess on the front of his
shirt.

“Shhhh. It’s over. I’m here, and you’re here.
And we go together from this place. You’re right. I should have
told you about those few days from the beginning. . .but I thought
it was better not to talk about it. I wasn’t thinking about it, not
consciously. But let me be clear from now on. I forgive you, Tas,
for anything at all that happened, for anything you think might
need my forgiveness. I’m not making excuses for you. I love you, as
you are. Always. I know we won’t always have it easy, but I’ve
tried life without you, and it’s not an option. From here on, I’m
all in.”

I raised my face to kiss his cheek. “I love
you, too. No matter what, being without you doesn’t work for me,
either. So you’re stuck with me.”

Michael scooted me closer to him. “So do you
think you’ve released that guilt?”

I smiled as I heard the direction of his
thoughts. “I think so. But of course there’s only one way to really
test it.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “The things I’m
forced to do in the interest of science. . .” He paused, framing my
face once again with his hands before he lowered his lips over
mine.

It was so sweet, so tender, that tears filled
my eyes again. I opened to him, so laid bare that I held nothing
back. He dropped his hands to my shoulders, then around my back to
pull me tighter. The kiss intensified, not losing any of the
sweetness but instead taking on a new dimension of need. My heart
pounded as I slipped my arms around him.

Michael shifted, moving so that I lay on top
of him, never breaking the kiss. He groaned as I moved my legs over
his, pressing into him, trying to be as close as possible. I freed
my arms just enough to plunge my hands beneath his shirt, needing
to touch skin. Michael echoed my movement, sliding his palms along
my sides and up over my back.

I felt the familiar surge of energy and
automatically pulled it back. I captured it and blew out the heat,
smiling against Michael’s lips as I realized I had the power under
control. As Michael’s hands covered me, moving against my back
beneath my shirt, he pulled his mouth away.

“What? What’s with the smile?”

I kissed his chin, his jaw and down his neck.
“How do I feel?”

“Incredible. Wonderful. Oh. . .” Realization
dawned on his face, and he rubbed his hands against my back again,
testing. “Normal temp. No heat, no blisters. And really, really
good.”

I laughed, squirming against him until he
groaned again. “I guess Zoe was right.”

Michael nibbled my ear lobe, making me shiver
in delight. “Remind me to send her flowers. A huge thank you
bouquet.”

“Hey, no flowers to other girls, buddy,” I
growled, tickling his ribs.

With a smooth movement, Michael flipped me
over so that I lay beneath him. Humor fled as I saw the intensity
on his face, felt the love and need and something else
indescribable. “Only you, Tasmyn. It’s only ever been you and me.
Nothing else. No one else.” He slid his hand over my stomach, and I
gasped.

“Only you,” I agreed. “Ever. And for
always.”

“Judging by that smile on your face, I’m
assuming my advice worked.” Zoe raised one dark eyebrow at me as I
danced into the conference room on Wednesday afternoon.

Dropping my bag onto a chair, I grabbed Zoe
into a hug. “Yes! It worked. It was wonderful. Oh, Zoe, I haven’t
been this happy in. . .” I rolled back my eyes, thinking. “I don’t
know how long!”

“It all worked out then. And Michael?”

“Michael is amazing. The best boyfriend any
girl could have. And everything is perfect between us. Thank you,
Zoe! You were right. And look.” I lifted my t-shirt just enough so
that she could see my stomach. “No more blisters.”

In the corner of the room, Cathryn snorted.
She was sitting on an antique settee, sifting through a file of
papers that were spread on the walnut coffee table. I couldn’t hear
what she was thinking, but what she felt was coming through loud
and clear.

I grinned. Now that Cathryn couldn’t push my
buttons so easily, picking up on her irritation was a lot more fun.
I spied a small crystal bowl of wrapped chocolates on the ornate
sideboard across the room. Focusing my energy, I lifted them up and
moved the entire bowl through the air, setting them gently down on
top of Cathryn’s papers.

She jumped and dropped the folder she was
holding. Raising one eyebrow, she shot me a look.

