Endless Summer Nights (15 page)

When Marlo entered me, I realized just how lonely I’d been all those years without a man’s touch. Leticia was right. I’d detached myself from touch so I couldn’t feel anything I didn’t want to feel. I’d been the one who’d separated myself from this feeling. Not work or Kimya or my father. Me. I mourned for the loss as he stroked. I praised the gain as he grew and grew inside of me and erupted into something that made me fall in.

And when it was done, after we’d switched positions and made new ones like old lovers trying to catch up, and Marlo was falling asleep on my stomach, I looked down at his hair and knew that all those years, all that time I hadn’t been having this, I’d been waiting for him, just for him. And then I drifted off to a dream of nothing I’d remember.

* * *

It didn’t take long for sunlight to come in. And while I’d fallen asleep in an orgasmic blue that made me believe my 24-hour affair would turn into a lifetime of love, in the morning, as a pastor would say, there would be truth and light.

I opened my eyes one at a time, trying not to move a muscle. My right eye found that Marlo had slipped off my stomach in the night and was on the right side of the bed, facing away from me. He looked like a man who was either in bed alone or wanted to be in bed alone. My mind went to the groupies. All those women who’d chased him and likely woke up in the morning in the very position I was in, buck-naked, on the left side of the bed...alone.

“Oh, my God!” I chastised myself, remembering the night. Embarrassed and thinking I should escape and run away to hide, I dangled my left foot off the side of the bed and began to inch over to roll off without waking Marlo.

I’d gotten half of my body free when he rolled over.

“What you doing?” he asked sleepily. “I know you’re not trying to escape.” He pulled me back into his arms.

“No,” I said.

“Good,” he added, blinking his eyes to shake off sleep. “Because you know what happened?”

“What?”

“You slept with me. And if you leave right now, it’s as though you used me.” He looked at me jokingly.

“Stop,” I laughed.

“I’m sensitive,” Marlo said comically and we both laughed. He took a deep breath. “Think I’m going to make some breakfast. You like that?”

“Sure.”

“All these one-word answers,” he said, easing out of the bed. “Got a brother nervous.”

“Oh, you have nothing to be nervous about,” I said, openly ogling his bare penis.

“Really?” He bit his lip and grinned in his way.

“Really.”

Marlo kissed me on the forehead and went about the room to get some clothes on. Before walking out, he ordered me to get some more rest. “You’ll need it,” he said.

“Oh, so now I’m your sex thing?” I asked and I hated how insecure I sounded.

“Now, that sounds good, but I wasn’t talking about making love.... I was talking about making music. We have work to do today.”

I lay back in the bed and pretended to go back to sleep until I heard Marlo moving around downstairs. Then I jumped and ran out of Kimya’s room to see if Leticia was still in the guest room.

I opened the door, and although she was gone, there was a note on the bed:

Sunny:

Heard you last night. Guess you invited him in. LOL.

See you in the City,

Leticia.

I sat on the bed and fell back with the note in my hand. I looked up at the skylight. The stars were gone. The black sky was bright baby blue. No clouds. A seagull flew by. I sighed. What was coming next?

Something wet and soft answered my question quickly. It was at my pinky toe. It felt like a man nibbling, but I hadn’t heard Marlo coming up the stairs and as freaky as I knew he was from our first encounter, getting down on the floor to suck my toes was taking it a little far.

I shot up to see what was eating me.

“Gina!”

I blinked at the white teacup Chihuahua in the pink diamond-studded collar taking my toe for a toy. It couldn’t be her. Gina? Kimya’s dog? In the Hamptons?

Just as I was about to question my sanity or the chance that maybe Marlo had actually drugged me with his blueberry tea and this was nothing more than a hangover apparition, in pranced a second white teacup Chihuahua in a blue diamond-studded collar.

“Martin!” I jumped up before Martin could get to my other toe. “Shit!” I ran to the window. Kimya’s purple Phantom was in the driveway.

“Sunny Bear! Where are you?”Kimya hollered.

Martin and Gina started barking, calling to her voice coming from somewhere in the house to me upstairs. They looked up at me as if they knew what I’d been doing. And then they went back to yapping for Kimya.

“Marlo!” Kimya shouted and I could tell she was in the kitchen then. “What are you doing here?”