“What?” I spread my hands in innocence. “It
felt like you could use some sweetening up.” Behind me, Zoe turned
a laugh into a sputtering cough.

“You’re showing off,” Cathryn retorted. “And
I’m not in the mood to play. We have too much to do today.”

“What’s up?” I dropped into the small padded
chair next to the settee. “New assignment?”

“Yes, and this is a big one. I’m not
convinced that you’re ready to handle it on your own. But Harley
seems to disagree.” Her tone left no doubt as to her thoughts on
Harley’s reliability in this case.

“I’ve done missions on my own,” I pointed
out. “And I haven’t screwed up anything yet.”

“You’ve done short-term, one-shot
assignments. This is a long-term complicated mission with the
potential to be explosive. I know you, Tasmyn. You’re a crusader.
You want everyone to have the happily-ever-after you think you
have.”

“I don’t
think
I have it, I know I
do.” But Cathryn’s words reminded me of answers I wanted. “Speaking
of happy endings, Cathryn, I wanted to ask you about my first
assignment. You know, with the farmer. Mr. Cummings.”

I felt her alert rise although nothing showed
on her face. “What about it?”

“He sold that land to his nephew, even after
what we heard.”

“Did he? Well, we weren’t there to stop that,
Tasmyn. We were only providing a service. What he did with the
information was entirely up to him.”

I bit down my temper. “But did he get the
information?”

“I told you that day, I filed a report and
sent it to his lawyer. All of it was in there, what you and I both
heard and the future that Fiona saw.”

“Did the lawyer share that report with Mr.
Cummings?”

Cathryn shrugged. “I have no idea. I assume
he would, but after all, it was the lawyer who hired us. The farmer
didn’t even know why we were really there. But this is exactly why
I have reservations about you taking this assignment. You want to
know what happens. You want to make everything right. Sometimes we
don’t get that information. Most of the time, actually. We do our
jobs and we report our findings, and we move on. If you can’t do
that, you’re not going to make it long here.”

“One of the reasons I agreed to work for
Carruthers was the opportunity to help people,” I shot back. “How
do I know I’m really doing that if I don’t get the full story?”

“You
are
helping, when you do your job
and complete the assignment. Can you deal with that, Tasmyn? If
not, you better say so right now.” Cathryn closed the folder and
slapped it onto the coffee table.

“Am I interrupting?” Emma stood in the
doorway, glancing uncertainly from Cathryn to me.

“Just two strong females battling for
supremacy,” Zoe said. She hadn’t moved from her seat at the
conference table and was watching us with steepled fingers below
her chin. “Tasmyn and Cathryn are working out some issues.”

“I can come back,” Emma offered. “I thought I
was late.”

“No, you’re fine, Emma. Come in.” Cathryn
stood and gathered the papers. “Let’s all sit down here.” She
indicated the table and took a seat at the far end, opposite
Zoe.

“Are you sure you want me to stay?” I stood
behind a chair, leveling a questioning look at Cathryn.

“I don’t care what you do, Tasmyn, as long
we’re all clear on the mission. This is a very sensitive case, so
if you’re not certain, you should leave now. You can’t listen to
the briefing and then make up your mind; what I share here doesn’t
leave this room. So, in or out?”

I only hesitated for a second. In the end, my
natural curiosity outweighed my mad at Cathryn. Pulling out a
chair, I sat, hands folded on the table.

“Good.” Cathryn opened her folder and then
glanced up. “Zoe, would you close the door, please? And Emma, build
us a perimeter, if you would.”

Interested, I turned to look at Emma. Fee had
mentioned this aspect of our friend’s power, but I had never seen
it in action. I watched as she drew a deep breath, closed her eyes
and sat very still. A moment later, she opened her eyes and
smiled.

“All set,” she said. “Nothing’s getting in or
out.”

“How does that work?” I asked. “Just curious.
I’ve never heard of it until you.”

Emma raised one shoulder. “It’s a component
of the broadcasting, I guess. I just visualize a sort of wall going
up around us. It keeps people from hearing us—both our voices and
our thoughts—and it also stops them from being able to speak into
the room. You know, if there were an influencer like me trying to
get in here.”