Martin and Gina looked at me through their suspicious eyes and seemed to roll them at me before disappearing to go and find Marlo and Kimya downstairs.

“Shit!” I ran into Kimya’s bedroom and pieced together my clothing as I overheard her conversation downstairs with Marlo.

“Sunny Bear? You upstairs? Come down!” Kimya called soon.

I slid on my sneakers and ran downstairs as though I was in trouble.

I found Kimya in the kitchen sipping new blueberry tea in my old cup.

Behind her at the stove was Marlo looking nervous.

Martin and Gina ran over to my feet and started yapping what his eyes were saying:
Guilty! Caught! Guilty! Caught!

“What’s wrong with y’all?” Kimya said to them. “Been acting crazy since we got here.”

I walked over to hug Kimya and looked at Marlo over her shoulder.

“What have you been up to without me, Sunshine Embry!” Kimya gushed when I let go.

“Just relaxing,” I answered with Marlo looking at me curiously.

She looked me up and down. “You look so refreshed. Maybe we need to give you a vacation more often.”

“Good call,” I said. “But what are you doing here?”

“It’s Sunday, silly! I’m here to pick you up,” Kimya said, as if she was talking to one of the dogs as she played with my hair. “And imagine my surprise when I walked in to see my big brother in here...just making breakfast.”

“That’s nothing—” Marlo and I said together. “It’s something—” we added in another chorus under the tension of her stare.

“Is it nothing or something?” Kimya pressed warily.

“It’s nothing,” Marlo stated firmly. “I just told you I drove up this morning to get away for a few hours and discovered your assistant was here.”

“Good,” Kimya said. “Because that would be weird!” She laughed and linked arms with me. “Come on, Sunny. Let’s go chat as he finishes my breakfast.”

I was like one of those dogs following Kimya around the house, listening to her babble on about nothing and new furniture and her music and her hair and her jeans. I answered and laughed and pretended I was just like one of those dogs, but inside I was growing numb. I heard Kimya, but behind her was a loop playing of Yves and Leticia and me. I had left this behind. But I was back there again. And in the worst way. Because now I knew what was possible. After that night with Marlo, I knew what I wanted.

Still, after he had finished cooking the breakfast that was supposed to be for me, I was sitting with my numbness and anger at so many things at a table with him and his sister pretending again.

“So, I have news, guys,” Kimya said, stuffing her mouth with cheese and eggs.

“What’s up, sis?” Marlo asked. He was so far away from me at the table. He’d hardly looked at me.

“The album is done! And I love it!” Kimya squealed.

“Wow!” Marlo cheered.

“Right!” Kimya looked at me. “Isn’t that exciting, Sunny Bear?”

“Super exciting,” I murmured. Martin and Gina were sitting at my feet begging for scraps.

“Megatron says he thinks it’s better than anything I’ve ever put out!” Kimya clapped at her success. She went on about tour plans and costumes.

As she spoke, I watched Marlo and his distance from me. How he was snatched so quickly away from me with Kimya just showing up. I don’t know what I expected, but his insistence in the kitchen that there was “nothing” going on in the house made me feel like one of those groupies I’d woken up thinking about. I felt so stupid. Of course, he wasn’t going to tell Kimya about our one night together. Why should he? I was just her “assistant.”

“I’m so happy. I can’t believe this is happening to me again,” Kimya went on talking to herself as Marlo and I argued in missed glances. “And what a surprise that I have both of the most important people in my life here to share it with me. Right now! I’m so lucky to have both of you.” Kimya looked at Marlo. “My big brother.” She looked at me. “And my best friend.” She paused for approval but we were silent.

Kimya frowned. “Well, don’t all jump in to cheer me on at the same time,” she joked.

Silence. More glares.

Kimya looked from me to Marlo and he looked away. She dropped her fork. “What’s going on? Y’all are acting funny. And I mean funny
funny.
”

“Nothing is funny
funny,
” Marlo said. “Right, Sunny?”

Kimya looked back and forth again unconvinced. “I know
funny,
and this is
funny.
” She pushed her plate away in disgust.

“There’s nothing
funny,
” I said to Kimya but spat my words at Marlo. “Nothing.”

“Hum...” Kimya frowned at me. “Well, if there’s something
funny,
it needs to stop. Because I can’t have anything
funny
going on between you two. Not right now. Not ever.”

“I just said it’s nothing,” Marlo barked.

Kimya nodded resolutely and went on again about her plans of her big comeback and I went back to my numbness. Then something in me flipped. It was the sadness I’d felt on the bridge, the longing on the beach. It was anger at me and my being this “emotional pillow,” accommodating someone else when I was the one suffering. And worse, there was this grown man across the table from me, doing the same thing. Suddenly, everything in my mouth, my stomach and my body was sour.

“...and I’m going to have an all-girl band, too,” Kimya went on. “And backup dancers. The full package. Won’t that be cool?”

I pushed back from my space at the table with no plans. Just intent to move.

“Sunny, where are you going?” I heard Kimya ask, but I couldn’t see her, because I was walking away. “Sunny? You hear me? Where are you going? Stay! You stay!”

The dogs were yapping at me as if I was their sister.

“Sunny? Come back here and sit down! I’m getting tired of all of this attitude from you! You hear me. I came all the way here to pick you up and you’re acting like this!”

“I’m leaving,” I said.

“Leaving? You stop this right now!”

Upstairs in the guest bedroom, I started stuffing my things into my bag. I went to Kimya’s bedroom and got my guitar.

I could hear Kimya placing more demands on me from downstairs. Saying she wasn’t going to chase me anymore and if I wanted my job I needed to chase her. I had five minutes to get down to the car or she was leaving with my job and without me. She dared me to disobey and then she was arguing with Marlo, accusing him of sleeping with me. It sounded like a messy soap opera, an episode of
Love & Hip Hop for Fools.
Well, I was cutting myself from the cast.

I slung my bag over my shoulder and tucked the guitar under my arm and was about to leave but remembered that I’d left my sarong in the bathroom in the guest room.

After I’d returned to the bathroom and bent down to pick it up, I heard, “Don’t go. Don’t leave.”

I shrugged at Marlo behind me in the bathroom. “You stay. I’m going.” I pushed past him and into the bedroom.

“What’s wrong?”

“Don’t!” I shot at him.

“What was I supposed to say to her?”

“Why are you asking me questions to things you already know?” I started walking out of the room, but he grabbed my arm.

“Last night... It just happened and I—”

“It was a mistake!” I said.

“No! It was real. But that doesn’t mean Kimya needs to know about it,” he said. “Not yet.”

I laughed. “So, this is about protecting Kimya from what happened between us? Two grown people? You can play that game. I’m done.”

“You know she’s crazy,” Marlo said, refusing to let go of me. “And she’s stressed right now.”

“I’m stressed right now!”

“Sunny, I’ll tell her when it’s right. After we talk about what happened. I don’t know about you, but something happened to me last night with you.” He tried to catch my eyes with his plea, but I looked away.

“Too bad it wasn’t happening this morning, too,” I said. “Look, we both know how this is going to play out. Kimya’s not going to just let us walk out into the sunlight. And you’re obviously willing to play her game. That’s not what I want right now. And, you know what, yesterday I had no idea what I wanted from you, but right now, I know. And this isn’t it. I want honesty and openness. Truth.”

“Truth?” Marlo finally let me go. “You want truth, Ms.
Embry?
”

I was walking out, but stopped with my back to Marlo’s hidden accusation.

“I was going to tell you about my father,” I said. “It’s not exactly a subject I like talking about with strangers.”

“I wasn’t a stranger last night,” he jabbed.

“Don’t you dare,” I said, pointing at him. “And while we’re at it, how about you not being honest about why you’re here? You’ve been living here. What are you, broke? Homeless? If you’re going to start telling Kimya the truth, you start with that fact. How can I expect you to be honest about me when you can’t even be honest about your situation?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve just been up here to clear my mind. Get away from all of that bullshit in the industry. I’m not homeless or broke,” Marlo said. “I’m working on me.”

“Finally we have something in common,” I agreed. “Too bad my work doesn’t include being someone’s secret. And if you want to continue to placate Kimya’s madness, you go right on ahead and do it. I’m done.” I started walking out again.

“So that’s it?”

He followed me to the staircase.